How to make your dating life less dreadful

[CornbreadFed]

First, Ray Ray & Pookie Should Not Be Your Role Models for Dating. If you can’t comfortably afford to spend $100 on a date, you probably shouldn’t be dating at all right now. I'm not saying every date needs to cost $100, but you should be prepared for that possibility. Women have far better perception skills than men, and they trust their instincts quickly. They can tell if you’re broke or just being cheap based on where you take them. Some might still go out with you if they're bored, but it’ll be a waste of time for both of you.

Here’s what you should do instead:

1. Be Selective with Your Dates, Especially if You're Using Online Dating (OLD)
A lot of men complain about women serial dating, but many of you are doing the same thing. Just because she has physical assets doesn’t mean she’s worth your time or money. Think about it: does Google waste time interviewing unqualified candidates? Are luxury real estate agents cold approaching people at Dollar Tree for coastal malibu properties? Adopt this mindset, and dating will be more enjoyable, and you'll be less bitter about it.

2. Skip the Date
You don’t always need a formal date to get to know someone or even to have sex. You can simply invite her over or go to her place. It’s not that hard—you’re just making excuses because you’re scared and weak.

3. Get Creative with Low-Cost Dates
Sure, a walk in the park can seem cheap, but the key is to find low-cost options that don’t feel that way. My go-to spots were sushi places with good happy hour specials, lounges or upscale beer gardens that looked fancy but were reasonably priced, museums, or hidden parks. Put in some effort to be creative, not lazy.

4. Screen with Coffee Dates
Coffee dates are a smart way to screen potential partners without investing too much time or money. Plenty of women on OLD are just looking to waste both, so this filters them out. Oh, but you are worried about not being able to create sexual tension over a coffee date? Let me tell you, if she ghosted you after a coffee date, she would’ve ghosted you after a drink date too. Congratulations, I just saved you $50 and a wasted evening.

 

[asterixix]

Why are you spending $100 on dates?

You should be dating during weekdays where dates have a natural end. Go to a bar and have 1-2 drinks at most. If things are working well, escalate to your/her place. Otherwise end the night.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Why are you spending $100 on dates?

I'm not saying every date needs to cost $100, but you should be prepared for that possibility

You should be dating during weekdays where dates have a natural end. Go to a bar and have 1-2 drinks at most. If things are working well, escalate to your/her place. Otherwise end the night.

1). If this method worked so easily then we wouldn't have so many men struggling with dating. Bar dates are obsolete with most younger women today and they do not filter out the time wasters out there. 1-2 drinks at a bar can easily end up at 50 plus dollars after tip in most places.

2). They are loud, uncomfortable, and filled with distractions which makes it harder to build chemistry, parking usually sucks, the possibility of getting a DUI, and if girl needs alcohol to get sexual then what does that say about her?

 

[corrector]

That works if you have allot of options with OLD and have an abundance mindset. Guys are struggling because they are not been chosen by enough women in the first place to make an enjoyable experience.

 

[SW15]

1. Be Selective with Your Dates, Especially if You're Using Online Dating (OLD)
A lot of men complain about women serial dating, but many of you are doing the same thing. Just because she has physical assets doesn’t mean she’s worth your time or money. Think about it: does Google waste time interviewing unqualified candidates? Are luxury real estate agents cold approaching people at Dollar Tree for coastal malibu properties? Adopt this mindset, and dating will be more enjoyable, and you'll be less bitter about it.

Selectivity is important with dates, especially in the tech-based methods (swipe apps and the social media DMs).

If a man isn't selective in dating, he will end up with many "one date, no sex, no second date" type interactions where his second date offer via text is not replied to or he gets a bullshiit text like "I had a good time but do no see this going anywhere" text. Too many of those will affect a man's psychological well being.

As the man, you also don't want to be the one to opt out early and not offer a second date because your first date was total shiit. It is better to leave earlier than later, but the idea is to screen upfront for bad dates.

I prefer screening in-person rather than behind an electronic screen. Assessing compatibility from mainly text messages (even phone calls are rare in the 2010s-2020s) is very difficult to do.

2. Skip the Date
You don’t always need a formal date to get to know someone or even to have sex. You can simply invite her over or go to her place. It’s not that hard—you’re just making excuses because you’re scared and weak.

This can happen. There's always the option of going to a bar, doing an approach, and having the approach result in same night sex.

A really good non-bar approach in-person might lead to an immediate invite to someone's place, though this is rare from non-bar approaching.

People can skip the date in swipe app and DM interactions too. It's great if you can pull this off.

3. Get Creative with Low-Cost Dates

Sure, a walk in the park can seem cheap, but the key is to find low-cost options that don’t feel that way. My go-to spots were sushi places with good happy hour specials, lounges or upscale beer gardens that looked fancy but were reasonably priced, museums, or hidden parks. Put in some effort to be creative, not lazy.

