I was the rebound guy, What can I do now?

[soulforge]

Part of the problem with OLD is most of these women have been in relationships with fvcked up dudes...alcoholics, gamblers, drug addicts, dudes with no jobs, physically or emotionally abusive, etc etc...these women only know toxic relationships

So if you are a guy that has your life together, treats them well and doesn't create some type of toxicity in their life, eventually they will bounce. Because no matter what they think or logically want, if a person has been in 20 years worth of toxic relationships then on some level that is what they want and believe they are worth.

You represent the unknown and that is scary to them.

I tend to agree with this.. If your a good man, hard working, to some degree reliable and has his chit together.. In her eyes something is wrong with you and she will bounce.

Nothing about you will excite her.. However treat her like garbage occasionally, she will worship you.

I banged this chick once for 6 months.. She told me about her loser ex and how he used to go inside her handbag and steal money from her and go spend it on alcohol or gambling etc.

My next question was how long was you with this guy? She replied.. 10 years!

After 6 months I dumped her.

 

[Jango_88]

Part of the problem with OLD is most of these women have been in relationships with fvcked up dudes...alcoholics, gamblers, drug addicts, dudes with no jobs, physically or emotionally abusive, etc etc...these women only know toxic relationships

So if you are a guy that has your life together, treats them well and doesn't create some type of toxicity in their life, eventually they will bounce. Because no matter what they think or logically want, if a person has been in 20 years worth of toxic relationships then on some level that is what they want and believe they are worth.

You represent the unknown and that is scary to them.

this is so true. her ex boyfriend is a drug addicted. I am NOT. I am the complete opposite when it comes to drugs. I didnt create any toxicity we had a great time. And this dude also owes her a lot of money too. She always said she feels sorry for him and I never understood how someone feels sorry for that type of person. She has this protector instinct not only for him but also for other people around her, like some friends. For me personally anyone who is involved with that type human beings, have no self respect and no self love. I had arguments with her about this, because I couldnt understand why someone still feels like helping him even when he is toxic to her. She is 23 and her ex is 25. So they grew up together. This guy holds her down, I was the guy who motivated her for studying her ****ing exams, because she didnt even study for her exams.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The only thing you can do is simply tell her to get in touch with you if she changes her mind and then never contact her again unless she reaches out

 

[Toddz]

The only thing you can do is simply tell her to get in touch with you if she changes her mind and then never contact her again unless she reaches out

No, don't even give her the option to get in touch if she changes her mind. That's desperate and submissive.

OP - Her ex boyfriend is a drug addict? Deep down inside, do you really want to be in relations with such a woman? My guess is no.

 

[HyenaPrince]

She has this protector instinct not only for him but also for other people around her, like some friends.

That's what many women make you believe to look humanitarian. They get off on playing the selfless martyr who suffers for the sake of others. Protector instinct for him? She likes the f*cked up "bad boy", as do most of the females out there.

I was the guy who motivated her for studying her ****ing exams, because she didnt even study for her exams.

You literally played the role of her tutor without getting paid.

I'm not trying to bash you. But you still write as if she owes you something. She doesn't. You've been a decent and helpful guy and yet she doesn't care about you. You can't win a woman over by being overtly helpful and nice. She will gladly accept your nonsexual help and then search for the fire somewhere else.

 

[RangerMIke]

Part of the problem with OLD is most of these women have been in relationships with fvcked up dudes...alcoholics, gamblers, drug addicts, dudes with no jobs, physically or emotionally abusive, etc etc...these women only know toxic relationships

So if you are a guy that has your life together, treats them well and doesn't create some type of toxicity in their life, eventually they will bounce. Because no matter what they think or logically want, if a person has been in 20 years worth of toxic relationships then on some level that is what they want and believe they are worth.

You represent the unknown and that is scary to them.

