Yeah, it seems like some days you just feel down. Not because of anything that happens but some days I just don't feel like talking to other people and all that. I resist it and it works to a degree but some days I feel like seizing the day and some days I feel like I just want to do the minimum possible and then go home. I've resisted to where I can do what I want and all that but sometimes its an overpowering emotion but one that I can continue to overcome.
I don't know if I can believe this anymore...
- Thread starter squirrels
- Start date
Squirrels makes a good point here, as I am the same age as him. I feel exactly the same way, that becomining a DJ in my 30's and 40's is somewhat of a hollow victory, since most of the women at that age will settle for any reasonably decent chump that comes their way. I already feel like I have wasted what should have been the best years of my life and now I am forever playing catch up. That is a big reason for my frustration. Most men my age have had several girlfriends, or are married and have kids. I might as well be a high school freshmen, since it seems that is how much life experience I have. 24 is not old, but it's definitely not young either--not for the place I'm at in my life. People like me need to "get it" quicker than some kid coming out of high school, who has about 10 years to figure out where he needs to go with his life.
Unbridled_1
Senior Don Juan
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relax, 24 isn't old. at 35, you can still date chicks in their 20's.
mindbreaker
Don Juan
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Well, everything u read on this site, is actually just a reconfirmation of what u should already know, depending on ur age though. For me it worked....I read through it and thought to myself.....damn....I know that stuff already, so why do I not go out and try. I did and I have been successful quite many times, actually any time I tried....and I am certainly not the most handsome man in the universe.
It is all about how ur selling urself and if u do, then do it with confidence. It works. 100% sure
So long
It is all about how ur selling urself and if u do, then do it with confidence. It works. 100% sure
So long
Unbridled_1
Senior Don Juan
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originally posted by mindbreaker:
alrighty, have a good one
quintessential
Senior Don Juan
SQUIRRELS,
I can sympathize with nearly your every word. I am 20 and I feel like I'm entrapped in the absurd because I'm not getting anywhere, no pu$$y ever (virgin). And yes, I've made many approaches but women, they are so elusive and they always seem like by the time I've gotten into a conversation, they already want to find someone else.
But it's a contradictory thing because I feel like I should be the one who chooses, too, not some mongoloid girl. I hold myself in high value but it's difficult to get through to girls and because it never works when I approach, it embitters me and I start thinking I'm not attractive or maybe it's just the way my personality shows that turns them off...the nature of women seems blighted but it is unsolved. It just sucks to go through every pensive day of your young life and then go home to nothing except your hand and that is when things get depressing. So I don't know what else to say except I feel what you're saying is a reflection of what's occurring in my life. And I don't know how to get out from under the weight of loneliness because even after reading all this literature, I don't know how to act naturally around a girl I like half the time.
And I guess I'm beaten before I even start because I can sense rejection coming on...after all, it is all I know. I wish I could just be seen, deep inside but girls are so fast to NEXT me that they never find out who I am. blah blah blah
I can sympathize with nearly your every word. I am 20 and I feel like I'm entrapped in the absurd because I'm not getting anywhere, no pu$$y ever (virgin). And yes, I've made many approaches but women, they are so elusive and they always seem like by the time I've gotten into a conversation, they already want to find someone else.
But it's a contradictory thing because I feel like I should be the one who chooses, too, not some mongoloid girl. I hold myself in high value but it's difficult to get through to girls and because it never works when I approach, it embitters me and I start thinking I'm not attractive or maybe it's just the way my personality shows that turns them off...the nature of women seems blighted but it is unsolved. It just sucks to go through every pensive day of your young life and then go home to nothing except your hand and that is when things get depressing. So I don't know what else to say except I feel what you're saying is a reflection of what's occurring in my life. And I don't know how to get out from under the weight of loneliness because even after reading all this literature, I don't know how to act naturally around a girl I like half the time.
And I guess I'm beaten before I even start because I can sense rejection coming on...after all, it is all I know. I wish I could just be seen, deep inside but girls are so fast to NEXT me that they never find out who I am. blah blah blah
darwinian_sympathiser
Don Juan
I don't really want to post this, but I'll do so anyway. . . . . .
Please read DeepDish's post entitled "Women are simple" and you will get the jist of this post of mine.
I'm not trying to be negative, nor optimistic, or nihilistic to you all. I only want to give you the f***king truth. So here it is:
We can only choose those that choose us.
As bondjamesbond says in his various posts a woman will know within a few seconds of seeing you if she wants to sleep with you. What happens to reach to that state of affairs is just a process. And with that I heartily agree.
So, you approach a woman and she rejects you. Big deal! What going to happen? Is the sky going to open up and swallow you whole?
The general population you find physically unattractive anyway. So what? You only go for the ones that turn you on sexually, and it they're not interested they're not interested. It's as simple as that.
I don't believe in the Don Juan mindset nor any of this wishy washy crap that pook spurts out. I respect anti-dump, bondjamesbond, deepdish etc. . because they are realists.
So get real people, because reality is what you live in:
Do anyone of yous think that by adopting a mindset or knowing how to act in a certain situation can get you any woman you want? Course not!! Never has, never will. If a woman wants you she shows it, and there's virtually no work on your part.
Woman go out on dates with people they find physically attractive (apart from professional daters and sunshine girls etc. . .) They don't go out on dates with men who they have no such potential sexual feelings towards. And you are also the same. Never in a million years will I ever date a woman who I find physically unattractive, because it ain't going to happen and that's my choice.
