How to get out of this vicious cycle?

[user252009]

Maybe you get rejected and depressed because you are focusing on getting the lay. Sometimes this translates as giving off needy vibes or bad vibes and you push women off.

When you go out on 1st dates, focus on actually enjoying the activity. Girls are just along for the ride. If you have a good time, girls will sense this and your chanches of more dates increase.

I'm not interested in some crazy activities, let alone now in the summer when it's so hot I'm sweating just walking around for some time; I prefer a good conversation

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I can detect high interest, but it's usually some 3/10 at work I have absolutely zero interest in

If you can't get women from OLD who are high interest from the initial stages of the interaction, I'd work on my OLD presentation and get more appealing/high ELO scores, etc. If you can get them hooked before the meet, the higher the retainment rate after the first date.

 

[user252009]

I'd work on my OLD presentation and get more appealing/high ELO scores, etc.

What do you mean?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

What do you mean?

Better pics, better bio, better openers, better conversation template of tried-and-true attraction and comfort-building (you need both) moves.

 

[user252009]

Better pics, better bio, better openers, better conversation template of tried-and-true attraction and comfort-building (you need both) moves.

Can you give some examples? My photos are pretty decent and I have my IG linked (but the posts there are musical for the most part, as that is my side career). Using a template for conversations seems like shooting yourself in the foot when you then meet in person and the conversation isn't congruent with the online convo

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Can you give some examples? My photos are pretty decent and I have my IG linked (but the posts there are musical for the most part, as that is my side career). Using a template for conversations seems like shooting yourself in the foot when you then meet in person and the conversation isn't congruent with the online convo

Well the online convo should be based off of and inspired by your own personality, so it should be congruent enough. A lot of times on first meets I find myself giving similar lines I used on prior dates. But it's natural since I'm being myself for the most part.

A better option than linking your IG would be you dressed up as a rock star holding/playing your instrument. You gotta have swag and drip in these pics, not band-camp style pics. You want to look glam and cool, not someone in a random cover band or whatever who happens to be up on stage.

 

[Gamisch]

If you could share what happens leading up to these first date rejections, we could help you get better...Describe the interactions.

Do your profile pics make you look better than you do in real life?

How are your social skills?

If I can get a girl to go out with me one time, she will want to go out with me many more times. It's extremely rare that I don't get 2nd dates. It wasn't always that way. Not to sound arrogant, but women enjoy being in my company. It's all about how you make them feel and the vibe you give off.

I have to agree. I can't recall any woman dating me once not wanting a second date. She went through all the trouble to see me, I did all the preparation to lure her to me . I already fecked her mind before she meets me. And that's not even explicitly by approaching her straight up sexually.

Interesting to learn how that happens to OP. There must be something off putting about him which makes them change their minds.

 

[BadBoy89]

over the last 1,5 years since I've been single, I've only (except 1) had rejections / first dates that never went on to become second dates.

How does one get out of this vicious cycle to not get sucked down every time (all the time basically) when one gets rejected?

Do the same thing with other girls as you did with that 1 one girl who didn’t reject you.

 

[Gamisch]

My mental toughness has become mental numbness; I hardly feel anything, which doesn't help in connecting with people.

- Yes, OLD.
- After the first date, they either make up an excuse to meet again or just reject me with the "I didn't feel a connection"

-Numbness isn't always a good trait. Could be categorized as negativity. So go back to mental toughness.

-Again, OLD is fickle not trustworthy by nature. Still can get my head around how you are able to pull in the fish for 75% ,but yet they manage to get away. At least you have something to work with.

-The dreaded "connection " or "spark". Again, these women on OLD are spoiled like never before. You gotta read them right, vent probably. I don't know if you talk to them via other mediums than OLD, like WhatsApp or even better: the good ol' phone conversation.
Perhaps you should be more arrogant and aggressive with what YOU want. Assume they are highly attracted when they go through the motions to see you.

Connection and spark are a separate and deeper topic by themselves. But one thing that might help is to rehearse the date in your mind. Have a map to work with. Practice different scenarios: one where's she's eager ,one where she's holding back, another when she's difficult to read ect.

You will also be able to recall the specific moments that might've been the turning point during your previous dates. Akward silences? Something you've said? The way you..eat, dress, laugh, behave in public, walk ,talk ect ?

What is it you apparently can hide on OLD, but not in real life?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

-Numbness isn't always a good trait. Could be categorized as negativity. So go back to mental toughness.

-Again, OLD is fickle not trustworthy by nature. Still can get my head around how you are able to pull in the fish for 75% ,but yet they manage to get away. At least you have something to work with.

-The dreaded "connection " or "spark". Again, these women on OLD are spoiled like never before. You gotta read them right, vent probably. I don't know if you talk to them via other mediums than OLD, like WhatsApp or even better: the good ol' phone conversation.
Perhaps you should be more arrogant and aggressive with what YOU want. Assume they are highly attracted when they go through the motions to see you.