Agree. Little to add here. There are scenic points in a lot of areas where walking around is perfectly enjoyable.

A lot of activity dates are difficult to do in evenings and require a Sat/Sun daylight hours date. Be prepared for that.

4. Screen with Coffee Dates
Coffee dates are a smart way to screen potential partners without investing too much time or money. Plenty of women on OLD are just looking to waste both, so this filters them out. Oh, but you are worried about not being able to create sexual tension over a coffee date? Let me tell you, if she ghosted you after a coffee date, she would’ve ghosted you after a drink date too. Congratulations, I just saved you $50 and a wasted evening.

I don't agree with this and I don't like coffee dates. I'm not much of a coffee drinker, nor would I want to drink coffee on a weeknight evening even if I were more of a coffee drinker.

Screen with coffee dates seems more like an OLD tactic. I'd rather screen on an in-person approach, which is why I like my in-person approaches to have more extended chats.

I disagree that ghosting after a coffee date is correlated to ghosting after a bar date. The sexual mood of drinks in a bar with just the right lighting and ambience can make a difference.

Go to a bar and have 1-2 drinks at most. If things are working well, escalate to your/her place. Otherwise end the night.

1). If this method worked so easily then we wouldn't have so many men struggling with dating. Bar dates are obsolete with most younger women today and they do not filter out the time wasters out there. 1-2 drinks at a bar can easily end up at 50 plus dollars after tip in most places.

2). They are loud, uncomfortable, and filled with distractions which makes it harder to build chemistry, parking usually sucks, the possibility of getting a DUI, and if girl needs alcohol to get sexual then what does that say about her?

I think it is an interesting idea that the bar date is now obsolete. It's worth discussing. I don't think it is obsolete but I am not dating Gen Z. I'm an older Millennial dating aging Millennials.

The concerns from #2 are legitimate, especially parking. Uber/Lyft can get expensive. It is challenging to find bars in Dallas that have easy parking for 1-2 drinks and also have a good mood for a date. Loud and uncomfortable can be avoided with good venue selection.

Filtering out the time wasters is supposed to happen in the initial in-person approach. @CornbreadFed seems like more of a swipe app or social media DM dater.

 

[CornbreadFed]

That works if you have allot of options with OLD and have an abundance mindset. Guys are struggling because they are not been chosen by enough women in the first place to make an enjoyable experience.

We

I don't agree with this and I don't like coffee dates. I'm not much of a coffee drinker, nor would I want to drink coffee on a weeknight evening even if I were more of a coffee drinker.

Screen with coffee dates seems more like an OLD tactic. I'd rather screen on an in-person approach, which is why I like my in-person approaches to have more extended chats.

I disagree that ghosting after a coffee date is correlated to ghosting after a bar date. The sexual mood of drinks in a bar with just the right lighting and ambience can make a difference.

I just realized that a lot of coffee places aren't third place environment friendly and the good ones I go to are based off my knowledge and experience. There has to be other places that help you screen out, but also give you the nice lighting and ambience. My most successful relationships I met the first time through hookah bar, beach date, cooking, bowling then sonic, coffee date(third place environment friendly), wine bar, and sushi happy hours.

I think it is an interesting idea that the bar date is now obsolete. It's worth discussing. I don't think it is obsolete but I am not dating Gen Z. I'm an older Millennial dating aging Millennials.

The concerns from #2 are legitimate, especially parking. Uber/Lyft can get expensive. It is challenging to find bars in Dallas that have easy parking for 1-2 drinks and also have a good mood for a date. Loud and uncomfortable can be avoided with good venue selection.

Filtering out the time wasters is supposed to happen in the initial in-person approach. @CornbreadFed seems like more of a swipe app or social media DM dater.

I do not think the bar dates are as effective on younger millennials and especially Gen Z as they were with older generations. Younger millennial women tend to be functioning alcoholics and not really be phased by alcohol. They have more than likely been to every bar and have an easy way out of any situation. They can easily go and use you for free drinks and then go home to watch Netflix with their dog and Jason. With Gen Z, they don't tend to drink as much as alcohol as millennials. As a Gen Z out to a bar and she is more than likely not going to be interested or go and order a 20-dollar mocktail.

However, if drink dates work for you then continue doing what has been working well. Drink dates have resulted in the most Ls for me and I have found many other ways around them. I think this applies to a lot of men as well, so I want them to be aware of options. I do not know if it's just the alcohol or environment throwing off my frame, but I do not think they are the bread and butter to a successful date at all.

 

[CornbreadFed]

That works if you have allot of options with OLD and have an abundance mindset. Guys are struggling because they are not been chosen by enough women in the first place to make an enjoyable experience.

