I could use some advise on female "friend"

[edger]

If I do decide to eat the fruit we all know that there is a price to pay. Usually that price is that she will want something more, so I am particular about who I get sexually involved with.

See, this is where I disagree. I posted about this last week, how every chick I've f*cked has never "clung" to me. Although I have had 2 chix cling to me, BEFORE the intercourse, including my ex. Like I said, maybe it's got to do with the fact that I don't enjoy intercourse much, like I do every other form of sex...and maybe because of that, I don't perform that well during intercourse, which makes them not clingy and act like they want the relationship thing...?

 

[STR8UP]

See, this is where I disagree. I posted about this last week, how every chick I've f*cked has never "clung" to me. Although I have had 2 chix cling to me, BEFORE the intercourse, including my ex. Like I said, maybe it's got to do with the fact that I don't enjoy intercourse much, like I do every other form of sex...and maybe because of that, I don't perform that well during intercourse, which makes them not clingy and act like they want the relationship thing...?

Even good sex isn't enough to make a chick stick around, I learned that recently.

Sex isn't usually the cause for clinginess, but at minimum it changes the way she sees you, and usually it goes as far as intensifying any feelings she does have for you.

I doubt that most of my female friends would automatically go gaga if we did the deed. I just know that if it became a regular thing there WOULD be complications down the road.

I'm the kind of guy who hits his stride by about the third time I have sex with a chick. Matter of fact it usually sucks for me first time through the gate. Second time I have her felt out a little more. By the third time I know how to push the right buttons and it's ON.

So for me I would rather save the calories if I'm only gonna hit it once (unless she's really hot, that can compensate). Since I usually want to come back for seconds, thirds, and who knows ???, I run the higher risk of the chick catching feelings.

 

[KontrollerX]

"So for me I would rather save the calories"

:crackup:

 

[Phyzzle]

I'm the kind of guy who hits his stride by about the third time I have sex with a chick. Matter of fact it usually sucks for me first time through the gate.

There was an Asian women I sort of dated a year ago, 5 years older, single mom. She said we were going different places in life, so no relationship, but she would like to have sex with me "just once".

I said, "No. If you have sex once, you are signing up for 4 times. The 1st time stinks with me."

We did come to an arrangement.

 

[cpddavis]

Mr. P. - are you from Scandanavia?

 

[Bonhomme]

KontrollerX makes a good point.

It looks like a classic rebound situation.

I must be way out on the end of the libertine scale, but I don't in any way see sex and friendship as mutually exclusive... but it also tends to be true that FB situations tend to drift into LTRs. So the thing that could complicate this is that it appears you don't want a committed sexual relationship with her, but want to preserve the friendship. OK.

If that's a correct "read" of the situation, then she may well be "grooming" you for a LTR you don't want, and that is where the can of worms opens up, and you have to make it crystal clear you're not looking for any sort of committed relationship at this time (you don't have to say the "with you" bit -- she'll fill in the blanks).

Then if she wants a friendship with benefits, by all means go for it. If she "catches feelings," its on her ... you've made yourself clear.

 

[DJDamage]

Mr Positive, you are heading farther and farther into the Abyss. I was once in your situation and was contempleting whether I should hit on her or not and I went for it despite knowing that this could end ugly and we might never speak again.

Why did I go for it you ask? because as a male friend who is attracted to her you are nothing but a sponge, you have nothing to show for it in the end of the day (no peace of mind or satisfaction you actually did something you wanted). Next week this chick will be back with her boyfriend (or find another man) being all happy after telling you she hooked up with him during the weekend and you will be sitting there thinking " wait a minute, I spend this whole freaking time helping her out being there for her, doing all the dirty work, not having a piece of mind because I want to fvck her, while her boyfriend (or her new man) didn't do anything and with a snap of his fingers he got her back into bed"

Her boyfriend gets all the fun and you get all the drama.... You should give her boyfriend a call asking him for a check every month because as RT once eloquently stated: "You take care of her head and he takes care of her pvssy, who is in the better position????"

As much as you care about her as a friend, I doubt this chick cares about you. If she had truly cared about you, she would be upset with you that you didn't fvck her. In a woman's world Interest = Caring. The reason you are around because you give her attention and the comfort her boyfriend is not doing.

You will find out the hard way her true caring nature when she really gets into a relationship because her man would not tolerate you around and since she doesn't want to displease her man she will stop hanging around you.
That is when she will dissapear out of your life so fast and you will sit there wondering why didn't you fvck her.

