How to turn from a loser who is nothing to something?

[mistyc]

I once heard this story about a boy. He was really really really happy. He had everything in life, and wasn't even 18 yet. A girlfriend, and they loved each other deeply. A great brilliant carreer in store for him. He was intelligent. Handsome, yadda yadda yadda.

Then one winter there was an ice storm over eastern Canada. Slippery roads, few places still had electricity, etc.

He was returning home for Christmas. A truck lost control and boom! hit his car.

Today, this guy is in a wheelchair, he can hardly move or speak.

And you, SlyDonJuan, you think YOU have it bad because ONE puny little insignificant girl REJECTED your sorry little ASS?

I think you need some perspective. And you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. We've all been rejected before. It happens. It's not the end of the world. We've all had people hate us before and insult us. So what?

Are you so weak-minded that you'll let these events destroy your life? Maybe you should get in a car accident like I described above to realize how lucky you've been all your life.

 

[xniceguy]

Dude.

There are 6 billion people on the Earth, give or take a few million. The odds are that you're not the worst off. The odds are that your not the best off, either. Lesson? If you want to feel crappy and depressed about your life, you can find plenty of evidence to justify that feeling. If you want to feel great about your life, you can find plenty of evidence to justify that, too. So which attitude are you going to adopt?

You have access to the Internet, you are literate, and I'm guessing you own a pair of shoes, as most malls won't let you in without them. That alone puts you above 75% of the people on the Earth in material possesions.

My own prescription? Leave the computer and go for a 30 minute run. When you get back, write down all the changes you want to make in your life, starting with the physical (if you aren't in shape, get there) and figure out how to make them. Repeat the run whenever you feel crappy.

HTH.



------------------
Chicks don't think. Chicks feel.

 

[The Edge]

As sad as it sounds this SLY person does not really want help. Don't get me wrong, I believe you are hurting, and like the 400,000,000 responses you have received, it is definitely clear to even you, that a lot of people have already been, or are in your same situation. The good thing about this site is the instant help you get when a problem arises. You post your problem and people urge you on and try to offer advice based on what they have been through. Bottom line people on this site may not really care about you as an individual, only because quite frankly a majority of us have problems of our own, but more specifically we don't REALLY know you. We may have snippets of your life posted randomly on this site, but in actuality this site helps those that want to help themselves. What you are asking is for people to actually help you get of your a*s, hold your hand and lead you to where you are going. Better yet, you would truly appreciate it if someone could come over to your house read your mind and spoonfeed you some lines on why the world is the way it is. This my friend is a desperate cry for help. If you take it upon yourself to really read all the responses and honestly want to change your situation, you will also realize that the last response on Page 2 of this post is enough . Using this site as a means of self-entertainment and attaining friendships is one thing. However creating the illusion that no one can help you regardless of the amount of replys ( a majority of which are repetitious by the way) is a poor way of expressing a need for friendship. If you really want help with being a Don Juan the past posts and replies are enough. Not that I doubt the integrity and heart of all of the Don's replying to your plea, but a situation like you're in requires one on one counseling. Anyone capable of calling themselves names, and using such phrases as
'I am an idiot', is depressed..CLINICALLY!!!!
Be honest with yourself my man. You can play with us all you want to because by all means not every person on this site really makes a change in their lives. However, if these are thoughts that are truly running through your mind, TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER and START SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING COUNCELLING!! Then come back and get ready for Don_ship ..Happy Hunting My Man!!!

 

[SlyDonJuan]

But I just don't understand, why doesn't anyone want to join me?

Each time when I asked my friends out, they seem to give me stupid excuses like, I am not feeling well, busy, cannot confirmed yet and etc. They aren't girls you know. They are guys. So I just feel as if they are some kinda playing hard to get for me.!

And on the other hand, I have friends who don't seem to ask me out. They go out by themselves and leave me out. Why?

And most of the time, they seem to do this sh|t in front of me. For example : They are 5 people here including me. Now, one of them will asked the rest of them out for lunch, go clubbing and etc but the particular person didn't invite me. WHY? It is as if he is trying to say nobody wants to join you.!

Hmm....this is discrimination, silent treatment, ostracizing and whatever you want to call it! I am tired of being along during the weekends.

 

[mistyc]

And you just stand there and do nothing. Riiight. They've gotten used to you never going out with them so they don't bother.

Swallow your ****ing pride. Next time they make plans in front of you, SPEAK UP! Tell them you want to go too! blablabla.

oh no I know.

Just sit on your ass all the time and do nothing but complain. That's all you've been doing so far, and it seems to have gotten you everything you want!

 

[Nosferatu]

Originally posted by SlyDonJuan:
But I just don't understand, why doesn't anyone want to join me?

Each time when I asked my friends out, they seem to give me stupid excuses like, I am not feeling well, busy, cannot confirmed yet and etc. They aren't girls you know. They are guys. So I just feel as if they are some kinda playing hard to get for me.!

And on the other hand, I have friends who don't seem to ask me out. They go out by themselves and leave me out. Why?

And most of the time, they seem to do this sh|t in front of me. For example : They are 5 people here including me. Now, one of them will asked the rest of them out for lunch, go clubbing and etc but the particular person didn't invite me. WHY? It is as if he is trying to say nobody wants to join you.!

Hmm....this is discrimination, silent treatment, ostracizing and whatever you want to call it! I am tired of being along during the weekends.

Tell me something, Sly. If you could think of one thing that is turning people off about you, what would it be. If you can't think of anything, then ask someone else what it is that turns people off to you.

After you have identified this one thing, get to work on it IMMEDIATELY. Just that one thing. Then as you progress, more things you can work on will be revealed to you because you will be on the right track.

