How do you get rid of a BPD woman?

[( . )( . )]

Hmmm, you guys seem to know alot of "BPD" women.

I'm still a bit skeptical of where all these girls are coming from, dont get me wrong I know alot of fvcked up chicks aswell but I have 10$ that says if you took 99% of these women back 40 odd years in a time machine, back to the days when a woman displaying these "bpd" symptoms were simply given a swift backhand to put her back on the straight and narrow, I think you would find this huge influx of "BPD" chicks drastically reduced.

"BPD" ...How's about = Bitch not Privy to Discipline

Just a thought.

 

[jophil28]

Hmmm, you guys seem to know alot of "BPD" women.

Statisically, about one in 50 women are Personality Disordered to the degree that they destroy the emotional stability of their male SOs and act out in ways that merit a mention here.. Like all disorders or illnesses, the depth and extent varies from mild to severe.
Your mention of a "good backhander " as an antidote indicates that you have never met or been involved with a BPD woman. Slapping a BPD woman would mostly feed into her addiction to drama.
THis is not a "brat" mindset brought on by watching too much "Sex in the City".. Neither are we discussing "entitled" women or Gen X,Y or Z princesses. Women who are PD are indescribable vivious and cruel in ways that you can not begin to contemplate unless you have tangled with one. These are alligators dressed as kitty cats.

There is nothing more tragic that a man pursuing a BPD woman .

There is nobody more tragic that a man pursuing a devious, angry, vengeful manipulator who dresses like a movie star and fuks like a porn star.
THis is the BPD woman- a hate filled,emotional timebomb who will explode in your face, your bed, and repeatedly do so in your life. She will cheat on you on a whim but demand absolute fidelity from you. THis is a woman who will twist and distort every moment of your history together to blacken your name and your character to all who will listen and THEN call you the next day sobbing and "in love" becauses she just read one of your "beautiful emails ".
This is the woman who will take a call from another guy while she is in bed with you and make a date with him.
THis is a woman who lies and cheats on men BUT blames them for every tiny bit of misfortune that comes her way.
THis is a woman who uses her sexaulity to snare, hook and manipulate and then withhold sex for some imagined misdemeanour on his part.
THis is a woman who is terrified of being dumped or abandoned but creates endless justifications for you to walk away.
THis is a woman who will provoke a relationship breakup just to experience the thrill of "make up sex" .

I know from first hand experience that a "good backhander" won't cure this mental illness.

 

[decades]

Think about this, it makes sense. They are relationship junkies. They Churn through men rapidly. They may be "Seeing" more than one at a time. They are master jugglers. If that's the case, and they are 5% to 10% ( they are rarely diagnosed by therapists) the odds are great that a single guy is going to encounter one in the "wild" at some time in their life.

Look at Truman. He encountered one for only a few weeks and she still was able to drive him to this forum starting threads asking WTF just happened. Two weeks. Guys go through YEARS of a "normal" relationship, part ways, and never think of posting and starting threads about the break up.

The reason that you see so many guys on forums asking about them is that no other "kind" of woman is really capable of driving men to go on a desperate search for some kind of emotional support. So they are represented disproportionately on forums like this one. The typical woman does not confound a man in such a way as to drive him to seek answers like this.

 

[decades]

Okay I admit I have been texting my bpd girl during this past week since I made out with her in her jeep. I'm sorry Jophil, I was weak!

And the thing is she told me not to text her because her ex checks her phone even though they are not back together. Apparently he just grabs it when they are together.

I admit I was weak and I texted her. Both because I wanted her validation (and sex) back and because I was pissed off about her telling me not to text her. And she never answers! (except she did answer me a few times yesterday). So this whole time you guys have been giving me advice and telling me she was bpd I felt like "man if you guys only knew, she's normal and I'm being a stalker".

But then I read about Bible Belt's experiences on this thread:



check



check, she liked it rough

Here's some signs pointed out by KX in this thread:



check and check. She was hot for me the first couple days. I'm the prize but man she was fawning over me like no other.



Check, "went back" to her ex within 12 hours after hooking up with me.



Yep, check. I made out with her in her jeep the other day after she said she was entertaining getting back with her ex.



MAJOR CHECK!