So in the end you make choices of those who are AVAILABLE to you. You can only choose those that choose you. That's the end of it.
If you're not getting any choices at all, it simply means that either that you are hunting in the wrong place or you have to wait till someone does choose you. And even then you might have to resign to the possibility that you might not choose her. That's how life is.
If you are extremely physically attractive you get more choices. That's a simple honest, brutal fact of life. Same goes for physically attractive women, they get more choices. It all depends on how the sexes define physically attractive.
In the end you only end up with someone who wants you.
I don't think you're desperate. I just think you need to grow up and see reality for what it is.
Please read DeepDish's post entitled "Women are simple" and you will get the jist of this post of mine.
I'm not trying to be negative, nor optimistic, or nihilistic to you all. I only want to give you the f***king truth. So here it is:
We can only choose those that choose us.
As bondjamesbond says in his various posts a woman will know within a few seconds of seeing you if she wants to sleep with you. What happens to reach to that state of affairs is just a process. And with that I heartily agree.
So, you approach a woman and she rejects you. Big deal! What going to happen? Is the sky going to open up and swallow you whole?
The general population you find physically unattractive anyway. So what? You only go for the ones that turn you on sexually, and it they're not interested they're not interested. It's as simple as that.
I don't believe in the Don Juan mindset nor any of this wishy washy crap that pook spurts out. I respect anti-dump, bondjamesbond, deepdish etc. . because they are realists.
So get real people, because reality is what you live in:
Do anyone of yous think that by adopting a mindset or knowing how to act in a certain situation can get you any woman you want? Course not!! Never has, never will. If a woman wants you she shows it, and there's virtually no work on your part.
Woman go out on dates with people they find physically attractive (apart from professional daters and sunshine girls etc. . .) They don't go out on dates with men who they have no such potential sexual feelings towards. And you are also the same. Never in a million years will I ever date a woman who I find physically unattractive, because it ain't going to happen and that's my choice.
So in the end you make choices of those who are AVAILABLE to you. You can only choose those that choose you. That's the end of it.
If you're not getting any choices at all, it simply means that either that you are hunting in the wrong place or you have to wait till someone does choose you. And even then you might have to resign to the possibility that you might not choose her. That's how life is.
If you are extremely physically attractive you get more choices. That's a simple honest, brutal fact of life. Same goes for physically attractive women, they get more choices. It all depends on how the sexes define physically attractive.
In the end you only end up with someone who wants you.
I don't think you're desperate. I just think you need to grow up and see reality for what it is.
Page
Master Don Juan
SQUIRRELS,
The Dj System is not an instant fix. It is not meant to deliver fast results like speed Seduction does. the actual system is a gradual process of self-improvement. You begin with who you are as an AFC. You tear down everything that you used to believe, and rebuild yourself into a new human from the ground up. You can't patch over your AFC habits and hope it to work-- nothing but a total tear-down and rebuild will do.
It takes so long because you have to learn a whole new state of mind. You have to relearn everything. As you use what you learn, you gain experience. As you gain experience, you learn what works and what doesn't. As you learn, you grow.
The final fruits of the Dj system is complete freedom to do whatever you wish and to realize your own potential. You no longer have to worry about getting women, because you are so confident in your own abilities that you are able to get women without any effort at all.
The secret is that you have to occupy your time with your own dreams. women see this, and they want a piece of the action because you are being a challenge. This creates and maintains their interest level. In this way, you can make the women come to you.
To answer your question about confidence, if you have no experience to fal lback on, fabricate some. Believe it entirely, even though it didn't happen. In other words, fake it until you make it. Everyone has to start somewhere. In this case, you would essentially be living a lie at the beginning, but as time goes on and you begin to develop the characteristics, you will begin to generate your own confidence as well. Once this happens, you WILL begin to see results.
Reading my Book may help you at this point. Download and give it a read. Just click either of the links in my sig. (for convenience, stick with the HTML version.)
The Dj System is not an instant fix. It is not meant to deliver fast results like speed Seduction does. the actual system is a gradual process of self-improvement. You begin with who you are as an AFC. You tear down everything that you used to believe, and rebuild yourself into a new human from the ground up. You can't patch over your AFC habits and hope it to work-- nothing but a total tear-down and rebuild will do.
It takes so long because you have to learn a whole new state of mind. You have to relearn everything. As you use what you learn, you gain experience. As you gain experience, you learn what works and what doesn't. As you learn, you grow.
The final fruits of the Dj system is complete freedom to do whatever you wish and to realize your own potential. You no longer have to worry about getting women, because you are so confident in your own abilities that you are able to get women without any effort at all.
The secret is that you have to occupy your time with your own dreams. women see this, and they want a piece of the action because you are being a challenge. This creates and maintains their interest level. In this way, you can make the women come to you.
To answer your question about confidence, if you have no experience to fal lback on, fabricate some. Believe it entirely, even though it didn't happen. In other words, fake it until you make it. Everyone has to start somewhere. In this case, you would essentially be living a lie at the beginning, but as time goes on and you begin to develop the characteristics, you will begin to generate your own confidence as well. Once this happens, you WILL begin to see results.
Reading my Book may help you at this point. Download and give it a read. Just click either of the links in my sig. (for convenience, stick with the HTML version.)
Page
Master Don Juan
In other words, you want to settle for mediocrity.
Why? Simply because you are convinced that you have to take what's left?
I always demand the best in life, from the best beer right down to the best women. Nothing but the best will do. I would rather go without than to drop my standards.
