How to get out of this vicious cycle?

[user252009]

I'm 37, with a good career and a good creative side career. However over the last 1,5 years since I've been single, I've only (except 1) had rejections / first dates that never went on to become second dates. OK, I get that it's a numbers game, but whenever I get rejected (like I said, almost all cases now), I spiral down into feeling depressed and succumbing to staying in, eating crap food and doing nothing. Then I get out of that mood, go out and exercise more, then feel a bit better about myself, but only to go on a first date, get rejected again and down we go again. How does one get out of this vicious cycle to not get sucked down every time (all the time basically) when one gets rejected?

 

[Gamisch]

Embrace rejection.

Not only do you fear rejection ,you also let ot ruin your self esteem . Why? It's just the game. I'd be somewhat happy if I was you. Because at least it's clear what area you need to work on. That's the area of mental toughness.

Not every rejection (should be/ is the same.

-how do you meet them? OLD? If yes, then every rejection should be taken with a grain of salt. Unfortunately women have the upper hand on OLD, multiple options and abundance of thirsty men chasing them. If anything, one should feel..honoured and use these dates as leverage to go out and get new women.

- when do you get rejected and how?

-to add to the previous question; are these direct rejections or silent messages? You "force " clearity or you just wait and see what happens ?

 

[SW15]

over the last 1,5 years since I've been single, I've only (except 1) had rejections / first dates that never went on to become second dates.

You're using swipe apps to arrange date and you're clearly not a top tier guy.

You're having a lot of "one date, no sex, no second date" type interactions from the swipe apps because you're an unremarkable guy with adequate social skills.

See thread below as it is likely what applies to your case. It's tough to be a mid-tier guy in this sexual marketplace.

Women Don't Want a Semi-Successful Man

Men in this category, $75k-$125k salary, relatively in shape, drive a good car, has a few hobbies, women do not want. Why? Because this man has standards. Women do not want to work for their men. Women of today want a simp or a millionaire. Simple as that. This is what society aka social media...

www.sosuave.net

I get that it's a numbers game

It's not a numbers game. You're extremely inefficient. Certain methods of arranging dates and finding relationships are highly inefficient.

How does one get out of this vicious cycle to not get sucked down every time (all the time basically) when one gets rejected?

Either build a capable social circle or self-improve to the point of being a 'Chad'.

If you have a social circle, potential dates judge you less harshly than you're judged on first dates arranged from swipe apps or first dates arranged from approaching strangers.

 

[jimwho]

Op,, After a thousand pages of advice, in a nutshell women just want to have a good time. That does not include torturing yourself for not having sex. They want a little inspiration and leadership with (a good time). Remove rejected from your vocabulary, go out and have a good time, do not equate sealing the deal with loosing your Mojo.

(IN FACT) I would suggest intentionally not giving a **** about bagging broads. Women "like Dogs that smell fear" can sense insecurity, and can easily smell desire. If you are carefree and lighten up they will come to you.

 

[MatureDJ]

The only thing that worked for me was to GeoMax.

 

[The Duke]

I'm 37, with a good career and a good creative side career. However over the last 1,5 years since I've been single, I've only (except 1) had rejections / first dates that never went on to become second dates. OK, I get that it's a numbers game, but whenever I get rejected (like I said, almost all cases now), I spiral down into feeling depressed and succumbing to staying in, eating crap food and doing nothing. Then I get out of that mood, go out and exercise more, then feel a bit better about myself, but only to go on a first date, get rejected again and down we go again. How does one get out of this vicious cycle to not get sucked down every time (all the time basically) when one gets rejected?

If you could share what happens leading up to these first date rejections, we could help you get better...Describe the interactions.

Do your profile pics make you look better than you do in real life?

How are your social skills?

If I can get a girl to go out with me one time, she will want to go out with me many more times. It's extremely rare that I don't get 2nd dates. It wasn't always that way. Not to sound arrogant, but women enjoy being in my company. It's all about how you make them feel and the vibe you give off.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Maybe you get rejected and depressed because you are focusing on getting the lay. Sometimes this translates as giving off needy vibes or bad vibes and you push women off.

When you go out on 1st dates, focus on actually enjoying the activity. Girls are just along for the ride. If you have a good time, girls will sense this and your chanches of more dates increase.

 

[BeExcellent]

OP you need to work on yourself. Specifically you need to move from external validation (what others think of you) to internal validation (what you think of you). That shift will be giant for you.

