HPD...advise please..KONTROLLER, WARRIOR?? ANYONE

[christopher09]

yeah hahahaha he always brings me back to reality, BESIDES SHE JUST TEXT ME ALL making me try to feel guilty BCZ I DID NOT inquire as to how her surgery went, soooooooooooo.....

Oh man the texts are flowing NOW...IM real glad i didnt send anything.

 

[Vulpine]

Oh man the texts are flowing NOW...IM real glad i didnt send anything.

Put it on vibrate, stick it in your pocket, and every time it goes off know in your head that that's one chick who want's your d¡ck. Let it bolster your frame: you're the prize.

christopher09: "I don't believe you, show me."
HB: *pulls out side of thong to show*
christopher09: *phone vibrates in pocket*
HB: "See?"
christopher09: "No, I meant show me the wetness."

:rockon:

 

[christopher09]

good stuff....im out - thx vulp appreciate the harshness. sometimes u just need it beat the hell into your head over and over and over and over again.

 

[jophil28]

understand..but considering her surgery today, would i be COMPLETELY in the wrong to just simply text her - "i hope your surgery went well, please take care of yourself and your son". I know it wasnt like heart surgery, but.. i certainly would just leave it at that and NOT ANSWER any future text/calls just LIKE I HAVE BEEN for weeks??? what do you think?

Cluster B women will misinterpret your intentions .
She will read all manner of intentions on your part into such a text.
They assume that every statement or communication from you to be manipulative. Why ? Because that is how they operate and they project their own methods onto you.

NO CONTACT !! You get that, NO CONTACT !!

YOu are in NO condition to connect with this woman or any other Cluster B . YOu are too naive and too inexperienced .
The way to win with wackjobs like her is NOT to play.
Do what VULPINE says and go out and play around with a normal woman to remind yourself of how it all SHOULD be with sane chicks.

 

[KontrollerX]

reset, kontroller, jophil.... what do you think? no simple message?

Nope.

No message.

None.

They lie about needing surgery or anything to extract sympathy and even if you have 100% proof that she got surgery or whatever you need to keep in mind were the roles reversed she would be off fvcking some other guy while you were in surgery fighting for your life.

She does not give a fvck about you.

So why do you give a fvck about her?

She's a BPD or HPD and thus does not possess the capacity to love.

You could be in a severe car accident and rotting on the side of the road thinking about your dear BPD sweety and if you'll ever see her again and meanwhile she'll be giving the most wicked bl0wjob this side of Jenna Jameson to some lucky loser she just met in a random mall bathroom stall.

So yeah quit caring about this cvnt and don't give her any g0ddamn messages be they text or phone call or in person.

NONE!

Got it?

Edit: Whoops Vulpine and jophil already handled this very well.

I guess just use my response as extra reinforcement of theirs if you ever need re-assurance about the BPD/HPD's soulessness again in the future.

 

[jophil28]

Nope.


...you need to keep in mind were the roles reversed she would be off fvcking some other guy while you were in surgery fighting for your life.

True ! And then when you had recovered a little after a week or two and you are sitting up in bed sipping your soup through a straw ,she would drop the knowledge on you that she had indeed had a "date " with some other guy because you would not answer your cell a week or two previously and she felt "neglected" ( you were in the OR at the time with half your guts in some Docs hands , mind you ) .
Her purpose in telling you about her date with that other guy would be to cause the hurt, drama and uproar in YOU that she is addicted to causing.
THese women are callous and ruthless, and in their mind , NEVER at fault for their evil behavior.

Gawd help any guy who becomes involved with more that ONE of these toxic creatures or who cannot separate from the current one who is destroying his life .

 

[christopher09]

yes i got it...NP... One question we really havent addressed...in the event that i run into her, which is going to happen for sure since we live extremely close, what do i tell this woman? i mean do i want to say you need help, u have a hpd lol. or do i just say 'hey hope all is well ive got to run, got something going on, catch up with ya later, fvck off, or what???.

