I need a red pill therapist..can anyone help?

[BlueAlpha1]

The excellent contributions by Tenacity and BeExcellent may have obscured the equally brilliant advice from InfernO, about 'reparenting yourself'. Subconsciously I've been doing this for the last few months. I'm glad someone understands this and can provide a lexicon for it.
Simply put, you have to unlearn some lessons from your upbringing (extremely difficult) and codify something to take it's place.
Blue, I'm 11 years older than you. I always knew I'd been raised wrong, but I didn't know how to change the effects this had on me and my life.
Until now that is. This is patronising, but I mean no malice when I say the level of introspection required to analyse yourself thoroughly, won't be available to you at your age.
There's an ego investment in ourselves that doesn't fade until we reach our 30's.

I can only contribute to the weight loss aspect of your post.
You are what you eat. Buy *hit, you eat *hit. I learnt this the hard way.
The fastest way to lose that 20lb is to cut all processed sugar and salt from your diet. Also a natural blood cleaner is Burdock Root. When I took this the stubborn fat I had for nearly a decade, fell off me within 2 weeks.

You will find the physical aspect of your depression will recede, once the dietary changes have been made.
Eat peaches and pears instead of chocolate. It's not as difficult as you think it is.

Fantastic reply. Thank you.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

I am just talking out loud tonight about my red pill bitterness, which comes back in spurts. My mom was in town this week. I hadn't seen her in 4 months, and even though we often don't get along, we did this week and it was nice to have her. Tomorrow I'm taking her to the airport and don't know when I'll see her again. I start a new job on Monday where I can't take any PTO for the first 6 MONTHS. so that'll probably be the next time. I'm trying to get her to move down here to Florida next year...

My brother also pulled a back muscle today, so I spoke to his gf about how to best treat the injury. I also spoke to my boy as we both start new jobs this week, and he was laying in bed with his girl also. I ain't got no such girl. Sure I could go scoop up some 19 year old skanks at the college across the street, but these girls aren't ****. It just so happens every brother or male friend I have has found his unicorn, and all I have is the occasional cheap thrill and the image of my evil BPD burned into my psyche for life. As @Tenacity puts it, to me the market looks barren and scant, even though my boys seem to have no problems finding these unicorns.

And this job is going to SUCK DlCK. Some of you may know I have a passion for travel. The most enlightening moments of my life have come on the road, staying at youth hostels and meeting amazing people from all over the globe. I want to own my own youth hostel someday. But those plans are on hold as I go back into the world of 9-5 this Monday so I can pay for this stupid luxury apartment. Cut back expenses, you say? I could do that, but I have debt. And I've lived in trashy apartments before. I wouldn't live for free among these verminous meth-heads and ex-cons. That's the only life worse than 9-5.

Fvck the red pill.

/endrant

 

[BlueAlpha1]

And...I miss my fvcking dad

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

What that tells me is that you have a porn addiction (which i suspected)

It's gotta go man

+1

This has been the single largest factor from zero dates with girls, and perhaps mild depression, to an average of two dates a week.

It will be all your hells at once to break... and just a constant hell if you don't.

 

[Tenacity]

My brother also pulled a back muscle today, so I spoke to his gf about how to best treat the injury. I also spoke to my boy as we both start new jobs this week, and he was laying in bed with his girl also. I ain't got no such girl. Sure I could go scoop up some 19 year old skanks at the college across the street, but these girls aren't ****. It just so happens every brother or male friend I have has found his unicorn, and all I have is the occasional cheap thrill and the image of my evil BPD burned into my psyche for life. As @Tenacity puts it, to me the market looks barren and scant, even though my boys seem to have no problems finding these unicorns.

You know what I'm starting to come to realize? After looking back on these 6 intense years of dating, I don't believe there is a unicorn.....I believe the market is exactly like I said it is, but guys SETTLE into the shyt that I'm trying to NOT settle into, and instead of being honest about their situation they just put up fronts for Facebook likes.

