BeExcellent
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2015
- Messages
- 4,726
- Reaction score
- 6,713
- Age
- 55
Listen I hear you. I too am both and I always have been. You can get both but its the gamble versus the compromise and you have to be patient. I married what I thought was an ideal man...but as Amante said, life happens.
I found out the man I married was not of the caliber he held himself out to be when life suddenly up-ended him. He got knocked down and stayed there no matter how much I tried to encourage him. I stayed with him more than a dozen years after the fact waiting for him to get himself back together. He never did. He still hasn't. But he is a nice person and I love him a great deal. He's a loving father and we work as a team still in many ways for the benefit of our kids.
It's no fun to weigh what kind of example you want to set for your children when you can see the present example is no good. Did I want my daughters thinking they are supposed to end up with lazy men they have to support forever? No. Did I want my son expecting to coast through life on the hard work of a woman who is his boss, his mother, and his nanny instead of being his wife and lover? No. So I left my husband in part because I was disgusted with the example that my children were seeing at home. Laziness is not OK. My husband got fat and lazy and entitled, and I in my ability to create a nice lifestyle was enabling that attitude.
Now he's in much better shape and in the workforce to his credit, and we get along well. But he blew it with me by failing to act like an adult. I waited years for him to gather himself but eventually the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Five years before we split we had a very serious talk about it. I told him I WILL leave if this does not change. It didn't matter. In reality I picked the wrong guy, but I had no way to evaluate the future at the time, which is what Amante is talking about. There are no guarantees. My marriage was a perfect example of that.
In this day and age sex is more and more expected, more and more of a commodity, and women in particular catch more ridicule than ever if they remain chaste. I chat with my 13 year old daughter about this all the time (and you better believe I monitor and manage who she hangs out with and how they conduct themselves and what kind of family her friends are from.) You & I chatted before that the place to find virgins is likely in church or upper crust areas where reputation is still very important to a young girl (it is to my daughter). You told me then you thought those people were phonies. OK. But that's where you are more likely to find the chaste women. So once again it comes down to what you most value. If it's chastity then you need to put yourself in places where you are more likely to meet young women who value chastity. Many of them will be pretty but not in a made up way. I can't tell you exactly where that is in your area because I'm not there. It isn't at keg parties for example. I can assure you of that.
Also, there are women who might be really pretty who do not wear make up. Most women look more plain without makeup, especially young women who typically are trying to look older and more mature/sexy by wearing makeup, often heavy makeup. But you might miss them if you aren't looking at the less made up girls. You may not realize that the plain girls are pretty because you haven't seen the made up girls without make up. Maybe your sister has some nice friends. I know people who met a spouse that way too.
You want to learn lots about young women? Get a job at college at a girl's dorm or a sorority house. My father was the life guard while in law school at my mom's dormitory while they were both attending law school, but they met at the pool because my mother routinely swam for exercise. One of my friends worked in the kitchen at a sorority house while he was in college. He was a really rare man. Classically handsome and pre-law, and a virgin himself who made stellar grades who was holding out to meet the same kind of girl you envision. Originally he intended to wait until marriage to have sex (as his parents had done). He didn't get married until his early 40s and by then did have an established law practice, and he gave up on waiting for marriage to have sex along the way. He ended up with a great gal (also not a virgin) who was in her early 30s. But he found someone he really enjoys and is really compatible with.
So its not as simple as all that. Nobody but you can determine what the best choice is. I know you have your plans and your goals and I expect you to reach them, to exceed them. Those things will become more fully rendered as you go along in life. As corny as it may sound I believe strongly that you get out of the world what you expect to get out of it. You inadvertently train up your mind subconsciously to sweep for things that you desire. So put your desire into the world and allow yourself to manifest it. You might find yourself pleasantly surprised after all one of these days.
Cheers