I insist on the best because If i don't take it, then someone else will. Why should i yield what I want to someone else? Is the other guy that much better than me that he should have what I don't? I think not!
I don't wish to depive anyone else of the best when I take it, but there is enough to go around. That way, i get mine, They get theirs, and everyone wins.
If I lower my standards and settle for whats in my league, then I'm the one thats losing because I am letting others rob me of what should be mine.
you see where i'm coming from here?
Well, in a way, ds is right. That philosophy is similar to what Doc Love writes in his columns. If a woman is not attracted to you in the beginning, chances are, you aren't going to change her mind. The mistake many people make (including myself) is to automatically assume that she's not attracted to you, and not bother to try. If you don't make the effort, you'll never know. But, unfortunately it's much easier to change a woman's mind from being attracted to not wanting anything to do with you, than the other way around--and that's what the information here is designed to prevent.
But you still have to do the work. DS says he's being realistic, but I'm not sure I buy his notion that a woman is just going to come to you if she's interested. True, if you are drop dead gorgeous, maybe the more aggressive women will come up and say hi. But most women are too scared, or feel that it's not the woman's job. Even in this day and age, there's the concern of not appearing "lady-like".
I think I'm a pretty good looking guy. But in a crowd of people I definitely wouldn't stand out. Does that mean unless a woman jumps right in front of me that I don't stand a chance? I find women attractive in general. There are a few I would say "never in a million years", but many of the average ones might stand a better chance with me if they made the effort to get to know me. There's one I know of in particular that, although attractive, isn't what I would call "hot". But she came up to me and started talking to me, and I would definitely consider going out with her. Had she not done that, I might not even have noticed her.
But I think most of us are aware that not even the greatest Don Juan is going to get every woman he wants. It's literally impossible. Every woman is looking for something slightly different. What the information in this site is supposed to do is improve your success with women in general. How much of it actually works is subject to debate (I've yet to see results myself), but I think a fair deal of it can be useful if applied to our everyday life.
Well, the difference between beer and women is that the beer doesn't have free will and women do. You can always demand the best beer and get it--but if you tell a woman "I demand you!", she'll laugh in your face. I know you know this; I'm just trying to make a point.
But you still have to do the work. DS says he's being realistic, but I'm not sure I buy his notion that a woman is just going to come to you if she's interested. True, if you are drop dead gorgeous, maybe the more aggressive women will come up and say hi. But most women are too scared, or feel that it's not the woman's job. Even in this day and age, there's the concern of not appearing "lady-like".
I think I'm a pretty good looking guy. But in a crowd of people I definitely wouldn't stand out. Does that mean unless a woman jumps right in front of me that I don't stand a chance? I find women attractive in general. There are a few I would say "never in a million years", but many of the average ones might stand a better chance with me if they made the effort to get to know me. There's one I know of in particular that, although attractive, isn't what I would call "hot". But she came up to me and started talking to me, and I would definitely consider going out with her. Had she not done that, I might not even have noticed her.
But I think most of us are aware that not even the greatest Don Juan is going to get every woman he wants. It's literally impossible. Every woman is looking for something slightly different. What the information in this site is supposed to do is improve your success with women in general. How much of it actually works is subject to debate (I've yet to see results myself), but I think a fair deal of it can be useful if applied to our everyday life.
FlyGuy
Master Don Juan
I can relate to squirrels, doubting that this stuff will make a huge difference. I'm losing my hair (not just a little bit, a lot) and I'm only 25. Will a ****y & funny attitude make me more attractive to girls? I have no idea. So far, no.
darwinian_sympathiser
Don Juan
Page,
I'm not suggesting to anyone to take second best. I would never dare . . .
Everyone will try to get the what they want. That we know for sure. That's just a human perogative (if I've spelt that right). Whether you can get it is another matter altogether. And if you do get the person that you want it is because she WANTS you. You choose her and she chose you. If a woman rejects in the first instance it's very unlikely that she will change her mind. She has already signalled that she has no INITIAL interest in you already so nothing further happens.
And I'm afraid to tell you that there is never enough to go around. That's why there's such a thing as a hierarchy.
A man may do as he wants, but he cannot will what he wills.
krd,
Maybe my saying that if a women is attracted to you she will show it is a little too strong but that has always been my personal experience and the experience of many of my friends so far. . . And you are also right about women thinking it's a compliment that you want to know them. What I was referring to was buying signals.
The process of forming a relationship is a highly complex process that is still not well understood yet, but we do know certain fundamental factors involved.
Was she that good looking? No, I'd say about a 7. But if you asked me to choose between her and a 10, I'd take her any day.
Wanting the best does necessarily mean the best looking. To me it just means someone that you want deep down.
Sorry for my oneitism.
I'm not suggesting to anyone to take second best. I would never dare . . .
Everyone will try to get the what they want. That we know for sure. That's just a human perogative (if I've spelt that right). Whether you can get it is another matter altogether. And if you do get the person that you want it is because she WANTS you. You choose her and she chose you. If a woman rejects in the first instance it's very unlikely that she will change her mind. She has already signalled that she has no INITIAL interest in you already so nothing further happens.
And I'm afraid to tell you that there is never enough to go around. That's why there's such a thing as a hierarchy.
A man may do as he wants, but he cannot will what he wills.
krd,
Maybe my saying that if a women is attracted to you she will show it is a little too strong but that has always been my personal experience and the experience of many of my friends so far. . . And you are also right about women thinking it's a compliment that you want to know them. What I was referring to was buying signals.