Take a chance and be a man for goodness sake (you got to wonder if she is so comfortable sleeping naked in your bed could she be thinking that you are gay??). Go get yourself some male friends who actually go out of your way to cheer you up not take time away from you.

 

[Latinoman]

Even good sex isn't enough to make a chick stick around, I learned that recently.

Sex isn't usually the cause for clinginess, but at minimum it changes the way she sees you, and usually it goes as far as intensifying any feelings she does have for you.

I doubt that most of my female friends would automatically go gaga if we did the deed. I just know that if it became a regular thing there WOULD be complications down the road.

I'm the kind of guy who hits his stride by about the third time I have sex with a chick. Matter of fact it usually sucks for me first time through the gate. Second time I have her felt out a little more. By the third time I know how to push the right buttons and it's ON.

So for me I would rather save the calories if I'm only gonna hit it once (unless she's really hot, that can compensate). Since I usually want to come back for seconds, thirds, and who knows ???, I run the higher risk of the chick catching feelings.

Women are smart...they give a "free jail card" for the FIRST encounter. They know if the man is the goods...even if he fvcks up the first or second time. The know to know is how he touches her and how he kisses her.

My didn't do a great job with my ex-girlfriend the first and second time we got together...and it was for a number of reasons. Time being the important one. The third one I hit the jackpot and continued ever since. She wants me back.

The current woman I'm seeing I did not do a great job the first time...the reason was simple: location and concern of being caught. I took care of her the second time to the point that I am driving her crazy by simply touching her.

Women know who are the great lovers and who are not. I make it clear with the way I carry myself, kiss them, and touch them that it is going to take me one or two times before I TRULY figure them out. Once I do that...they are "doom".

And once you truly fvck them good...you do carry the trump card. Very few women reach orgasm with frequence. I try to have a 90% success rate. ;-)

 

[STR8UP]

And once you truly fvck them good...you do carry the trump card. Very few women reach orgasm with frequence. I try to have a 90% success rate. ;-)

Not trying to brag, but when every woman you have been with in the past few years gushes over the sex you had, you gotta be doing something right

I know women talk sh!t to pump up your ego and whatnot, but I never used to hear the kind of sh!t I hear now, so I'm fairly sure they aren't blowing smoke up my ass.

There are only two things you gotta remember to always make them want more.

1) Give them the best sex they have ever had.

and the most important but also the most difficult thing to do......

2) Make sure that no matter what, she always sees you as sexually desirable.

This is where you can really fukk yourself. She can be turned on by you physically, but if you turn into an emotional douchebag when things go south, all of the physical attraction in the world isn't gonna make a difference.

That's what I attribute to the recent "rash" of women who have b/f's who still come around and express interest. They were both very vocal about how much they enjoyed the sex, and I managed to play my cards right so that they are still attracted to me.

I'm glad I learned this lesson, cause from now on unless a woman commits a serious, serious infraction with me, I'm not gonna burn any bridges.

 

[Mr.Positive]

A quick update...she came over last night, but did not stay the night.

She flipped out on me before she left. She grabbed me with a big hug and started crying like crazy. She was jabbering on and on about how she would love to stay the night, but doesn't want a relationship right now, her minds a mess right now, how sorry she was, etc.

I was thinking..relationship? I even told her that I wasn't looking for a relationship right now either.

The best way I can figure this, is that she knows if she stays the night, sex is going to happen. We got very close the last time. So, in her logic, if we have sex we're automatically *poof* in a relationship.

Why did I go for it you ask? because as a male friend who is attracted to her you are nothing but a sponge, you have nothing to show for it in the end of the day (no peace of mind or satisfaction you actually did something you wanted). Next week this chick will be back with her boyfriend (or find another man) being all happy after telling you she hooked up with him during the weekend and you will be sitting there thinking " wait a minute, I spend this whole freaking time helping her out being there for her, doing all the dirty work, not having a piece of mind because I want to fvck her, while her boyfriend (or her new man) didn't do anything and with a snap of his fingers he got her back into bed".

I think you are right about this, I'm an emotional sponge. However, I do actually care about this chick. I care about her has a person. So, this is a strange situation for me, because I don't have this huge feeling that I'm going to get burned.

I don't need to have sex with her to prove something to myself, or that I'm getting something out of it.

I'm going to get flamed big time for this...but I actually would be happy for her if her boyfriend takes her back. She is an emotional wreck right now, and as crazy as this sounds, I'd like to see her happy again. She was very happy with this guy.

