HPD...advise please..KONTROLLER, WARRIOR?? ANYONE

[Mr. Me]

Just wondering if some aspects of Cluster B can manifest in a person without the person necessarily being Cluster B. That is to say, my ex sure sounds like it applies to her, but not entirely. So it makes me wonder if perhaps this becomes a convenient label to label women with, if indeed these behaviors can simply be prevalent without having the disorder, just like a woman may behave histrionic without totally having histrionic personality disorder.

 

[KontrollerX]

Just wondering if some aspects of Cluster B can manifest in a person without the person necessarily being Cluster B. That is to say, my ex sure sounds like it applies to her, but not entirely. So it makes me wonder if perhaps this becomes a convenient label to label women with, if indeed these behaviors can simply be prevalent without having the disorder, just like a woman may behave histrionic without totally having histrionic personality disorder.

They're called cluster because it takes a cluster of certain traits to mean someone probably has the disorder.

We all have one or two traits found in these disorders but when a person has 5 or more and they are damaging the person's life in some way as well other people they interact with and the traits are seemingly very resistant to change then the psych doc usually busts out a Cluster B diagnosis.

For example Robin Williams, Richard Simmons and Drew Barrymore are all histrionic which means dramatic.

However observing them I don't think a single one of them has the actual disorder because they only exhibit one part of it like most normal humans do.

Note: I'm not saying all humans are histrionic just that we all tend to have once again at least one or two traits from these four Cluster B Personality disorders within us.

 

[reset]

At the end of the day, at least from my experience, these women have one motive: to hurt you.

And not hurt you so that you'll change and they'll get their way, or hurt you to see what your interest level is, or hurt you so that you'll be more affectionate. They really need to see you in pain.

If you are in pain, they are fulfilled. They are tailor made for men with low self-esteem because only a guy like this would do what is necessary for her to be fulfilled: dedicate his entire life to being her puppet, and her torture device.

I think men to women like these are like when kids would pull the wings off of flies in the schoolyard.

They are crazy. They are lost causes. But you still have your life.

The only possible positive side effect is that they set the bar so low, any man who recovers from a girl like this would by default be more discriminating with all women in the future. Once you've seen how bad it can get, as soon as you even get a whiff of that behavior from another woman, you are instinctively planning your exit strategy, and the woman with high interest will pick up on this and quickly change her behavior. She'll think you just have high standards.

I look at it this way... I would have no clue about women today if I hadn't had by necessity been forced to learn how to deal with a girl like this, and from that, women in general. In a sick way it opened an entire world for me.

Hopefully the guys that come to this site, and see the endless "BPD" threads will benefit from the experience of others.

The longer you stay in any sort of contact the more crazy you get by exposure, so look after your health, stop answering calls, and make the biggest disappearing act of all time.

 

[christopher09]

Reset that was VERY inspiring words to live by. Like u , i have seen a lot but this was a new one for me. I agree completely that it has opened up a whole new world and will definately have me looking for things i let slide by in the past. Not to get overly obsessed with the idea of a new girl have bpd or the like, but at least im going to be way more concious of the patterns.

 

[penkitten]

Your apprehension is what's keeping this broad dangling. You need to do the obvious, but hardest, thing and tell her to fvck off.

Keep repeating those two words everytime she contacts you. Whether it be text, phone or smoke signal, tell her "Fvck off."

Say it in a very mellow tone with absolutely no anger. Soon enough she will get it through her thick skull to fvck off.

why is it that other men on the forum give the opposite advice, to ignore the ex who is bothering them, rather than simply putting an end to the crap and telling them to go screw themselves?
it seems simple enough to me.

 

[jophil28]

Just wondering if some aspects of Cluster B can manifest in a person without the person necessarily being Cluster B. That is to say, my ex sure sounds like it applies to her, but not entirely. So it makes me wonder if perhaps this becomes a convenient label to label women with, if indeed these behaviors can simply be prevalent without having the disorder, just like a woman may behave histrionic without totally having histrionic personality disorder.

BPD and other assorted CLuster B behaviors exists along a continuum, from mild to severe.
Also BPD rarely (if ever) exists in isolation. Co-morbidity is the norm, so she may have a ****tail of disorders all pulling and pushing her every which way. This is why her behavior is so bewildering. Competing demons hard at work.. Scary prospect .

