How do you get rid of a BPD woman?

[mtnkng]

Yeah, I totally agree - text book Capn SaveaHo.

However, I will disagree to a point on contacting the therapist. In this case, suicide was involved. I refused to be manipulated by the ex to not contact someone. I could not be the only one to know about the attempt. At the time it was quite real - definite ideation and planning (hanging). However, right idea, bad execution. I recommend that if you know someone who this far along in suicide, call 911. Don't screw around. In my case, I "rescued" - went to her house and kept her from taking any more pills. I should have dialed 911.

Contacting the therapist....debatable. I've spoken with other therapists and people and therapists do welcome information. The therapists cannot divulge any information regarding the patient and will more than likely confront the patient with the information and source. This can be a good way of insuring that the relationship with the BPD is terminated - you will be painted so black they will never contact you again.

Yep....Im working on detaching and my own issues. The relationship was quite damaging.

Let my experience serve as a warning to your future.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I have some fun stuff to copy and paste, too. These come from myspace messages and texts:

Your myspace quote makes me want to puke. You have SUCH an over-inflated opinion of yourself.

Um, yeah, ....we aren't friends. I don't want to discuss current events with you, or gossip about people we both know, and I damn sure don't want to hear about fighting. I just want my stuff back. Then the forgetting I ever knew you/slept with you process will be complete.

All of my friends know I was never attracted to you and only liked you because you spent money on me. btw, I never came from sex.


That last part is the funniest, she was waking up the neighborhood during sex. A bpd girl will say anything to try and hurt you.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Dammit, they are hard to get rid of. My bpd girl is asleep in my bed right now.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Everytime this thread gets bumped, it's a painful blast from the past for me...

yet, it's this thread, that finally put the last piece of the puzzle to bed for me. From an absolutely horrible time in my life.

Eons ago, in a young Mr.P lifetime (11 years ago to be exact), I too was in the clutches of a BPD woman.

My quick story, I was with a woman for 3 years towards the end of graduating college. We did not get engaged, but was close, and planned to actually get married once I graduated college and secured a good job.

Over the 3 years, my confidence went from below average to begin with, to absolutely zero. If there's such a thing as negative confidence, that was me at the time.

I hated myself, because this woman managed to manipulate herself into my mind, and I truly believed that I was the sole cause of all the pain she experienced in her life. It was MY fault when she was miserable (which was very often), yet when she was happy..then I too could be happy. She would build me up one minute, then tear me down the next. I lived life walking on eggshells, existing out of fear, for whatever mood she was in.

Anyway, I graduated college and hit a point where I just broke free from her. Disappeared completely from her life. I travelled to Europe, had a great fling with a French gal, and never regretted taking my life back.

However..it took me years, yes years, to get my confidence back. For years, I still felt like the horrible man that had caused this wonderful woman soo much pain.

Last I heard, this woman was married and had several kids. I sometimes think about her husband, and if he too was railroaded into an existence that slowly dwindled to a living life of hell.

Back then there was no sosuave to help, nor did I feel like I could really talk to anyone about it. So, time healed everything...eventually.

So, this thread, and the experience in here, really should be a must read to any young guy starting out in life.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I lived life walking on eggshells, existing out of fear, for whatever mood she was in.

That is the title of a great book about bpd. It's called 'stop walking on eggshells.'

 

[Mr.Positive]

I lived life walking on eggshells, existing out of fear, for whatever mood she was in.

That is the title of a great book about bpd. It's called 'stop walking on eggshells.'

It's funny Bible, because when this thread first started, I didn't put it together that this woman was BPD. I knew the term, but it was always thrown around. It never applied to me!

But as this thread grew, and more stories were added, it just finally hit me, when I looked back on my life at that time.

Man, I am so grateful I got away from that women. I always figured that I wasn't man enough for her, to make her happy, that we were incompatible, and that's how I moved on.

I grew, took on new challenges, proved to myself that I was a man by achieving goals. After several years, dating other women, that's how I got past her and got my confidence to improve.

...but this thread made me realize, finally, that there was nothing wrong with me, but it was her the whole time.

Go figure! This thread really helped me actually. I can finally, completely put that time of my life to bed.

Thanks guys.

 

[KontrollerX]

Mr. Positive what your BPD did to you is common with Cluster B women.

As the relationship progresses you are subtley diminished and taken apart piece by piece as she syphons all that you are and vampires it into her black soul energizing her momentarily.

You decrease while she increases basically until the relationship is solely and totally about her but it is so subtle and insidious and takes so much time you don't even notice it while it is happening.

Think of it like a frog in a pot of water where the heat is gradually turned up to the boiling point.