 

[Latinoman]

Dude...tell her to buy a damn dog.

Avoid her like the plague. All this time you are wasting with her...could be better served seeking other women or even working on yourself.

 

[joekerr31]

A quick update...she came over last night, but did not stay the night.

She flipped out on me before she left. She grabbed me with a big hug and started crying like crazy. She was jabbering on and on about how she would love to stay the night, but doesn't want a relationship right now, her minds a mess right now, how sorry she was, etc.

I was thinking..relationship? I even told her that I wasn't looking for a relationship right now either.

The best way I can figure this, is that she knows if she stays the night, sex is going to happen. We got very close the last time. So, in her logic, if we have sex we're automatically *poof* in a relationship.

my money says shes talking with the ex again and isnt telling you. in a couple of weeks you'll hear that her and the ex got back together.

 

[STR8UP]

my money says shes talking with the ex again and isnt telling you. in a couple of weeks you'll hear that her and the ex got back together.

Very likely. A woman in such a "vulnerable" state will almost always jump at the chance to engage in some type of behavior that will make her pain go away. It would seem that she no longer has a need to play kissy face to forget about her issues.

Still with ya on the female friends issue though. Just make sure you're always aware of what's really going on.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Still with ya on the female friends issue though. Just make sure you're always aware of what's really going on.

Yeah, knowing what's really going on is the hard part though. You think you are being a friend sometimes, but if there's any sort of attraction, and vulnerablity, on either side, it begs the question of how conditional true friendship really is.

Str8up, we can handle having attractive female friends, however, can our female friends handle it?

Can women handle being "attracted" to their male friends, or at the first sign of weakness they let their true intentions show?

 

[jophil28]

. She is an emotional wreck right now, and as crazy as this sounds, I'd like to see her happy again. She was very happy with this guy.

You are confusing "friendship " with "caretaking".. You have become so entwined in this woman's pain that you have surrendered yourself to her as a salve. You have become a partner in her suffering, and thru all this you stay involved because that elusive, but ever present pvssy, becons..
If you REALLy want to "help" her ,then detach and let HER work thru her own drama. That means NOT getting emotionally invested in ANY of her life issues.
NO sympathy ,no soft shoulder to cry on, and no jumping between the sheets NAKED.

 

[Hitman10000]

I love the responses in here, good discussion in regards to `What to do if we get feelings for a FEMALE FRIEND` or 'My female friend is having a bad time all of a sudden shes paying a lot of attention to me' Forget it. Don't even try. Live your life the way you want i.t, definitely not catering to a woman's need.

PS. Never become 'Captain Save a Ho' , just because a girl is ugly, sad, whatever who is NOT your relative or a TRUE friend/wife/girlfriend. Forget her! Trust me, those same girls DON'T give a crap if you're feeling down or you're lonely.

 

[jophil28]

I
'My female friend is having a bad time all of a sudden shes paying a lot of attention to me' Forget it. Don't even try. Live your life the way you want i.t, definitely not catering to a woman's need.

PS. Never become 'Captain Save a Ho' , just because a girl is ugly, sad, whatever who is NOT your relative or a TRUE friend/wife/girlfriend. Forget her! Trust me, those same girls DON'T give a crap if you're feeling down or you're lonely.

Women who are having a bad time with their B/friend will often turn to another male "friend" and transfer their emotional dependence on to the friend.
If he has ever had any sexual designs on her then he can easily regard this as his "opportunity" to present himself as the "upright, steady. reliable and staunch man." The thinking goes -"Surely she will see how great I am -how faithful and loyal and supportive. She will be so impressed that she will sleep with me and then fall in love with me."
Only one problem with this -women never have sex out of gratitude.
And they are never "turned on" by a 'sweet supportive friend'.
How do I know all this - I tried this stunt once - and she went right back to Joe Cool with the Harley...

 

[Bonhomme]

And once you truly fvck them good...you do carry the trump card. Very few women reach orgasm with frequence.

Really? I though "multiples" were pretty much a "given" if one does halfway decent work. There must be a lot of lousy lovers out there. Hmmm....

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Law 10: Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky
You can die from someone else's misery— emotional states are as infectious as diseases. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.

 

[edger]

Law 10: Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky
You can die from someone else's misery— emotional states are as infectious as diseases. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.

But Rollo, you can't just cast someone out like that. That's life, sometimes we have to make sacrafices and risk our own happiness to help those in need. Where's your level of compassion? I'm surprised these words are even coming from a supposed counselor.