The process of forming a relationship is a highly complex process that is still not well understood yet, but we do know certain fundamental factors involved.
That's what happened to me as well. Unfortunately I p*ssed her off though. I really miss her.
Was she that good looking? No, I'd say about a 7. But if you asked me to choose between her and a 10, I'd take her any day.
Wanting the best does necessarily mean the best looking. To me it just means someone that you want deep down.
Sorry for my oneitism.
darwinian_sympathiser- I'm not sure I understand your post about choosing. I mean, that doesn't sound like anything new to me. Of course you must choose them and they must choose you. How else would it be? I'm not knocking your post...I'm asking.
DS, in a way you remind me of how I was about this time last year. I felt that girls seemed almost unreachable because I wasn't rich. Here's the story.
At my first job, there was this smoking hot girl my age who went to a different school. She had everything, its still probably the only girl I've seen around worthy of a 9. She at first asked me for stuff because we were working on this project together. By her talking to me about small ****, I felt confident. Well, basically I appeared clad in rubber nose and tried to make her laugh. She did but there was no real connection. I thought there was at a time. The third day of this project, the last day, I tried to ask her out. She seemed almost creeped out and said, "Uh, no thanks. Some other time maybe." and never heard from her again as she purposely avoided me. One of my work friends, after I asked about her, said "Dude, you creeped her out." WTF? By asking her out? I got pissed and depressed at the same time. What really ticked me off was this new jackoff employee named Rob who owned a yellow Corvette, was clad in the latest AE gear, and was worthless. His dad knows my dad and he makes over $300k a year...basically a spoiled brat. This girl went up to him and basically flirted with him the whole time. He didn't do **** to talk to her and within a week, they went out. A few days afterwards, he banged her. He said she was bad and made her into a joke but she tried effortlessly to get him back. Here I was, asked her out and she seemed like I wanted to comb her hair and this guy doesn't like her but bangs her to get a nice weekend **** and then she tries her hardest to get him back. He went out with her again but he got ass every weekend from other girls. She knew and he didn't care. She hated him but gave it up to him every night and still felt that he loved her. Thing is I became friends with that guy and tried to get him to tell me his tips and he said that he hasn't probably said more than 10 sentences to her the whole month or so they've known eachother. I was shocked. She moved away and still writes him but he never writes back.
I was so mad because thereafter, I felt that girls were nothing more than money grubbing hoes looking for a buck and a ****. I nearly gave up on dating girls in HS because I didn't borrow either of my parents' cars or had a bank roll of my disposable cash that was in the 4 digits as well as my parents always giving me money. Before all this, there was a time when I noticed all my athletic friends talking to smoking hot girls. I started to lift weights and all that and to my avail, none of them went up to me. This was before my rep but still, girls treated me like I had SARS. Before that, I felt like DS's theory that girls if they don't like you initially, they never will.
DS was like me back in 1998 and 1999. My theories became seemingly more bitter but I'm willing to give DJing a try. There is no choice. I'm not going to settle down with a 30 year old fatass in which her ass is so wide that she has to sit on two chairs. So far with DJing, I got one number, one more than I got with all my other theories. Just a thought.
At my first job, there was this smoking hot girl my age who went to a different school. She had everything, its still probably the only girl I've seen around worthy of a 9. She at first asked me for stuff because we were working on this project together. By her talking to me about small ****, I felt confident. Well, basically I appeared clad in rubber nose and tried to make her laugh. She did but there was no real connection. I thought there was at a time. The third day of this project, the last day, I tried to ask her out. She seemed almost creeped out and said, "Uh, no thanks. Some other time maybe." and never heard from her again as she purposely avoided me. One of my work friends, after I asked about her, said "Dude, you creeped her out." WTF? By asking her out? I got pissed and depressed at the same time. What really ticked me off was this new jackoff employee named Rob who owned a yellow Corvette, was clad in the latest AE gear, and was worthless. His dad knows my dad and he makes over $300k a year...basically a spoiled brat. This girl went up to him and basically flirted with him the whole time. He didn't do **** to talk to her and within a week, they went out. A few days afterwards, he banged her. He said she was bad and made her into a joke but she tried effortlessly to get him back. Here I was, asked her out and she seemed like I wanted to comb her hair and this guy doesn't like her but bangs her to get a nice weekend **** and then she tries her hardest to get him back. He went out with her again but he got ass every weekend from other girls. She knew and he didn't care. She hated him but gave it up to him every night and still felt that he loved her. Thing is I became friends with that guy and tried to get him to tell me his tips and he said that he hasn't probably said more than 10 sentences to her the whole month or so they've known eachother. I was shocked. She moved away and still writes him but he never writes back.
I was so mad because thereafter, I felt that girls were nothing more than money grubbing hoes looking for a buck and a ****. I nearly gave up on dating girls in HS because I didn't borrow either of my parents' cars or had a bank roll of my disposable cash that was in the 4 digits as well as my parents always giving me money. Before all this, there was a time when I noticed all my athletic friends talking to smoking hot girls. I started to lift weights and all that and to my avail, none of them went up to me. This was before my rep but still, girls treated me like I had SARS. Before that, I felt like DS's theory that girls if they don't like you initially, they never will.
DS was like me back in 1998 and 1999. My theories became seemingly more bitter but I'm willing to give DJing a try. There is no choice. I'm not going to settle down with a 30 year old fatass in which her ass is so wide that she has to sit on two chairs. So far with DJing, I got one number, one more than I got with all my other theories. Just a thought.
darwinian_sympathiser
Don Juan
hey es_mer8,
I hear what you are saying but you miss understand me totally.
