If you aren't going forward, you are giong backwards

[betheman]

That's a load of BS if I ever heard it. Why you ask ? Well let me put it this way any GAME AWARE man knows that once he marries she has access to half his wealth if the sh!t hits the fan. A GAME AWARE man would be sticking his assets into trusts and corporations where it would take any money hungry bit(h years to get any access to them.

Like young Juan said people only cry over split milk when they feel like they can't replace the split milk. Once you get a tiny bit aware of game and how to use it you realize that your life as a man has greater purpose then crying over some chick. I'm not saying become some planet conquering astronaut or anything but whatever it is you're doing do it to your best ability and shine in that job/hobby etc. Honestly girls will come and go and they are very easily replaced most of the time with a better girl.

That's why I quit watching TV playing video games hell I even don't go out as often as I used too, mastering my guitar and piano playing is what matters to me more then going out and getting plastered with my mates. And when it comes to watching TV watching Sports playing video games its all activities where I'm watching someone else live out there dream and wasting my precious time watching them do what they love. Don't get me wrong there ain't nothing wrong with a bit of TV or video games but these days every minute I watch or play anything involving a screen I keep thinking about how I could be either at gym or playing music or studying to get ahead.

10 years ago at the age of 18 I thought sh!t year 4 years of uni and I'll be done with studying for the rest of my life, during those 4 years I learned that I didn't want to do what I was currently doing and chopped and changed a tonne of times. These days I'm a pc and server nutcase I feel awesome when I get assigned a job to build up an entire system for a business with a team or by myself, is it hard work fu(k yes but the money it pays helps fuel my lifestyle of music and kickboxing. Perhaps one day I can open up my own music school or gym.

Now that is what I call ambition, I'm my own hero and worst enemy, too many guys are too bitter or trying to over analyze things when they should be more focused on what they can accomplish for themselves. Think about it, if you were really busy and not acting busy you wouldn't have time for sh!t tests or any other rubbish a woman throws at you because hell if she leaves you can always replace her with a new one. This single mindset has gotten me many many gf's fu(k buddies etc.

I dont really think you explained why but nonetheless, there are guys, very good careers, ambitious, driven, achieved more that you or me, who have been shafted in the divorce courts, guys whose wives and partners have screwed around. you think having 'game' makes you impervious to that sh!t? it reduces the likelihood but dont fool yourself

 

[Findog]

I seriously doubt it's the guys career. Sure, he may not be ambitious in a "sexy" way but it just sounds more like this guy still has strong afc tendencies. He is crying afterall.

So? His girlfriend of four years cheated on him and left him for another man. He's entitled to feel like s*** and be upset. That doesn't make him a chump or a p***y. It makes him human.

 

[AAAgent]

So? His girlfriend of four years cheated on him and left him for another man. He's entitled to feel like s*** and be upset. That doesn't make him a chump or a p***y. It makes him human.

Don't twist my words. I never said he was a chump or a pvssy, i said he probably has afc traits.

Yes everyone is entitled to emotions and expressing them but depending on how you express them is how people view you. Crying about a women that isn't your wife/or dying, and ontop of all that, crying about a women who cheated on you, emits AFC.

If anything he should be happy he dodged a bullet. That woman could have easily branch swung to another man 10 years later but foot him the bill for child support and took half his assets.

I was raised hearing proverbs like "A man sheds blood before tears." but if you believe in crying about women to women, then more power to you.

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm with Betheman when he mentioned a possible promotion that he's not interested in.

Sometimes a guy is genuinely happy with his job. A promotion or job change can sometimes equal more BS and being miserable. It's not always worth it for some extra $.

Some women might view this as lack of ambition, but as a man, you are responsible for your own happiness.

If you are genuinely money and success driven for YOU, great. But to force yourself to do a job you hate so your income impresses women is sad.

 

[Findog]

Findog, I understand where you are coming from but I think these posts reflect something that is a tad bit different from what you are describing.

