How to turn from a loser who is nothing to something?

[Cesare Cardinali]

Sly,
Don't go all crazy now with a machine gun at school trying to punish your "enemies". Seriously.

If you are unable to take any of the wonderful advice on this thread then please you must go speak to a counselor or therapist at school and get some monitoring. Overcoming these problems will make you a stronger person in the end so be a man and do it. The best revenge on all your enemies is to be a super success and prove them wrong.

 

[PrinceCharming]

Originally posted by SlyDonJuan:
I just find it so difficult to get rid of my negative emotion since even my own family thinks of me of being a 'loser'.

My mom told me that you can never get a girl cause you're worthless moron. Friends think that I am not gonna get any @ss cause I am not as cool as they are and even if I do, it's going to be a lousy f*ck. All I can get is ugly/average chicks who are desperate to stick to a loser like me.

So they now have control of your emotions? Listen man, no seriously. Nobody, and I repeat nobody can tell you what is right or wrong with you. Only you decide that.

Your parents and your friends think they're telling you the truth, in fact they are only hypnotising you more into hating yourself. They don't know that they are doing this. But now that you know, are you going to allow that they control your life?

I even ask my own family why do they think of me in such a nagative way. Why underestimate me? And then here comes my mom and dad telling me that they are not underestimating you when they are really doing it. They even throw me this question 'Son, why do you think we want to underestimate you? You are our son, we want to be proud of you too! So there are no reasons for us to run you down or to make you feel bad'.

Yeah right! I am tired of this kinda life being bored and etc...... I have taken actions by getting a job,trying to occupy myself and make myself as busy as possible so I won't be disturbed by my problems anymore. I just don't want to think about it.

If people bother you, tell them to f*ck off. Now take your life one day at a time, and don't listen to what they say. You just start reading books, change yourself, take it slowly, while they ramble in the background.

As long as I haven't take my revenge of my so-called 'enemies', I will not feel satisfied. Only their misfortune can make me happy in return. They shall have no peace. I will make their life miserable for them....

Life is too short to be spent in prison. If you want to make their life miserable, you're wasting your energy where you shouldn't.

You should invest in changing yourself, because ultimately you can only change yourself, not others. Just look at the lives of all the great inventors in our life. People thought they were morons, but they kept going, and ultimately made a name for themselves.

Thomas Edison, they guy who invented the lamp, failed hundreds of times before he discovered the right lamp. People thought he was a worthless moron. I can recommend a book for you to read. It's called 'Think and Grow Rich' by Napoleon Hill. Very inspirational. Get it here http://www.ebookdirectory.com/books/think.exe

Also, think about maybe moving away from home in another city or state, if you can make it, and start a new life.

Life is too short to be wasted in retaliation.

[This message has been edited by PrinceCharming (edited 10-26-2002).]

 

[Don-Wan Kenobi]

Originally posted by SlyDonJuan:

revenge

You can take your revenge in many ways and you probably haven't thought of them all. You do not seem to be the type to cause your enemies harm (physical, emotional, or otherwise) and so I'm not as concerned about talking you down as the rest of the board has been.

While we're on the subject of revenge, I'd like to share with you a personal story:

When I was a freshman in college, I was completely clueless with women. I was miserable and had very lousy social skill. My life revolved around music, schoolwork, and getting fat and depressed. I didn't live with my parents and they wouldn't have been much of a help either.

A female acquaintance (who happened to have a crush on me, although at the time I was clueless) introduced me to her big brother, a jock who attended college nearby. He bragged about how much tail he was getting at my school on the weekends, and about how his girlfriend was ignorant of how much of a player he was. He was vulgar and aggressive, and his jock-friends gave me a lot of sh`t. So yeah, in every interaction with this dude I felt like I was back in high school.

It pissed me off that guys like him were getting laid left and right while I wasn't. After all, I was such a nice guy (and a remarkable AFC) and after years of being bullied and harassed by big, hairy apes like jock-o I wasn't going to sit by and let them "win."

I eventually found the DJ site. I channeled all of my energy from being angry into becoming who I am today (far from perfect but far from depressed.) One of my first victories involved repeatedly hooking up with a very attractive girl I met in class. Neither of us were serious but one day she made it clear how she admired the changes I had made in my life (had she been watching?) and asked me if I'd like to "date steady?"

Okay, I had stopped being a chump long-ago, so use some imagination and think of how I responded.

So date-steady is like, "I'm sorry, I'm not trying to rush into a relationship with you or anything. It's just that you seem to have a lot more to offer than my previous boyfriends. For instance, take..." and yes, she named big brother jock-o! Remember him?