I never said being rich, or clever, or whatever had anything to do with you getting a girl.
A woman is interested in you because she's interested in you. And I do believe that most of the time (nay all of the time) they probably don't know why they are interested in you. I don't think it's something that you can put a finger on. . . that's just the nature of the beast.
Please read some of antidump's and bondjamesbond's wonderful posts.
Lets have a look at your situation. This hot 9 chose someone that you regard as worthless. Maybe he is, and maybe he isn't. All that matters was what she felt about him. Maybe it was the fact that he earned that much or maybe not. You won't know and I'm sure she won't tell you. And this guy hardly did any work at all to get her. She was already interested in him from the beginning. What can you say to that? Maybe if you hung around longer you could get her to change her feelings but don't count on it. I'm not saying that it's impossible because that's the reason why some people still hang on to someone they hope would notice them eventually.
I'm not bitter and I'm not saying DJing doesn't work. What you got to realise is that there is some kind of a power game at play here:
I'm sure all human beings on this earth can be incredibly interesting creatures if we give them a chance to get to know them - regardless of their background and what they look like. But unfortunately after the age of say 13, your sexual and aggressive feelings kicks in. We all define ourselves in certain ways that reflect our status and aspirations, our needs and our wants. And I suppose we are sometimes not even aware of them. When you're a child you are infinitely curious about the world and your sexual feelings doesn't cloud this curiosity much. When you're an adult it always seems that your sexual and aggressive feelings get in the way of things and dominates virtually all social interaction with the opposite sex. I suppose that some of the gem of information on this site (but most of it is drivel) is to advise us how to deal with this social interaction in a graceful way, so as not to appear weak, or desperate, or needy.
When you want someone they have the power. When someone wants you, you have the power. It's as simple as that.
I once had a friend who no matter what could not take the fact that such a girl never liked me. He over analysed and kept on kidding to himself that she did deep down, and of course he got nowhere. He embarassed her in front of the class and kept calling her when it was too aparent that she never had any feelings for him. He dragged me and our friends down with his drivel and crap about how all he needed to do was get alone with her in the right situation so that she will realise that she liked him after all. . . blah blah blah.
This was ten years ago and he still maintains that he was in with a chance if he did the right thing. Total drivel. . . He's acting like a creep.
Anti-dump's advice is that men should not flirt and that the woman should be impressed with you from the start. That I agree with. In respect it means that you shouldn't take any cr*p from a woman.
Let me give you an example. I once liked this woman who never liked me. In actual fact she found it awkward to be around me and gave me constantly negative signals and dropped hints like:
"we have different interests"
"we don't have anything to say to each other"
"I can't be in your world"
"I don't think I'm your type"
and so on . . . . Eventually I got the message. I was so young then that I was totally - and I mean totally - p*ssed off. I was so totally p*ssed that I hadn't realised that the best looking female in the college (she's easily a 10) actually likes me. I only realised when it was too late and she left college, but all the signs from her was there, but my mind was too cloud in incredible anger towards this other woman. There were at least 3 situations with this 10 that had I asked her out she would have said yes. I was just too p*ssed to see it. Why did this female like me and not the one I was initially interested in? I really don't know. I totally did no work to get this 10 interested in me, but she was and that was the end of it.
I repeat I'm not saying to anyone to settle for second best. What I'm saying is that you have no control over who is interested in you and who's not, and I suppose that's where your DJing comes in. (I personally don't do any DJing myself.) They could be a 10, or as low as a 3.
The purpose of this site I suppose is help people find out and filter out the "red herrings". By red herrings I mean females who are professional daters or who like to toy with men's feelings because it gives them such a power trip. And that's where the advice of anti-dump and bondjamesbond comes in.
By all means be confident and make an approach to anyone that takes your fancy. Life is too short not to. And f*** what other people think, because it's usually cr*p anyway.
And my advice to anyone reading this: don't take crap from anyone, even if they are in your social circle.
I hear what you are saying but you miss understand me totally.
I never said being rich, or clever, or whatever had anything to do with you getting a girl.
A woman is interested in you because she's interested in you. And I do believe that most of the time (nay all of the time) they probably don't know why they are interested in you. I don't think it's something that you can put a finger on. . . that's just the nature of the beast.
Please read some of antidump's and bondjamesbond's wonderful posts.
Lets have a look at your situation. This hot 9 chose someone that you regard as worthless. Maybe he is, and maybe he isn't. All that matters was what she felt about him. Maybe it was the fact that he earned that much or maybe not. You won't know and I'm sure she won't tell you. And this guy hardly did any work at all to get her. She was already interested in him from the beginning. What can you say to that? Maybe if you hung around longer you could get her to change her feelings but don't count on it. I'm not saying that it's impossible because that's the reason why some people still hang on to someone they hope would notice them eventually.
I'm not bitter and I'm not saying DJing doesn't work. What you got to realise is that there is some kind of a power game at play here:
I'm sure all human beings on this earth can be incredibly interesting creatures if we give them a chance to get to know them - regardless of their background and what they look like. But unfortunately after the age of say 13, your sexual and aggressive feelings kicks in. We all define ourselves in certain ways that reflect our status and aspirations, our needs and our wants. And I suppose we are sometimes not even aware of them. When you're a child you are infinitely curious about the world and your sexual feelings doesn't cloud this curiosity much. When you're an adult it always seems that your sexual and aggressive feelings get in the way of things and dominates virtually all social interaction with the opposite sex. I suppose that some of the gem of information on this site (but most of it is drivel) is to advise us how to deal with this social interaction in a graceful way, so as not to appear weak, or desperate, or needy.