I was the new guy aka 'Mr. Wonderful' for about a week until the night we almost had sex but I held out on her. The next day she was 'back' with the ex. Now she doesn't answer my calls or texts, even if I call or text over and over! Damn I'm an orbiter!

LOL! And here I thought I was a stalker...when I'm just an orbiter.

You guys: Jophil, PE, and KX have told me repeatedly that she was BPD but my low self esteem kept telling me "it's not her, it's me" but now maybe I am finally convinced.

Alright. I swear to you, my Sosuave brothers that I won't make contact with her anymore. It will be interesting to see that if when I withdraw the attention, she will follow the BPD pattern and try to reinitiate contact. This will be a fun experiment because I know what's going on here.

You are playing with Fire. Dead serious here. This is a woman you barely know. Yet she already "hooked" you in a matter of a few hours with her. That means you have the dependent personality (needy with few other female options in your life at this time) that fits like hand in glove with them. You are obsessively calling and texting, all the while knowing, thanks to various threads you have started, she is wrong for you. Neediness is the one thing we need to work on most imo. Why do we need her validation?

This is no joke. If I were you I would not try to play the game you are contemplating because she is better at it than you. You will lose it and be back here starting more threads and risking more embarrassment here. She plays this game for a "Living". She is a Grandmaster. You are a novice. Guess who I am betting on?

 

[mtnkng]

Why its a no-win with a BPD

Besides all the manipulation, lies and acting, The BPD will try to pull you into an LTR (if she doesnt have one already, maybe).

So...if you get into the space of committing or exclusivity, you will "get too close". BPDs fear people getting too close. In this case, the BPD will probably have the next victim lined up and cheat. They may even flaunt the infidelity or the next victim.

If you attempt to apply some DJ skills and look like you can walk anytime you want, the fear of abandonement will kick in and you are kicked out.

The timeline for either of these really depends on how "useful" you are to the BPD (and the BPD) - if you are doing AFC stuff, Capt SaveaHo, et al....and the wool eyes pulled over your eyes....you may find yourself in the relationship longer than you otherwise would. Everyday, you'll ask yourself "why am I still here in this relationship?" More than likely its the sex....or your own fears and onenitis drive.

So, either way, you can not win. Get too close or commit and youre out (and probably cheated on) OR stay too loose and you're out. Sure, you can try to be f-buddies, but there are many women out there that are far healthier to have that kind of fun with.

The trouble is....it'll take a month or two (ymmv) for you to start seeing the red flags and by then, you may be too emotionally enmeshed to see things clearly. What helps the most is finding out about her past relationships - any idea of unstable relationships, lots of partners that didnt last, kids with several fathers, several divorces, estrangement from family of origin....if you can find about some of these inside the first two months (or prior to any other bizarre red-flag raising behaviors) then you should be on your guard.

Once some of the other disrespectful behaviors show, now is the time to go either really boring or AFC. Even then, you can go from being paint black to white when her source for new victims dries up. You may get "hoovered" back in.

For me...I stumbled upon the best way to keep the BPD away for good. I contacted her, her mother and her therapist and called her out on her behaviors and pointed directly at her problem as being BPD. IF the BPD actually knows what that is, you now have info they never want to acknowledge. You should be painted "black" forever and they probably will never contact you again. (I'll see about this....Im a few months out and a few weeks out since she found out I gave up her "secret".) The downside here is when you get painted black, a smear campaign against you will emerge. The effectiveness of that smear campaign can be anywhere from benign (people know she's kinda "off") to devastating (charges of rape, abuse etc.)

The sex can be enticing, but the consequences to you are not.

 

[Bible_Belt]

"went back" to her ex within 12 hours after hooking up with me.

I can't update this thread fast enough. Now she is apparently back with the redneck bf she broke up with on Friday. He had sex on Friday with a girl she hates, who is her mortal enemy and the one girl in town who is even slvttier than bpd girl - living in the projects with several kids by different men. I think she knows at least who all the fathers are; I do know one woman who literally does not know 'who my baby daddy?' bpd girl dumped redneck, and the enemy slvt did him in her backyard pool that night. This is in the projects, so it had to be a kiddie pool.

I was supposed to see bpd girl yesterday during the day, and she never called. I spent the evening with my gf, so I don't care, but bpd girl does not know that I don't care. She probably thinks that I'm devastated she took the redneck back.

