I don't know if I can believe this anymore...

diplomatic_lies

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Originally posted by squirrels
It just seems paradoxical...REAL confidence comes from success, but success comes from REAL confidence. What about those of us who have neither? How do you begin the cycle?

Then begin the cycle with your personal life first, instead of women. Got a goal? Ambition? Seek to achieve it. I was the same (if younger), and then something someone said struck a point. Instead of starting by focusing on women, why not start by focusing on your life first?

For me, it was grades and money. Then it was men (making friends, not having sex with them). By the time I actually read the bible and approached the first girl (after like 2 months on the board), I found I was VERY confident, because I was sucessful in my original goals.
 

Ubermensch

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You're *24*, goddammit!

Sheeeiiit, if I only had this info when I was *24*!

Read Cyrano & Unbridled's posts again.

If a *40ish* man like me can go from someone who didn'y even get so much as a proper kiss in a 5 year period to someone who frequently beds hotties on the first date, *you* can transform yourself.

You've got time, time, and more time.

If your attitude is hard-wired to suck, start learning about brain biochemistry, food allergies, and other health matters that can affect one's mental predisposition. Exercise, eat well, get enough rest, and improve yourself first. "Fake it 'til you make it" can only go so far. You'll have ups and downs, but overall things *will* improve if you do what you gotta do. Hell, I'm in a down period now, but still doing way, way better than I ever was 8 years ago.

Keep at it!
 

squirrels

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Originally posted by diplomatic_lies
Got a goal? Ambition?
Originally posted by anakin
What are you passionate about in life?
What do you want to achieve?
What direction do you want to take your life towards and what aspirations do you have?
Honestly? I don't know.

I can't remember the last time I felt passionate about something. That I found something I REALLY wanted.

I have a job I enjoy at times, but I can't say I'm passionate about my work.

I used to be into my car (supe-ing it up and all), but my enthusiasm for that tapered off when I hit a financial wall.

I work out almost every day, but I'm reaching a point where my gains are small and I'm not even sure if I want to gain any more...just maintain...

I want to buy a house in the next 3 or 4 months, but I don't even really feel passionate about that...I just want to get away from home.

I can't immerse myself in video games like I used to. :p

Maybe if it's ambitions and passions that women look for, I'm NOT ready. LOL! Lately, I haven't even been all that passionate about women, either!

I'm considering new hobbies, but it's rare I have any serious goals or ambitions. I don't know why...maybe I'm messed up in the head or something. I have "things I want to do," but nothing strong enough to be called an "ambition."
 

Starman

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heh squirrly, you just described every symptom of clinical depression

* persistent sadness or unhappiness
* lethargy
* loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities
* irritability
* sudden change in appetite
* disruption of normal sleep pattern
* physical discomfort
* difficulty thinking or concentrating
* thoughts of suicide or death.
 

squirrels

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Originally posted by Starman
heh squirrly, you just described every symptom of clinical depression

* persistent sadness or unhappiness

Sadness, not really...I used to be sad more often...I can't say I'm really happy.

* lethargy

Yeah, that one fits.

* loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities

Somewhat...I don't know why, but I get bored with stuff quickly. Another reason I don't do a lot of the things I used to is because I'm trying to save money to move out on my own, and a lot of those things cost a lot of money. Plus, a lot of people I know who used to be into those kinds of things and I used to do stuff with have disappeared or otherwise moved away.

* irritability

Sometimes...but then again, it's usually when I'm at home. I live in a small house with 5 other people, not all of them completely mature.

* sudden change in appetite

Nah, my appetite's been the same for some time: EAT EAT EAT! I've been trying to cut back, but that's been a conscious decision, not related to appetite.

* disruption of normal sleep pattern

Not really...I go to bed/wake up about the same time every day. I don't get much sleep, but I catch up on the weekends.

* physical discomfort

Don't see this one.

* difficulty thinking or concentrating

Sometimes, although I don't believe any more than the usual person. I have trouble concentrating when I have nothing to concentrate ON.

* thoughts of suicide or death.

Used to think a lot more about it. Not as much any more. Again, don't know what changed...
Sometimes I think my so-called "depression" is due to the way I've come to view the world. I actually felt really high on life when I found this site...I thought I had found the answers, I thought that, with this new perspective, I had found the confidence and strength to take anything I want. Unfortunately it didn't quite pan out that way.

Maybe I AM expecting results too soon, but people my age are getting married and starting families. I don't want to be 40 and getting any woman I want just because all the single women at 40 are losing their looks and desperate to find a husband and have kids before menopause. I want women to want me, not NEED me.