They need figure out why they aren't being chosen by women first.

 

[Isildur1]

They need figure out why they aren't being chosen by women first.

purely mathematical reasons- my cousin is average looking and lives in New York she gets around 2000-3000 matches on tinder and bumble - a man of her equivalent looks an't getting 3000 matches lol - women have the upper hand in all aspects of online game

 

[CornbreadFed]

purely mathematical reasons- my cousin is average looking and lives in New York she gets around 2000-3000 matches on tinder and bumble - a man of her equivalent looks an't getting 3000 matches lol - women have the upper hand in all aspects of online game

Have you seen her 2000-3000 matches though? High quantity doesn't equate to quality. Would you rather select from a pool of women in Dhaka, Bangladesh or Brickell, Miami? If you are just a boring male that brings nothing to the table but a penis, then yes you are going to struggle in the pool filled with other desperate boring men.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

What if your dating life isn't dreadful?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

1) understand dating is a numbers game. If you aren't willing to accept that, you are unlikely to succeed because you will get way too caught up in rejections or a string of bad first dates.

It happens, everyone goes thru it. I had a stretch where I went on something like 10-12 first dates in a row that led nowhere...then I turned around and went on 3 or 4 straight that became part of my pipeline for months.

No different than if you flip a coin 10 times you might get 8 heads. But if you flip a coin 100 or 200 or 300 times, you will find that within those you have "runs" of heads/tails but over time it balances out to near 50/50.

2) Stop wasting time endless messaging and meet in person. The sooner the better. If you aren't good at getting women to be excited for meeting you, work on that. The easiest way to win the number game is by being good at getting yourself in front of a lot of women. No secret there. If you can't get yourself in front of women, you can't really succeed in dating no matter how much other stuff you have going for you. It's irrelevant at that point...you can have the best product in the world but if nobody knows about it, your sales numbers are going to suck.

3) Make adjustments when you see patterns developing with many different women. If you hear that you are a "nice guy" over and over again, it likely means you aren't being sexual enough on dates and not escalating properly. Make adjustments and start escalating more. It will take time but you'll gr to a point where you will start seeing more successes than failures.

4) Do not immediately get hung up on one woman because of a "great first date". No matter how good the first date was your goal after it should to be go on two more dates with other women before you see her again. It will help you not act all desperate and needy and it will allow you to compare her to others. Often times you'll realize she wasn't as great as you thought. Continue dating new women, and building your pipeline. Do not get complacent. Women can disappear at any point and you should never be starting from zero again if they do, you should always have a pipeline of women to fall back on.

As my former boss used to say...

"Always have a backup plan...two is one and one is none."

Complacency is why so many men fail at dating...they get comfortable and aren't willing to build the pipeline and just try to take the easy way out by dating one woman, then get frustrated when they repeatedly date a woman for a month and she disappears and they have to start over again because they didn't have any pipeline, or even worse they stopped talking and dating the other women to see her more.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Why are you spending $100 on dates?

Spending 100 bucks on anything these days has as much financial consequence on a man’s life as flushing used toilet paper.

 

[CornbreadFed]

1) understand dating is a numbers game. If you aren't willing to accept that, you are unlikely to succeed because you will get way too caught up in rejections or a string of bad first dates.

It happens, everyone goes thru it. I had a stretch where I went on something like 10-12 first dates in a row that led nowhere...then I turned around and went on 3 or 4 straight that became part of my pipeline for months.

No different than if you flip a coin 10 times you might get 8 heads. But if you flip a coin 100 or 200 or 300 times, you will find that within those you have "runs" of heads/tails but over time it balances out to near 50/50.

2) Stop wasting time endless messaging and meet in person. The sooner the better. If you aren't good at getting women to be excited for meeting you, work on that. The easiest way to win the number game is by being good at getting yourself in front of a lot of women. No secret there. If you can't get yourself in front of women, you can't really succeed in dating no matter how much other stuff you have going for you. It's irrelevant at that point...you can have the best product in the world but if nobody knows about it, your sales numbers are going to suck.

3) Make adjustments when you see patterns developing with many different women. If you hear that you are a "nice guy" over and over again, it likely means you aren't being sexual enough on dates and not escalating properly. Make adjustments and start escalating more. It will take time but you'll gr to a point where you will start seeing more successes than failures.

4) Do not immediately get hung up on one woman because of a "great first date". No matter how good the first date was your goal after it should to be go on two more dates with other women before you see her again. It will help you not act all desperate and needy and it will allow you to compare her to others. Often times you'll realize she wasn't as great as you thought. Continue dating new women, and building your pipeline. Do not get complacent. Women can disappear at any point and you should never be starting from zero again if they do, you should always have a pipeline of women to fall back on.

As my former boss used to say...

"Always have a backup plan...two is one and one is none."

