How to turn from a loser who is nothing to something?

Agent ABC

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SlyDonJuan, what is your e-mail? Give me now. Because I am having the SAME EXACT problem with you, and I think mine's even worst than yours, in fact...

So give me your e-mail now. Perhaps we could talk.

And what's the meaning of "Yada yada"?
 

Ronin

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Sly dude. I really don't understand you.

You come here lookin for help, and you got some amazing advice. I ave never seena post that got such a huge amount of thoughtful responses as this one has.

So please dude, STOP TURNING AROUND EVERYTHING THEY SAY AND LISTEN TO THEM. F*ck dude. The advice they have givin you is priceless. I mean what do you want for the guys here? Do you want us to telly ou that you are a pathetic looser? Because really, we know your not. Your just like all of the other guys here that wanted to change their life around, and did. I think you problem is that your too depressed to even try any of the things that have been suggested here. Serioustly dude, fight that desperation and get your ass out there. Start working out, get a FUN job, join clubs and groups at your school etc.

Sly you have to realize that your current social situation is perfect. Your not with the nerds and you not with the popular jerky-jocks. Dude that is the exact social siuation you want to be in!!! That way you can pick your friends. The only problem with it for you is that neither group respects you because your easy to push around. Do you think the jocks would laugh and stare at you if you were confident and didn't give a F*ck about what they though?

I think the main thing that you are mising in your life is fun. Dude start working out, play a sport that you like, play the odd video game. Just realize that life was meant to be fun and to enjoy life you have to learn how to have fun.

Ronin

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Never foget your ABCs': Always Be Closing.

[This message has been edited by Ronin (edited 10-20-2002).]
 

Lionheart

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"We Know Your Not a Loser" - Ronin (A good film too
)

And you know it too...start listening to this advice dude!

Or was this whole post just a placebo?

I am very simlar in a lot of ways, I am the middle man in University - I'm smart enough to be in with the geeks, but cool enough to be in with the 'cool boys', which means im in the middle somewhere.

I like this setup as I've turned it into an advantage, I know loads of people with various interests and always have something to do.

But one thing i've learned is, if anyone disrespects you or causes you trouble, cut them out of your life immediatly, do not associate with them, they'll have more respect for you even if they don't like you.
I have this privilege as I have plenty of friends, I can just **** off the ones that disrespect me.

And someone said that giving you the be confidence speeches and boost-ups wont help you.

I disagree, it helped me and I've been in this situation before, people respect me now.

and you know why?

Because I now Respect Myself, I'm good and I know it!

Lionheart
=============================================
Now I'm out since I only Got One Life to Live.
2Pac - 2 my Unborn

There are some Men, Great Men, to whom Anything is Permitted.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky
=============================================
 

affirmed

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It doesn't matter what you say, he won't listen. He's made up his mind he can't change and will fight as hard as he can against doing anything to change. Why? Because he associates more pleasure to being the victim than he does to fighting against depression (admitedly a hard thing to do that requires a lot of courage and will) and doing something about it.

Until he decides he's really COMMITTED to change, he won't. Whatever anyone says.

Fantastic advice though, I appreciate it all
 

affirmed

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It doesn't matter what you say, he won't listen. He's made up his mind he can't change and will fight as hard as he can against doing anything to change. Why? Because he associates more pleasure to being the victim than he does to fighting against depression (admitedly a hard thing to do that requires a lot of courage and will) and doing something about it.

Until he decides he's really COMMITTED to change, he won't. Whatever anyone says.

Fantastic advice though, I appreciate it all
 

PrinceCharming

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Originally posted by SlyDonJuan:
Glide,

I agree with what you said. Yes, I am feeling depressed. The problem here is the people have been making me feel bad about myself. I just do not know why , but it looks like I can't control it.

And you want me to seek professional people? No way! I am not insane.! and I am not taking any F*CKING pills!. It is sad cause I do not know why I am so unlucky. ARGH!

Btw Glide, are you a psychologist/ psychiatrist?
You're so right!!!

I have a friend who was diagnosed with ADD and went to 5 different doctors all of whom gave him pills. He hated it!!!

Let me tell you a story about myself.

There have been times in my life where I've been depressed too. I didn't know why, or anything, but I knew I was feeling bad. I dragged myself around, body slouched, head hanging down, all the time. Life made no f*cking sense. One day I met a friend, and was telling him about my depresson and stuff like that.

Well, first thing he said was, "does your back hurt?" I'm like "WTF??" He says, "you're slouching, it must hurt." Then he said, "Here let me show you something." He had me put my hand across the chest, hold my breath, and grabbed me from behind, squeezing my arms against my body, and lifted me up. I heard the loudest crack in my back ever. Then he told me to move my head left and right, and my neck cracked.