I've wasted a lot of time already...pretty much ALL of high school and college. While others were learning stuff in high school, I was learning what I should've learned in middle school. When other people were experiencing college, I was picking up the high school tricks. Now, when other people are out in the professional and romantic world, I'm still trying to act like a college kid.

If I take the normal course, I'm always going to be three or four steps behind...that's why I need results faster than other people.

So what do I do if it IS depression? Spill my guts to a psychologist somewhere? Or take medicine that makes me happily emotionless and makes my pee-pee malfunction?
 
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how to start the cycle?

"It just seems paradoxical...REAL confidence comes from success, but success comes from REAL confidence. What about those of us who have neither? How do you begin the cycle?"

start the cycle at the bottom of it. start by approaching the bottom girls and building confidence by winning and teasing them. then gradually work you way up the scale of women as you confidence actually grows with them. when starting with zero you need to work from bottom up and build upon it.
 

leoncour

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Originally posted by squirrels
So what do I do if it IS depression? Spill my guts to a psychologist somewhere? Or take medicine that makes me happily emotionless and makes my pee-pee malfunction?
Hahaha...

I tried anti depressants and they made me totally limp...but they did alleviate the depressive symptoms. It was like they filled up a hole that was in my head. But I disagree when you say they make you happy...they only alleviate dibillitating depression. If you have health insurance maybe you should tell your doctor how you feel, and perhaps have a physical checkup.
 

Starman

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yo Squirrel nutz,

where do you live? if you live in a cold area..it may be seasonal affective disorder (winter blues) that cause depression..and it lifts in the summer

if you feel you are bummed out more than happy (not just about women, but life in general)

go see your regular doctor and tell him you want anti-depressants (paxil CR is great..it both reduces anaxiety/depression)

Yes the side effects are yawning, some sexual side effects like maintaining boners or becoming aroused..but they go away after about two months

The pills WONT make you happy..thats you're job..they just lift the depression so you can see the world clearly/realistically..and reduce social anxiety
 

Survivor

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I as read this thread, the topic is evolving into something that is less and less about women and more about the man's own self assurance. Its refreshing to still see guys directing someone in the right direction toward helping himself for the better. Reminds me of the old days of the site.

Just an observation....Good work, fellas.
 

matius

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Bottom Line: Don't expect to be satasfied by a woman before you are satisfied with yourself. Until you feel better inside, you're a sitting target. Only you, yourself and ya can get you out of this jam...although, it wouldn't hurt to talk with someone. They can help you assess what your damage is.

Then when you figure out the root of your problems and get some life breathed back into you, you can start developing your relationships with people.

It ain't easy, but you can do it if you start now. Do you exercise? Do! Do you eat good? Do! Get counseling too.

I think I'm going to slow it down on the drinking myself, I feel low after I drink now.
 

Howie Farkes

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Survivor wrote:
I as read this thread, the topic is evolving into something that is less and less about women and more about the man's own self assurance. Its refreshing to still see guys directing someone in the right direction toward helping himself for the better.
In my early twenties I didn't have my sh!t together - no job, not much talent at anything, poor personal hygiene. And I sat around saying "my life sucks, if only I had a girlfriend everything would be better" but deep down I knew "what girl in their right mind would want to date me?". So piece by piece I got myself together. Got a good job, took up some energetic sports, took care of myself, got a nice place to live. Now my thoughts were "What girl in their right mind wouldn't want to date me?"

It got a lot easier from there on in. I was pulling dates without too much effort but the next few steps were where I was losing my way and that's where this site helped me.

And what's funny is that when the other women in my life (mother, friends, mates' gfs) are saying "Oh that's great you've now got a girlfriend, you deserve to be happy" I just laugh 'cause I know I've got a girlfriend because I'm happy and not the other way around.
 

matius

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Listen to Howie Farkes, he just dropped a jewel if you can see it.
 

A1SteakSauce

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new handle?

if you are thinking of yourself as as squirrel, well, that's not good. squirrels are cute, chicks like to feed them popcorn, but they kind of scamper around and seem very AFC to me. go for something with more of a manly ring to it, just to improve your mindset here. it's a little step, but they add up.

also, do us "really old" guys a favor and stop whining about being, omygod, *24*. i was born way back in 1974. the upside of being so old is i have more money, less acne, and some kind of "experience" in the world just b/c i'm "old." old guys in fact are just what tasty *young* 24-year old women seem to want, lucky me

A1
 

Starman

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wanna know what the funny thing is?

