Currently, I have not made a decision; I have neither booked my flight nor informed Dave that I'm unable to make it.
The overwhelming majority of the responses here have been "don't go" to various degrees and for various reasons. The people who suggested I still go are my immediate family (mother, father, brother) and
@Rainrain . I've mentioned that they're the only ones who think I should go, and they respond that it should be a sign that the people who know me the best, in person, all are in agreement on how they think I should proceed.
So what I'll do here is simply play a little Pro/Con with myself about going vs. not going and see if it gives me clarity if I write things out rather than overthink.
Why Go
- I've never been to a bachelor party and it would be a new experience
- I enjoy weddings and would likely have a good time at this as well
- I've never been to Nashville and have heard it's a lot of fun
- I could always choose not to go to the wedding if I don't enjoy this experience
- Even if I decide to go for my selfish reason and experience, why should that matter?
- There would be other guys in our mutual friend group that are fun to hang out with and would be nice to see
- I've already spent $250 towards this for our group reserving the AirBNB and stocking it with groceries
- Dave has apologized for this incident multiple times, more sincerely during and after the pandemic when he began to take religion more seriously
- I have expressed these feelings to his face before, and he understands where I'm coming from and does not try to get me to see it from his perspective
- I did not have these thoughts or apprehensions about going until I saw Sara on Facebook and thought back to this incident
- This invitation could be an olive branch, as @Rainrain had mentioned, where Dave is looking to reconcile what he's done and wants to include me because we had been good friends despite this incident
- A majority of my resentment lies with the fact that Sara has received the opposite of a comeuppance, and not with Dave
- My family argues that people change, this girl shouldn't be that important to me, and that I should take on new fun experiences
Why Not Go
- This was probably the worst thing ever done to me, and it was done by my best friend at the time
- Similar to what @Bokanovsky said about submission, I would be putting myself in a situation where I cannot up and leave if things are going badly for me
- Dave did apologize, but initially, it was only to appease me and not because he believed he was in the wrong, reasoning that this girl was his ex too
- I probably would not have forgiven him if I hadn't been forced by my superiors to be amicable co-workers while on duty
- I probably would not have continued hanging out with him if I had other single friends that would go out
- The fact that seeing Sara interrupted my day to such an extent means that despite blocking her in several places I am not rid of her, and maybe to rid myself of her I need to rid myself of BOTH parties that caused that pain
- Now that these thoughts and feelings have resurfaced, I may not be able to fully enjoy this celebration, especially if I end up very drunk and these thoughts come to mind
- The majority of this forum believes that going for my own selfishness would reflect poorly on me and my character and that reconciling with Dave, despite how long ago this incident was, would be a weakness on my part
- I'd end up forfeiting a considerable amount of time, and likely money by spending this weekend away
- I'd end up forfeiting considerably MORE time and money if I ended up also attending the wedding
I'll likely edit and add to this post in the morning when I've given it more thought, but as it stands I haven't heard or read something that's made up my mind about this. Unfortunately, I don't have too many friends that I'd aspire to be more like, and therefore I don't want to ask their advice on this, because I know how most of them will answer.