When you want someone they have the power. When someone wants you, you have the power. It's as simple as that.
I once had a friend who no matter what could not take the fact that such a girl never liked me. He over analysed and kept on kidding to himself that she did deep down, and of course he got nowhere. He embarassed her in front of the class and kept calling her when it was too aparent that she never had any feelings for him. He dragged me and our friends down with his drivel and crap about how all he needed to do was get alone with her in the right situation so that she will realise that she liked him after all. . . blah blah blah.
This was ten years ago and he still maintains that he was in with a chance if he did the right thing. Total drivel. . . He's acting like a creep.
Anti-dump's advice is that men should not flirt and that the woman should be impressed with you from the start. That I agree with. In respect it means that you shouldn't take any cr*p from a woman.
Let me give you an example. I once liked this woman who never liked me. In actual fact she found it awkward to be around me and gave me constantly negative signals and dropped hints like:
"we have different interests"
"we don't have anything to say to each other"
"I can't be in your world"
"I don't think I'm your type"
and so on . . . . Eventually I got the message. I was so young then that I was totally - and I mean totally - p*ssed off. I was so totally p*ssed that I hadn't realised that the best looking female in the college (she's easily a 10) actually likes me. I only realised when it was too late and she left college, but all the signs from her was there, but my mind was too cloud in incredible anger towards this other woman. There were at least 3 situations with this 10 that had I asked her out she would have said yes. I was just too p*ssed to see it. Why did this female like me and not the one I was initially interested in? I really don't know. I totally did no work to get this 10 interested in me, but she was and that was the end of it.
I repeat I'm not saying to anyone to settle for second best. What I'm saying is that you have no control over who is interested in you and who's not, and I suppose that's where your DJing comes in. (I personally don't do any DJing myself.) They could be a 10, or as low as a 3.
The purpose of this site I suppose is help people find out and filter out the "red herrings". By red herrings I mean females who are professional daters or who like to toy with men's feelings because it gives them such a power trip. And that's where the advice of anti-dump and bondjamesbond comes in.
By all means be confident and make an approach to anyone that takes your fancy. Life is too short not to. And f*** what other people think, because it's usually cr*p anyway.
And my advice to anyone reading this: don't take crap from anyone, even if they are in your social circle.
I'm 36, and I feel wiser and more attractive at my age than I did at 24. I feel that the best is yet to come and I look forward to every new day. You should just keep on polishing your style by taking up healthy hobbies, reading lots of literature, studying a foreign language, befriending lots of nice and interesting people, and just doing things that make you feel good. It might take several months or even years to feel comfortable with women. I'm still learning, but the important thing to realize, as many of the fellow on this board have stated, is not to define your existence and happiness by how many women you sleep with. I suggest you read "The Count of Monte Cristo." It's a fictional account of the transformation of a man from an average joe into a self-assured alpha male. Even though it's fiction, it will make you feel good and, despite being set in 19th century France, the book basically tells you that you can become somebody else if you really try. I could give you more advice but I think you can come up with your own ways to improve yourself.
darwinian_sympathiser
Don Juan
lynx,
I'm a great Dumas fan and I read his books extensively, as well as those of Hugo, Balzac and Stendhal.
The flaw in your comparing us with The Count of Monte Cristo is that Dantes discovers a vast treasure that immediately propels him into high status, which he uses to punish his enemies and rewards his friends.
By all means do the things that you do. But I feel that most people at 36 would accept life with a more realistic bent than they would at age, say 26, that I am now.
It's also an interesting factor that all the Roman Caesars that took power at an early age became pyschotic. You only have to think of Nero, Caligula etc . . to see how true this is. The ones that became Caesars at a much older age ruled more wisely and weren't so prone to pyschosis.
What I'm saying is that at an early age everyone is full of crap in their heads and they want to impose some of it, or they see the world the way they want to see it. Time and life kicks reality into them. As Marquez says in his novel, Love in the Time of Cholera:
"nobody teaches life anything"
so by the time they are at your age say, they know what is possible and what is not, but they also feel that they have even more to learn about this world and people as a whole so that life does become much more richer.
I'm a great Dumas fan and I read his books extensively, as well as those of Hugo, Balzac and Stendhal.
The flaw in your comparing us with The Count of Monte Cristo is that Dantes discovers a vast treasure that immediately propels him into high status, which he uses to punish his enemies and rewards his friends.
By all means do the things that you do. But I feel that most people at 36 would accept life with a more realistic bent than they would at age, say 26, that I am now.
It's also an interesting factor that all the Roman Caesars that took power at an early age became pyschotic. You only have to think of Nero, Caligula etc . . to see how true this is. The ones that became Caesars at a much older age ruled more wisely and weren't so prone to pyschosis.
What I'm saying is that at an early age everyone is full of crap in their heads and they want to impose some of it, or they see the world the way they want to see it. Time and life kicks reality into them. As Marquez says in his novel, Love in the Time of Cholera:
"nobody teaches life anything"
so by the time they are at your age say, they know what is possible and what is not, but they also feel that they have even more to learn about this world and people as a whole so that life does become much more richer.
I think your views on women are pretty interesting. However why really question the DJ material? A lot of it seems strange at first, the rest is just boiled down to common sense.