"He used to cheat on me and I got fed up and dumped him. I kind of told him that we were uh, going out, and he got all angry. Where do you know him from? I'm pretty sure he knows you. Well, anyway, he keeps sending me flowers and taping poetry to my front door. He keeps calling and telling me how much he needs me... The poems are quite amusing. I'll have to share them with you some time."

Sly, you might not believe this. But I kind of felt sorry for jock-o. Revenge is great and all, but sometimes when you rise above someone who was a d1ck to you or just a d1ck in general, you realize that they were never really ahead of you and that any pain or frustration they caused you when you were fourteen is nothing compared to all of the pain and frustration they'll face when everyone else around them go places and excel at living while they don't.

But don't get too caught up keeping track of everyone else. Life is too short. If the people around you treat you poorly or keep you out of their circle, f-ck that. There are plenty of other people on this planet and they haven't met or judged you yet. Opportunity exists everywhere. Don't worry, you'll rise above your "enemies," but don't become hell-bent on exacting vengeance or you'll inadvertently push the people who mean the most to you away. Maybe another time, I'll tell you how my anger/desire for revenge has f-cked me over.

But get off your ass and change. You've got to change. People will not change for you. No book or system will change you. No pill or diet supplement. No therapist will wave a magic wand over your body and make you charismatic and succesful. You've got some crappy thoughts circulating your mind, telling you you're no good, or that you can't do better than ugly chicks. And angry thoughts comparing you to every jerk who has ever rubbed you the wrong way, insisting that you take revenge. You really defeat yourself, and you probably need someone to listen to you and point out when you make those comments and have these thoughts so that you can stop making and having them. But it is up to you to change. It all starts with a reason to change and a desire to change. And that should translate into action.

DWK

 

[Agent ABC]

Sly,

Uh-oh, if that "revenge" have some other meaning for you... then please don't do it!

Do you know that there is a lot of type in revenge?

For example, try to take these advice that we all gave you... and work on them. Next time if you succceed, then it's a revenge for you to them.

Yeah, of course, revenge is sweet... but when it involves physichal harm or any harm that could loss a life.......... then it's not good.

I know that you actually wanted to change after reading all these stuff. But you feel like it's a VERY, very hard thing for you to do, right? Just because of the comments that people gave you, and you feel like you are a loser, thus making it hard for you to change.

Life is a ***** for you. Not only you, but to us as well. But we still had to get on with our lives...

Your parents told you that you're a loser? Then I think that they have also been told like that when they were still young...

BUT you need to prove to everyone that you are not a loser!!!

 

[Drow]

Listen Sly,

You can easily wallow in your own self-pity. I know, I've been there.

Your first step needs to be to stop focusing on women. Focus on yourself!

You need to start working on everything you can to improve yourself. Work out. Join campus activities. This is very important:[\B] Make sure you get out and start doing things. Involve yourself.

But YOU have to make the effort. YOU have to get out there and start working on yourself.

Don't rely on others for your own happiness.

The only way YOU are going to be able to start enjoying life is for YOU to start taking some initiative.

You have got to realize that your thoughts are self-defeating. Don't listen to what your parents say. Drop anything anybody says about you that is negative. Just don't listen. YOU arn't going to have it anymore.

YOU know what YOU are going to do? YOUR going to start working on YOUR SELF. Then after each day, evaluate and examine what you have done. Do everything you can to better yourself and the rest WILL COME.

.Drow



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You are what you make your self.

 

[SlyDonJuan]

What I mean by revenge has nothing to do with physical harm.

All I want to do is to give them a piece of their own medicine for ridiculing me in the past. I will make their life miserable as well by manipulating them. The book called "48 Laws of power" will help a lot here.

Parents are giving me problems in life as well. Their comments really bite at certain times. Well, but that doesn't mean I will take revenge on them. All I'll do is to prove them wrong. That's all!

When I have power in future, these enemies of mine shall pay for what they have done. No one will be strike out of the list! They must pay for it.!

I know many of you tried to relate yourselves to me by giving me the exact story of how you were when you're younger to make me know that I am not alone. Thanks! You really make me feel better a bit.

Now, it's time to plan a layout on how I will go up. It is time to take action and my enemies will be doomed....

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

Sly,
It takes the same amount of energy and focus to think about your enemies being doomed as it does to think about all the wonderful ways you could improve your life.