The frog doesn't know that the temperature is at a dangerous level and threatening to its life because the process was so subtle, so gradual.

It didn't even realize there was a threat until it was too late.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I especially hate the 180-degree flip-outs where she goes from 'I love you' to 'I hate you.' A bpd girl will say anything to be mean when she is flipping out, and a lot of them are smart and very good at crafting insults. After she tells you over and over again while mad that she hates you and was always faking it and lying when she said she loved you, then the next time she is not mad and says she loves you, she has no credibility. I never know when to believe - is she lying when she's mad or lying when she's not? Is has to be at least one of those options, because she says opposite things. Probably lying both times is the best guess. That's my biggest problem - the bpd psycho flip-out tantrums destroy my trust.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Mr. Positive what your BPD did to you is common with Cluster B women.

As the relationship progresses you are subtley diminished and taken apart piece by piece as she syphons all that you are and vampires it into her black soul energizing her momentarily.

You decrease while she increases basically until the relationship is solely and totally about her but it is so subtle and insidious and takes so much time you don't even notice it while it is happening.

Think of it like a frog in a pot of water where the heat is gradually turned up to the boiling point.

The frog doesn't know that the temperature is at a dangerous level and threatening to its life because the process was so subtle, so gradual.

It didn't even realize there was a threat until it was too late.

Kontroller, this is so true. I didn't even realize what was happening, like some powerful cult, you start to lose yourself, small piece by piece.

If I had stayed with her, it's a scary thought what type of person I'd be today. I'd probably be a living robot, no passion for life, no soul left. No fighting spirit.

To add, it's almost like being an alcoholic. You don't admit to yourself that's there a problem, you deny, you keep trying and keep fighting the problem.

So..I'll start.

I'm Mr.P. I have a BPD ex.

 

[mtnkng]

Im mtnkng. I have a BPDex.

Still....as damaging as the relationship was, it triggered my move away from AFC. Im not out all the way....still some healing to do but, Im working on it. Confidence is building. Ive lost weight and starting to build muscle mass. Im older....but I still retain hope that there's time for me to hit my goals.

Typically, once you understand what happened, you research the hell out of the disorder - you get it. But you also find out, people who stay in these relationships have issues. You begin to move away from analyzing the ex to introspection. Certainly what happened didnt work for me. Neither did the failed marriage that led up to this. Something is not working with ME.

Right now, I've gotten more out of this forum than in therapy. I have a far better sense of self than ever before. Im getting my confidence back and its actually more directed. I still don't have the answers I want right now, but I'm getting there.

This year has sucked royally. However, its alot like getting into an accident and finding out you have cancer. This will go down as a horrible period in my life, but at least I can live longer and happier. Especially with the parasite gone.

 

[Tpants]

This has been a fascinating thread and makes me realize I had a lucky escape once.

Years ago I started dating a friend of my sister's. She definitely had issues, but she was attractive and friendly and straightforward, more like a guy in fact.

One date we left the Hard Rock literally as dawn was breaking. During that boozy night we had hooked up with another slightly older couple and had a great evening, the four of us together. My date was waiting on the pavement while I was paying at the till, when the woman from the other couple, who was a total stranger, whispered to me, "You seem like a nice guy, let me give you some advice. Get rid of that woman, immediately."

I don't know what she saw, but I figured a woman knows another woman better than I do, so I stayed just friends despite some very clear come-ons from the girl.

She became notorious. An alcoholic, a bisexual, a string of failed relationships with men and woman. My sister dropped her. I found out afterwards she was having sex on the lounge sofa with my sister's bf and my sister caught her. She was famous for making long self-pitying phone calls to all her ex-friends. She had a tough family environment; her father committed suicide and her mother couldn't cope, and it seemed she needed to take it out on other people. I'm pretty sure she had BPD.

I still get phone calls from her every few years when she's drunk and maudlin. She talks about the good old days and the people we knew and why don't we get together for a drink. I tell her I don't mind talking to her on the phone, but I don't want to meet her again.

 

[Luthor Rex]

As the relationship progresses you are subtley diminished and taken apart piece by piece as she syphons all that you are and vampires it into her black soul energizing her momentarily.

You decrease while she increases basically until the relationship is solely and totally about her but it is so subtle and insidious and takes so much time you don't even notice it while it is happening.

But I thought that's what marriage was all about!

:crazy:

 

[drmeathead]

Since we are talking about BPDs...I think I ran into another one. Atleast this time the bells were going off in my head. BPD watch out. Did it stop me...nope? Did I get totally mind ****ed before she chewed me up and spit me out? Yep.

