I was the rebound guy, What can I do now?

[Zontyy]

It's possible to get her back but in the long run it won't be worth it and you should just find new women. Go out and date and spin plates you be better for it. If you were anything to this girl she will contact you it might be 3 months to 1 year but they always come back.

Just be a better man and keep doing what your doing. Spin more plates and adopt an attitude of abundance, stop focusing on her at all.

 

[HyenaPrince]

she will contact you it might be 3 months to 1 year but they always come back.

Unlikely after being with her for only 3 months. They amount of time it takes for them to come back is usually a fraction of the length of your relationship. That's why I don't think it would take more than 2-3 months, if at all.

 

[Jango_88]

The weird thing is also, her 2 best friends checking out everything I post on facebook first, before she checks it out. Feels like they are curious as **** what I do. But she doesnt check it out immediately.

 

[andreihaha]

The weird thing is also, her 2 best friends checking out everything I post on facebook first, before she checks it out. Feels like they are curious as **** what I do. But she doesnt check it out immediately.

Any of them hot? If yes, proceed to bang for extra points.
Also that social media drama is not masculine, it's no for men. Better to ignore that.

 

[HyenaPrince]

This thing you do i.e. trying to find any sign of her interest in you ... you do know its pointless and beta-as-phuck, don't you?

100%

 

[Jango_88]

Any of them hot? If yes, proceed to bang for extra points.
Also that social media drama is not masculine, it's no for men. Better to ignore that.

there is one friend of her that I really like and find attractive as hell. I watched her social media today, but its very disrespectful to write her imo.. But also is it good to remain silent, even if I dont want her to know that I am sad?

 

[HyenaPrince]

Any of them hot? If yes, proceed to bang for extra points.

A man of culture.

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tenor.com

 

[HyenaPrince]

but its very disrespectful to write her imo

Disrespectful to whom?

 

[Dash Riprock]

I have a really bad situation right now. I met this girl 3 months ago on Tinder and we connected right away. She came out of a longterm relationship of 8 years. They broke up in January and I met her in April. She is 23 and I am 30.

We had a very beautiful relationship in these 3 months and I met her family and friends in this time and she met also my family and friends. In this time we have never spoken about a relationship but it felt we were exlcusive, we even wanted to go to holidays this summer in august. She was a very caring and loving person, when we were together she always wanted to kiss me or hold my hand etc i front of her friends etc.

In our relationship she was talking every now and then about her ex and there were times where she drifted off emotionally and couldnt sleep sometimes next to me and was awake all night. There was even a time where her ex told her friends, that if he sees me hes gonna punch me ^^ I said no problem he can come and try. He is 23 as well. He even saw me once but decided to leave then. They still have common friends.

Basically what happened now is she started to pull away the last 2 weeks. Didnt response quickly to my messages and was all in all weird. So I pulled back as well. I didnt text her anymore. She had her exams last week from monday to friday. So I only wrote her that I wish her all the best luck for her exams and she thanked me and said that she would like to talk to me and I said okay lets talk when you are done with your exams.

Yesterday a friend of mine found her on Tinder (with new pictures of herself that she took while we were together).
I kept my cool and asked her yesterday "Hey quick question, since when are you on tinder again?"

This is the conversation we had afterwards:

Her "I downloaded it out of boredom while I studied for my exams, but I told you that I would have never met someone before I would end this up with you and that is also why I am not going to meet anyone. But this is also the reason that I wanted to talk to you. I had this feeling that there is no more spark between us.

me "no problem, good that you are mentioning this. I felt anyway that something is wrong."

Her "I felt also no interest from you, you didnt really give me the feeling that I am important to you. (((THIS IS COMPLETE BS)))

Me "I think havent done anything wrong and the only reason why I pulled away is because I knew something is wrong with you. I think you have no interest and I am not the problem I feel."

Her "I Wouldnt say no interest. I have liked you from the start and you are a great guy, but I told you from the get go that I first have to think about my life where I want to be. I am very confused and I have to get my **** together and it was getting too much between us, even when I enjoyed being with you."

Me "But I told you always from the start that I dont have the feeling that you are ready for someone new because you broke up recently from your ex. I always told you that I have doubts with you. ((( I wasnt the one in the start that wanted a relationship and I always told her this, )))

Her "I wanted to explain this to you again. I wanted to actually talk this in person with you but I will write it now. Right now I am in a very difficult phase in my life and I dont really know where I should go or belong with myself, I feel lost. But its important that that I look after my self. I feel so sorry that everything came like this and I never meant to hurt you. I wish you all the best."

Me "We can talk personally the last time if you want because there are some things that I would like to tell you and I dont want to write it."