So here's my analysis of the market in general, it's that every woman you meet will have one or more of these problems with her:

- Looks: Something will be off here. She might have weight issues, be ugly in the face, something.

AND/OR

- Finances: Something will be off here where she's having issues covering her personal expenses.

AND/OR

- Kids: She might have 1 or more kids by 1 or more dudes. The dudes could range from a US Senator to a convicted thug named Ray Ray who is likely to come through blasting you with bullets at any time for "sleeping with his wooo-man".

AND/OR

- Personality/Attitude Issues: This includes a variety of things. She could be stuck up, high maintenance, gold-digger like, displays mixed signals to some extent, a little flakey, a little "stand offish", hard to get a hold of/not available as often, etc.

My analysis is there's no UNICORN, every single girl in this market has one or more of these issues above. So what I'm coming to terms with doing and what I think you might have to do (and other guys watching), is SETTLE. You have to pick which one or more of the things above you absolutely can't tolerate, then which one or more of the above can you "just deal with".

I can't tolerate the kids shyt, the mixed signals, flakey shyt, hard to get a hold of/not available shyt, or any fvcked up looks. EVERYTHING else (while annoying) I can just deal with.

And that's what I'm coming to terms with. Again don't know if I will make kid(s) yet or not, I haven't did the vasectomy yet. It's still "open". I twill

 

[SkrooU]

I'm going to give it to you straight. And I hope you don't perceive this to be a "chest beater" comment. I'm genuinely trying to help you.

So........You are still thinking like a beta male. Why do I say this? Well look how much women are affecting your life? Emotionally, you are a mess, because of women. On the bright side, you are making very good progress at turning this around. You are now aware of how you are susceptible to being taken advantage of by women. And you are starting to see how you need to channel your energy into things that give your life purpose and structure. But you are struggling with how to balance your desire to be with women and the need to maintain your own path.

You just need to realize the most important thing is for you to have a direction in life that is separate from women. It needs to be your passion and way of life. And then you need to allow women into your life only if they respect it and fit in it. This is where you need to qualify women. But, you are doing them a favor. They are not doing you a favor. Get it?

 

[Bible_Belt]

And...I miss my fvcking dad

That is one genuine post. I'm sure you do. Be grateful for the quality time you were able to have with your parents. Both of mine are still alive, and 3 of 4 grandparents as well. But in those 5 relationships, my grandmother is the only one I am close to. All of us live within a few miles of each other, I can see my mom's house from my backyard, but for the most part we avoid each other.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

That is one genuine post. I'm sure you do. Be grateful for the quality time you were able to have with your parents. Both of mine are still alive, and 3 of 4 grandparents as well. But in those 5 relationships, my grandmother is the only one I am close to. All of us live within a few miles of each other, I can see my mom's house from my backyard, but for the most part we avoid each other.

Thanks for sharing that. I feel you man. I have a grandfather here in Florida, my mom's father and my only relative in Florida. He lives alone and I am close to his only regular company. On one hand I feel a bond to him watching the last years of his life, and on the other hand he's an overly critical grouch and I will never truly gain his acceptance. He is the kind of person to whom you could give the shirt off your back, and he won't even say thank you.

It goes back pretty far with that entire side of the family. There was a vendetta among my parents' families growing up, largely instigated by my mother's side. And both my grandmother, the primary trouble maker and my father, the primary victim - are gone now. I never had a chance to tell my grandmother the severity of what she did and I now resent her in death, and I never had a chance to make it up to my father for some of the lost years. And he suffered a lot in his final 2+ years. Thankfully I did spend the final 15 months living with him.

Life has come full circle. As a child, I am very alienated from my dad's side of the family and close to my mother's side. As an adult, it's the reverse and I see who the real problem was. My mother and I are close, but we've had some legendary battles also.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

- Kids: She might have 1 or more kids by 1 or more dudes. The dudes could range from a US Senator to a convicted thug named Ray Ray who is likely to come through blasting you with bullets at any time for "sleeping with his wooo-man".