Well, I cannot tell you the rush of blood that I felt gning through my back to my head, and felt full of breath for the first time in days.

"How do you feel now?" he asked. I suddenly felt better, and said "I don't know, I feel better." "Good, now drop down and give me twenty!!" He was talking about push ups. After that we went to the movie theater and watched "Austin Powers. Goldmember" The most f*cking hilarious movie ever. After seeing that movie, I was so pumped up, I totally forgot about depression.... for like ever.

That's all it took for me. People have tried to put me down ever since, I just tell them "F*CK YOU" in my head of course, and go about my business.
 

SlyDonJuan

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Originally posted by madslackin:
Sly,

Do us all a favor and stop f*cking whining. I normally would not reply to a thread like this but you are SO PATHETIC that I have to.

It seems like you like to whine about how bad you have it or how much you're a loser, all the while not taking ANY advice from the people here who are trying to help. Probably every other reply to this post has suggested you go to a gym. Have you done that? Have you even thought about taking any of this advice and actually DOING what is suggested?

And would you please stop talking about @ss! You basically say yourself that you have nothing to offer.. why then does it surprise you that you have never been popular with the ladies (or anyone, for that matter).

Were you spoiled as a child? I'm betting that's a huge yes and it's not helping your case much here. I, for one, have zero sympathy for your plight. You're so bored? Get off your @ss and do something! Try some of the things that have been suggested to you in this thread.

No friends? Do it yourself. Maybe even learn to like yourself. How can someone else be expected to like you if you don't even like yourself?

P.S. I hope this post makes you want to kick my ass.. that's the point. Stop whining like a little b*tch and try to at least pretend you are male and have balls.

Thank you.

Are you a f&cking moron here? I have started doing stuffs but I never felt better. And what MAKES you THINK that I didn't listen to the advice given here,huh? And buddy, sorry to say it but do you think it's as easy as it's said. For example, when I am bored, do something. When you have no friends, find them.

If you put yourself in my situation, I think you'll be more worse than I am. So if you don't wish to reply to this post or hate to read it. Then DON'T!!!. Who on earth asked you to post a reply? You're really making things worse instead of helping.

And Affirmed,

The difficulty here is not able to branched out further from my circle. It isn't that I am not willing to do anything which it takes to be better. I hear you
 

PrinceCharming

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Originally posted by SlyDonJuan:
The difficulty here is not able to branched out further from my circle. It isn't that I am not willing to do anything which it takes to be better. I hear you
I see what you're saying. Then you can't say that you're depressed. Depression is a little different. What you're dealing with here, has taken me some time to understand for myself.

Basically, you've realized that you think differently from most of the crowd. Differently from the jerks, who will end up hurting themselves later in life, and different from the geeks, who have a limited field of vision.

I congratulate you. I've been in that position for years. Stuck in the middle so to say. I've been there and I hated it at times, but in the end it has brought me more good than bad, although I might have missed early opportunities. Your best protection in this case is knowledge and a wide field of vision (not eyesight if you catch my drift).

That way you will be able to relate to more people in whatever field they may be. I remember a movie called "Sidhartha" about a prince who went ona journey of self discovery. He left the comfort of the royal house, and went to the woods where the outcasts meditated.

He meditated with them for a while, and one day he finally figured it out. The thing that set him apart from both sides. He called it the golden middle. As he says in the movie: "if the bow is too tight, it will break; if it's too loose, it won't work."

So now you can also strive to find your golden middle. So what if you cannot get any @ss? While the jerks get their @sses, you study and make interesting realizations. When they get in trouble you laugh. I'm very sure there will come a time for you, just like it did for me. I read books, studied them, not studying in school that's a waste of time, but non-fiction books.

I have made some of the deepest realizations for myslef that got me from having fear talking to women, to being fully calm, in a few minutes. I don't even know what changed. But I feel it. All I did, was to take it slow, one step at a time, and not worry about the idiots who laughed behind my back. Because soon, I'll be the one to laugh at them.

So calm down, and take things slowly. If you listen to somebody say I can do X, Y, Z, always ask how long it took them to get there. Probably, they'll say years.
 
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Do you have money? If you do, then use it to experience life out side of your social circle…which will change your perspective about the importance of certain elements that’s bothering you right now. Travel to a different country; visit the Seven Wonders of the World. If you don’t then getting money needs to be your focus before anything else. Make that your short term goal and go for it, visit somewhere exotic and remember to take lots of photos and buy strange local souvenirs and wear it around campus. My friend visited Amazon and brought back some strangest **** you can imagine and the stories he has is out of this world. Depression is the way your brains is telling you that it is hungry for something new and exciting so feed it with some new **** and don’t look back.
 