****y and funny is a good way to show confidence. I think confidence is the key to getting relationships. Do you realize that hot girls probably have tens into hundreds of "nice guys" after them? Most girls get inflated egos because men don't treat them properly. Most men think by basically being the woman's *****, they can get in her pants. If that was the true case, I would have been laid at least 10 times by now. Thing is, you need confidence to get up there. Most girls like confident men. They're sure of themselves and know what they want. This goes back to the caveman days when the aggressive men get the ladies and the wimps are off alone and either die of starvation because they're not aggressive enough to get territory or become gay; thats how it is with Lions (really)
I do believe that a lot of this DJ strategy is missing the attractiveness factor. However thats covered in the forum's health and fitness forum. Of course, looking your best is key. I think thats where that guy came in. He always dressed nice with like I said, the latest American Eagle gear, had his hair nice, and all that. During the time I wore this cutoff shirt that I used during football practice (it didn't smell though) that shown some of my arm flab. Apperances do matter but you can be average and look great if you're physically fit and look great to accentuate that look.
Confidence is not just needed to getting girls; its something you need during your whole lifetime. If you need to present a speech where you work, you need the confidence skill to do it. I think that having confidence is definitely necessary to have by the time you're 25 if you want to move up the corporate ladder.
It sounds like missed opportunities to me. You may think some girl doesn't like you but in reality, she probably does like you. I'm looking forward to my 10th or 15th or 20th HS reunion where I look completely different and then some girl who I thought was hot all along liked me in HS. It doesn't happen in TV; it happens in real life. People who are just simply afraid to go up and talk to people they like. It causes missed opportunities. I think thats what this site is designed for.
"Does she like me?"
"She looked at me in the hallway, what does she mean?"
...and so on. I just would like to eliminate the doubt when it comes to women. According to TV and society, the best I could probably land are 6s at best. Where the man somehow can't comprehend how an attractive woman could like someone who isn't a millionaire with his own Hummer and a yacht.
DJing to me seems more of a shock than anything else and girls may not be able to comprehend it at first when they grew up around AFCs. I have a friend who is a DJ but has a girlfriend. Almost all of the girls he talks to likes him and rumoredly about 10-15 girls actually want to go out with him, many of them are 8s and 7s (there are no 9s at my school) and the thing is, he talks to them and does his ****y and funny routine. It helps that he has that backed up by probably being the strongest kid in school and a great athlete in general as he is invited to play this charity football game here in a month or so. Now this is where I get the inspiration that if you got the confidence and the appearance, you can land some hot chicks.
He is a DJ. Nobody else at my school really is. They're AFCs in theory and have severe one-itis. They find a girl they like their freshmen year, they date, and have on again off again relationships throughout their whole HS career. The DJs just seem to shock because men are very envious of my friend even though he really just shows confidence.
****y and funny is a good way to show confidence. I think confidence is the key to getting relationships. Do you realize that hot girls probably have tens into hundreds of "nice guys" after them? Most girls get inflated egos because men don't treat them properly. Most men think by basically being the woman's *****, they can get in her pants. If that was the true case, I would have been laid at least 10 times by now. Thing is, you need confidence to get up there. Most girls like confident men. They're sure of themselves and know what they want. This goes back to the caveman days when the aggressive men get the ladies and the wimps are off alone and either die of starvation because they're not aggressive enough to get territory or become gay; thats how it is with Lions (really)
I do believe that a lot of this DJ strategy is missing the attractiveness factor. However thats covered in the forum's health and fitness forum. Of course, looking your best is key. I think thats where that guy came in. He always dressed nice with like I said, the latest American Eagle gear, had his hair nice, and all that. During the time I wore this cutoff shirt that I used during football practice (it didn't smell though) that shown some of my arm flab. Apperances do matter but you can be average and look great if you're physically fit and look great to accentuate that look.
Confidence is not just needed to getting girls; its something you need during your whole lifetime. If you need to present a speech where you work, you need the confidence skill to do it. I think that having confidence is definitely necessary to have by the time you're 25 if you want to move up the corporate ladder.
Who says they're not? Its been proven time and time again by actual science that women are as horny as men. They may be impressed with you but they may go to tradition where the man must go to the woman to talk. If women go up to men, they're are seen as too forward and slutty. I guarantee you that a 9 woman probably thinks about banging 6s, 7s, and 8s when it comes to men as well as the 9s or 10s. Why do you sometimes see normal looking men nab hot women? Its because the woman probably thinks some of the men at his level are attractive and he had the nads to talk to her.
It sounds like missed opportunities to me. You may think some girl doesn't like you but in reality, she probably does like you. I'm looking forward to my 10th or 15th or 20th HS reunion where I look completely different and then some girl who I thought was hot all along liked me in HS. It doesn't happen in TV; it happens in real life. People who are just simply afraid to go up and talk to people they like. It causes missed opportunities. I think thats what this site is designed for.
You seem to have a more negative slant towards your reasoning. Nothing against that at all but what I have quoted from you is what I want to do. Even if I do get slammed down, I almost feel more satisfaction knowing that I know a girl doesn't want me as opposed to being unsure:
"Does she like me?"
"She looked at me in the hallway, what does she mean?"
...and so on. I just would like to eliminate the doubt when it comes to women. According to TV and society, the best I could probably land are 6s at best. Where the man somehow can't comprehend how an attractive woman could like someone who isn't a millionaire with his own Hummer and a yacht.
