Here is how you get a long term relationship that is fulfilling and has minimal drama

[RickTheToad]

It's so weird if they since you want a
relationship before they do or they mention it, you are toast. This rule always holds true though.

She has to bring the relationship question up, not you. Don't fall for that sh it. YOU are the one steering the ship, not the lady.

 

[GoodOne123]

Step one: The start of the relationship

You are spinning plates, have a harem of women but are starting to feel unfulfilled. After a while it all starts to get old. The dates, communicating with so many different women, so you decide you want a long term relationship. The first step isn’t really a step, it’s more so what you don’t do.
You never bring up the topic of exclusivity to a woman.
She has to bring up the subject. You do not ask a woman to be your girlfriend, no matter how much you like her. You continue to have sex with her and go on dates but she has to bring up the topic of being a couple. We don’t actually choose a girlfriend a girlfriend in a sense chooses us.
Many of you guys who are experienced with women know after a time, a woman will say the famous line “So what are we?” This is when you know she wants a title out of you and now the ball is in your court to evaluate her performance as a plate and decide if you want her to be your girl.

Step two: The screening process, is she girlfriend material?

Now that she has asked you what are we this is where you have to take a step back. Making her your girlfriend can either bring tremendous value to your life or become an additional source of stress. It’s time to use your head right now, not your heart. How has she behaved as a plate? Has she been punctual? Given you a hard time? Made simple situations become drama? Ever been flakey? What is her relationship like with her parents? What is she doing career wise? Is it possible that she wants to use you for resources?
What are her morals like? Has she ever cheated?What does she bring to the table? Once you guys started having sex, has she denied you sex after dates for no apparent reason?

She has to pass all the answers to these questions with flying colors. Her looks and your physical attraction to her are not enough to make her girlfriend material.

Step three: Laying down the ground rules.

So you took the step back and have decided that she can bring value to your life.
Before the relationship starts you let her know the ground rules from the door. You have to let her know that as your girlfriend there is a code of conduct that she must follow and failure to follow the code of conduct we result in you dumping her immediately with no chance of resolution.

You make your own ground rules, but here are a few that I would follow:
-there is no contact with ex boyfriends or lovers.

-you may not acquire any new male friends or aquatints.

-you may not withhold sex to get your way.

-drama is to be kept to a minimum.

You can create your own ground rules but I suggest these three be included. Failure to follow these rules have to result in an instant breakup. There are no second chances.


Step four: Maintaining your frame

Do not become complacent. You are the man, your job is to lead. You want your woman to constantly see you win. In the board room, in the social circle, in life in general. Do not become a couch potato and lay around with her eating high calorie snacks every night. You have to continue to go to the gym, continue to go out with the guys, continue to dress nice and smell good and maintain a high level of grooming. Once you fall into mediocrity she will lose respect for you and begin violating your code of conduct. Do not become vulnerable. If you are feeling down and need to vent get a therapist or call the bro’s, do not let your woman see you defeated or sulking.
Date night, you decide where you are going. She can make suggestions but the decision is yours. You are a king, she is your queen the final decision is always yours, she is just an advisor. Check bad behavior immediately. You come over and she is acting b*tchy? Leave. Tell her you don’t like her energy and will talk to her tomorrow. Block her number for the night.

Step Five: Progression

Its been a year or two, she has followed your code of conduct to the letter, and has been an asset to you. Now she wants to move together as it’s the natural progression of a relationship. Should you decide that she is worthy to share your castle here are some rules.

- She moves into your place. You NEVER move with her. Things take a turn for the worst she had to pack and move not you.

- MAN PAYS RENT/MORTGAGE! I’m going to get blowback on this one, but I truly believe the man pays this. She pays all other bills gas and electric, wifi, water & groceries.

- Real men do chores. If you can live in a disorganized messy environment you aren’t a man you are an animal. Do not be a slob and do not tolerate messiness from her. Maintain a neat living space. USE A DISH, WASH A DISH. A messy woman is not wife material.

- This is when men get fat. Do not let her convince you to eat junk food and influence your eating habits. You must maintain your body and continue to go to gym. Bonus points for her and getting that wedding ring if she commits to clean eating and gym herself. If you can both go to gym together in morning or after work it’s a great way to bond.


Final step: The player retires.

At this point it’s been some years. Been dating 4-5 years or more and lived together for 2-3. She has followed your code of conduct to the letter. This final step is completely up to you. You can just live together for years and completely skip this step. If you see fit, and she has proven herself worthy go ahead and make an honest woman out of her. Get the ring. I will let someone with a successful marriage write the rules for this as I’ve never made it this far but one thing I do know, get a prenup.

as always, open to civil discussion.

Solid post.

I think 90% of the success of a relationship lies in step 2. Screening is so important.

I like how you included observing her relationship with her parents. That's a big one imo. If she was raised in a single mother household and resents her dad that's not a good sign. Also if she has a mother who has married and divorced multiple times then she might grow up and follow her mother's pattern too.

I also tend to avoid any girl who has any type of extreme religious/social beliefs. For example hard-core SJW/Feminists, or any radical religious group. I don't think people like that can get along with anyone but themselves.

 

[zekko]

Step three: Laying down the ground rules.