SexPDX

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I have stayed silent on this so far and I have skimmed over what looks like very good feedback for Sly. Again, the question is...

How to turn from a loser who is nothing to something?

The first step is that you have to genuinely believe you need to change, then you have to genuinely WANT TO CHANGE.

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- The performer known as Nick
 

Agent ABC

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Sly, I think you are not a loser... since you asked us how to change yourself, which means at least you realize your problems, and have been thinking about changing it. Some people never realize their problems, and got worst.

And also you are not a loser because you found this site, and got a lot of good replies, and mass of valuable information. I think your families, your friends or enemies don't even know this site exist at all.

If possible, get yourself an electric guitar, and JAM the whole day, if possible. Don't worry about the notes. If you don't know how to play it, don't worry. Just simply play it out LOUD, and scream if nessecarry. That's why a lot of people like those rocks and metal bands, 'cause of all the screaming, yelling, and shouting can release the tension within a person. Who knows that you might come up with a new song while simply playing the electric guitar, right?

Continue finding some friends... maybe later on you realize that they like Playstation too... and then you can invite them to come over to your house, and play Playstation!
 

DJintheworks

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You feel like a loser cause you have way to much time on your hands to feel sorry for yourself. Brad Pitt would feel like a loser if he had 7 free hours a day EVERYDAY to think about stuff like that. Get a job, get a guitar, join a gym, break your playstation, read a book. Just stay busy, and you won't even think about if your cool or not.
 

SlyDonJuan

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I knew myself better than anyone else. Of course, I am an introvert person. I may be shy in social-situation at times but I usually do performed better after a while.

But it looks like I need to change from introvert to extrovert. But I feel that it is so difficult to do it. I find it difficult to get more friends or even possible get myself a gf.

Argh, I don't know.! Just think about it, people may be surprised that I don't have a gf cause I am already 19. But the truth cannot be avoided. I don't have a gf. So think about it, each time if a girl ask "Hey Sly, you didn't go out with ur gf today?". Well, then I will feel bad about myself. I have thought of lying but I think that will do me no good.

And you know, it seems like a kinda embarassment to be single. But think about it, the more you show that you're angling for something, the more you can't get it. Right now, I am somehow oozing out a kind of desperation and I feel that the people around me could sense it. Oh well, I was wondering when will my life turn over?
 

WizardOfOz

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I suggest you stop thinking about women. I'm almost 24 and do you know how old I was when I scored my first girlfriend? 22 (oh yeah and it was just before my 23 birthday). Since she dumped my sorry ass in Feb 2002 I've been a big hit with the ladies.

It takes time to learn "what women want and you're not going to get anywhere whilst you obsess over your situation.

You need to make yourself worthy of the quality women that are out there. Get yourself a job, get in shape, get some cool clothes (I once walked into a cool store dressed as a dork and told a cute sales assistant that I wanted a cool outfit. When I walked out of there I was looking cool and the cutie had had a ball playing dress ups with me. The chicks love it. Trust me. It takes a bit of balls but it's worth it), travel a bit, experience new things and do anything else that will make you proud of yourself.

And remember Sly, YOU CAN DO IT!
 

Agent ABC

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Ya know what, Sly?

Now I also don't have a girlfriend. Almost EVERYONE I know in college have girlfriends. I was even sometimes being asked by my friends "Hey, was it so hard for you to get a girlfriend? I think you should find one... bla... bla... bla..."

But then, I asked myself "Hhmm... why I don't have a girlfriend?" and started getting MAD and ANGRY at myself. I sometimes even BASHED myself into the mirror, while sometimes I looked at myself at the mirror. (Luckily the mirror didn't break!)

In the college, in the canteen, and wherever I go, I see couples. Sometimes I could even feel the hatred and anger within me, I REALLY felt like killing them!

But then, I think about this properly... and I finally asked myself "Hey, why would I need a girlfriend in the firstplace? And how would I feel if I had a girlfriend? And what do I REALLY want in a girl? And what do a girl REALLY wants in me?"

I REPEATEDLY asked these 4 questions myself... and finally realized that it's better off for not having a girlfriend yet...

So, Sly... go and ask these 4 questions yourself. And THINK CAREFULLY.
 

Ekschaxze

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Behind this text, I see a smart man, a perfectly capable man that is being conformed and supressed by all the negative ideas and fascist collindrones of our times.

You need to do some things.

But before I list anything, there is one thing that must be realized and attained before you begin anything. You must stop thinking about getting so much "@ss".

First and foremost, you will stop throwing this advice back in to other people's faces. I dout that a certified psychologist could give you better adive than what has been given here.

Secondly, you will stop thinking of yourself in a negative way. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy and it is eating away at your soul. Your very essence is being consumed by itself.