Connection and spark are a separate and deeper topic by themselves. But one thing that might help is to rehearse the date in your mind. Have a map to work with. Practice different scenarios: one where's she's eager ,one where she's holding back, another when she's difficult to read ect.

You will also be able to recall the specific moments that might've been the turning point during your previous dates. Akward silences? Something you've said? The way you..eat, dress, laugh, behave in public, walk ,talk ect ?

What is it you apparently can hide on OLD, but not in real life?

If he's meeting these girls off of Tinder, it's probably just them wanting free drinks and validation, and only open to phucking if the guy is exceptional.

 

[Gamisch]

If he's meeting these girls off of Tinder, it's probably just them wanting free drinks and validation, and only open to phucking if the guy is exceptional.

Damn, thats cruel ..how can that happen unless you put emphasis on actually giving them free drinks?

I always "challenge " a woman to get ne a drink after I've payed like two ,three rounds. Never happened that they declined , and I've said; always a second date where they are eager to get smashed (MUST smash).

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Damn, thats cruel ..how can that happen unless you put emphasis on actually giving them free drinks?

I always "challenge " a woman to get ne a drink after I've payed like two ,three rounds. Never happened that they declined , and I've said; always a second date where they are eager to get smashed (MUST smash).

I actually don't meet up with them, but I get a strong sense that's their game plan because they're all about meeting up without any pre-meet connection. They don't want to sexually flirt, nor do they want to get to know you as a person. They're like auctioneers lining up bidders, and since I screen for high interest I screen them out.

Most of the 1-date burnouts I've experienced in the past are due to this combo (not wanting to walk about sex *and* not willing to take the time to get to know you through casual convo). It was all "let's just meet for drinks".

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

I go to the gym or workout otherwise a few times a week; little less last few weeks as I'm having the busiest summer of my life so far.

Cool.

I don't approach people.

Well, there's your problem.

In another post you revealed that OLD is your thing.

OLD is fine.

The problem is, OLD is too limited in scope and as men, we need to maximize our chances of success.

Not minimize.

Supplement your OLD with cold approach and your success rate will increase.

 

[user252009]

Do the same thing with other girls as you did with that 1 one girl who didn’t reject you.

There is no difference in how I treat them

 

[user252009]

You will also be able to recall the specific moments that might've been the turning point during your previous dates. Akward silences? Something you've said? The way you..eat, dress, laugh, behave in public, walk ,talk ect ?

What is it you apparently can hide on OLD, but not in real life?

No idea, I’d have to see a video of myself and my date in order to look at what it potentially could be, really can’t think of anything.

 

[user252009]

Most of the 1-date burnouts I've experienced in the past are due to this combo (not wanting to walk about sex *and* not willing to take the time to get to know you through casual convo). It was all "let's just meet for drinks".

I don’t turn the conversations sexually because anytime I’ve tried that, they’ve straight up bailed or ghosted me; so yeah it’s the “let’s meet for drinks”

 

[user252009]

Well, there's your problem.

In another post you revealed that OLD is your thing.

OLD is fine.

The problem is, OLD is too limited in scope and as men, we need to maximize our chances of success.

Not minimize.

Supplement your OLD with cold approach and your success rate will increase.

I don’t speak the native language of the country I’m living in, and people here are cold and arrogant by nature, so I’ve partially also become like that over the years I’ve lived here - maybe as a defense mechanism

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I don’t speak the native language of the country I’m living in, and people here are cold and arrogant by nature, so I’ve partially also become like that over the years I’ve lived here - maybe as a defense mechanism

What country OP?

 

[Learning Curve]

I'm 37, with a good career and a good creative side career. However over the last 1,5 years since I've been single, I've only (except 1) had rejections / first dates that never went on to become second dates. OK, I get that it's a numbers game, but whenever I get rejected (like I said, almost all cases now), I spiral down into feeling depressed and succumbing to staying in, eating crap food and doing nothing. Then I get out of that mood, go out and exercise more, then feel a bit better about myself, but only to go on a first date, get rejected again and down we go again. How does one get out of this vicious cycle to not get sucked down every time (all the time basically) when one gets rejected?

You should focus on the source of the problem which is your actual dating and seduction skills that need to be improved.

Since that is what is dragging you down each time, try different techniques and approaches on your next first date to get second dates and eventually to smash.

But you have to realize that at the end of the day, rejection is going to happen until you either find some chick that you click with or until you improve. What I sense here is your insecurities taking over your logical judgment. You need to improve your inner self and increase your confidence and you will eventually get there.

Most of guys s3uck with women anyway, you posting here shows you want to actually improve which is rare nowadays.

Embrace the change and the rejection, adapt to your circumstances like a chameleon, increase your confidence, and follow the seduction techniques in this forum.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

I don’t speak the native language of the country I’m living in, and people here are cold and arrogant by nature, so I’ve partially also become like that over the years I’ve lived here - maybe as a defense mechanism

I'm just thinkin out loud but why does it seem like most of you guys on here don't reside in the USA?