How to respond to a flake?

[T|CK]

I just got a text message from a chick I had a date with tomorrow. She canceled our date and had some lame excuse. What's the best way to respond?

I figured I'd either just say "ok" or not respond at all.

I don't want to act like I'm mad. I just want to show that I'm better than that ****.

 

[saturos]

Tell her you deleted her message because you were in the middle of deleting all your messages, and ask for it again. And also tell her the dates off ;p

But uhh..otherwise, i would say "ok" and then drop it like that. If you don't respond she might think you went and she might tell people about how you got stood up, etc, depending on what kind of a person she is.

 

[r0cky]

"Its ok, I also forgot i'm petsitting my neighbor's turtle tomorrow. I'll let you know next time I'm available"
Respond with lame excuse, and bring the ball to your court.

 

[sprint]

well unless she tried to reschedule or at least tell you the next time she's free I would just drop her (but that depends how long you've known her). So if this is the first time just wait and see if she contacts you. If not then she probably had no interest. Same thing happened to me. I scheduled a date then she canceled the day of via text.

 

[T|CK]

well unless she tried to reschedule or at least tell you the next time she's free I would just drop her (but that depends how long you've known her). So if this is the first time just wait and see if she contacts you. If not then she probably had no interest. Same thing happened to me. I scheduled a date then she canceled the day of via text.

She just said she had to cancel, she's sorry, and she will catch up with me later.

So, I think "ok" is just fine for that.

 

[sprint]

hmm sounds kinda like she was just letting you go. I would probably try once more but not expect much. I mean she she says she'll catch up with you later that implies that she'll contact you, something which girls hardly ever seem to do.

I would just not reply. I mean even "ok" seems too much. I mean a no reply would basically let her know you're not happy but that it's not even worth your time to let her know that you got the message at all.

 

[T|CK]

hmm sounds kinda like she was just letting you go. I would probably try once more but not expect much. I mean she she says she'll catch up with you later that implies that she'll contact you, something which girls hardly ever seem to do.

I would just not reply. I mean even "ok" seems too much. I mean a no reply would basically let her know you're not happy but that it's not even worth your time to let her know that you got the message at all.

Ok, I won't reply. It's just that I didn't want to appear mad, but if I really don't care, what does it really matter what I appear to be, right? The fact is I got flaked on, and I should care just as much as she does.

 

[sprint]

true. that's why a no reply is better I think. I mean it basically shows that you don't care at all in my opinion.

I mean you can still try and set something up with her later. Maybe you can call in 5 or 6 days and just act like nothing happened. Perhaps she did have a true excuse. But since she didn't offer to reschedule or at least give you another time then I'm wouldn't bet on it. But still I would try one more time.

 

[Igetit!]

I agree with Saturos. Just say "ok" period. Nothing else. Then don't contact her for a while,maybe a week to ten days. If she contacts you before then,like if she calls you on the phone,the first thing you say to her is,"Who is this?". Give her the impression that you have gone on with your life as if she never even existed,as if you had never known her. When she then realizes that her flaking not only had no effect on you,but you're still just as happy,free,and enjoying you life with your friends and other girls,she'll feel a little hurt and disappointed that she meant that little to you. Also.if she calls you,DO NOT mention her flaking. Don't say anything about it. She's the one who did the bad deed,so she should bring it up and apologize. Oh yeah,one more thing(and this is important). If she calls you,DO NOT suggest another date. Your interest in her is already apparent. You want to see where her interest level is at. Wait to see if she suggest another time. If she doesn't you can do it,but if she flakes again,NEXT!!!!

 

[T|CK]

I'm using this as a learning experience. Usually I say next without really seeing if what they're saying is true. I become crazy impatient. It's like I let my feelings get hurt, and I lash out. I tell them what bull**** it is and it's their loss. Acting like that really doesn't show that it's really their loss.

 

[Igetit!]

Don't lash out,man. Don't do it. I know it sucks when a girl gives you a lame excuse,when you already know what she's saying isn't true. Another thing you don't understand is that by you lashing out,you are doing two things at once,and both of them are bad for you.

Number 1:You are burning bridges. Look,I've asked out women before,and they said yes. They said yes,and then we didn't go out.
I've asked out women before and they said no. They said no,and then we did go out. Women can be some unpredictable creatures,man. So don't lash out/tell them off. I can assure you,that when they see you act like that,they're saying to themselves,"Wooooh,that was close. I'm glad I flaked now. What a temper! I'm glad I found this out before I got too involved with him".

Number 2:You're feeding her ego without even realizing it. When you lash out,you're expressing anger. When you are angry,that means that you care.
When you care,that means that your emotions are involved. If she finds out that you care and already have emotions towards her without even having been on even one date yet,game over. She'll already have what she wanted from you. It's the same thing as when a nice guy tells a woman that she is beautiful or hot,or tells her how he feels. When she learns that a guy already likes her without her having to do anything,she immediately losses interest.

 

[Jeffst1980]

If you actually want a shot at seeing her again, "ok" isn't going to be enough. Try something ****y/funny, like:

"The pool boy again?! That's it, we are getting a divorce!"

or, better:

"So when are you going to make it up to me by cooking me dinner?"

By answering in this manner and acting amused instead of bothered, you demonstrate the "prize" mentality subtly and give her the opportunity to engage in some playful banter instead of an awkward conversation. This won't work 100% of the time, of course, but it's your best weapon.

 

[BeyondCharm]

Move on to bettering your life and don't drown in resentment or self-pity. Realize that if she flaked without communicating then she has some sort of spiritual sickness that prevented her from acting and behaving like a grown adult woman. Don't worry about it. Accept life on lifes terms and continue making your life better and you will find someone who will be happy to meet you and spend time and doesn't play games.

 

[HandyAndy]

http://www.sosuave.com/rondavid/succeed44.htm?forum

 

[T|CK]

http://www.sosuave.com/rondavid/succeed44.htm?forum

This is for being stood up, and it's a great tip, but being flaked on is a little different. She at least gave me a heads up.

 

[T|CK]

If you actually want a shot at seeing her again, "ok" isn't going to be enough. Try something ****y/funny, like:

"The pool boy again?! That's it, we are getting a divorce!"

or, better:

"So when are you going to make it up to me by cooking me dinner?"

By answering in this manner and acting amused instead of bothered, you demonstrate the "prize" mentality subtly and give her the opportunity to engage in some playful banter instead of an awkward conversation. This won't work 100% of the time, of course, but it's your best weapon.

Don't these statements make you out to be desperate? Isn't the whole point to better yourself so you won't be dependent on a woman and be strong enough to walk away from the bullsh!t.

I would think that saying "ok" would possibly cause her ego to get the best of her. If she has any interest at all, she will wonder why I really didn't show that I cared too much, and she will possibly tell herself that she fvcked up.

 

[Love]

Jeffst1980 is on the right track. And so is your last post T|CK

She doesnt need you so why should you act like you need her.
Comprimise between the two is the ultimate "i dont need you":
"Your ****"

 

[T|CK]

I know that when I someone says "ok" to me and that's all, it makes me want to say more. It makes me want to find out more.

 

[Love]

But youre not a girl. She';s lost interest in you completely if she flakes, you need to spark it again

 

[macallik]

But youre not a girl. She';s lost interest in you completely if she flakes, you need to spark it again

2nded.

Some of you guys seem to think that nexting her alone will make her come around. It isn't that simple if you haven't already proven your worth to her. Most of these flakes come from lack of rapport or no connection during the initial meeting. It feels good to say how you got digits in less than 30 seconds but most of the time these numbers are essentially useless.