No, the way I read the OP, it is ABSOLUTELY describing a mercenary and ultra-hypergamous situation.

It's more of a rule of the "absolute" rather than the "relative". BB and others are not condoning women's megahypergamous behavior of trading up (actively/passively looking for someone "relatively" better)

Unless he left out some pertinent details, I interpreted him as ABSOLUTELY condoning ultrahypergamous behavior. I wonder how he'd feel about it if his wife cheated on him and left him for a man in the next level tax bracket.

Far too many times I have seen ambitionless guys who play world of warcraft, starcrack, or first person shooting games all day long who are satisfied with making the bare minimum to get by (pay rent, groceries, utility bills, and the computer upgrade). As a GUY, it's frustrating to see this kind of sh*t when the guy has SO much more upside but is being a lazy bum. What is a woman expected to think of such a guy? Would it be trading up if the girl left him after trying everything she could to get the guy doing something with his life? I can't blame the woman for leaving the guy in that kind of scenario.

Maybe that is going on here, but where in the OP does it say the guy is playing video games all day long, getting fat drinking beer and not doing his best to keep up his end of the bargain? He's not a sandwich artist at Subway, he's a supervisor at the age of 27 at a nice restaurant. That probably puts him ahead of 70 percent of guys his age. She's not choosing between Warren Buffett and the unemployed bum that lives with his parents.

It's pathetic to excuse and condone this woman's behavior, at least the way it's described in the OP. Now I'm not a Pollyanna Disney type that is going to complain about how it's not fair and love should conquer all, but I don't have to condone or intellectually respect what this woman did.

 

[Findog]

Don't twist my words. I never said he was a chump or a pvssy, i said he probably has afc traits.

Yes everyone is entitled to emotions and expressing them but depending on how you express them is how people view you. Crying about a women that isn't your wife/or dying, and ontop of all that, crying about a women who cheated on you, emits AFC.

There's nothing AFC in my opinion about shedding tears in the immediate aftermath when a LTR of several years ends with your woman cheating on you and leaving you for another man. Now if several months down the line he is still a blubbering mess, that's another thing.

If anything he should be happy he dodged a bullet. That woman could have easily branch swung to another man 10 years later but foot him the bill for child support and took half his assets.

I was raised hearing proverbs like "A man sheds blood before tears." but if you believe in crying about women to women, then more power to you

It's not either/or. You can intellectually understand you are better off long term but that doesn't necessarily make the grieving hurt any less. Anytime you emotionally invest in something and it doesn't pan out the way you want, pain is the result. Suffering and misery we do to ourselves, but pain is something that cannot be avoided if you invest your emotions in something or someone else and it blows up in your face. I'm not going to condemn the guy because he is probably in shock right now and having a hard time processing it.

 

[zekko]

I agree with the main premise of this thread. If you're not going forward, you're going backwards. I don't think that has to necessarily apply to just finances and career, though, it's true to life in general. There are other ways to grow and improve.

As for the guy who lost his girlfriend, it's definitely tough, but she might have left him even if he had gotten a better job, who knows? Maybe she just really likes this other guy. They were awfully young to hook up on a permanent basis. But it does sound like the guy could be doing better career wise, maybe this will be a wake up call for him.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I call bs on the entire premise.

First of all, either this girl has a screwed up sense of values which places money above love, or there are other dynamics going on in the relationship that are hidden from us.

When a women falls in love, job/money in and of themselves is not going to chase her away. There is much more to it than that. The guy must have other personality defects, or else she herself is a defect.

As an experiment I decided to see this girl in the past year or so without letting her know I have money. She lives in the next state over, about an hour's drive. She lives in an extremely wealthy town and is used to the good life. I have been going over there to see her (or meet her halfway) in my old Windstar Van. I have told her nothing of my businesses, music career, etc. She thinks I run around and fix computers all day out of this old van. This was all just an experiement. No lying, just not revealing because I wanted to see the reasons she wanted to be with me.