Again, bpd girls can't be alone. That makes dumping them before they have another guy nearly impossible - they just go crazy stalker on you and refuse to go away. To get rid of one, she usually has to run off with another guy. That's the only way your phone will stop ringing. It helps if you make her think that you are miserable she left.

 

[drmeathead]

i tihnk i am a magent for these girls. there must be a website that these nuts cases can go to and see my picture or something. i met another one last night. out of her mind. did i hook with her...yeah why not but when she started with her baby this and that **** i told her flat out you don t know me that well call me by my name.

as far the other situations i am reading go...fellas just stay away. it is a dangerous game. listen to Kontroller X. he has his stuff down about these girls. jophil has been through the ringer on this too. you cant win. you just cant. dont try. the bottom line fact with these girls is that they have a chemical imbalance. no matter what reality is their brains are simply malfunctioning and this chemical imbalance in the brain causes them to interpret things differently. even if things are appear fine these women will act as though things are not. it is just they way they are wired. just as you, as a straight male, cannot understand how another guy can want another guy sexually, you cannot understand how these women see the world and their interpersonal relationships.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Dr. M wrote," I think I am a magnet for these girls". Yes and no. We choose the company that we keep. So you always have a choice. Ask yourself why you are choosing someone that's willing to hurt you? As much as they are screwed up, you have the power to walk away at any time.
That was the tough part for me to admit. I "allowed" myself to be manipulated by a BPD for a long while.
Now, the yes part of you being a magnet. These women are VERY cunning. They learn early how to push a man's buttons. Not just any man, but yours specifically. So yes, they are like a cancer. It takes a very specific approach to evict them from your life, and more important your psyche. Most people don't have the skills to deal with this alone. Hence just as I started this thread, they turn to the outside.
3 months since my legal action against BPD. Thats what it finally took.

KC

 

[drmeathead]

Dr. M wrote," I think I am a magnet for these girls". Yes and no. We choose the company that we keep. So you always have a choice. Ask yourself why you are choosing someone that's willing to hurt you? As much as they are screwed up, you have the power to walk away at any time.
That was the tough part for me to admit. I "allowed" myself to be manipulated by a BPD for a long while.
Now, the yes part of you being a magnet. These women are VERY cunning. They learn early how to push a man's buttons. Not just any man, but yours specifically. So yes, they are like a cancer. It takes a very specific approach to evict them from your life, and more important your psyche. Most people don't have the skills to deal with this alone. Hence just as I started this thread, they turn to the outside.
3 months since my legal action against BPD. Thats what it finally took.

KC

i hear what you are saying in that you have to filter. it is all about having boundaries and sticking to them. in fact alot of being a good dj is having strong boundaries and sticking to them.

when i said i was a magnet it just seems that the women i meet out and talk to eventually spit out come sort of nonsense that makes me go holy **** here we go again. ive gotten ALOT better about not going again with that girl from a few weeks ago being the exception because i thought my ability to handle crazies was better than it was. i got burned. thats why i post here about this often...to offer any insight that may help someone else out.

 

[jophil28]

.. you cannot understand how these women see the world and their interpersonal relationships.

In spite of all that has been written about how these women are skillful actresses( more so than the average non PD actress) ,and notwithstanding all that we have discussed here about how cunning and manipulative they are in ways that are undetectable, there are ALWAYS moments very early in the piece when she does(or says) something " nutty".. THAT is our first warning AND it is our first opportunity to bail iF we are vigilant enough.
MY PD did, and said, a few things in the first two weeks that I now recognize as tyical BPD behavior ( I knew squat about BPD back then )

Here are a few "DING" situations that you may hear and experience in the first week or two ...Im sure that this list is far from complete.

!. Extremely flirty behavior which "feels" excessing or even 'weird' inspite of how flattered you feel.. Her sexualizing of the very early connections are at high speed. SHe uses words of endearment, kino, head tilting, pouting and coy teasing as her SOP in the first few hours.

2. There is no real CHASE by you. She enters into a dating situation VERY readily. IF feels "too easy" to be real.

3. She tells you about her past men as if she were talking about pizza.
Be especially wary of the "victim" talk in which she paints herself as an innocent bystander to a man's agressive or destructive behavior.
THis is her way of trying to activate your "Capt-save-a Hor" mindset.