DJing to me seems more of a shock than anything else and girls may not be able to comprehend it at first when they grew up around AFCs. I have a friend who is a DJ but has a girlfriend. Almost all of the girls he talks to likes him and rumoredly about 10-15 girls actually want to go out with him, many of them are 8s and 7s (there are no 9s at my school) and the thing is, he talks to them and does his ****y and funny routine. It helps that he has that backed up by probably being the strongest kid in school and a great athlete in general as he is invited to play this charity football game here in a month or so. Now this is where I get the inspiration that if you got the confidence and the appearance, you can land some hot chicks.
He is a DJ. Nobody else at my school really is. They're AFCs in theory and have severe one-itis. They find a girl they like their freshmen year, they date, and have on again off again relationships throughout their whole HS career. The DJs just seem to shock because men are very envious of my friend even though he really just shows confidence.
darwinian_sympathiser
Don Juan
es_mer8,
Confidence? Hmm, what is that precisely. . . ?
Not sure and not too bothered. I'm too f***ked up by Charles Darwin to care. . .
Of course you need confidence to come up to someone and try to get to know them. And you need confidence to read someone's social signs and know when they're interested in you or not.
Take me for instance, top of my year at uni. But the more I learn the more I realise that I don't really know. . . So I've already obtained alpha status intellectually. I could have taken almost any job I wanted and get paid tonnes of dosh. But I don't care you see. . . I care about discovering truths. It's more challenging that way.
I know one thing though: I sure as hell don't want someone interested in me because of how much money I make. That would really make me feel really cheap.
I don't want to lay any hot chicks. I just want a girlfriend some day. I know exactly what I want from life and am not ashamed to admit it.
For the rest of you, do what you have to do. But understand that the fundamental principles underlying the social structure of society is competition. Unfortunately in competition there always has to be losers. That's just the way it is.
Just remember that nobody, and I mean nobody, really gets to have it all. Life just won't allow it. Just accept that and you'll do fine.
As Dantes writes to Morel in the ending of the Count of Monte Cristo:
"there is neither happiness nor misery in this world, but just the comparison with one state with that of another, nothing more"
Women like attention and they're around confident guys and all. Hell they might even want to go out with them. But love's a different animal all together. Nobody chooses who they love. And in that respect the playing field is levelled. Be you a DJ or an AFC.
The problem with an AFC is that they are really scared of women. A DJ is someone who is not at all intimidated by any women - regardless whether she has interest in him or not. Which would you rather be? And which do you think would handle potential rejection more gracefully and with his dignity in tact? An AFC would totally destroy all chances of getting together with a woman who has interest in him. A DJ would simply close the deal.
Oh, and there's nothing wrong with one-itism if you eventually get to marry your oneitis. Oneitism is natures way of peparing you for long term partnership. Oneitism with someone who DOES want you is heaven on earth. Oneitism with someone who DOESN'T want you totally f***ks you up big time. Believe you me, If I get to marry my oneitist I would be content. (Notice I did not say happy because I really don't believe that happiness is a sustainable state). And I wouldn't even care about other women anymore, even if they were prettier.
Confidence? Hmm, what is that precisely. . . ?
Not sure and not too bothered. I'm too f***ked up by Charles Darwin to care. . .
Of course you need confidence to come up to someone and try to get to know them. And you need confidence to read someone's social signs and know when they're interested in you or not.
Take me for instance, top of my year at uni. But the more I learn the more I realise that I don't really know. . . So I've already obtained alpha status intellectually. I could have taken almost any job I wanted and get paid tonnes of dosh. But I don't care you see. . . I care about discovering truths. It's more challenging that way.
I know one thing though: I sure as hell don't want someone interested in me because of how much money I make. That would really make me feel really cheap.
I don't want to lay any hot chicks. I just want a girlfriend some day. I know exactly what I want from life and am not ashamed to admit it.
For the rest of you, do what you have to do. But understand that the fundamental principles underlying the social structure of society is competition. Unfortunately in competition there always has to be losers. That's just the way it is.
Just remember that nobody, and I mean nobody, really gets to have it all. Life just won't allow it. Just accept that and you'll do fine.
As Dantes writes to Morel in the ending of the Count of Monte Cristo:
"there is neither happiness nor misery in this world, but just the comparison with one state with that of another, nothing more"
stop comparing other people to yourself. Everyone has an ulterior motive. For all you know some woman could just be friendly with this guy simply as a stepping stone to someone else. The fact that they are envious of your friend shows lack of maturity. As you get older you understand.
Women like attention and they're around confident guys and all. Hell they might even want to go out with them. But love's a different animal all together. Nobody chooses who they love. And in that respect the playing field is levelled. Be you a DJ or an AFC.
The problem with an AFC is that they are really scared of women. A DJ is someone who is not at all intimidated by any women - regardless whether she has interest in him or not. Which would you rather be? And which do you think would handle potential rejection more gracefully and with his dignity in tact? An AFC would totally destroy all chances of getting together with a woman who has interest in him. A DJ would simply close the deal.
Oh, and there's nothing wrong with one-itism if you eventually get to marry your oneitis. Oneitism is natures way of peparing you for long term partnership. Oneitism with someone who DOES want you is heaven on earth. Oneitism with someone who DOESN'T want you totally f***ks you up big time. Believe you me, If I get to marry my oneitist I would be content. (Notice I did not say happy because I really don't believe that happiness is a sustainable state). And I wouldn't even care about other women anymore, even if they were prettier.
Unbridled_1
Senior Don Juan
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just keep believing Squirrels...