 

[penkitten]

BPD and other assorted CLuster B behaviors exists along a continuum, from mild to severe.
Also BPD rarely (if ever) exists in isolation. Co-morbidity is the norm, so she may have a ****tail of disorders all pulling and pushing her every which way. This is why her behavior is so bewildering. Competing demons hard at work.. Scary prospect .

i agree that bpd goes hand in hand with ocd and add and being depressed.

 

[jophil28]

...than simply putting an end to the crap and telling them to go screw themselves?

.

This does not achieve the desired severing of the relationship with Cluster B girls.
These women know all about turmoil, drama and abuse. THey have been victims of this in their childhood, and now they have become adult perpetrators themselves.
A Cluster B woman typically grew up with verbal, physical and psych abuse daily. Telling someone like that to "fukk off " will have little impact. That is just grist for her mill.

Cutting all contact is the only effective method.

 

[KontrollerX]

Yeah Penny you really can't think of BPD women thinking the same way as you.

And its the same way for BPD men.

These people do not think the same way that normal human beings think.

You telling them to fvck off says to their warped minds "He or she loves me or he or she is just playing games like I would play games so I've got to think of a better game to beat them with and come at them with next time!"

And hence dear Penkitten the drama continues...

Hell even cutting them off and going cold no contact they'll interpret as a sign to keep on bothering you if they feel they still need to get their validation fix from you of their existance.

Jophil laid it out good with his post as well.

For a normal woman or man I agree Penny your advice of telling that kind of person to fvck off or something similar will usually get the desired result.

Telling a BPD or HPD to fvck off will get you the same effect as telling a normal person you want to give them a million dollars so they better come and claim it.

In other words telling them that just gets them fired up and wanting to be around you and bother you more.

 

[jophil28]

You telling them to fvck off says to their warped minds "He or she loves me or he or she is just playing games like I would play games so I've got to think of a better game to beat them with and come at them with next time!"

That is a great explanation KX.

These women thirive on drama and uproar. They live on a roller coaster of abuse and sexual thrills.

Read up on "the cycle of abuse" .

Typically they are "perfect" for about the first six weeks( yes, they can regulate their behavior) and then their flirty ,uber feminine enticements and seductions transform themselves into SUBTLE vicious, hateful, mindfvcking when she is convinced that she has you invested and you have developed "feelings" for her. A mutually enjoyable relationship is entirely foreign to her ...BUT she knows all about spite, hostility, hate and revenge - she also know how to SURVIVE and thrive in that atmosphere. When you "fall" for her, she feells both power over you and contempt for you . The contempt comes from the thinking that someone who loves such a worthless piece of crap like her MIUST be even more worthless. Then it is only fitting that you should be PUNISHED for loving her.
That is why she treats you so badly .. perhaps it is only one of the reasons..

SO do you think that telling someone like THAT to "piss off" is going to work ? That is like yelling at a tumor and expecting a cure.

Instead, you cut it/her out .

 

[Knight's Cross]

Pen Kitty,
The crowd is on target here. People with normal self-esteem get it. You tell them you are out, and they RESPECT it. They may not like it, but they honor your boundary and move on. One GLARING trait of the BPD that I dated was a complete lack of respect of boundary. She came over, let herself in my home by learning my garage door code, and even after I told her that I was done with the relationship, kept coming by my home. Mind you this was a 25 minute out of the way drive. Not at all along her normal route from work to home etc.
They don't get boundaries at all. Telling them to F-Off, is actually worse than just going no communication. You've just thrown gas on the fire. I tried it, and while I heard the sigh of frustration in her voice, she stayed away a week , then went totally off her rocker with the drive by's and the I love you messages.
In my case, and I believe it's no exception. I had to involve the sherriff, and my attorney. Only when she saw LEGAL Stalking Protective Order action was going to come down on her, did she pull back. Even today, its been months later, I STILL get the occasional text message. I'm almost certain they happen whenever another guy has just figured out her game and has started the dump proccess on her. Almost like a smoke alarm going off. I rejoice that I have the empathy to feel pity for her, and at the same time have the esteem to NEVER let that kind of pain live rent free in my head again.