Alternatively she may tell you that her last disaster is still in her life and how she just CANNOT remove herself from the clutches of an evil possessive man.
THis does two things( she hopes ) Firstly she is trying to trigger your desire to "rescue" her AND also portray herself as a PRIZE to be fought over.
IN any case she eagerly will tell you about her other men VERY early and quite openly.

4. Extremely disrespectful behavior toward you OR another man - present or past. These women NEVER see themselves as acting badly, and so their foolish openness about their past indiscretions are legend. If you listen she WILL give up her SOP .. And you are the next guy who is going to get MORE of the same.

5. The sex games. BPDS use sex primarily for POWER and CONTROL not pleasure. However, the sex antics are loaded with mindgames or inconsistent behavior.
Here is a typical BPD short story.
Two weeks into my relationship with "J", she and I were standing in my kitchen making a late night snack. AS i walked around the small kitchen she followed me -all doggy bowl eyes. When the opportunity arose she grabbed me and kissed me intensely and the put her hand on my d!ck and "went for it".
THis continued for another 5 minutes and then I led her out of the kitchen and towards the bedroom. As we made our way up the hall, sHe dug her heels in like a mule and said, " No, no ..I don't want to do this". She really put up a fight- a real tug of war.. However I pulled her right through this resistance and she then willingly and enthusiastically fvkked for three hours. SHe had also bought two condoms in her purse.
There was the warning sign for me. SHe wanted it BUT she did not want it.. THis was an early indicator of this woman's mindset .." now you see me now you don't" .
And her sex games continued after that night with all the power plays and rationing and withholding that BPDs are renowned for.

Thse are just a few of my experiences.
You go out with a BPD woman at they expense of your mental health.

 

[drmeathead]

thats a great run down of what to look for for sure. i would like to add that usually these women also have a history of substance abuse and sexual history that would make a ***** blush. it is like any other aspect of the game...the details change slightly but the core game being played is still the very same.

the trick is to recognize it. i tihnk alot of problems come because these bpd girls make it easy. it feels good and it is easy. you dont have to play games...when they are hooking you they want to **** you and they chase you. what could be better? a girl that you are into that wants to **** your brains out and is happy to see you. wow i mean yes please. you are hooked. you are running on straight testosterone and endorphins at this point. then bam your supply gets cut off or is strained because this relationship she put into 4th gear is suddenly triggering off all her issues about people getting too close but then when you are pushed away all the attachment issues kick in and you are brought back, for no apparent rhyme or reason. to be honest you really dont give a **** you are getting your test-endo ****tail again and all is good in the world again.

it comes back to IF IT SEEMS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE IT PROBABLY IS. also the lyric from a mark chesnut country song comes to mind..."i dont need to feel that good, that bad." guys need to ask themselves "do i really need to feel that good, that bad?" hopefully the answer is no...

 

[KontrollerX]

Here is an easier way to avoid BPD's or HPD's in the future.

Do what Rollo said and be a man.

A man's natural role is to approach a woman that he is interested in and not the other way around.

BPD's and HPD's make things easy for frightened introverted pvssy type of males by practically throwing theirselves at the guy and taking the natural male role of being the sexual aggressor, the one that does all of the chasing and asking out.

So be suspicious of the girl that asks you out if you are worried about encountering a BPD or HPD on the dating scene as a normal girl if she is interested in you will usually just give you killer eye contact and put herself in your presence as much as possible hoping you will get the hint and ask her out and be a man in so doing.

I can not even begin to count the number of times I've heard in real life or read on forum posts from women or read in magazine articles where they were throwing out all signs of interest towards a guy they wanted but they were frustrated he never got the hint and asked them out. Normal women want you to be a man and ask them out. So do it!

A BPD or HPD that is interested in you comes on like gangbusters and takes this natural male persuer role and sometimes to extremes at that.

This is but one of many ways you can identify them and avoid them.

 

[drmeathead]

i sort of agree...high functioning BPDs with many options will not chase you immediatly. the last one i ran into allowed me to pursue her then once i did...bam. maybe that was the execption to the rule but i just wanted to throw that out there.

 

[jophil28]

i sort of agree...high functioning BPDs with many options will not chase you immediatly. the last one i ran into allowed me to pursue her then once i did...bam. maybe that was the execption to the rule but i just wanted to throw that out there.

