I am in a REALLY messed up situation and feeling the lowest I ever have in my life

[SteR]

Hey guys

I don't know if any of you saw but I put a post up a week or so ago explaining that my housemate (who I've liked since I've known her - about a yr and a half) had feelings for me and she admitted it to me one night. Anyway the next day we discussed it and she said she wanted to be with me and all was cool.

However after like a day or so she started acting funny around me and I'd join her in bed at nights and that was the only real time I'd be able to be close to her because she didn't ever really come and see me or anything.

A few days later and she says to me in bed that she doesn't want anything too heavy because she's just come out of a serious relationship (about 3 months ago) and she's with this new guy who she never sees and she doesn't know how 2 break with him.

So for the last 2 days anyway I kinda backed off her and didn't go after her or anything and just went by my daily duties. I even went out with the guys one night having not seen her the whole day and I didn't tell her and she didn't seem to give a ****. So I get back that night and ask if I can join her in bed and she's like yea but I gotta get up early and then after about half an hour of talking she kicks me out of bed and says she has to get up.

The next day's even more awkward and we just don't say anything to eachother and then come last night we decided to go out and this is where the sh1t really hit the fan.

Basically one of my other housemates friends came down (about 5 girls and 2 guys) and we all went out together - that is me, this girl, 2 of my male house mates and these other people.

Basically we got in the club and everything was fine and she was talking to me and stuff and then we were just sitting there and she didn't seem to talk to me anymore. I then went off to find the others and I started talking to one of the girls and we got on pretty good and we were all drunk.

Then my girl comes up to me and drags me to one side and says 'I don't want a relationship with you right now' blah blah blah 'you're jumping the gun a bit and it's all too much for me and I don't want anything serious' and she doesn't wanna ruin our friendship (yeh nice one, like this doesn't fuk it up!) etc and then she says I can pull whoever I want sorta thing.

So me, being the drunken ****head I am go ok then I'm gonna go off with that girl and u won't mind and she's like no etc etc so I go after her and my girl is sitting at the side watching me like a hawk whilst i'm talking to this girl and i went to a quiet bit of the club with her and pulled her and we were kissing for ages and then she said that she wasn't sure we should be doin this cause if I have feelings for my girl then it's not a good idea and I was drunk and basically said fvck her blah blah blah and we carried on kissing.

So I go back in the main room and find my girl chatting to some complete tard (just to make me jealous) and she's watching me and **** and then I say I wanna go home and I take this girl I was talkin to back with me and one of the other girls.

So anyway I didn't do anything with this girl cause I just wanted to make my girl jealous really and then I wonder where she is and I ring her up at like 3 in the morning and she says she's in town with her ex (who she apparently rang up crying when I left) and she said she was going to stay with him.

Now I really do hate this guy cause he's a prick and she used to be really for him a few months back but he kept cheating on her. Now I'm pretty sure she did have sex with him and if she did then I swear to god our friendship is over but when I rang her she said she wasn't going to she just couldn't get a taxi and he offered to take her home.

It's now 3pm the next day and I haven't slept one second since last night and I dunno what to do. I know a lot of the **** that was said was drunken talk and I dunno what to think. The thing that scares me the most is that she had sex with this guy and that will probably be the hardest thing for me to deal with in my life I think and I dunno what I'll do.

I like this girl so much and I'm just so confused about what to do. We barely speak about any of these problems and so I'm hoping she'll come back soon and I can just duke it out with her and say 'what's gonna happen with us' kinda thing but I'm just so miserable right now because I want this girl so badly and if she's gone off with her ex and if she doesn't want me I'll be so upset and it'll fuk our relationship up permanently.

Listen I'm sorry to have gone on for so long guys but I've never been this miserable in my life and I just don't know how to go about things with her because I want her so much and yet I don't want to scare her away.

Help guys

 

[Porky]

First off, situations like this suck. We've all been in them though (well, most of us) and it's part of life. It's one of those experiences you don't want to have, but also one of those experiences you need to have. You have friends here who are willing to listen to you.

It sounds like she bit off more than she can chew with you, and that she's reacting in a typical female fasion - by not giving a sh1t about your feelings and by not taking responsibility for her own actions.

That said, you do owe her an apology for just going off with that other girl, and hopefully she'll tell you the truth about whether or not she had sex with her ex-boyfriend. I think it's safe to say your friendship is ruined. Talk with her and see if you can work something out - chances are she's feeling as bad about this as you are.

 

[SteR]

I don't know whether she still wants me though because she said all this crap when she was drunk.