Dude, you're hilarious and I love this stuff. You're a straight shooter. Keep it coming.

My analysis is there's no UNICORN, every single girl in this market has one or more of these issues above. So what I'm coming to terms with doing and what I think you might have to do (and other guys watching), is SETTLE. You have to pick which one or more of the things above you absolutely can't tolerate, then which one or more of the above can you "just deal with".

I know there's a lot I'm not being told about these two relationships - skeletons in closet and all that jazz, but my brother and my best friend are both settled into LTRs with straight up 8's who are, at least on the surface charming, feminine women.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Hey guys -

For anyone who participated in this thread, I have some not so great news.

My car is TOTALLY done. The engine is blown and the repairs will cost more than another cheap used car would. As a result, I can't get to my job. There is no plausible bus route and Uber would cost me $35 a day. I have no vacation/personal/sick left. I'm going to have to resign on Monday.

I was making strides forward in my life after doing nothing for over a year, and this is a step back again. But to be honest, I couldn't stand this place. Good benefits, which I've already used to the fullest (went to the doctor/dentist/eye doc, and I'm healthy as a horse), but other than that it was a sh*t working environment and the money they promised was a big lie. They rope you in promising 3-4k commission checks, which they attempted to use to put on a spin on the pathetic salary. The majority of the employees will take home a $1200-1500 commission check, and you need to skip breaks and put in OT to even make that.

I've already drawn up a plan to reduce costs for the next 2-3 months while I hit the pavement again. I have at least a 1 year emergency still put side, but don't want to dip into it because I also have substantial debt that cancels it out. Hoping to have another car & be back to work in 30-60 days.

 

[Bible_Belt]

At least start looking on craigslist for a car right now. There are great deals to be had for cash buyers up until Christmas. After the new year, people have more money and tax returns start coming in; it starts to be more of a seller's market. But Nov-Dec is a buyer's market for just about everything. Desperate sellers need cash to buy Christmas presents.

 

[Serenity]

Coming in a bit late here, but I want to tell you something about overcoming the intense trauma of a BPD woman.

I have faced it and I could not so easily leave it, because the BPD was my mother. Trying to overcome it for 14 months is sadly not surprisingly long, it is really difficult to move on from being psychologically shredded to pieces. It took me 2 years of mental strain and occasional psychotic experiences to break free. Over 3 years later now I still rarely feel a little residue of that pain, and I have to tap into it to write this post.

What @Tenacity posted about "red pill rage" is very true. This process is not originally a red pill concept, it goes waaaay beyond that, the red pill community just adapted it. This is actually called the Kübler-Ross model or the 5 stages of grief, it is well known in psychology.

Denial
I went through that pattern, jumping a bit back and forth between the middle stages before hitting the end. At first I was in denial, but it never really showed because nobody challenged it. I just lived unknowingly of how interacting with her twisted my mind, making me into an obedient slave. I was also a complete beta and was sexless for years.

Anger
When I finally sensed something was wrong and I realized what it was I hit the next stage, anger. I was angry at her for doing this to me, to use me like that, lie, manipulate and everything else. Then I was angry at myself for just accepting being treated like that. That's when it became really toxic, we were throwing sh!t at each other on a weekly basis on the phone. I refused to do her bidding, she became enraged and I retaliated. At this stage I became a lot more aggressive with women, with the limited success that brings. I did get some much needed sex though.

Bargaining
After 3 months of that sh!t I had enough of it. I could not go back to how things were before though, so I cut contact. I calmed down a bit and then the next stage hit. Bargaining, what should I do about it? I did not want to just kill all contact with my mother, but there was no way I could keep it either. Still I tried finding a way for it to work, this kept going from time to time the next two years. Women, dating and sex got less in this stage.