Yep... it's what she is what she is used to and comfortable with. You should avoid these chicks like the plague... you will never make her happy, she is addicted to the emotional chaos. I know SOOOOO many dudes that ended up in relationships with the emotionally damaged women, thinking "I will treat her well, and she will appreciate and love me." That is wishful thinking.

It's like the old Chinese proverb about the turtle and the scorpion... the scorpion will sting you because that is it's nature, even if it dies.

The best way to avoid this bvllsh1t is to NEVER put a woman higher than 5th place in your life.

(1) Yourself - Yes you will be called a selfish pr1ck... fvck anyone that tells you this, bottom-line unless YOU are okay YOU aren't going to be any good to anyone else. It's why flight attendants tell parents to put their oxygen mask before their kids.
(2) Your career or school - If you are not taking care of business you will have no future.
(3) Your family members that add value to your life - Some relatives are worthless pieces of sh1t... flush them, but you have a responsibility to stay connected with valued relatives.
(4) Your long term friends - Friends you have known for years are worth their weight in gold.
(5) Chicks....

I know way too many dudes that immediately put their new chick to #1, and if you do this with a damaged woman you are totally fvcking up your life.

 

[Jango_88]

No, don't even give her the option to get in touch if she changes her mind. That's desperate and submissive.

why is it desperate when you still walk away afterwards? I should have said "Give me a call if you change your mind" before I went NC. I agree if I do it now, its not gonna end well. All in all I was too responsive to her and too available. I think that turned her off. That was a very big mistake and I feel much much better now after a week, because she allowed me by backing off, that I see my own faults and I am happy that I havent chased her at all. Will do much better next time.

That's what many women make you believe to look humanitarian. They get off on playing the selfless martyr who suffers for the sake of others. Protector instinct for him? She likes the f*cked up "bad boy", as do most of the females out there.

Thats what she initally liked about me I feel. The ****ed up bad boy. I am fully covered in tattoos (even on my face), ripped etc. it was a new experience for her. But when I developed some sort of feelings for her, she backed off, but glad I did too and didnt chase. She is not ready for a relationship now and I accept it. Maybe if she reaches out I will bang her but thats all, without any feelings. I am feeling much much much better today after 1.5 weeks of NC. The best thing is I banged 2 chicks while being with her, glad I did.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

No, don't even give her the option to get in touch if she changes her mind. That's desperate and submissive.

OP - Her ex boyfriend is a drug addict? Deep down inside, do you really want to be in relations with such a woman? My guess is no.

That's a Corey Wayne thing which basically leaves the door open to her. Desperate would you be you begging and pleading for a second chance and continually texting her after.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Women for the most part are really just a drug. When they leave, it’s usually not the girl herself who leaves an emptiness within you... it’s the way she made you feel. It’s the ego boost that you had with her.

23 year old women in this day and age generally have their heads completely up their asses. They are by and large confused as can be. It’s not until their late 20s that they just begin to get straightened out as reality starts to take root in them.

This particular girl is a confused mess, and highly toxic to your well-being. For 3 months she made you feel good just as any drug will, but the sudden withdrawal caused significant discomfort. Always remember that women are a dime a dozen, and easily replaceable. They are interchangeable except for the upper 2%, which do provide actual value in your life. Demand quality and quality will eventually start to manifest.

 

[Suave88]

I have a really bad situation right now. I met this girl 3 months ago on Tinder and we connected right away. She came out of a longterm relationship of 8 years. They broke up in January and I met her in April. She is 23 and I am 30.

We had a very beautiful relationship in these 3 months and I met her family and friends in this time and she met also my family and friends. In this time we have never spoken about a relationship but it felt we were exlcusive, we even wanted to go to holidays this summer in august. She was a very caring and loving person, when we were together she always wanted to kiss me or hold my hand etc i front of her friends etc.