I think when she gets back I'm just gonna ask her to sit with me and we can talk it out. I mean I'm willing to ask her if she still watns me and I'll back off if need be and we can take it at her pace but I don't know what the deal is.

Relationships shouldn't be so complicated and I'm fed up of feeling depressed about this all the time

 

[Porky]

Women make relationships complicated. I've given up feeling bad when I lie to them or play them. If I meet a really special one I can settle down, but most women are lying, selfish *****es without even meaning to be.

I'm kinda bitter

 

[SteR]

**** I really don't know how to get over all of this. I mean I could just go out and try and get with as many women as possible but they won't mean anything to me and I know that deep inside I'll still be wanting this girl.

GOD I REALLY FVCKING HATE ALL OF THIS

 

[YATTA]

You really have to ask yourself why would you want a girl that will put you through the rollcoaster you're on? Odds are it won't be the last time it's gonna happen between you two. You pretty much have the right attitude here though except for one thing:

I mean I could just go out and try and get with as many women as possible but they won't mean anything to me and I know that deep inside I'll still be wanting this girl.

Go out and meet these women with an open mind, if you keep her on your mind all the time then you may miss a great opportunity when it's right in front of you.

 

[Drex]

So you say that she is "your girl" and that you sleep in the same bed. But have you even kissed her yet? Have you f*cked her yet? Sounds like she is playing games with you man. You need to corner her and call her out on this and either make a physical move to see her reaction or say goodbye to her. Just quit beating around the bush.

 

[SteR]

I have kissed her and I have had sex with her

 

[Porky]

It's going to hurt bad for at least a few days. I just went through something sort of similar, but to a much lesser degree. She's shown her true colors, and you deserve much better. I think you like the idea of being with her more than you like the reality of being with her - it was/is the same for me. I liked the idea of dating this hottie who I should have gotten with months ago more than I liked the reality of it. I really feel like I've just broken free of her completely after realizing this.

You placed her on a pedestal. She represents every fantasy relationship you've ever wanted - it's time to realize that she isn't a princess.

 

[SteR]

Well I just found out that she's been with her ex the entire day and he took the day off work to stay with her. My other housemate spoke to her over msn messenger from the ex's house and apparently nothing has happened.

I don't actually believe a word of that because apparently she was asking my housemate (who's good friends with her ex) about whether he still had feelings for her and whether there was a chance they could get back together etc.

Right now.. well u can imagine how I feel.. I just don't understand how all of this crap can happen within one week. This time last week I was one of the happiest guys in the world, now I'm probably one of the most miserable..

 

[LikRetsam]

You were happy without her for years of your life, you will be happy once again.

How dare you let her dictate your happiness? This isn't even DJ bull**** this is just simple reality. You should be the one to determine your mood, not anyone else. This is just a bump in the road.

 

[Trance]

You have too much contact with her, therefor you are always thinking about her. Cut ALL contact with her, and after a while you'll be fine. The more you see her, the more it will take.

 

[joey37]

WHAT AN AFC WIMP....DUDE BACK OFF THIS GIRL AND TELL HER TO GET LOST...YOU MAKE ME SICK THE WAY YOU'RE TALKING...HANG IN THERE IT'LL BE OK

 

[SteR]

Guys I ain't amazing with women so right now it does feel like there is nobody else out there for me. I always thought that this girl was the only girl for me but apparently not. I know it sounds pathetic but I guess it's just the way I'm feeling right now.

And yes I would like to cut all contact from her but that's hard when you live 1 yard from her door.

 

[joey37]

Listen to me, it's ok if you're living with her, that doesn't mean you have to have much contact with her.


Just go about your business as if nothing has happened. If you try to "sit down and talk it out" with her, she'll only lose interest in you.


I know it's hard to take this advice when you're right in the middle of this, but if you don't do it, you're most likely going to lose her.


Be aloof, Be pleasent, but don't initiate any conversations with her and if she's the one that starts the convos, tell her you're busy and that you can't talk.


If she tries testing you by saying she's going to leave, tell her you had been thinking that a serparation might not be a bad idea either, then wish her well.


This is the way to do it, whether you listen or not is up to you, but if you really want the girl, at least give it a try.

 

[SteR]

Guys I don't know what to do because I'm in agony. My stomach is in knots and she won't reply to my texts or anything and she's still at her ex's. I'm trying to sleep but I just can't and I feel like I'm having a breakdown and I don't know what to do.