Thirdly, you will work out a minimum of three times a week. This will increase your testosterone levels and make you feel better about yourself, as well as the obvious health benefits.

Fourthly, you will write down every single fault you have on a slip(hell, a binder) of paper. Every day, you will review these, add to them, and once you believe you've accumulated all your faults, you will go through and write down ways you can fix these. then you will post both here. the way that you go about fixing your problems will give us deep insight as to you as a whole, and I as well as others will be able to give much more customized and accurate advice.


Fifthly, you will take up no less than three hobbies. You will learn guitar, you will swim, you will join the football team, you will write poems. Whathaveyou. Every time, I mean EVERY TIME you start thinking negatively about yourself, you will go do one of these things.


Sixthly, you will become a regular here. You will read, read, read. you will read both bibles twice a week.

Seventhly, you will call ten random people in the phone book and pull a prank on each one of them. Now. Don't ask why, just do it.

-

Now, for what you really need. Destructive criticism:

Your life sucks ****.
It does. You've admitted it. You sit at home day in and day out, your life is a morbid reincantation of filtered hate and refiltered infatuation with women that wouldn't fvck you if they were in a Middle-Eastern torture camp.

You will change this.

You must move. Move now. You must escape all restraints. Move ten thousand miles if need be, but you have to get away from those that bind you. you are not Liepar Destin(bound by fate), and you must get away from those that consider you to be a loser.

If you don't stop being so negative, and you won't unless you really want to change, then no change shall occur. You will rot. you will be a fourty year-old virgin who finds an equally pathetic woman who settles for you, marries you and cheats on you bi-weekly. You will hear her moans from the other room as she gets off on some other guy's d!ck because you're too much of a wuss to kick that guy out of your house, and her too for that matter.

You, and only you, can change. Humans have the most evolved ability to adapt of any animal on this wretched hellhole of a planet. you can adapt. You must evolve. you need women, you must reproduce, and therefore, must adapt to your surrondings.

The amount of information in this post is insurrmountable, and I hope I have just added a largely appreciated and valued piece to it.


Only you can change your life..only you.
 

YOGI BEAR

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Im glad to see everyone on this forum giving such a vaild effort to help this guy, but all of you are saying the same thing. You cant just give him a motivational speech, sympathy,and say "go talk to someone in the chess club".I think you guys who have great social skills on here need to be more specific on how to make friends in general. Like how he should start convos with ppl and how to handle certain situations. Maybe im on wrong on this, but thats just my 2 cents. And Slydonjuan, you need to aleast try what they are saying and ask questions if something goes wrong in your attempt. Good luck bro, peace.
 

mistyc

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I'm not sure reading reading reading everything here 6 times or more is the answer. It's very easy to become addicted to the rush of false confidence given by the articles. Veeeery easy. I probably fell prey to that, even though I wouldn't normally admit it
Action is necessary. Then come back, and learn where you went right, and where you can improve. Reading this site's articles just for the sake of gaining confidence..... I don't believe in that anymore.
 

Cesare Cardinali

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Sly,
For a guy who considers himself a loser, you should feel very flattered that so many DJs have taken the time to respond to your post with very good advice on what you should do. Heck, I post here quite often and only get a couple of replies, and I'm going through an extremely tough time and would love to get this type of feedback.

The advice on your thread is a goldmine. But it is totally worthless if you don't take action. I know that you consider yourself a loser, but if you read all the information posted here and do nothing, than you truly will be a loser. And you know what, that means that everyone you know who considers you a loser, you "ennemies" as you put it, would have been correct.

So Sly, prove them wrong man. Take action on the stuff on this thread. Go for it. If you are a loser who is nothing, than you have nothing to lose.

Do it now and don't stop.
 

SlyDonJuan

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I just find it so difficult to get rid of my negative emotion since even my own family thinks of me of being a 'loser'.

My mom told me that you can never get a girl cause you're worthless moron. Friends think that I am not gonna get any @ss cause I am not as cool as they are and even if I do, it's going to be a lousy f*ck. All I can get is ugly/average chicks who are desperate to stick to a loser like me.

I even ask my own family why do they think of me in such a nagative way. Why underestimate me? And then here comes my mom and dad telling me that they are not underestimating you when they are really doing it. They even throw me this question 'Son, why do you think we want to underestimate you? You are our son, we want to be proud of you too! So there are no reasons for us to run you down or to make you feel bad'.

Yeah right! I am tired of this kinda life being bored and etc...... I have taken actions by getting a job,trying to occupy myself and make myself as busy as possible so I won't be disturbed by my problems anymore. I just don't want to think about it.
As long as I haven't take my revenge of my so-called 'enemies', I will not feel satisfied. Only their misfortune can make me happy in return. They shall have no peace. I will make their life miserable for them....
 
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