Depression
Then 3 months after that a soul crushing depession hits, it was so deep that even today I'm at a loss of words to describe it. The pain felt unbearable and it took me to the darkest corners of my mind. I'm just gonna say that when you start reading existential philosophy you're in some deep sh!t. This was really all just a constant pain and life felt like a gray haze, everything just passing by and you feel totally insignificant.

Acceptance
The depression ended very sharply after about another 3 months. I was completely exhausted from it and through this entire process I was working a full time job. Every 5th week is off because of shifts, so on one of those weeks I decided on doing nothing. And so I did nothing except eat, sleep and stare at the ceiling. I didn't have energy to do anything else. One of those nights when I went to bed I thought to myself "if this will be my life, so be it, I will not kill myself". Without realizing it at the time I had accepted rather than resisted the pain of life. Within minutes and I'm not kidding, the entire mental burden just evaporated into nothing. I felt bliss for a few days after that, I bounced from the darkest to the lightest.

What happened after this? Of course I didn't live happily ever after, the elevated feelings did fade. But it was a new start for me, I realized I had been given a blank page to re-create myself and my life. I did not let that opportunity go to waste. I developed strategies for handling life, thought about how I wanted my life to be and how I could achieve that. How I could handle my emotions and how to effectively and least painfully handle a number of difficult situations. I made a framework by me, for me to live by.

I was still bouncing a little between the stages, but with my new strategies I could stop it before it got too far. I was still occasionally angry at both myself and my mother, I was still occasionally bargaining and I still had moments of depression. It still took more than one more year to end that cycle for good. Within that time I went ghost on my mother to dedicate all my effort into developing myself, she called probably hundreds of times and I didn't pick it up once.

A little over a year ago I became completely free of it all, I reached final acceptance. I understood why my mother became what she did and was able to forgive that. I was done thinking about it and free to move on as I wanted in life.

I don't think you'll find peace from her before you are capable of understanding what really made her that way, then forgive it, accept the past for what it is and move on thinking about other things. Until you reach final acceptance you'll be trapped in that vicious cycle, so work on understanding. Not only her, but yourself as well. How you became the way you did and how that drove you to someone like her. Find your hurt feelings, feel them through and let go of it.

 

[logicallefty]

OP, your best Red Pill Therapists are right here at sosuave.net. And it sounds like they are hard at work giving you some good info. Your chance of finding a professional one who is red pill is about the same as your chance of finding a marriage quality woman in the USA. Possible, but difficult.

I don't have much to add but I will say I have been there with the depression. I did the same as you after a serious of life altering events happened to me in early 2012. And like you, it lasted about 3 x months. I ate, slept, and stared at the wall. One thing I did that helped me a lot was move to a new place. I found a house in the location I had always wanted to live and bought it, right across the street from a friend who was supportive to me in my whole ordeal. Once I made that change things really started to look up. With your situation with transportation maybe you should consider that too, moving closer to work and get a fresh start?

 

[Serenity]

I don't have much to add but I will say I have been there with the depression. I did the same as you after a serious of life altering events happened to me in early 2012. And like you, it lasted about 3 x months. I ate, slept, and stared at the wall.

Wait, the 3x3 months was my process. I made the post above yours, the OP has been suffering for a lot longer than I did. Still applies though.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Wait, the 3x3 months was my process. I made the post above yours, the OP has been suffering for a lot longer than I did. Still applies though.

I was in a rut for 18 months, and have regressed again here after making progress the last 3. But let me be clear that I lost my dad in that time too. And there a lot of unresolved issues from my parents' divorce that I never rectified. Dealing with anger for my mother on that one also. Ex is only a small part of the equation now but yes, still there, even though I've had one other LTR and a few hookups since. It wasn't the same.