I CAN almost book it she will say something like...."what the hell happened to you, you just walked away from us for NO REASON!?"...WHY???

who knows, maybe she will just spit -

 

[jophil28]

yes i got it...NP... One question we really havent addressed...in the event that i run into her, which is going to happen for sure since we live extremely close, what do i tell this woman? i mean do i want to say you need help, u have a hpd lol. or do i just say 'hey hope all is well ive got to run, got something going on, catch up with ya later, fvck off, or what???.

I CAN almost book it she will say something like...."what the hell happened to you, you just walked away from us for NO REASON!?"...WHY???

who knows, maybe she will just spit -

YOu say NOTHING. IF she says anything to you ,say NOTHING in reply ,then YOU look right past her with a cold blank stare and you keep on walking.

Wash, rinse and repeat until she fades away.

 

[reset]

They lie about needing surgery or anything to extract sympathy and even if you have 100% proof that she got surgery or whatever you need to keep in mind were the roles reversed she would be off fvcking some other guy while you were in surgery fighting for your life.

The one I knew once explained to me she wanted plastic surgery and I could start to see the crazy come out. She wanted everything possible done to her face and listed all the features in her face that were ugly and disgusting.

And she was an absolute knock-out. That's a big part of why I got so sucked into her world, she was one of the hottest chicks I had ever met and I could not believe for a second that she could actually be interested in me. Insecure times a thousand. Both of us.

 

[KarmaSutra]

why is it that other men on the forum give the opposite advice, to ignore the ex who is bothering them, rather than simply putting an end to the crap and telling them to go screw themselves?
it seems simple enough to me.

Because 'Kitten, they want to drag it on and on and on and on . . .

 

[Knight's Cross]

Karma,
You hit the point. Until a person is READY to let go, they won't. I was that guy once. Until I was ready to pull my head out of my a@@, I came here to SS and did exactly what the OP is doing. I came here posting, trying to make sense of something that didn't. When you finally make the decision to go no contact you have arrived. Till then you are still addicted to the cycle with this dysfunctional person running around in your head and life.

Put it this way,"Would you let a crack addict live rent free in your home"? No you wouldn't. So why should anyone allow themselves to get caught up with a dysfunctional PD person? Ahhh, that requires introspection. In my case it came back to me as I had some of my own issues to learn about. I was attracted to the whole Save a Ho mantra. I had done it before, so it really was part of my psyche that I had to cleanse.

It's been said here often,"Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better". Dumping a PD as soon as you start to see her game takes skill, self esteem, and strength. No contact is the strongest tool we have in our arsenal.

Hopefully the OP gets that, and chalks it up to a learning event.

KC

 

[christopher09]

Knight i get it finally, although i will admit, it took all 3 of this threads' pages to finally sink in. In the end, i did let her know that she didnt measure up to what i expected from a relationship period. I was trying the no contact on and on and on, but man was she relentless. Its like Karma says, it drags it on forever. And early on, when i would send her 1 text, to her 20, it would essentially start the whole cycle over again. In the end, i had to actually BLOCK her number via my service provider and im hopeful that she doesnt come knocking. It's actually MUCH easier not having to look down and delete some message when they cant even get through. Im glad i met her as its enlightened me to the hpd, bdp, or cluster of both thing. I honstely thought i had seen it all, but this was completely new to me.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Christopher,
Glad you blocked the inbound coms from her. It's way too much a temptation to read the inbound TM's when they arrive. Look, right now you are just lifting off the runway, and are still in range for her to get a shot off with a missile or heavy rifle fire. That's how I see it. So be vigilant. Keep busy with work, the gym, your friends, etc. You've done the right thing by expressing why you aren't continuing with her. That's smart. Just going silent is passive aggresive. She may not understand what you told her, but it wasn't for her. It was for you to continue a good habit. Letting people know where they stand is mature.
NOW, no more communicating. PERIOD. If you bump into her, just keep walking. DO NOT GET DRAWN IN to a conversation. I'd go as far as to be cordial. My action on contact with my PD is just that. I'd say,"hello, have a good day". and keep on moving. So far it's not happened. Best to have a plan in place.

KC

 

[mtnkng]

Its funny. We need a label to call this thing whatever it is.