Don't even waste the time and energy thinking about your enemies. Living well is really the best revenge. It sounds corney but its true.

 

[Mr.Fortesque]

Go through DJ-Bible.There are tons of these stories and helpful informations.

 

[Mr.Fortesque]

Go through DJ-Bible.There are tons of these stories and helpful informations. http://www.sosuave.com/bible/bible.htm

 

[Wolf in sheep's clothing]

Wow, what a heavy going thread. I think about everything under the sun has been mentioned here.

Sly, maybe you just need to get away from where ever you live. Clear the slate, so to speak. Part of your negativity comes from the people and places around you - you associate too many bad feelings with where you live. Sometimes it is hard to change for the positive when everyone around you keeps treating you in the negative.

Time to consider moving to another city or state maybe? Give it a thought.

 

[SexPDX]

Originally posted by SlyDonJuan:

All I want to do is to give them a piece of their own medicine for ridiculing me in the past. I will make their life miserable as well by manipulating them. The book called "48 Laws of power" will help a lot here.

Be carefull reading authors who glorify Machiavellian ruthlessness. Particularly, written by a guy who also wrote a book on seduction where he refers to the woman being seduced as a 'victim'.

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- The performer known as Nick

 

[SlyDonJuan]

So what, SexPDX? The more ruthless his ideas, the better. I want those people to deserve the punishment. I need to have a better life. Otherwise, things won't change. Although I cannot forgive these people, I still must get rid of them. These people have given me enough problems in life and now it is their turn to suffer.

 

[Marquez]

Originally posted by SlyDonJuan:
I just find it so difficult to get rid of my negative emotion since even my own family thinks of me of being a 'loser'.

My mom told me that you can never get a girl cause you're worthless moron. Friends think that I am not gonna get any @ss cause I am not as cool as they are and even if I do, it's going to be a lousy f*ck. All I can get is ugly/average chicks who are desperate to stick to a loser like me.

I even ask my own family why do they think of me in such a nagative way. Why underestimate me? And then here comes my mom and dad telling me that they are not underestimating you when they are really doing it. They even throw me this question 'Son, why do you think we want to underestimate you? You are our son, we want to be proud of you too! So there are no reasons for us to run you down or to make you feel bad'.

I browsed amazon.com for you about english books from Bert Hellinger, a widely recognized family therapist in Europe. There are three translations available, don't focus on the words "Love" and "Relationships", since they also apply to family dynamics. Actually your family is the base for that. I also found interesting titles from an author called John Bradshaw, it seems he is also good in the field of systemic solutions / family dynamics.

Love's Hidden Symmetry: What Makes Love Work in Relationships by Bert Hellinger
Bradshaw on: The Family: A New Way of Creating Solid-Self Esteem by John Bradshaw
Family Secrets: The Path to Self-Acceptance and Reunion by John Bradshaw

good luck finding your fundaments in life!

Edit: There are more than three Hellinger books in english (amazon.com only show three results first). I further can recommend:
Acknowledging What Is: Conversations With Bert Hellinger


[This message has been edited by Marquez (edited 10-29-2002).]

 

[Marquez]

Originally posted by SexPDX:
Be carefull reading authors who glorify Machiavellian ruthlessness. Particularly, written by a guy who also wrote a book on seduction where he refers to the woman being seduced as a 'victim'.

Interesting statement, I had not expected that from an "SSer"

 

[Agent ABC]

Sly, feeling better now? Very well then.

[This message has been edited by Agent ABC (edited 10-29-2002).]

 

[BGC]

SlyDonJuan,

I didn't read all the replies, but here is what I think.

First, I see parts of myself from my past in your account.

Huge, huge challenges are ahead of you, man, in my point of view.

But I believe, from your plain self-insight, that you have the capability to change yourself.

*

First, I will say this:

I believe you must start anew.

To radically change your life, you must leave your current surroundings, the people and the place, and start anew.

You don't like your current self, so abandon it.

Break contact with the people in you life (maybe save your familiy), and move to a big city.

A big city where no one knows you. (You might even want to change your name -- you might be surprised how incredibly powerful to one's identity one's name is.)

And then you have a tabula rasa to work with.

And here are the qualities that I believe make a male SOCIALLY DESIRED: Being wanted by females.

But what makes a man to be wanted by females?

I believe, above all: strength.

On a material level, I would suggest you begin lifting weights right away. Get big. Get physical. Size gets respect from guys.
Always. That's why being big is important. If you're a toothpick, you'll never get respect, I don't believe, from real guys.