 

[Serenity]

I was in a rut for 18 months, and have regressed again here after making progress the last 3. But let me be clear that I lost my dad in that time too. And there a lot of unresolved issues from my parents' divorce that I never rectified. Dealing with anger for my mother on that one also. Ex is only a small part of the equation now but yes, still there, even though I've had one other LTR and a few hookups since. It wasn't the same.

Well, the process is still the same except such events can set you back a lot.

During my time there was several other things that went to sh!t. My mother was accused of sexually assaulting a minor, I was called in as a witness twice during her trials. I hadn't seen anything like that happening, so I wasn't much of use there. Still a sh!tty experience. A year later my married father was accused of rape (not minor), I have always had a good relationship with him. He probably never did anything, but he doesn't know himself because he was drunk as fvck and didn't remember. The legal system being the way it is he got a sentence, but it was significantly reduced because of bad witness statements on her part and inconclusive evidence. My parents separated when I was 2, so they're not together. My father is married to a good woman and my mother is still a bottom feeder.

There's a backstory with my mother I had to process as well. It wasn't all good and then suddenly all hell began. I had been witnessing some truly traumatizing scenes between her and her ex, being caught in the middle scared as fvck. Him choking her, them having wild fights regularly, drugs and lies everywhere. One time they had been fighting my mother rushed to the kitchen, picked up a knife and threatened to slice her throat. That short moment alone took months to process, it was burnt to my retina.

But we could talk about this sh!t forever and compete who's had it worse, it doesn't help. The process is the same. You cannot allow past sh!tty experiences to ruin you today and into your future. The fastest way to do that is to stop thinking about it and focus on where you go from here. Being angry at other people bothers you a lot more than it bothers them, anger is not a pleasant feeling to have. So it's really just self-torture and the only person who can put an end to it is yourself.

You can have that right now, it does not take external circumstances to achieve that. If you demand your life and reality to be a particular way you will have a bad time. More money, a nice car and all that stuff cannot remove jadedness. It's sure great to have, but it will not heal your wounds. If you get your feelings in balance you're in a much stronger position to achieve these things. It does not work the other way around, money does not make emotional issues go away.

You'll likely keep regressing in periods if you don't fix your weakness to it. You'll keep thinking about all these sh!tty things and be demotivated every time something doesn't go your way in life. Instead if you deal with it finally you'll just pick yourself back up and keep going, because you've learned that it is what it is and feeling sorry for yourself does nothing to help yourself.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Well, the process is still the same except such events can set you back a lot.

During my time there was several other things that went to sh!t. My mother was accused of sexually assaulting a minor, I was called in as a witness twice during her trials. I hadn't seen anything like that happening, so I wasn't much of use there. Still a sh!tty experience. A year later my married father was accused of rape (not minor), I have always had a good relationship with him. He probably never did anything, but he doesn't know himself because he was drunk as fvck and didn't remember. The legal system being the way it is he got a sentence, but it was significantly reduced because of bad witness statements on her part and inconclusive evidence. My parents separated when I was 2, so they're not together. My father is married to a good woman and my mother is still a bottom feeder.

There's a backstory with my mother I had to process as well. It wasn't all good and then suddenly all hell began. I had been witnessing some truly traumatizing scenes between her and her ex, being caught in the middle scared as fvck. Him choking her, them having wild fights regularly, drugs and lies everywhere. One time they had been fighting my mother rushed to the kitchen, picked up a knife and threatened to slice her throat. That short moment alone took months to process, it was burnt to my retina.

But we could talk about this sh!t forever and compete who's had it worse, it doesn't help. The process is the same. You cannot allow past sh!tty experiences to ruin you today and into your future. The fastest way to do that is to stop thinking about it and focus on where you go from here. Being angry at other people bothers you a lot more than it bothers them, anger is not a pleasant feeling to have. So it's really just self-torture and the only person who can put an end to it is yourself.