I ended it with her a few months ago and just 5 minutes before reading this post I got a long text from her begging me to to reconsider, to at least be friends, on and on it went. She is doing everything in her power to hook back up with me, thinking that I'm just some computer Mr. Fix-it running around removing viruses. With an old car.

Bottom line is that there are many different kinds of girls out there and there are even some relatively wealthy ones who can fall and stay in love with a man who doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

It's all in how you carry yourself. However, like I always say, expressed ambition is the most powerful currency in a relationship, which is tangentially in agreement with Backbreaker's main point, I think. If she thinks you're going places, to her you ARE going places.

I think this guy BB talks about is broadcasting a loser mentality to her. It may not be so much that he manages a restaurant. There is something deeper.

 

[Findog]

I agree with the dog. yeah, guys should be looking to better themselves, we cant all run the country though or be CEO of bearings bank. going off BB's post, Im f cucked! Ive hit a wall in my job, I could get promoted, Im qualified to do so, that promotion looks good on paper but the job sucks, I dont want it and what extra pay there is...isnt worth it!

I love my job, Im passionate about it and if women dont like it, they can f cuck off!

I do think BB places far too much emphasis and pressure on guys and totally abdicates any responsibility to women.
women are women, they will cheat and branch swing for numerous reasons, Im not bothered what those are and anyone guy is vulnerable.

I think if women were reading BB's post they would all be high fiving each other and they would feel they than have cart blanch to go out and openly get with anyone who was in a better position that their current guy.
now they still have enough awareness to know its a Cun ts trick, which it is, so they at least try and conceal it.

Yeah, all you can do is put your best effort forward and do your best to keep up your end of the bargain once you get into a relationship with a girl. If some hedge fund guy making seven figures makes a play for the girl I'm dating, what can I realistically do if she leaves me for him? Am I a chump AFC in that scenario?

We're supposed to have each other's backs. There's no better friend for modern feminism and the ultra hypergamous mindset than a guy who's willing to cheer her on and say "You go, girl."

 

[Findog]

I call bs on the entire premise.

First of all, either this girl has a screwed up sense of values which places money above love, or there are other dynamics going on in the relationship that are hidden from us.

I agree. The story as written, the girl sounds like a real piece of work and the guy is just an unfortunate victim...or the branch swinging might have nothing to do with the guy's job or earning potential and maybe she just got bored and wanted something new, exciting and fresh.

 

[cordoncordon]

I'm actually pretty surprised many here are taking the woman's side in this. I read BB's post and was pretty repulsed by her behavior, and Im surprised BB and Mrs. BB took her into their house after this considering they know both the bf and the gf. They are in a tough spot though considering she was the main friend to start out with. I personally would have stayed neutral and out of it. Too much drama. And now the new guy is coming over? Ummmmmm....that isn't cool. And the woman? Very typical nowadays. Not only had she been cheating on this guy for who knows how long, but it appears she was perfectly fine doing it as long as her living situation didn't get messed up. She didn't have the guts to actually break up until she was caught redhanded. Low LOW class women. That is Jerry Springer stuff right there.

To top it off, I can almost promise you this new guy she is going after is not going to want to see this girl as anything more than a F buddy in the long run. He probably liked the fact he could flirt and sex her at the office without getting too serious as illustrated by the fact he rarely calls her and makes her do all of the work in the relationship, whatever the "relationship" is.

I'm also troubled by so many here saying its the bf's fault for not being ambitious enough. It sounds like he was in a field he loved doing and he was getting experience so he could then open his own restaurant. Money is not everything, and I hope someday you all find a women who things the same way. Not saying at all that a man should be lazy career wise, but if he enjoys his job, even if the money is a little less than doing something else, that is worth it to many people. I would hate to think that many men here are valuing their worth as a person based on what they have to do career wise to make a woman happy. Make yourself happy, and when you find the right person, they will come along for the ride, no matter what you are doing.