KC

 

[yuppaz]

Speaking of which, I just went through another outburst from my BPD last night. Everything was cool, we were going out to dinner, but I took my son to the pool and he was crying because he couldn't go to his friends house. He wouldn't stop crying and she just blew up at him screaming etc. Then the serious BPD kicked in. She all of a sudden started screaming about her being a slave in the house (she barely cleans up, and voluntarily cooks a lot of the meals...for like the past two weeks....I assume she is going to do dishes and some cleaning because she hasn't paid **** for rent in like 5 months) and she starts freaking out screaming throwing stuff all over the house and at me and our son. I try to lay down the law, but there is no having it, she is lost in BPD drama, so the best thing to do is to give it some time.... usually. Last night was the worst episode I have ever seen, and it lasted and lasted. It was so bad that some neighbor called the cops. There is a good chance we get kicked out of our apartment. She expected me to apologize and to settle her, I did. The whole time though I was really worried about our son and her going psycho on him so I left for like 10 minutes, then he called me because he was scared and I came back home to deal with it for another two hours. Prior to this we were ****ing at least every night and things were great and she seemed happy (I haven't been for a long time, but don't know a way out of my birdcage), so I have been working on my life lifting weights, getting better clothes, eating well and generally reading these forums so that when she finds some other AFC like I was, I don't sweat it too much and go find a number of normal girls I can either choose from or just spin plates forever.

Great advice on this site on spotting and avoiding. My little psycho is hot as hell and loves to ****, but I'm sure there are tons more girls out there that are the same, but normal, appreciative and don't get the ****ing cops called on me. Learn how to spot them, it could save you a whole lot of painful experiences.

 

[aix237]

Geez yuppaz that's sounds intense. I know I talk about my crazy bpd but I wanna let others hear the *****r stories so they stay away before they go into a spiral. If ur arrogant etc u still get alittle messed up but can walk away easier if not then u might go crazy.
Here are some highlights from my bpd.
When we first met she was very nice and forward this was like 5 years ago. We started hanging out. She wanted a relationship so fast and I rejected her and she got nuts. She would call me up asking to be togehter I said no. She started crying. She would then call me up constantly. I gave in alittle and started sleeping with her but no fvcking. Then one night we fvcked. But is till was standoffish. One night I was past out in her bed I wake up she's gone. She comes home at 6am and found out she fvcked my so called friend who lives two houses down. We fight of course. She does that sh1t again.

She was very late all the time and had anxiety attacks. She p1ssed me off when she was driving so I said something she slammed on her brakes and I slammed my head against her windshield and cracked it

She went home for vacation everything was fine before she left somewhat. During her vacatuon she called me but one time she was like its over, im like wtf? She then said see ur yelling at me we can't do this. She then goes on to not tell me she's going to be a couple days late. I was living wih her. She finally gets home we start fvcking and her pvss is lose whivch means she cheated cause she was gone for a month. Lol.

We were out at the bars I was doing my own thing while she was doing hers. I start walking to meet her up, she's hanging on some dude she fvcked a long time ago. I walk up of corse and she stops. I walk away and she does it again. We get into a fight and she threatens to call the cops.

She pulls dissapearing acts all the time. Think she does it to get attention. She was in vegas and told me tweo seperate stories about how she dissaperared and her friends were looking for her and calling her etc. Sh1t normal people don't do.
Right now she's dissaperaed I haven't talked to her in a couple of days for no reason.

She gets jealous pretty easily when she was in vegas she called me evert night until 5 am I would get multiple missed calls all because I said I was going to hang out with some friends. Once again not normal behavior.

There are so many more fvcked up stories I can make a movie

 

[MaddXMan]

not to sound rude but all this talk about cluster b, BPD, and other terms sounds like a lot of pop psychology and someone reading psychology articles on wikipedia. Why spend all this time analyzing the actions of a woman who is clearly bad for you and you know it, and you are acting appropriately. You are pretty stong for ignoring her calls and texts even before you came and started this thread so hopefully the replies reinforce you are doing the right thing. I agree that the feelings of guilt can sting but that's part of playing the (dating) game and if you keep it real and not emotional you can keep your head about you.

 

[christopher09]

not to sound rude but all this talk about cluster b, BPD, and other terms sounds like a lot of pop psychology and someone reading psychology articles on wikipedia. Why spend all this time analyzing the actions of a woman who is clearly bad for you and you know it, and you are acting appropriately. You are pretty stong for ignoring her calls and texts even before you came and started this thread so hopefully the replies reinforce you are doing the right thing. I agree that the feelings of guilt can sting but that's part of playing the (dating) game and if you keep it real and not emotional you can keep your head about you.

understand..but considering her surgery today, would i be COMPLETELY in the wrong to just simply text her - "i hope your surgery went well, please take care of yourself and your son". I know it wasnt like heart surgery, but.. i certainly would just leave it at that and NOT ANSWER any future text/calls just LIKE I HAVE BEEN for weeks??? what do you think?