I agree with Dr Meat- High functioning BPDs who are very attractive will not chase you OVERTLY. They are much more wily and cunning and skilled than the average BPD femme...
The "helping professions" have many PD women in its ranks . Lots to choose from -ha !
I regard Siocial Workers, teachers, cops, medical practitioners, psychologists and lawyers with suspicion. BE wary of any woman who works with the young, the ill, the disadvantaged, or the poor. Be VERY wary of any woman who makes a living from other peoples' suffering or vulnerability,
This is where you find the high functioning PDs.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I regard Siocial Workers, teachers, cops, medical practitioners, psychologists and lawyers with suspicion. BE wary of any woman who works with the young, the ill, the disadvantaged, or the poor.

That's every occupation that's not "business."

On the other hand, my bpd girl wants to be a juvenile counselor, my last gf was a law student and had OCD, and my ex-wife is a counselor and was suicidal from depression. Maybe you are on to something.

 

[jophil28]

I regard Siocial Workers, teachers, cops, medical practitioners, psychologists and lawyers with suspicion. BE wary of any woman who works with the young, the ill, the disadvantaged, or the poor.

That's every occupation that's not "business."

On the other hand, my bpd girl wants to be a juvenile counselor, my last gf was a law student and had OCD, and my ex-wife is a counselor and was suicidal from depression. Maybe you are on to something.

Of course i'm on to something.
Be highly alert and vigilant when you form any intimate connection with a "Caring Professional" .. The "helping professions" are where the female PDs gravitate to.

The male PDs - NPDs and Sociopaths head into 'business' or elected office.

 

[Bible_Belt]

My bpd girl is not mine anymore, at least I stopped fvcking her, but we still talk. I have not talked to her for the past month, because I got mad that she was dating a guy she met on myspace. She was mad at me for having a girlfriend and keeping her as a fb on the side. I just talked to her today, and she let me know what she has been up to. There is never a dull moment.

She left me for myspace guy, then he left her to go back to his wife, then she went back with her baby daddy the next day. Then she dumps baby daddy and he leaves his wife to go back to her for about a week, then they fight and break up. She is mad at him, so she goes bar hopping. She takes $2 with her, and ends up having about 18 drinks, because she is hot and can always get guys to buy her drinks. She was making out with girls while dancing. Then in the parking lot of the bar, she runs into an off-duty cop who has arrested her before. They end up fvcking in his truck in the bar parking lot, and then right after that, having more sex standing outside the truck with a crowd of people watching and cheering them on. Then the cop left, because he was scared he was going to get in trouble. She then went back in the bar and met a married couple who told her that they have begun picking up girls to take home for 3soms. So she goes home with them and has a threesome with them. She said it was like a porno movie. Her and the chick had wild lesbian sex and the guy fvcked her, too. The next morning, a female friend of hers she barely knew, picked her up and took her to her house. Then they shot meth together, which is not something bpd girl is into, but she did it anyway, and then they made out and she had more lesbo sex with that girl. The next day, she made up with myspace guy, and they are back together know, except she is drinking with me, and just passed out in my bed. I did *not* do her; I don't want to give my gf any STD she might have picked up this week, but I wanted to share this story, just another bpd weekend

 

[Mr.Positive]

Wow, Bible..that's quite a story. I think the lesson here is not to hate. Not to pass judgement...to rise above that. Some people have bigger crosses to carry, than the rest of us..and some, are dealt, a losing hand.

That's how I see it. The crazy BPD woman we all strive to avoid. A losing hand. Nobody wins. It's important to recognize the signs, and protect ourselves, but there's nobody to protect them. It's a never ending cycle with BPD women.

Don't hate, just avoid...and pity them. You can't help them, but it's important to understand that they can't hurt you, unless you let them.

 

[Bible_Belt]

After I posted that, she woke up, got naked, and we fooled around a little. But again, I did not fvck her. I think I am the only guy on sosuave posting FRs about trying to not get laid. I get more than plenty of sex from my girlfriend, but I still have the hots for crazy bpd girl. Trying to get rid of bpd girl is a battle of my brain vs my d!ck.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Right now it's still my bed. I have got to get this b!tch up and out of here; my gf gets off work in a couple hours. At least that is what my brain is thinking. My d!ck is more focused on the hot pink thong she is wearing....