I once was in this position..unhappy with myself..and thought "if only I had someone special in my life..everything would be GREAT!"

well that someone special came along..and I was happy for a little bit..but still in a rut..this isnt an issue about women..its an issue with yourself
 

es_mer8

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* persistent sadness or unhappiness
* lethargy
* loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities
* irritability
* sudden change in appetite
* disruption of normal sleep pattern
* physical discomfort
* difficulty thinking or concentrating
* thoughts of suicide or death.
I had a lot of this a while ago as in a few months ago. I may have the "winter blues" come to think of it. Some of the best moments in life IMO are during the summer and my worst are in winter. I may be depressed and I was for a long time. When I got an MIP late April, something changed. At school I was talked about how I was cool and all that. By the end of that week, I started to believe it. Now I am beginning to reap the rewards from it.

although, it wouldn't hurt to talk with someone. They can help you assess what your damage is
I was going to do that. When I was in 9th grade, getting tired of how I was getting fatter, HS life was not like how it was on TV, and girls wanted nothing to do with me, I seriously thought of suicide. My home life isn't good at all. My dad is best described as an embittered bastard who has to belittle constantly and my mom is good but often too weak willed and submits to pretty much all my dad's commands. I was /)(\ close to getting my dad's revolver and blasting myself when I realized something...I am worth it. I do deserve to live. I am a human being. I was so seriously close to it though. Good thing I thought about it long and hard before doing it. My depression never was like that again and the better I did at stuff, the less depressed I became. I think to me, my depression is linked up to a lack of physical and mental activity. As long as I do well physically and mentally, I will not be depressed.
 

Ubermensch

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Once again, biochemistry!

I know I'm beating this 'til it's bloody, but if your biochemical situation is not sorted out, you have a hella difficult battle ahead.

As es_mer8 points out, physical and mental activity *helps*. But when I was at my worst years ago, I always felt like sh1t, despite having a real lot going for me (good job, good living situation, hotties who were interested in me, a good social life, etc.). But I p1ssed away most of that with my loopiness.

I tried every sort of positive thinking psychology to turn around, but it was all to no avail. It was like I was "hard-wired" to feel like sh1t.

Then I found out about chronic Candida albicans "yeast" infection, and how common it is due to overuse of antibiotics, and how that can lead to gut damage, which in turn leads to food allergies, and things started to click. The anti-yeast regimen got rid of chronic diarreah I had for a year straight, and my moods improved. Eliminating allergic foods resulted in a huge turnaround, and cleared out the mental fog I'd been in, and brought a clarity I've never known before.

Only when I finally got to the bottom of my biochemical issues, and straightened things out -- which involved a complete regimen of nutrition, chemical avoidance, anti-allergy diet, exercise, and rest -- did I finally start to *feel* good, despite the fact I had a lot less than before in almost every other respect.

To get out of the hole most rapidly, attack the weakest links first. There's a wealth of information on the net.

You're here, so you're obviously interested in *doing* something about your situation. Leave no stones unturned. There are a million ways to get fvcked up, and the key is to find the right countermeasure. And just what *that* is may surprise you, like it did me.

And do change your screen name.:)
 

Starman

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noo dont change your screen name

thats classic

a squirrel?? with "..." like a trail of nuts
 

Aurelio Tiziano

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.....

You know,

I believe there must be a strong correlation between depression and not getting chicks. I have gone through a long period of depression, in all senses, and I was also in poor physical shape

I tried anti-depressants, but all they do is make you feel detached from reality. Nothing strikes you anymore, you feel invulnerable, but at the same time you don't wnat to improve your situation cause you just don't care

I got out of depression by myself, and today I'm in very good excellent condition and my outlook and attitude are way better than before.

Still, I find myself alone in a sexual-emotional desert, and I've been here for a long long time. àI guess that not having any friends not allow me to go out and meet women easily, maybe it's that. How many women should one encounter every month to find a suitable and available one?

I just go to university, where at the moment I have no real prospects, and to a gym where there are couple I'm going to work on. The ppint is, I go through long periods of time where I don't have any viable prospects. I probably meet a viable prospect only once or twice a month.

Still, I dress real good, I've made a lot of money on investments, which makes me feel like a prince, I'm gonna buy a nice car soon (likely),but I ain't gettign anywhere socially. I guess success in other fields compensates in some way, but I still feel like there is a void, a lack of something whic I need and want



Cheers ;)
 
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