 

[reset]

Why spend all this time analyzing the actions of a woman who is clearly bad for you and you know it, and you are acting appropriately.

If you're smart you only have to learn about BPD's one time. You never forget after that.

 

[MaddXMan]

understand..but considering her surgery today, would i be COMPLETELY in the wrong to just simply text her - "i hope your surgery went well, please take care of yourself and your son". I know it wasnt like heart surgery, but.. i certainly would just leave it at that and NOT ANSWER any future text/calls just LIKE I HAVE BEEN for weeks??? what do you think?

I wouldn't, just let it go. It sucks to feel bad but after a few days to a few weeks it lessens then suddenly yesterday's problems don't seem so bad anymore.

Or....instead of ignoring, tell her it's over & don't contact you anymore. Not any BS about being friends, just that's it's over...you end it on your terms.

In my 6 years of being single I have avoided dating a single mother even though I have 2 children........and I only brought a woman around my 2 kids one time in 6 years, and she's my current girlfriend. I'm just real skittish about messing with the emotions of children and those attachments, so I avoid them althoghter.........if I was in your situation I would feel bad about the kid but you know what the situation is not of your making, it's hers and things would just continue on the same destructive path if you kept up contact with her.

I wouldn't have made that crack about overanalyzing BPD if I had ever encountered one but I haven't......lucky me

 

[christopher09]

reset, kontroller, jophil.... what do you think? no simple message?

 

[Vulpine]

Dude, why the ƒuck are you still posting about this chick? You shouldn't even be thinking about her, much less texting her.

Besides, playing texty games with women is a stupid idea in the first place.

I keep checking this thread as new posts arrive in case there is some new, useful insight, and here you are, being a douchebag. Get on with your life for crying out loud! :cuss:

She's out getting spit-roasted by a couple of dirtbags she picked up at the local dive-bar, and you're on here punking yourself wondering if she's worth some text message? She's sitting on the toilet in some sports bar bathroom getting a fat, hairy guy's load blown all over her face and you're here wondering about her emotional well being?

Snap the ƒuck out of it!

You should be wondering what you'll be wearing when you go over to some other chick's place to bang her tonight. At the very least, where you'll be going to meet some new chicks tonight. And, NOOOOoooooOOO, you won't be crying about your ex at the bar all night to anyone and everyone who'll listen. Instead, you're going to be having fun and paying attention to the hair-twirlings of some hotty who you are chatting with and wondering if her panties are getting wet or not. Ask her: "Are your panties getting wet?" She'll tell you. Then you ask, "What color are they?". She'll tell you. Then you say, "I don't believe you, show me." She'll show you.

It's that easy. Knock off the boo-hoo pity crap.


Damn.

That's it. I'm going out tonight to see some panties, you can go ahead and stay home masturbating to mental images of your ex.

 

[i-shine-regardless]

Dude, why the ƒuck are you still posting about this chick? You shouldn't even be thinking about her, much less texting her.

Besides, playing texty games with women is a stupid idea in the first place.

I keep checking this thread as new posts arrive in case there is some new, useful insight, and here you are, being a douchebag. Get on with your life for crying out loud! :cuss:

She's out getting spit-roasted by a couple of dirtbags she picked up at the local dive-bar, and you're on here punking yourself wondering if she's worth some text message? She's sitting on the toilet in some sports bar bathroom getting a fat, hairy guy's load blown all over her face and you're here wondering about her emotional well being?

Snap the ƒuck out of it!

You should be wondering what you'll be wearing when you go over to some other chick's place to bang her tonight. At the very least, where you'll be going to meet some new chicks tonight. And, NOOOOoooooOOO, you won't be crying about your ex at the bar all night to anyone and everyone who'll listen. Instead, you're going to be having fun and paying attention to the hair-twirlings of some hotty who you are chatting with and wondering if her panties are getting wet or not. Ask her: "Are your panties getting wet?" She'll tell you. Then you ask, "What color are they?". She'll tell you. Then you say, "I don't believe you, show me." She'll show you.

It's that easy. Knock off the boo-hoo pity crap.


Damn.

That's it. I'm going out tonight to see some panties, you can go ahead and stay home masturbating to mental images of your ex.

Fukkin awesome. Vulpine you are the man.