She is a 7 day a week drinker and smoker with a former coke habit. She ****ed me silly the first few days while telling me I am so special. Telling me she thought i was too good to be true after 4 dates. Trying to get me to commit to her after two days then telling me three days later she didnt mean it. Then dumping me out right then calling back two hours later asking me back. Calling me late night to let me know she was drunk at bar by my house and then not really talking to me once I was there. Declining to come in but kissing me good night and tell me to call, giving me false hope she wanted to come over then blowing me off again. Ill admit i finally brokedown and groveled and was whiney but **** I got mind blown. I guess it is good she told me she is never talking to me ever again even though I told her to call if she changes her mind.

 

[jophil28]

Since we are talking about BPDs...I think I ran into another one. Atleast this time the bells were going off in my head. BPD watch out. Did it stop me...nope? Did I get totally mind ****ed before she chewed me up and spit me out? Yep.

She is a 7 day a week drinker and smoker with a former coke habit. She ****ed me silly the first few days while telling me I am so special. Telling me she thought i was too good to be true after 4 dates. Trying to get me to commit to her after two days then telling me three days later she didnt mean it. Then dumping me out right then calling back two hours later asking me back. Calling me late night to let me know she was drunk at bar by my house and then not really talking to me once I was there. Declining to come in but kissing me good night and tell me to call, giving me false hope she wanted to come over then blowing me off again. Ill admit i finally brokedown and groveled and was whiney but **** I got mind blown. I guess it is good she told me she is never talking to me ever again even though I told her to call if she changes her mind.

Did this happen recently ? What happened to the BPD vigilance that you should have developed and fine tuned from being on this board?
Im gonna come on over there stick that stethoscope up your a$$ right after I slap you silly.

Dr Meathead indeed.. ha !.

 

[KontrollerX]

Stethescope up the ass you say?

*Checks jophil for LAPD badge number*

Hehehe.

 

[Ballie]

Wow, what a thread. I have seeing this married BPD woman and had no idea of what I was dealing with. I now realise that she would pick a fight with her husband and then leave him, because he got violent and then come and fvck me. I felt sorry for her and only realised after I read this article that she was using me - looking back in my dairy, the episodes were twice a month during her horny period cycles.
The sex was amazing - absolute wild monkey stuff. Thought I had the ultimate fvck buddy. They are very addictive and hard to give up.
I now know that they are like black widow spiders that will fvck you then eat you alive. Thanks guys I will now, run Forrest, RUN...
But will do so quietly and fade away dont mess with a poisonous spider.

 

[jophil28]

Wow, what a thread. I have seeing this married BPD woman and had no idea of what I was dealing with. I now realise that she would pick a fight with her husband and then leave him, because he got violent and then come and fvck me. I felt sorry for her and only realised after I read this article that she was using me - looking back in my dairy, the episodes were twice a month during her horny period cycles.
The sex was amazing - absolute wild monkey stuff. Thought I had the ultimate fvck buddy. They are very addictive and hard to give up.
I now know that they are like black widow spiders that will fvck you then eat you alive. Thanks guys I will now, run Forrest, RUN...
But will do so quietly and fade away dont mess with a poisonous spider.

Ahh another war story from the frontlines... "like Black Widow spiders" ? That's a new simile. but quite accurate. Yes, they will eat you alive - emotionally and psychologically. These women want to FVCK you, then CONTROL you and then HARM you, and they do it in the most devastating ways ,and they do in deliberately. They are also the most manipulative control freaks that you will ever meet, plus they are also Gold Medal winning actresses.
Good luck walking away. BPDs hate being dumped -that is their greatest fear -abandonment.. Expect her to pull out every snivelling whiney trick to hoover you back into her web of deceit and lies and THEN she will DUMP you in one half second . The word EVIL exists to label these female monsters.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Good luck walking away. BPDs hate being dumped -that is their greatest fear -abandonment.. Expect her to pull out every snivelling whiney trick to hoover you back into her web of deceit and lies and THEN she will DUMP you in one half second .


Yes, but that is the trick to this thread's subject question. You get rid of a bpd woman by having her dump you. Put up a good AFC act, shed a crocodile tear, and smile as the door hits her in the ass on the way out.

 

[jophil28]

Yes, but that is the trick to this thread's subject question. You get rid of a bpd woman by having her dump you. Put up a good AFC act, shed a crocodile tear, and smile as the door hits her in the ass on the way out.

Yes- that is how you do it - you outsmart her.
The only thing that I need to add is to watch out for a re-approach by her some time later when her latest victim has either wised up and dumped her, OR he has been shredded and discarded and is no fun anymore.

 

[decades]

unfortunately their "victims" are usually deep rooted AFCs who would never think of trying to get dumped by the "love of their life". It's only After you've been through the ringer that you know what to do next time.