Complacency is why so many men fail at dating...they get comfortable and aren't willing to build the pipeline and just try to take the easy way out by dating one woman, then get frustrated when they repeatedly date a woman for a month and she disappears and they have to start over again because they didn't have any pipeline, or even worse they stopped talking and dating the other women to see her more.

This needs to be stickied and incorporated into the dating commandments

 

[BPH]

Why are you spending $100 on dates?

You should be dating during weekdays where dates have a natural end. Go to a bar and have 1-2 drinks at most. If things are working well, escalate to your/her place. Otherwise end the night.

I just wanna point out that this man has been here for 4 years and has only posted 11 times...what a legend.

Anyway, I agree with him though. I hate the concept of paying for a woman's time, and usually a bar date is my suggestion.

 

[parabellum]

I go to bars with dance floor once in a while. There’s definitely young people there but they all seem to come in groups. (All women, all men, or mix).

I haven’t seen any men from outside a group successfully reach out to a woman in a way conducive to a date/etc.

I have observed men in a men’s group successfully interact with a woman, in the safety of the men’s group space, and the woman group space being close by.

the “hottest” women always come in groups ( all women or mix), or they come with a male partner I.e they are in a date, usually dance very close to each other, smile, laugh etc. which I interpret is hinting that they are likely sexual partners of some sort.

My interpretation of the above would be that said “hot” girls are being taken mostly outside of the bar scene. Otherwise they just go in groups to get attention etc. (some of them may or not be open but it feels like casino odds)

I also believe that rules for DJs and bartenders are different, can’t comment much as haven’t paid close attention to this population.

 

[SW15]

If you can’t comfortably afford to spend $100 on a date, you probably shouldn’t be dating at all right now. I'm not saying every date needs to cost $100, but you should be prepared for that possibility.

In the late 1990s, Tom Leykis created Leykis 101, a set of rules around navigating the mating marketplace. One of the rules was keeping a maximum of $40 per date. If you were to adjust for inflation, that's around $70-$75 today. Your $100 figure is not that outrageous.

First dates and all early stage dates are costing more and more.

Tom Leykis' rules

I just heard about this guy after hearing his podcast someone posted under PrettyBoyAJ's journal thread. These are his rules that he thinks every man should follow. What do you think? Agree or disagree? Would you like to add more? Leykis 101 Rules 1. Spend no more than 40 dollars on...

www.sosuave.net

 

[CornbreadFed]

In the late 1990s, Tom Leykis created Leykis 101, a set of rules around navigating the mating marketplace. One of the rules was keeping a maximum of $40 per date. If you were to adjust for inflation, that's around $70-$75 today. Your $100 figure is not that outrageous.

I should’ve put this in the op, but I used to date as a broke man back in the day. It caused unnecessary anxiety and extra work on my end. Every date had to be planned, I was worried about the final costs the whole time during the date, I was worried about a random bill or overdraft occurring while on a date, I was always hoping she would pay her half or the whole bill lol, unexpected issues that occurred before the date, and insecurities talking to more established women, and etc.


All these things will affect your frame and this is why I stated the $100 rule. I’m not telling anyone to blow $100 on every date because that’s wasteful and stupid. However, I am telling men to be comfortable spending $100 to eliminate the broke man crutch. In addition, I understand it is going to differ in location and age, so adjust it to your liking. For me, I live in a major metropolitan city, so blowing $100 on a night isn’t unreasonable at all. If you are a broke college student then disregard the whole money requirement because you are supposed to be broke lol.

 

[SW15]

When I first moved to my current city in the early 2010s, I was staying under the Leykis $40 rule then. That was impressive for that era.

Dates now don't need to cost $70-$100. Keeping them as inexpensive as possible is a good idea. I think there's a tendency for men to play it as a numbers game (which is a bad idea) and too many arrange too many dates that shouldn't be arranged. There's a lot of poor screening that happens. Most of this happens from tech-based dating (swipe apps & DMs) rather than in-person approaching.

Men need to re-focus and arrange fewer but better screened dates that would lead to more successful outcomes.

 

[corrector]

They need figure out why they aren't being chosen by women first.

They are not the 5%. 95% of guys wont be the 5% of in demand guys.

 

[Bingo-Player]

My best "dates" with women have come after several sex sessions first

This is primarily because after sex expectations are dramatically lowered for both parties

She knows she's already submitted and given up the goods so knows she can sort of relax and not have to play any games

on the flip side I've achieved my primary objective and now I can relax and just confidently lead her

I've never really bought this societal B.S about 3 dates before sex it only ever plays out well if your both incredibly well suited to one another

Most of the time if you haven't gotten intimate it just feels weird and awkward

Some women will be hell bent on making a man wait , and some guys will be too scared to make a move but this is the reality of it