In our relationship she was talking every now and then about her ex and there were times where she drifted off emotionally and couldnt sleep sometimes next to me and was awake all night. There was even a time where her ex told her friends, that if he sees me hes gonna punch me ^^ I said no problem he can come and try. He is 23 as well. He even saw me once but decided to leave then. They still have common friends.

Basically what happened now is she started to pull away the last 2 weeks. Didnt response quickly to my messages and was all in all weird. So I pulled back as well. I didnt text her anymore. She had her exams last week from monday to friday. So I only wrote her that I wish her all the best luck for her exams and she thanked me and said that she would like to talk to me and I said okay lets talk when you are done with your exams.

Yesterday a friend of mine found her on Tinder (with new pictures of herself that she took while we were together).
I kept my cool and asked her yesterday "Hey quick question, since when are you on tinder again?"

This is the conversation we had afterwards:

Her "I downloaded it out of boredom while I studied for my exams, but I told you that I would have never met someone before I would end this up with you and that is also why I am not going to meet anyone. But this is also the reason that I wanted to talk to you. I had this feeling that there is no more spark between us.

me "no problem, good that you are mentioning this. I felt anyway that something is wrong."

Her "I felt also no interest from you, you didnt really give me the feeling that I am important to you. (((THIS IS COMPLETE BS)))

Me "I think havent done anything wrong and the only reason why I pulled away is because I knew something is wrong with you. I think you have no interest and I am not the problem I feel."

Her "I Wouldnt say no interest. I have liked you from the start and you are a great guy, but I told you from the get go that I first have to think about my life where I want to be. I am very confused and I have to get my **** together and it was getting too much between us, even when I enjoyed being with you."

Me "But I told you always from the start that I dont have the feeling that you are ready for someone new because you broke up recently from your ex. I always told you that I have doubts with you. ((( I wasnt the one in the start that wanted a relationship and I always told her this, )))

Her "I wanted to explain this to you again. I wanted to actually talk this in person with you but I will write it now. Right now I am in a very difficult phase in my life and I dont really know where I should go or belong with myself, I feel lost. But its important that that I look after my self. I feel so sorry that everything came like this and I never meant to hurt you. I wish you all the best."

Me "We can talk personally the last time if you want because there are some things that I would like to tell you and I dont want to write it."

Her "Dont know if its better when we see us, maybe its better to leave it like that"

Me "You never hurt me, but I think its really ridiculous to speak this on Whatsapp. We were together for 3 months and breaking up over the phone?"

Her "We can meet from tomorrow on I am again at home so we can meet and speak if you want."

Me "okay Ill let u know.


I didnt write her eversince Its been over a week now. We wanted to meet, but I decided to not text her anymore and not meet her. The problem is, I really miss her. She wasnt even that hot, but I really miss her loving personality. Did anyone of you have the same experience with being a rebound, where she came back eventually?

I really think it has to do something with the ex. Otherwise why would someone out of nowhere break up a beautiful relationship?

I feel like I was too responsive during our relationship. too focused on her, but it was mutual. We both were responsive. But I think all in all it was a fault that I was responsive. During her exams I even supported her by saying, "life is too short to be angry and sad. Look forward and study for your exams otherwise your not going to make it." And she always said you are so good for me.

Should I text her a last message or even meet up with her or stay completely silent? IF text then I thought about something like:
"Totally forgot to text you, I didnt want this to end this way but I respect your decision. I enjoyed being with you, but I am not interested to be your emotional sponge. Enjoy your life. If you change your mind let me know. Take care." Or is it too needy if I text? What would you do if you were me?

"She is 23 and I am 30" she got out of an 8 years long term relationship in January. Did she marry at age 15??????

 

[Suave88]

Ok I have decided that I will remain silent. Whatever I write now will make her think that I am not over it. I think its better to put her in a state of uncertainty and to keep the I dont give a damn mentality..

yes, do not text or call her. If she calls or text, do not pick up. Simply come back to us.