I really want to ring my mum/dad but they're abroad so I can't even talk to them so I have nobody to talk to and I can't bear this - I feel like I'm gonna get sick or something.

Sorry to keep posting this kinda stuff but I just don't know what else to do

 

[Porky]

Please get out of the house. Try to forget yourself with friends. You aren't helping yourself by moping, you're only playing it her way. You can either feel crappy inside, or feel crappy outside and maybe feel a little better. Your choice man, please make the right one.

 

[YATTA]

I agree with Porky, go out of the house, get coffee goto a club just do something instead of sitting at home. And by all means, do not call her, text, ask someone else about her, just free yourself of the misery she's putting you through. Cut your losses now, look foward and have some fun.

 

[Genghis Juan]

I agree with Porky and others. You simply must date other girls, try as desperately as you can to find another girl(s) who can capture your interest.

I think it is a red flag whenever you meet a girl who has just recently broke up with a long time BF. In this case, she was going out with him for 2 years, and she met you 3 months subsequent to the breakup. Usually, they say it takes about half the time of the relationship to fully get over the ex. Her feelings are probably all messed up.

Go out and find a girl who is hot, and doesn't have this baggage for you to deal with.

Don't be her rebound guy, F that. Stop putting her on a pedestal. Just back off this girl and stop being her crutch.

Think about it, she is all confused about what to do with her ex; should i get back with him or not? Obviously she has low self-esteem and little respect for herself to tolerate a guy who would cheat on her several times. If she doesn't have respect for herself, why would she have respect for anyone else, particularly you? After they breakup, in her insecure way, she latches on to you. Then she pushes you away, the second the ex gives her a glimmer of false hope, with COMPLETE disregard to your feelings. There is no excuse for her to treat you that way. This is the justification for you to NEXT her completely. She doesn't deserve you. You are better than her ex and you are better than her. There are better girls out there for you.

 

[Legend]

what a dumb c*nt....i grew a pair over my ex, you should too. My ex calls me still and i never return her calls or even care thats she calls. I use to call her back within sec's of her calling me.

One day she was looking through my cell phone and asked where her number is, i said i deleted it. She was shocked...i was so glad.

the more i look back on it......she and most girls are such stupid wh*res. You will be glad this chick is done with you.

Sounds like shes really not even worth keeping....

I wouldnt sit her down and talk about it, i would just keep things light and fun around her, like she never meant anything to you.

You are going to go nowhere acting like the AFC puss you are acting like now. You have the wrong attitude. I dont even think you can keep your cool around this girl. This girl makes me sick. You are allowing yourself to be played?

Sleeping with tons of other girls isnt going to do shyt but get you STD's. Get your feet on the ground and find a decent girl to do things with.

Also....whats the big deal about not having a girl for a lil while? Right now i am glad i have no girl, i am saving up cash, sleeping, lifting, getting good grades, caring about myself. Doing everything that makes me happy. RIght no i dont have the tmie for a girlfriend. I am very happy. The chicks are throwing themselves at me on campus. I blow them off most of the time and they love it.

I have about two girls right now that i am interested in....this is even with a really bad oneitis with my ex. Time away got my over my oneitis.....who the fvck even wants to see her? Def. not me....

Time away from her ....best way to get over her. You'll be surprised what as little as one week can do for you. This girl is like a drug to you. Cut her out...she brings you down. When my oneitis dumped me i was fvcking crushed so bad. I almost couldnt even get out of bed. Within a week of no contact or conversation and with my ignoring her i felt a lot better, not totally better but enough for me to get on with my life. So fVck this girl you want so bad. She knows you want her so if she changes her mind she will know where to find you.

You need girls in your corner, you cant make a ***** into a housewife. You had sex with this girl already, so you won, NEXT.

I wouldnt even be friends with her but thats just me......you probably will stay friends with her because you seem like a pu$$y.

You are the only person that can help yourself.... you know that.

Think before you act...all those games using other people to get each other mad is plain old stupid shyt. I would have laughed in that girls face while she was talking to her loser ex bf.

both of you need to grow the fvck up

Also what up with the "ask if you can lay in her bed with her" Dont ask just sit your a$$ down and start talking. Asking for shyt makes you look unsure of yourself, and weak. If she doesnt want you to get into her bed she will tell you.

things seem done with this girl, friendship done, relationship done. You know this. From here the best thing you can do is just act like you dont give a flying shyt about her, ignore her a little but dont make it look like you are doing it on purpose.

Feel better man.....dont do anythin stupid.
LMNO peace

-John