I can be ridiculed, rejected and insulted. Doesn’t phase me one bit. Why? I’m internally validated and extremely secure in myself. I don’t worry one bit about what others think….and this comes out in my vibe.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

It's not a numbers game.

But is.

If you shoot 100 free throws, you are making at least one.

Whether it is because of the many attempts in general, or because you simply got better after each attempt.

Shooters keep shooting.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Op,, After a thousand pages of advice, in a nutshell women just want to have a good time. That does not include torturing yourself for not having sex. They want a little inspiration and leadership with (a good time). Remove rejected from your vocabulary, go out and have a good time, do not equate sealing the deal with loosing your Mojo.

(IN FACT) I would suggest intentionally not giving a **** about bagging broads. Women "like Dogs that smell fear" can sense insecurity, and can easily smell desire. If you are carefree and lighten up they will come to you.

Imo it's better to separate insecurity from desire. Letting them know you want them but also not giving a damn is ideal.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

But is.

If you shoot 100 free throws, you are making at least one.

Whether it is because of the many attempts in general, or because you simply got better after each attempt.

Shooters keep shooting.

That's shooting 100 free throws though. If you have 100 at bats, you're going to get some hits too.

You can only really shoot free throws with Mode One or highly efficient OLD game. Most dudes have to take at-bats which takes longer to get your turn at the plate. It's not rapid-fire.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

However over the last 1,5 years since I've been single, I've only (except 1) had rejections / first dates that never went on to become second dates.

And in the last year and a half, how often were you hitting the gym?

And how many (and often) were you approaching women, if at all?

The devil is in the details.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

That's shooting 100 free throws though.

If you have 100 at bats, you're going to get some hits too.

That is the point, junior.

You won't make or hit anything if you are too puzzy to take the shot or step up to the plate.

You can only really shoot free throws with Mode One or highly efficient OLD game. Most dudes have to take at-bats which takes longer to get your turn at the plate. It's not rapid-fire.

I'm not responding to this until I have a lawyer present.

 

[user252009]

And in the last year and a half, how often were you hitting the gym?

And how many (and often) were you approaching women, if at all?

The devil is in the details.

I go to the gym or workout otherwise a few times a week; little less last few weeks as I'm having the busiest summer of my life so far. I don't approach people.

 

[user252009]

That's the area of mental toughness.

-how do you meet them? OLD? If yes, then every rejection should be taken with a grain of salt. Unfortunately women have the upper hand on OLD, multiple options and abundance of thirsty men chasing them. If anything, one should feel..honoured and use these dates as leverage to go out and get new women.

- when do you get rejected and how?

-to add to the previous question; are these direct rejections or silent messages? You "force " clearity or you just wait and see what happens ?

My mental toughness has become mental numbness; I hardly feel anything, which doesn't help in connecting with people.

- Yes, OLD.
- After the first date, they either make up an excuse to meet again or just reject me with the "I didn't feel a connection"

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I'm 37, with a good career and a good creative side career. However over the last 1,5 years since I've been single, I've only (except 1) had rejections / first dates that never went on to become second dates. OK, I get that it's a numbers game, but whenever I get rejected (like I said, almost all cases now), I spiral down into feeling depressed and succumbing to staying in, eating crap food and doing nothing. Then I get out of that mood, go out and exercise more, then feel a bit better about myself, but only to go on a first date, get rejected again and down we go again. How does one get out of this vicious cycle to not get sucked down every time (all the time basically) when one gets rejected?

Escorts, OP. Escorts. Then you swing low before you swing for the fences.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

My mental toughness has become mental numbness; I hardly feel anything, which doesn't help in connecting with people.

- Yes, OLD.
- After the first date, they either make up an excuse to meet again or just reject me with the "I didn't feel a connection"

Once you get your head right, I rec screening for very high interest.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I'm not responding to this until I have a lawyer present.

Some guys do move at courtroom pace.

 

[user252009]

Do your profile pics make you look better than you do in real life?
How are your social skills?

If I can get a girl to go out with me one time, she will want to go out with me many more times. It's extremely rare that I don't get 2nd dates. It wasn't always that way. Not to sound arrogant, but women enjoy being in my company. It's all about how you make them feel and the vibe you give off.

- I don't think so, I think they're pretty up to date
- Fine, I'm a good conversationalist and easy to get along, but I might not be the funnest guy, I'm more the deep and brooding kind of guy

I take it you're on the funner and easier side for women want to hang out with you again

 

[user252009]

Once you get your head right, I rec screening for very high interest.

I can detect high interest, but it's usually some 3/10 at work I have absolutely zero interest in