 

[bat soup]

It's nice that you got to bang her for 3 months, but I would hardly call it a "beautiful relationship" if the whole time she was still hung up on her ex, blabbing about her issues and then bull****ting you with lame excuses whilst hooking up with other guys from Tinder.

I think your biggest mistake was taking her too seriously and allowing yourself to get attached and emotional. Leave the door open in case she wants to meet up and have fun together in the future, but don't mistake it as being any more than that. This "we need to have a discussion about our relationship status" talk is just going to make things worse because it makes her think that she can't hook up with you without you getting clingy and emotional.

 

[bcude]

That's a Corey Wayne thing which basically leaves the door open to her. Desperate would you be you begging and pleading for a second chance and continually texting her after.

I don't agree with Corey Wayne's advice here either because it implies that you're waiting for her when saying "hit me up if you change your mind". F dat. A woman is turning her back on you, cool, but she is completely erased out of memory and has to crawl back if she wants anything from you again. She shouldn't know that the door will be open whenever she feels like going back, ironically knowing that you will be there will make her feel safe and comfortable and make her be gone for longer. A certain amount of anxiety and uncertainty is what makes women people stay up at night obsessing about the other person. The advice is good in the sense that he's acknowledging the situation and walking away, not wasting anymore time.

 

[Suave88]

I don't agree with Corey Wayne's advice here either because it implies that you're waiting for her when saying "hit me up if you change your mind". F dat. A woman is turning her back on you, cool, but she is completely erased out of memory and has to crawl back if she wants anything from you again. She shouldn't know that the door will be open whenever she feels like going back, ironically knowing that you will be there will make her feel safe and comfortable and make her be gone for longer. A certain amount of anxiety and uncertainty is what makes women people stay up at night obsessing about the other person. The advice is good in the sense that he's acknowledging the situation and walking away, not wasting anymore time.

Corey Wayne is a punk.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I don't agree with Corey Wayne's advice here either because it implies that you're waiting for her when saying "hit me up if you change your mind". F dat. A woman is turning her back on you, cool, but she is completely erased out of memory and has to crawl back if she wants anything from you again. She shouldn't know that the door will be open whenever she feels like going back, ironically knowing that you will be there will make her feel safe and comfortable and make her be gone for longer. A certain amount of anxiety and uncertainty is what makes women people stay up at night obsessing about the other person. The advice is good in the sense that he's acknowledging the situation and walking away, not wasting anymore time.

Her not hearing from you at all brings enough anxiety in and of itself.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Her not hearing from you at all brings enough anxiety in and of itself.

He's her emotional support

 

[2Rocky]

She's not your girlfriend, it's just your turn.

and

You got her. Now go find another. You might be surprised that there are ones better out there. The next 10 years of your life you have the best money making potential and freedom to enjoy it. Remember what your passion was other than the approval of a woman and pour your energy into that. You will be amazed at what women show up and are attracted to that.

 

[Jango_88]

She's not your girlfriend, it's just your turn.

and

You got her. Now go find another. You might be surprised that there are ones better out there. The next 10 years of your life you have the best money making potential and freedom to enjoy it. Remember what your passion was other than the approval of a woman and pour your energy into that. You will be amazed at what women show up and are attracted to that.

yeah i know. its just hard to deal with, when someone you like rejects you out of the blue, when everything was going great. from one day to another. have never been in such a situation before.

 

[Focal core]

Her lacks of showing emotional responsibility should raise high alert in any relationships. Not to mention her 8 years relationship with a drugs addicts, that alone will make me cringe beyond imagination and my run mode would enggage indefinitely.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Her lacks of showing emotional responsibility should raise high alert in any relationships. Not to mention her 8 years relationship with a drugs addicts, that alone will make me cringe beyond imagination and my run mode would enggage indefinitely.

Anyone who knowingly is involved with drug addicts, alcoholics, etc thrive on toxicity in relationships and NEED to feel like they have someone that has to be "fixed"