I have a really bad situation right now. I met this girl 3 months ago on Tinder and we connected right away. She came out of a longterm relationship of 8 years. They broke up in January and I met her in April. She is 23 and I am 30.
We had a very beautiful relationship in these 3 months and I met her family and friends in this time and she met also my family and friends. In this time we have never spoken about a relationship but it felt we were exlcusive, we even wanted to go to holidays this summer in august. She was a very caring and loving person, when we were together she always wanted to kiss me or hold my hand etc i front of her friends etc.
In our relationship she was talking every now and then about her ex and there were times where she drifted off emotionally and couldnt sleep sometimes next to me and was awake all night. There was even a time where her ex told her friends, that if he sees me hes gonna punch me ^^ I said no problem he can come and try. He is 23 as well. He even saw me once but decided to leave then. They still have common friends.
Basically what happened now is she started to pull away the last 2 weeks. Didnt response quickly to my messages and was all in all weird. So I pulled back as well. I didnt text her anymore. She had her exams last week from monday to friday. So I only wrote her that I wish her all the best luck for her exams and she thanked me and said that she would like to talk to me and I said okay lets talk when you are done with your exams.
Yesterday a friend of mine found her on Tinder (with new pictures of herself that she took while we were together).
I kept my cool and asked her yesterday "Hey quick question, since when are you on tinder again?"
This is the conversation we had afterwards:
Her "I downloaded it out of boredom while I studied for my exams, but I told you that I would have never met someone before I would end this up with you and that is also why I am not going to meet anyone. But this is also the reason that I wanted to talk to you. I had this feeling that there is no more spark between us.
me "no problem, good that you are mentioning this. I felt anyway that something is wrong."
Her "I felt also no interest from you, you didnt really give me the feeling that I am important to you. (((THIS IS COMPLETE BS)))
Me "I think havent done anything wrong and the only reason why I pulled away is because I knew something is wrong with you. I think you have no interest and I am not the problem I feel."
Her "I Wouldnt say no interest. I have liked you from the start and you are a great guy, but I told you from the get go that I first have to think about my life where I want to be. I am very confused and I have to get my **** together and it was getting too much between us, even when I enjoyed being with you."
Me "But I told you always from the start that I dont have the feeling that you are ready for someone new because you broke up recently from your ex. I always told you that I have doubts with you. ((( I wasnt the one in the start that wanted a relationship and I always told her this, )))
Her "I wanted to explain this to you again. I wanted to actually talk this in person with you but I will write it now. Right now I am in a very difficult phase in my life and I dont really know where I should go or belong with myself, I feel lost. But its important that that I look after my self. I feel so sorry that everything came like this and I never meant to hurt you. I wish you all the best."
Me "We can talk personally the last time if you want because there are some things that I would like to tell you and I dont want to write it."
Her "Dont know if its better when we see us, maybe its better to leave it like that"
Me "You never hurt me, but I think its really ridiculous to speak this on Whatsapp. We were together for 3 months and breaking up over the phone?"
Her "We can meet from tomorrow on I am again at home so we can meet and speak if you want."
Me "okay Ill let u know.
I didnt write her eversince Its been over a week now. We wanted to meet, but I decided to not text her anymore and not meet her. The problem is, I really miss her. She wasnt even that hot, but I really miss her loving personality. Did anyone of you have the same experience with being a rebound, where she came back eventually?
I really think it has to do something with the ex. Otherwise why would someone out of nowhere break up a beautiful relationship?
I feel like I was too responsive during our relationship. too focused on her, but it was mutual. We both were responsive. But I think all in all it was a fault that I was responsive. During her exams I even supported her by saying, "life is too short to be angry and sad. Look forward and study for your exams otherwise your not going to make it." And she always said you are so good for me.
Should I text her a last message or even meet up with her or stay completely silent? IF text then I thought about something like:
"Totally forgot to text you, I didnt want this to end this way but I respect your decision. I enjoyed being with you, but I am not interested to be your emotional sponge. Enjoy your life. If you change your mind let me know. Take care." Or is it too needy if I text? What would you do if you were me?