Will you do this?

Nosferatu

 

[quick_silver]

ok you're problem is that you have no social life, you need friends and you have no friends because you're regarded as a "total loser". I don't think going to the gym or working out is going to change you're image that much unless you're over weight. A "total loser" won't make any friends by joining some club or activity as he's just going to go through the same thing again and again and never make any friends no matter what situation you're in. What do you think it is about you that makes them think you're a "total loser"? Maybe its the way you dress, the way you talk, you're haircut, you're posture, maybe you're boring. Tell us what you think you're flaws are. then you can go about fixing them. Once that's done, then people will treat you with respect and you'll make friends.

 

[Levex]

I had a similar problem when i started HS,had few close friends,no GF,and got picked on once in a while.Way i got over it was when captain of basketball team started dissin me,i just came up to him and whacked that son of a ***** in a face.Of course you dont have to break anyones nose in order to get your self-esteem up,but find your own way to do it, and dont give a sh!t what anyone thinks of you.

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

Sly,
If you can't take action on all the excellent advice on this thread then you must seriously consider getting some help from a psychiatrist.

I mean what the hell is wrong with you man? We've all been in your situation and it hurts in the short term but it is what you do in the short term that will affect your long term.

Take action on the advice given, even if you've got to do all the stuff alone. Do it and stop complaining and being so negative all the time. That really turns people off.

 

[dj blass]

sly i feel you..

why dont you go out of your way and ask one of the "cool" people what they do this weekend... im sure, they'll be more then glad to talk about what they did..

tell them that you've not been able to go out lately, and join them next weekend..you just keep projecting this image of being a loser, and people will see right through that. i will tell you, im not much of the party goer/club/dancing guy..but theirs tons of fun stuff out their to do..


start out slow, and with whatever you need improvement..:

eye contact
self image
looks
and so on..


[This message has been edited by dj blass (edited 11-02-2002).]

 

[Don-Wan Kenobi]

Originally posted by Cesare Cardinali:
Sly,
If you can't take action on all the excellent advice on this thread then you must seriously consider getting some help from a psychiatrist.

Sly may need some additional help, counseling, but I would deter him from seeing a psychiatrist at this juncture. He may just need a bit of a push and (in the states at least) there are many, many therapists (psychologists and social workers) who specialize in helping young men going through what Sly is going through.

You're not a lost cause. Just say no to drugs, but do whatever it takes to get off your ass and start taking some advice.

DWK

 

[strwy2hvn420]

D00d, I was in kind of the same situation about 3 years ago. I didn't post here for help, but I did all that was posted here.

CLOTHES: Look good. No one wants to hang out with someone who looks like a fag/geek.

STAY IN SHAPE: Who wants to date a fatass? I sure don't.

FRIENDS: Try to get one good 'cool' friend. That will lead to more friends.

GIRLFRIENDS: Once you have social status, you have it all, my friend.

Good luck. This is a hard road. It could take a year(s) or so. So, go out there and make me proud!

 

[WizardOfOz]

Sly so no one wants to go out with you? hahaha. Tough luck.

There's no help for you. No one else has ever been through what you're experiencing. YEAH RIGHT! We've all been there buddy.

Now listen up. You obviously have a lot of time on your hands (and yes I am a little jealous). Use it to IMPROVE yourself. Read the books that we have been reading and do all the other things that our comrades have suggested in this post (and in the DJ Bible).

And lastly - stop being a drama queen.

 

[SlyDonJuan]

I made it.!!!!

This site has really helped me out :
http://www.campusblue.com

Now I have found the torch in my life.!!! Yahoo!!

 

[No Longer a Loser]

I want an update.

How much better is your life now than it was in the first post of this thread..

I expect your reply to be "much better, because I followed all the advice that was given".

If your reply is "still the same old, same old" then it just goes to show, that if you do nothing, expect nothing.


Anything that gets in the way of achieving your goals is an excuse.

If you have no goals.. by definition you have no hope.

 

[Marquez]

Originally posted by SlyDonJuan
I made it.!!!!

This site has really helped me out :
http://www.campusblue.com

Now I have found the torch in my life.!!! Yahoo!!

That site seems to be offline, please enlighten me what it is (was?) about!

 

[J.T.]

I think he meant http://www.campusblues.com

 

[whitedemon]

Slydonjuan,
Hi, Which part of Malaysia are you from?

 

[Ragnar]

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important
than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances,
than failures, than successes, than what other people think or
say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or
skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the
attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past;
we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is
play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude ... I am
convinced that life is 10 percent what happens
to me and 90 percent how I react to it."
-Charles Swindell

A great quote to live by...

 

[Darkart]

Sly, go buy a prostitute.

See how overrated sex is, then realise that 90% of the guys in the gym are there just for women. Those are the 90% that come and go, the 10% that stay are there to better themselves, women or not.

How many married guys you see hitting the gym? Alot less than before they got hitched.

You can change your physical appearance if you want to, but that's not your problem, you need to change your ****ing attitude.

There is no way you are so ugly at 18 that everyone hates you, stop reading these stupid ass posts and walk outside and do something.

Don't throw away the playstation, if you enjoy playing it keep doing it. Unplugging your TV, and crap won't help you at all. Play it as much as you want, playstation isn't the problem.

Go find a rock climbing gym, the meberships are only like 50-60$ a month, even if you are 300 pounds, atleast try. Rock climbing is the only form of exercise where both scrawny people and fat people can get very attractive bodies very fast.

If your in college it's easy to make friends, just join a research group, you will be spending a ton of time with the people in your group, so if you have any personality you will make friends for life.