Her "Dont know if its better when we see us, maybe its better to leave it like that"

Me "You never hurt me, but I think its really ridiculous to speak this on Whatsapp. We were together for 3 months and breaking up over the phone?"

Her "We can meet from tomorrow on I am again at home so we can meet and speak if you want."

Me "okay Ill let u know.


I didnt write her eversince Its been over a week now. We wanted to meet, but I decided to not text her anymore and not meet her. The problem is, I really miss her. She wasnt even that hot, but I really miss her loving personality. Did anyone of you have the same experience with being a rebound, where she came back eventually?

I really think it has to do something with the ex. Otherwise why would someone out of nowhere break up a beautiful relationship?

I feel like I was too responsive during our relationship. too focused on her, but it was mutual. We both were responsive. But I think all in all it was a fault that I was responsive. During her exams I even supported her by saying, "life is too short to be angry and sad. Look forward and study for your exams otherwise your not going to make it." And she always said you are so good for me.

Should I text her a last message or even meet up with her or stay completely silent? IF text then I thought about something like:
"Totally forgot to text you, I didnt want this to end this way but I respect your decision. I enjoyed being with you, but I am not interested to be your emotional sponge. Enjoy your life. If you change your mind let me know. Take care." Or is it too needy if I text? What would you do if you were me?

No offense OP, but you made a *big* rookie mistake.

NEVER get emotionally involved with a girl who just got out of a LTR. You're simply a placeholder to fill the void left by her ex. I could have predicted with 99% accuracy how this would turn out for you on day one.

Plus, she's creating excuses to break up with you about things you did or didn't do to make herself feel better. Women do this all the time to validate their decisions; create the evidence, true or not, to support their beliefs.

Sounds like you went right into relationship mode which is a *big* no-no.

If 95% of SS members would remember this one thing it would solve most of their issues: GO SLOW. Men rush into things and push women away all the time.

You got way too emotionally involved way too fast. Check your feelings at the door next time and just have casual fun at first. Be the James Bond. Seriously.

Better luck next time.

Dash

 

[Jango_88]

No offense OP, but you made a *big* rookie mistake.

NEVER get emotionally involved with a girl who just got out of a LTR. You're simply a placeholder to fill the void left by her ex. I could have predicted with 99% accuracy how this would turn out for you on day one.

Plus, she's creating excuses to break up with you about things you did or didn't do to make herself feel better. Women do this all the time to validate their decisions; create the evidence, true or not, to support their beliefs.

Sounds like you went right into relationship mode which is a *big* no-no.

If 95% of SS members would remember this one thing it would solve most of their issues: GO SLOW. Men rush into things and push women away all the time.

You got way too emotionally involved way too fast. Check your feelings at the door next time and just have casual fun at first. Be the James Bond. Seriously.

Better luck next time.

Dash

I have never spoken about relationship with her. It came by itself that we were exclusive. But it was getting too much for her what I understand and respect now. When I figured I was kinda pissing her off I went completely silent.She is an emotional mess and was also when I have been with her. I kinda tried to help her because I felt sorry for her.

 

[Mbuckets82]

I’d go dead silent after I heard that tinder thing. She doesn’t respect you enough to tell you then she doesn’t deserve any of your attention. Think what else she’d do behind your back if things got real serious.

 

[Jango_88]

I already started to text with other women. I am in holidays anyway and meeting up with a beautiful girl now. She is still in my head and won't go away magically but I will try my best and after the date i will put a picture of us together on facebook so they will see I am seeing other chicks already. I have self respect and she shouldn't think I am a weak person and that I am sad that she left. I can replace a woman anytime I want. Even if thats not what I want.

 

[Glassguy]

You knew she jumped back to OLD. You shouldn't have mentioned it to her and just shunned her with silence and distance.

It was going to sound like a beta move when you asked her about it, so you should have just left her wondering what happened for you to disappear.

Go find new chicks.

 

[Jango_88]

You knew she jumped back to OLD. You shouldn't have mentioned it to her and just shunned her with silence and distance.

It was going to sound like a beta move when you asked her about it, so you should have just left her wondering what happened for you to disappear.

Go find new chicks.

No I never knew that its because of the ex. She never admitted that its because of him and never said why she couldnt sleep at nights. It was just my feeling at the end. But its all good. For me its done now. I am definitely not going to reach out to her.

 

[bcude]

As others have said, there isn't much you can do at this point. Just accept the loss, be thankful for the experience and move on to new chicks. On what to write, from the different options i liked the quoted answer the best. Turning tables that make them question their worth (friends?! am i not attractive enough?! buhu) work wonders on girls, especially insecure younger girls who're more concerned about their status within their circle. It atleast gives you some sort of chance to establish yourself as a challenge after the rushed commitment. Also i would leave out "i like you alot" in the beginning.