It does not matter....be cognizant of the behaviors. The behaviors matter more than the label. Crazy is as Crazy does. So, if you need to call it...do so. She's histrionic, she's borderline, she's anti-social. Fine....but the behaviors, whatever they are, detract from our life experience. Done. Move on. No good and will never get better is the key. They will never get better and your life will be in turmoil til you die....especially if you beget children with PDs. And that is the goal....to accumulate irrevocable ties with people.

You, as the non, need to recognize this as quickly as possible and end the ties as early as you see the red flags. Its the healthy choice for yourself whether you recognize this or not. Choose yourself before the other person. If you can't then you need to re-evaluate your motivations to know if you are doing the best thing for yourself.

Move on. The PD does not exist for you. Its a hard concept to accept....they are great actors...and we fool ourselves. Most people who get involved with PDs can't be emotionally honest with themselves....and we extend the relationship because we extend the emotional dishonesty. PDs are not whole though we think they are; most people we deal with day to day are....so, expect normalcy when its not possible.

Move on. It was not a relationship with a person capbable of reciprocating. Needs are not returned...and your life experience is not fulfilled. People are included in our lives because they add to them, not detract. If you are giving and accepting person, your SO should add to your life, not detract. The return and reciprocation will add to your life with a larger return than you put in.

This will not happen with a toxic person. Ever. A red flag that is ever so late in realizing.

 

[Mr. Me]

You telling them to fvck off says to their warped minds "He or she loves me or he or she is just playing games like I would play games so I've got to think of a better game to beat them with and come at them with next time!"

Thanks. That probably serves as an answer to something about my ex-wife that raised an eyebrow (one of many things...) She was a woman who I kicked out because I discovered that she was seeing an old ex-boyfriend and lying to cover it up. Yet, though she went immediately to live with him, and is still with him for all I know, she kept getting in touch with me. Now, I was a mess at the time, it killed me to kick her out, but I had to. So for a while, I did limp along, licking my wounds and talk to her. But it got to the point eventually where I had to tell her to not contact me anymore. Mostly because it wasn't doing me any good to hear from her every few months, and also because I finally got my center back and realized what she was doing was all about her, and about her using me at those times for attention needs, when things perhaps weren't so wonderful with lover boy (AKA, I guess, "the easier mark"). Man, when I finally blew her off in no uncertain terms and called her on her game, she threw a real fit and emailed me the nastiest letter calling me all sorts of names, after just the day before where she had contacted me all purring and cooing, inviting me to meet up with her, following her having previously writing me that there was a part of her still in love with me, that's she was now sorry for what she did, blah, blah, none of which I had responded to because I was done. But I did respond to turn down her invite and told her never to contact me again - and she got downright nasty. That, I figured, was because I didn't give her the strokes she was looking for and do her bidding.

But then, within one hour of flaming me, she writes me again, but this time, does a 180, as she's all nice and sweet again... asking me if I still had feelings for her because, she says, she thinks she has feelings for me... And all I could think was she hasn't feelings for me, that's ridiculous. That this was nothing but more bait to try to get me to keep this going and/or to see if I'd confess harboring warm feelings for her. At the time, I reasoned that this was all about her deep need for attention, but I recall noticing that she didn't observe my stated request not to contact me further by emailing me two more times, and I think your post may explain why she'd ignore my request. But I never replied, and it's been over a year now I haven't heard from her at all. So I figure it's because she knows that I know what she's about; she knows her wiles don't work on me anymore. Can't say she was Cluster, but who knows, she was messed up.

 

[christopher09]

yeah its that same thing...look lets just say you did have some love for her still and upon her nagging you about how she still feels this and that 4 you, you finally break your own judgement and you tell her....i have feeling for you too or whatever. You already know what happens next, she's got her power back. The same power you took away the day you kicked her out and never looked back. She spent quite a while trying to get you to cave, but you did the right thing bcz now you stand tall and i bet you 10 to 1, where she is at now in her life, she probably regrets fvcking things up with you. She probably gets draped all over by her current bf, and can only think about how you just kicked and walked. Good for you, had you ever tried to work that out, you wouldve been killing yourself with crazy thoughts everytime she was late from work, or not answering that phone etc etc. Its my opinion that trust is the foundation of the LTR, if it gets compromised its over... period.