You can have that right now, it does not take external circumstances to achieve that. If you demand your life and reality to be a particular way you will have a bad time. More money, a nice car and all that stuff cannot remove jadedness. It's sure great to have, but it will not heal your wounds. If you get your feelings in balance you're in a much stronger position to achieve these things. It does not work the other way around, money does not make emotional issues go away.

You'll likely keep regressing in periods if you don't fix your weakness to it. You'll keep thinking about all these sh!tty things and be demotivated every time something doesn't go your way in life. Instead if you deal with it finally you'll just pick yourself back up and keep going, because you've learned that it is what it is and feeling sorry for yourself does nothing to help yourself.

First of all, kudos to you for withstanding all that. That sounds like it trumps my upbringing, which was pretty wild as I didn't even mention half of it. I like your avatar. Do you meditate?

That being said, I am trying like hell dude even with constant regressions. I recognize I can't bathe in these feelings forever and am trying to get out. Fortunately, I DON'T deal with any real addictions, other than diet soda and "non-habit forming" Dollar Tree sleeping pills. But no alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs to fight off.

The thing that is getting to me now and keeps holding me back is a disenchantment with 9-5 and corporate America. I have been a job hopper for 2+ years now and can't seem to settle in and just accept things for how they are. I believe work as we define it in our society is leading to depression, obesity, cancer, heart attacks, and all kinds of horrible things. Being in the belly of the beast again working an office job, I can see why. It's truly miserable. And the weeks are so long there is no time to unwind from the bitterness, and in that general feeling of bitterness the past tends to creep back in.

So I'm skewering the internet looking for jobs that I could work from home/remotely. Freelance gigs that require only internet. The thing that separates me from others who had a rough upbringing is I found a silver lining and passion in life that allowed me to avoid the point of no return - travel. When I travel, I feel alive. And I feel masculine, like a conqueror. When I take a charming foreign girl from New Zealand on a date on a Monday while the whole world is road raging on their way to work, I feel free. I don't think about my ex either. And in that moment I like to think my father would be proud for his son found redemption through living his dream, even if just for the moment.

 

[Serenity]

@BlueAlpha1 I don't meditate as much as I probably should, but when things are about to feel overwhelming I do shut everything out and take a breather. Then I get back in the action feeling more refreshed, I don't work if I feel exhausted, regardless of the perceived urgency. I meditate to calm myself and clear my mind, then I can pick one thing to focus on. Makes me pretty resilient against stress, I don't let other problems affect me if it's not the one I focus on.

You must not exhaust yourself, I experienced a good amount of burnouts before I learned that. Trying like hell all the time isn't really effective or healthy. It's not a crime to just drop everything for a few days, ignore the world, relax and regain some energy. Muscles needs to rest after working out hard, the mind also needs this.

It does sound weird, but sometimes trying harder isn't the solution. I had that a few times, I tried so hard to do something but it just took me to rock bottom. Then I gave up for a while and the next time I tried it was easy, because I had the energy and a calm concentrated state of mind.

Have you tried looking for a job that involves travelling? Sounds like that would fit you perfectly.

 

[EmotionalGeek]

@BlueAlpha1 I don't meditate as much as I probably should, but when things are about to feel overwhelming I do shut everything out and take a breather. Then I get back in the action feeling more refreshed, I don't work if I feel exhausted, regardless of the perceived urgency. I meditate to calm myself and clear my mind, then I can pick one thing to focus on. Makes me pretty resilient against stress, I don't let other problems affect me if it's not the one I focus on.

I also tried.meditation. I took some meditation classes but I do not see any results. I had few interesting experience s during those classes but nothing that would help me on life. Many people recommend meditation but they never say which techniques help them with what.

 

[exhausted]

Understandable to go thro depression and a slump after losing ur dad and having a bpd to deal with, even when they leave they still linger one way or another to continue the chaos and torture.
However do NOT quit this job or a job. It keeps u sane, gets u out of the house daily and is full filling which is what u need as a man.
The rest will sort itself out in time.
Good luck. Stay strong.