Two is you can say to her "I like you a lot but you're obviously in a different head space. I get it and that's cool. Maybe down the road we can be friends." Yep, I said 'friends.' Give her a soft friend zoning. But note: I would only say this to her in a state of total outcome independence and frame. You sound truly sad about it not working out (okay to admit it) so it's probably better to just stay silent.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Welcome aboard. I see that you are new here.

Before addressing your problem, it's best that I explain something about some of the forum behavior.

I'd wager that some of the members responding to your posting (the ones making comments about your character) ... have not even had the opportunity that you had with this girl. They feel powerless over their own destiny and to feel some feeling of self-worth, they see a new member and assume the role of the fat 5th grader on the playground (when the new kid arrives in school) . If you think life is bad, at least you aren't in their shoes.

Sometimes reading postings like these (and there's plenty) can be a little uncomfortable. The reason is because it takes us all back to when we were in a similar situation. There's this old saying which (paraphrasing) goes; "sometimes the things we dislike in others are the very qualities that we dislike within ourselves. They've simply provided a mirror."

When it comes to women, we've all been blindsided (well, those of us with experience.) You've probably had one of those "what was I thinking moments." This "ah-ha" moment doesn't typically occur until our thoughts/emotions have subsided. Eventually, you'll have one of those "what was I thinking moments" about your current situation. Until then, I'll provide a perspective.

When you allow yourself to become too invested (and too soon) this places you in a bad spot. If you observe other happy cohesive couples, you'll notice that the man retains his sense of self and identity. This is the very trait that the woman initially found attractive. The moment that a man's self-identity is compromised, a woman's attraction will diminish.

The next time you are faced with a similar situation, agree with her. This will display that you aren't dependent upon her or her approval. You don't want to react with anger or sadness or in fact any emotion. Simply respond with something like.... "I'm glad to hear you say this. I couldn't decide if we were at an impasse of if I was feeling impatient with you. It seems as though we are more different than I realized. I wish you well"

There's no 100% guarantee on any advice that will turn the tables, but the above reply will certainly leave her wondering if she made the right decision. If nothing more, you walk away with your dignity.

Most of us have been there and while it's not fun to recall, it's something that happens. No matter the outcome, if we learn from our past mistakes, we grow, evolve and become "newer and improved" versions of ourselves.

 

[lostintime]

She wasnt even that hot, but I really miss her loving personality.

and we all wonder why women these days act like psychopaths. Shake it off brotha, it was 3 months and you were a rebound. And she wasn't even that hot..

Do you all see how these women be livin?

 

[Mazer]

Sounds similar to the situation that brought me to this site. She just wanted to have fun and you gave off the relationship vibe too soon. I’m sure she is still “working it out” with her ex but looking to have fun. Save yourself a lot of headaches and let this one go. Good luck.

 

[soulforge]

The fact that you described this as a "Beautiful Relationship" only 3 months in.. Is where you went wrong.

You are young and will meet plenty more women, so just focus on that.

Also cut out the emotional talk with females and work on self improvement.. In 3-4 months time you will be seeing someone else.. Covid permitting!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

When a woman isn't 'feeling it' there is nothing you can do about it. Trying to get a woman to rationally explain her emotional decision making is like insisting that she answer you in a language she doesn't understand.

The truth is she has no idea why she isn't feeling it. But one thing is certain, the only thing worst than getting rejected by a woman you really like, is 'winning over' a chick that isn't feeling it... as she goes through the motions of pretending.

One other thing... women need a lot of time to get over an ex. It is almost a given that the next 2-3 people she dates will not work out. And now I will tell you why... She was in that relationship because she was attracted to that dude... what ever he was or did was what she wants. After she breaks with him, her knee jerk response will be to do a 180 and date men that are nothing like him. The problem is that someone that is completely different from her ex REALLY isn't what she is attracted to... after she jerks around with a bunch of dudes that are completely different from the guy she dated... she will eventually either go back to the ex.. or find someone that is just like him because that is what she really wants.

Part of the problem with OLD is most of these women have been in relationships with fvcked up dudes...alcoholics, gamblers, drug addicts, dudes with no jobs, physically or emotionally abusive, etc etc...these women only know toxic relationships

So if you are a guy that has your life together, treats them well and doesn't create some type of toxicity in their life, eventually they will bounce. Because no matter what they think or logically want, if a person has been in 20 years worth of toxic relationships then on some level that is what they want and believe they are worth.

You represent the unknown and that is scary to them.