 

[Findog]

To top it off, I can almost promise you this new guy she is going after is not going to want to see this girl as anything more than a F buddy in the long run. He probably liked the fact he could flirt and sex her at the office without getting too serious as illustrated by the fact he rarely calls her and makes her do all of the work in the relationship, whatever the "relationship" is.

Absolutely. All women have hypergamous instincts, but I think the incidence of hypergamy is overstated on this forum and in the manosphere. Most women I think are in control of their hypergamy. It's one thing if you have enough game to pull a woman away from a committed relationship, but don't pat yourself on the back too much for being such a pimp. It's probably 1/3 your game and 2/3's her psychological problems/lack of values. It's one thing to fool around with them and have a casual fling, but DO NOT get into a relationship with them. She's shown that given the right circumstances her values and loyalty are up for sale. If they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm willing to bet my last dollar the new guy is better looking and/or taller.

She was hot for his looks. The "he's more ambitious" is the public "excuse" her publicist released to the media because that is more PC to say that than "I wanted to F a hotter guy.". The new guy's more $ is a bonus, not the primary factor.

Or she b@nged this guy for his looks and now backwards rationalizes her branch swinging with the ambition card.

 

[Burroughs]

the divorce courts doa steady trade in guys who have their sh1t together

Yes Indeed

Rather than vilify this man I would say he got off lucky, he found out his gf valued materialism and status so she left him for the perceived bigger better offer....now he is free to pursue a girl who is more aligned with his lifestyle and beliefs.

many, many hot girls want the vacation to capri, the kitchen with the viking appliances (she'll never use lol), the M3 beamer etc...but as a man you are under no obligation to provide this...unless she is obliged to give me head every 4 hours on the dot

 

[mrRuckus]

I'm actually pretty surprised many here are taking the woman's side in this.

There are no sides. They both fvcked up and need improvement.

It always seems odd to me that people like to break things down into "it's his fault" or "that guy's fault" when fault isn't zero sum.

 

[cordoncordon]

There are no sides. They both fvcked up and need improvement.

It always seems odd to me that people like to break things down into "it's his fault" or "that guy's fault" when fault isn't zero sum.

Agree, though in this case we know a lot more about the woman and her motives and what she did than compared to the ex who basically all we know about is he liked his job, wanted to keep doing something like that down the line, seemed to care about his gf, and he was upset when they broke up. So basically all we have is he seemed to treat her well, but the girl wanted a guy with more ambition.

 

[backbreaker]

BB, you are focusing on the guy's restaurant job and ignoring the other variables. He sounds like his job was the least of his issues, if it was an issue at all. He sounds way too beta overall, especially in his reaction to her indiscretions. The man's game was unsound and she knew it.

You could have made the same argument that he wasn't updating his haircut or learning a new language and that's why she got bored. He could have pushed to purchase the restaurant and been a big shot, but without solid game he still loses her.

This has nothing to do with her behavior and whether it's right or wrong. That's a separate argument. Save for the fact that with any semblance of game he would let the bytch walk.

a man can lose a woman for a lot of reasons. But how can I say this, ignoring what' sright in front of you doesn't make it any less true.

something else you guys have to consider, you are going off a long post. I am going off 4 years of seeing them interact. not ambitious is about as nice I can put it without being disrespectful.

was the guy a total DJ? no, but he wasn't a total BETA /AFC either. he was a pretty normal dude.

Look... and I believe this is where i am different from most people not just guys. I look at pepole and i don't see evil or bad or good. I see motivations. a person will always do what's in their best interest, male or female and then turn around and use whatever the fvck they have to do to justify that behavior later. I can sit here and call her a slut but let my wife gain 40 pounds and not bust her ass to get it off, see ya. and wouldn't blink in doing it either. is it shallow? fvck yes, and i don't give a **** it's my life.

