Originally posted by gambit21680
i am 25 years old and engaged to a girl who is nice and sweet to me but likes to joke around with guys not alot but she does joke. i really have a problem with jelousy and just being paranoid bc of what happened with me in the past. I have been cheated on alot by one girl and i told myself never to trust a women ever again. I also have been stabbed in the back by my friends bc i am not fun enough and now i have no friends to joke around with or hangout with. i am starting to get really bad mood changes like she was talking with her ex and she was joking around and i saw stuff like having sex and loving you and blowing kisses and i just lost it and went crazy i almost wanted to kill either her or myself for letting me trust a f****** b**** but i really love her also but i just don;t know what to do anymore and i really want to work this huge problem that i have and this seems to be the place to go to instead of paying some shrink to tell me stuff and give me drugs that won't help in the long run.
It seems you have an issue with trust and an issue with expectations. Technically speaking, this is not an issue about women. You even mentioned your friends being an issue. Maybe though, the issue becomes greater if it's with your fiance only because you feel that this relationship you have with your fiance means a whole lot more compared to your relationship with your friends.
I've mentioned before that to trust someone, you first have to be well prepared for that trust to be broken. If you are unable to prepare yourself for this potential outcome, you should not put your trust in them. As it is fairly impossible to completely trust someone, we go about this by only putting in a suitable amount of trust depending on how well we know the other person. You seem to put a little too much trust in others. To the point where once it is broken, you are caught totally unaware and you are surprised by it. You ask yourself how can this person do such things to you after all you've been through. When you ask such questions, the issue of expectations comes into play.
Expectations are a dangerous thing. To expect is to demand. To expect is to assume that it will be so. There is no other option when expecting something. It seems as if you expect your friends to treat you with dignity and to treat you with respect. It seems as if you expect your fiance to be faithful, to be loyal, to be subservient, to be dedicated to you and you alone. If any of these expectations would to be denied, you are thrown into a frenzy where control and reason flies out the window. You are probably aware that it isn't a good or nice to react in such a manner, but the emotions are too great and they get in the way and take control.
Seeking therapy in the right place to try and alleviate this problem is not such a bad idea. However, do not expect most of the shrinks you see to be able to help you. Some might be helpful while others might make things worse.
The point I'm trying to get across is that in life, there's going to be a huge amount of shyt thrown at us. And it will come in all sorts of forms. Our desires, our dreams and our wishes will tend to go unfulfilled. We have to understand this and we have to accept this. We must not delude ourselves into thinking that our lives deserve so much more. We do not deserve anything from anyone and no one owes us anything (excluding legal situations). Anyone who thinks or feels otherwise can continue living their lives that revolves around everyone else but them. They better be happy with all the crap they're gonna get and they better not fvcking complain about it.
