How do I let go, or should I even?

[BPH]

Way way way overthinking this. Bachelor parties are just parties. I would be more concerned if I were Dave given the amount of mental energy you have spent on him.

I’ll take the other side here. Go, have a great time, and if you have a date then bring one of those fillies you have in your deep stable of Delaware chach and bang her at the wedding off the hotel balcony in Dave’s view and throw him a high five in the morning on the way out of the breakfast.

...

 

[Canadian_Man]

Just remember that the majority of your friends are most likely blue-pill men who are probably submissive individuals themselves.

While I agree that he shouldn't go based on what's been said, there might be more to why personal friends and family believe he should go.

Hypothetical example, maybe Dave is someone OP spends a lot of time with, and the loss of this "friend" could leave a (short-term) void for OP, and OP's family/friends are factoring this context into it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I've talked to some more of my family and friends about this.

What's odd is that everybody who knows me personally has said that the pros outweigh the cons and that they would go and have a good time, reasoning that the event happened a long time ago, I don't care about the girl, and Dave has apologized.

Meanwhile, almost everybody here has suggested I cut him off entirely, not go, and wouldn't have engaged with him at all if this had happened to them, reasoning that I was forced into submission and that event has clearly left a scar that I have not gotten over.

I still haven't decided, but now I'm leaning more towards not going. Part of me thinks that if I go, I'd be forced to overcome this and be comfortable with the past, able to move forward - whether that means attending his wedding or just using the bachelor party for a fun experience where I'm around some friends.

The other part of me thinks that I need to remove any chance of running into her or him to avoid being reminded and brought back to that event. That, along with the fact that I wouldn't have forgiven him if it didn't impact my job, seeing as we were co-workers. All this even though he's apologized, and more recently meant it, because I still happened upon Sara living a happy life with no remorse for doing such a s****y thing.

Dave isn't responsible for your crazy attachment issue to this women, ESPECIALLY after he was also involved with her before you were, you are.

Stop blaming him for your inability to stop living in fantasy land with this woman.

 

[BPH]

While I agree that he shouldn't go based on what's been said, there might be more to why personal friends and family believe he should go.

Hypothetical example, maybe Dave is someone OP spends a lot of time with, and the loss of this "friend" could leave a (short-term) void for OP, and OP's family/friends are factoring this context into it.

I think they're just wanting me to enjoy myself and have an experience. Dave lives in CA now so I'll never see him normally.

Dave isn't responsible for your crazy attachment issue to this women, ESPECIALLY after he was also involved with her before you were, you are.

Stop blaming him for your inability to stop living in fantasy land with this woman.

This isn't about attachment to this woman, this is about not being able to get over being wronged by both of them - and the fact that she serves as a reminder of it.

I do not care about the b****, I hate her.

 

[BPH]

Alright, I've come to the decision that I'll not go to either the bachelor party or the wedding.

I'm just here one last time to ask how you guys suggest I do that;

Let him know why?

Ghost?

Ghost and block both?

Wondering if this deserves any consideration since my family thinks I should say why I changed my mind, but friends wouldn't even give him that.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Alright, I've come to the decision that I'll not go to either the bachelor party or the wedding.

I'm just here one last time to ask how you guys suggest I do that;

Let him know why?

Ghost?

Ghost and block both?

Wondering if this deserves any consideration since my family thinks I should say why I changed my mind, but friends wouldn't even give him that.

I can only speak for myself and how I would handle. I'd just politely decline and ghost/block. If it's causing that much aggravation it doesn't deserve to be in my orbit. I would ghost and block all these people, in fact. But I wouldn't waste energy justifying my decision.

As for all the anger and resentment...well IME the only thing I can control is my action and reaction to things. Can't control others. So let them do and be whatever they want, that's their business. A bytch doesn't appreciate me or wants to break up? Fine. A "friend" wants to fukk my ex even though I told him it would bother me? Go ahead brah. I'll adjust accordingly, not everyone gets the privilege of being in my orbit and they had their chance. IME a lot of anger is me simply not moving past the initial reaction ("I don't like this") and hanging on to it, then being mad at myself for not detaching. Nothing wrong with being pissed off but one must accept, dismiss, and get on with life.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Alright, I've come to the decision that I'll not go to either the bachelor party or the wedding.

I'm just here one last time to ask how you guys suggest I do that;

Let him know why?

Ghost?

Ghost and block both?

Wondering if this deserves any consideration since my family thinks I should say why I changed my mind, but friends wouldn't even give him that.

When in doubt, think 'man'.

What would a 'man' do?

He invited you. Politely decline. As a man.

That is it.

In the long run, there is no room in your heart for anger, grief, resentment. Just avoid this path. It is a path for misfortune.

Also, no need for explaining. You should avoid excessive speech. The more you say, the more room for error you create.

 

[BPH]

Done.

 

[parabellum]

Do not associate with people who lack integrity.

Better yet, expect everyone to lack integrity, just different amounts.

 

[Dr_jitsu]

This relationship was over the second she said she was moving to Florida. You should not have devoted any thought to her after that moment.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Done.

Great man! Congrats!

Now moving on to the next one!

 

[Lotus Effect]

If you have to spend all that energy for pros and cons, it means, inside of you, you know what to do and you're trying to list good things to try and convince yourself, follow your gut.

I guess that now that you turned 35 you got wiser...

...Because thats actually sound advice!

 

[Lotus Effect]

I've been very wise all my life, that's why I have the quality of life I have now, this is coming from an immigrant who was born and spent 12 years of his life in cuba, came to the US, no English , no connections, no wealthy family, competed against people who on paper were better than me, beat the fvck out of all of them, and have worked as engineer in the biggest aerospace companies, defense and commercial in US and still holds a top security clearance.

A person shows their true character the way he/she interacts with people they seem "below" them.

Great man!
Fight the power! Keep it up!

And, since you are in the lookout for quotes, just watch out for this one:

“And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know.”
― Kansas, 'Carry on Wayward Son'

Keep it humble, and with a student mindset. We are always learning.

“The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know.”
― Albert Einstein

Cheers!