There is no honor in falling on the sword. I mean im' not saying she was the perfect girlfriend or anything but i mean.. **** i have a very nice house. 4 bedrooms 2 and a half baths in a very upscale part of Monrovia. i drive a nice car, my wife drives a nice car. we have friends and most of them do pretty well for themselves. we go over our friends house who has a ground installed swimming pool in the back yard in a picturesque house and throws BBq's as much as we do. Another couple that we hang out with goes to vegas just about every other month, slots / cards isn't my thing nor my wife's but it's theirs and they go and have a lot of fun. most of our friends do **** all the time, maybe not with us but they do **** al the time. go out of town. we went to the derby this year and it was a group of 12 of us total. kicked it hard. **** even the fat single mother that my wife hangs out with every once in a while does okay for herself.

and 4 years ago... they were the cute couple who just got to smooch off us lol. that's probably my wife's best friend which is why she is staying here. aren't they cute look at them. but 4 years of watching your friends kick it and have fun and go to BBQ's and you always showing up and eating and playing yet never contributing tot he group yourself beucase you can't, never going anywhere with us because you can't afford to, it gets fvcking old.

I do not read rollo's blog every day but i do read it. a few months ago he had a pretty heated article on his site.. guys will do anything, use any justification possible, to not use their income or their ambition as apart of the package but it is. rather you want to believe it or not, rather it sucks or not, doesn't make it any less true.

every one looks at me now and says oh bb you never have to worry about **** like that or you wouldn't' know what that is like, man i sat there for 3 years watching the girl of my dreams get rammed int he ass by a dude that didn't look anywhere near as good as I do or wasn't as ambitious as i was beucase his dad was loaded, don't tell me i don't know what it's like. but i did something about it.

I mean, guys you have to do some **** too lol. you just can't remain static and expect to keep women who other men want. If i got lazy and stopped being who i was my wife probably would leave me and i wouldn't blame her she could do better. doesn't mean i have to like it but just because i don't like it doesnt' mean it wouldn't happen.

this type of topic always sparks a debate beucase it hits a nerve to guys who don't' have money. and i'm not one to tell anyone else how to live. But you cannot make a woman share a man's, or for that matter a man share a woman's outlook on life.. on anything. not just money. religion, exercise habits. WTF does she owe him they aren't married if he wants to live his beach bum lifestyle he's more than free to do it but why is she required to stick it out with him? she wants more. there is nothing wrong with that no less than there is nothing wrong them him not wanting to be a billionare. **** she is 26 years old, half of us have kid's, i'm pretty sure she wouldn't mind settling down and having a family soon and ****, his act is not together for that.

what i do not understand is how guys do not see that telling a womans that she must stick it out with a guy who isn't the most ambitious guy on earth, is any different from a woman telling a man that he has tos tick it out with a woman who has stopped putting out. you are saying there is more to a relationship than money that's shallow she's saying there is more to a relationship than sex that's shallow. both of you are fvckign just as bad as the other. and you guys using stupid dramatized examples "so if i'm not a billionare or run a company" just stop. ****. none of my friends are milllionares..actually one is, but the rest aren't and most of them have very cute/good looking women. no one is sayign y8ou have to start the next facebook to get laid in America. But the type of lifestyle that you can provide is a factor to pretty much all women, just like the amount of sex that a woman gives me is a factor to a relationship. the avg woman just wants a man with a house, a decent car and enough liesure money to do **** every once in a while. that really isn't asking all that much.

I do not think he did anything "wrong". I don't think either is at fault. I look at it like me and my 2 old best friends.. after knowing them since i was 8 by the time i was 22 we just went separate ways. what interested me didn't interest them. we were into different things, i hung with a different crowd then they did. doesn't mean either of us did anything wrong. these 2 they just went different ways. she wanted someone who was more ambitious long term and had a more traditional / stable life style than he had, and he doesn't want that. but this is a forum about how to get women, not about the rightness and wrongness of america and when it comes to getting women you need to have some type of ambition/career if you want to get and keep the good ones.

lol i knew he was in trouble at our wedding last year (she was a bridesmaid). something seemed to click in her head at that time i could tell by the comments she was making

with that said, after thinking about it i will tell her that she can't bring him around here for 1 month. i will give the dude 1 month to get his emotions and **** in check.a fter that he's on his own.

