So I guess my question for
@allergictobs is this:
What is it you really want? On the one hand you say you'd like to have a family one day, on the other hand you acknowledge that you are essentially escort-celling it (or whatever term y'all are using) to be able to enjoy sex and companionship with beautiful women.
Why not further get to know some of these girls? You said that many times they fade as they move on other things. Perhaps you cannot see them as serious relationship or motherhood contenders, but in most cases these women are going to end up married to someone and raising someone's children.
I (and the board) get that you are extremely analytical and outcome driven. You state that you have essentially divorced sex from love, and yet you know from your own past experience that desire based relationships exist and are possible.
These things are divergent. So in order to get what you want as your bigger goal (a LTR or nuclear family one day) you need a woman who understands this separation of sex and love in you, and perhaps is capable of that herself. Those are high notch count women. You are not going to have patience with an innocent girl, assuming you could find one, for example. And it isn't fair to such a girl to ruin her by breaking her heart when she finds you fvcking an escort because "it's just sex" and you needed whatever the escort gives you that your love interest can't.
Your habituation is simply entrenching the problem further.
If tomorrow you were to meet your ideal woman, and she was interested in you, what would that look like? Give that a real think. Right now you say you want a family but you are behaving in a way that is diametrically opposed to the commitments and challenges and rewards of intimacy and family life.
Part of what you are doing in seeing the escorts is ruining any ability to have a relationship with a non-escort. Is a non-escort going to be as sexually experienced? Doubtful. Will she be as beautiful? Maybe. Will she have love and sex separated? Highly unlikely if she is an emotionally healthy young woman. That is going to create conflicts and you are simply digging yourself a deeper ditch.
You can afford the model-esque escorts sometimes. You cannot afford them all the time. They will move on to be with wealthier men who can better provide for them. These are girls who leverage and use their beauty. It is not real, at least not initially. And associating there seriously malfunctions your ability to bond with a girl who has the capacity to really love you, who can give you sex based in desire.
You need to look at the damage that is being done to your own humanity in giving these beautiful succumbuses your money and your time. There is an opportunity cost you are paying that you may not realize or appreciate.
You say all relationships are transactional. Perhaps. But there are different levels to that. The banal level is where you reside. You are not exchanging sacrificial love with another. That is what real love requires, sacrifice of self for something greater. For the lover, for the relationship, for the children, for the regimen (in the military). Love is sacrifice and from that struggle and that sacrifice meaningfulness arises.
There are women capable of this. They are not escorts. Your habits are going to rob you of the opportunity to have what you say you REALLY want in time. You are creating damage in yourself that you cannot see.
And do NOT give me that bullcrap that you are happy doing this. You aren't. Your sexual needs are being met but your deeper human needs are starving. That is why you mull this matter over in your mind when you are quiet or alone. Meanwhile that devil time slowly and surely steals your hours in beautiful worthlessness, and eventually will leave you with nothing.
Turn all that over in your head. THAT is what is really bugging you, unless I am way WAY off base.
Thoughts?