Second, I would read the book _The 48 Laws of Power_., and also Doc Love's _The System_.

Third, concentrate on your appearance. So much depends on how you look to people. God, so much, so fukking much... Get decent clothes, a decent car, keep the car clean. Watch your fingernails, your shoes. Keep your hair trim. Details are so important...

And perhaps most important, you must realize that you will have to make MISTAKES to learn. Lots of mistakes, god a world a universe of mistakes for you to get to where you can be. A hard road, but worth it, for sure, man.

If you can, make friends with guys who are like how you want to be. I was fortunate in that I joined a fraternity in college -- it helped me immensely.

Five, get in tune with popular culture. Learn how cool people speak, how they behave. Plus being up on the latest movies and music and TV will give you common ground with the people you want to be friends with. Also, look into organizations. There exist organizations that receive no media attention, but if you find them and join them, you can radically improve your life.

(I'm feeling an indentification with your position as I'm writing here, so I hope you will see my post, this post, as I know this thread has been around some time.)

And perhaps the most important bit of advice that I can give is that to recognize that it is all like a snowball rolling down a hill. Once people start seeing one as undesirable, other people will see that person as undesirable, and that person will soon IN FACT be undesirable.

But once people start seeing you as cool and desired and in demand, then other people will start seeing you as cool and desired and in demand.

But damn, SlyDonJuan, you see that you can just about move a mountain more easily than you could get the PEOPLE WHO KNOW YOU NOW to begin seeing you as cool and desired and in demand.

That's why, in my view, to radically change your life you must move far away. To a big city. To start anew.

Well, SlyDonJuan, that is my view of your situation. I wish you great luck.

[This message has been edited by BGC (edited 10-29-2002).]

[This message has been edited by BGC (edited 10-29-2002).]

 

[mistyc]

wow. you'll be so busy getting your petty revenge that life will pass you by. bah.

 

[ESPN]

Originally posted by SlyDonJuan:
So what, SexPDX? The more ruthless his ideas, the better. I want those people to deserve the punishment. I need to have a better life. Otherwise, things won't change. Although I cannot forgive these people, I still must get rid of them. These people have given me enough problems in life and now it is their turn to suffer.

Be prepared to pay the price, you want to manipulate people and project a fake image of yourself to them so they will trust you while you keep your chess game for your own satisfaction, you will have to pay a big price for that, you will lose your self-worth, your self-image.
You by acting as a manipulator will show to yourself that ONLY what people think about you is important, what YOU think is unworthy, ''they will never know l am liar'' will simply destroy any chance of you creating and improving your self-image and finally being able to reach the ''confidence'' you keep reading everywhere.
Everything has a cost.

[This message has been edited by ESPN (edited 10-29-2002).]

 

[SlyDonJuan]

Well, can some of you guys please put yourself in my shoes.?

Don't you think it will hurt badly when you're suffering in silence and no one knows about it?

Think of it. Apart from friends and families, I get no gfs. I bet none of you ever come across situations like mine before. I once called a girl out and she said she is ill and cannot make it. She said she is staying at home to sleep cause she wanted to rest for the entire day.FINE!!!

So I went out to the mall and to my surprised, she is there with a guy.!! I can't believed it is such a coincidence to see her there in the same mall and I discovered that she is nothing but more than a liar.! Oh boy.! If she doesn't want to go out, fine. Tell me straight away!

Now, do you guys know how bad it is to be in my situation? How terribly angry am I over the past?! Not forgetting revenge, I must teach those b@stards a lesson for ostracizing me as well.!

 

[blong1068]

Do you really think no one knows what you are going through? I'd bet half the guys here went through more or less the same thing at one point in their lives. I know I did.

I had one real friend until highschool, then I had three good friends. That's it. It's hard to talk to new people, but you have to do it. I've made a few new friends lately, and it feels good to have more friends.

And about the girl who sassed you: I had a girlfriend of 3 years, and she cheated on me. That feels a lot worse than seeing some chick after she said she was sick, believe me. But you get over it, you work though it.

Since that happened I've been in the gym all the time. I lost 60 lbs and I feel pretty damn good about myself. You just have to lighten up, not worry that people will think you are a loser, they really don't.

When you are at school and you see somebody in the hall, say hello. They will most likely say hi back. After a little while of this, you will see these people around, and you will talk to them and make friends.

Just don't think you are the only one, you aren't.

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Drug offenders do more time than child molestors, rapists, and murderers. Is this justice? Is this the American way?

[This message has been edited by blong1068 (edited 10-30-2002).]