 

[Findog]

According to you, this guy is a supervisor at a nice restaurant at the age of 27. He is far from his peak earning potential and that puts him far ahead of most guys his age, especially in California that has an unemployment rate into the double-digits. How is he a bad long-term bet? Did this girl ever in the course of four years together make it clear to the guy that she was unhappy with their lifestyle and wanted more material possessions and creature comforts? It's one thing if in the course of being together she communicated that she expects to live a certain kind of lifestyle and he accepted that he had to meet a certain kind of standard but then did nothing about it. But it's BS to be with this guy for four years, never communicate that she needs this, that or the other to be happy (at which point he can decide that she is worth putting out that kind of effort) and then cheat on him and leave him for another man. That's pathetic and weak and low class if that's indeed how it went down.

All's fair in love and war, so I'm sure you will not mind if your wife cheats on you and leaves you for a guy in the next tax bracket. After all, that guy is more "ambitious" than you and your wife deserves to trade in for the bigger, better deal if she can get it. If you support the woman in your story and take her side, then you couldn't hold it against your wife if she did the same to you. Unless you're Warren Buffett and Brad Pitt rolled into one, there are guys out there that are better looking and make more money than you do, so basically what you're saying is that you deserve to lose a woman solely based on tangible metrics like accumulated financial assets and material possessions at any time if she can find it.

Are looks and beauty important to men? Of course. Is financial security important to women? Of course. Nobody here has said otherwise. The hotter a woman, the more options she'll have. The more money a guy has, the more options he'll have. But neither is the be-all, end-all of a relationship. A woman's looks will fade and at that point the only thing she has over a younger woman with a tighter and hotter body is her loyalty and devotion to her man. A man can get laid off and hit a rough patch or see an investment go sour, or his financial portfolio take a hit in some way. There's a difference between prizing a man with ambition and who can hold down a job and being a gold digger.

A relationship ultimately hinges on two people sharing the same values and interests.

 

[backbreaker]

Exactly my point. There are always variables. I know plenty of guys with professional ambition who know fukk-all about seducing and keeping women. Ambition is but one attractive quality in a man.

i honestly just believe from what i know of her and what my wife tells me that her tastes have just matured a little. things that she cared or were after at 22 are not the same so much at 26. she wants to get married sooner or later and have a faimly

lol now, if i put on my DJ cap for a minute, i can very well say that this new guy, is being used as an interestment to achieve a lifestyle she can't achieve herself. you are probably right lol. in other words he fits the marriage mold. But i don't see that is being a bad or wrong thing, but it is something he needs to "(the new guy) look for and make sure that she actually like shim for him and not for what she can do for him.

and i dont' get the golddigger vibe from her, but with that said, when you talk like that you are stuck in absolutes. every woman who wants a house and a picket fence is not a golddigger. I believe those are pretty reasonable exceptions to hold over a man.

 

[Down Low]

Let's cut to the chase.

the girl is not a slut. she's done something quite slutty.

Carpenters do carpentry.
Bricklayers do bricklaying.
Smart people do smart things.
Stupid people do stupid things.
Slutty women do slutty things.

The guy has a job in a tough economy. He's doing fine. Nothing to criticize there.

Would owning a house prove that a man has his sh1t together? Not any more than having a BMW would. You're simply defining "having his sh1t together" as "owning many possessions." That's the way a slvt defines "having his sh1t together." That's not convincing. Not on this forum.

Maybe the guy is interested in quality women, not slvts. He just made a mistake in estimating the quality of his now ex-GF.