I knew you'd get some blowback on this one. This is an old discussion that's been had on this forum for a long time. Some people say that if the girl is high interest, she will just automatically know what to do and do it. I've always thought this was nonsense. Everyone is an individual, we don't all think alike, and that includes couples. To me, it is madness to enter into an agreement without defining the parameters of that relationship.

I think the "no second chances" bit is a bit overly dramatic, but it depends on what the infraction is. Like your "no contact with exes" rule. What if you're at the grocery school, her ex passes by and says hi to her and she says hi back? You going to dump her over that? Ridiculous.

Some say if you state a boundary, then they will just hide that behavior from you. That may be true, but I always say that bad behavior is going to eventually come to light, so you're going to find out anyway. A person can't be a snake without your noticing some scales or shed skin laying around the house.

 

[cola]

I think the "no second chances" bit is a bit overly dramatic, but it depends on what the infraction is. Like your "no contact with exes" rule. What if you're at the grocery school, her ex passes by and says hi to her and she says hi back? You going to dump her over that? Ridiculous.

No sir, I would not dump her over that. That isn’t something I’d care about. What I meant was conversing through text message or some non organic encounter.

 

[Roober]

Solid post.

I would argue that 1-3 are one step. The process of screening and setting rules is setup during the plate spinning phase. Naturally one plate will rise to the top while the others just fall off. Hard boundaries are difficult because every situation is so nuanced. Additionally, a good quality woman doesn't really need hard boundaries. She will know that talking to other men, frequent girls night out, heavy alcohol and drug use, etc. are not ideal qualities.

There is no hiding as some men think. Their is only men conveniently ignoring value conflicts and incongruence in a woman's character.

I agree on her moving to your place 100%, don't agree on paying though. I live in the bay area and my mortgage, property tax and insurance is $4,500 a month.

 

[RickTheToad]

Exactly what I've been saying: "B E W A R E!!!"


But, even I don't think the tax on stupidity should be THAT high.

Stupid tax doesn't hurt unless the cost is high enough. I am sure he'll not make a unwise mistake like that again. So, it was a lesson learned for him and we can see what not to do.

 

[Epic Days]

I don’t believe for a second that a woman doesn’t know what the theoretical and given boundaries of what a monogamous relationship is, per the paradigm of men. Stating boundaries might actually be a challenge for her to circumvent when the desire runs out.

Her goal is to circumvent the paradigm and reality that men are trapped into. After all, she contributes to the solidification of the socially constructed trap deliberately and knowingly.

Her solipsism is utterly complete and intact. No matter what her silly mouth speaks or overt or covert actions.

To a woman, possibly in many cases, completely sincere at the start. But her biological sexual strategy is underneath and prompting and controlling her emotional state.

What do women want? An unrestricted sexual strategy whereby she can breed with whomever she wants and secure whatever she needs through whatever manipulation she can use. And men being safely clueless and trapped in the social construct and thus clueless.

 

[Spaz]

OP has at least set the bar for himself.

That's a standard.

Most of you ends up in an LTR without having any standards only to end up being bullied by a woman that supposedly loves you.

 

[zekko]

I don’t believe for a second that a woman doesn’t know what the theoretical and given boundaries of what a monogamous relationship is, per the paradigm of men

Different men here can't even agree what boundaries to have, how is a woman supposed to instinctively know? My boundaries are not the same as Cola's, for instance. My friends have boundaries that are different than mine.

 

[SoSuave666]

Man some of you guys have most likely never lived with a woman. I have. It may seem great at first because it’s a new experience and it’s exciting, and you **** each other like jack rabbits. But after the initial novelty of it it becomes a chore. Especially if you are a man who enjoys his independence. Before you know it she’s sitting on your toilet pissing while you’re trying to brush your teeth. You can’t fvxkikg brush your teeth in peace.

women are also way messier than you are led to believe. They leave their bra all over the place, like the most random spots. Theydont wash dishes after use. Refuse to take out the trash. I have worked for a few companies and am nice to the cleaning service people, we usually interact because I get to the office early and stay late so they are there. They HATE the female bathrooms. Men are consistently more clean and respectful.

just be careful with the whole move in together thing.

 

[Spaz]

Different men here can't even agree what boundaries to have, how is a woman supposed to instinctively know? My boundaries are not the same as Cola's, for instance. My friends have boundaries that are different than mine.

Instinctively.

It's the same with how you deal with another man, to either be gentle, dominant, aggressive, non aggressive etc.

I differ from OP in that I don't need to say it but it's well understood by my general behavior.

 

[Spaz]

Man some of you guys have most likely never lived with a woman. I have. It may seem great at first because it’s a new experience and it’s exciting, and you **** each other like jack rabbits. But after the initial novelty of it it becomes a chore. Especially if you are a man who enjoys his independence. Before you know it she’s sitting on your toilet pissing while you’re trying to brush your teeth. You can’t fvxkikg brush your teeth in peace.

women are also way messier than you are led to believe. They leave their bra all over the place, like the most random spots. Theydont wash dishes after use. Refuse to take out the trash. I have worked for a few companies and am nice to the cleaning service people, we usually interact because I get to the office early and stay late so they are there. They HATE the female bathrooms. Men are consistently more clean and respectful.

just be careful with the whole move in together thing.

If its the female toilet that many women uses then I agree.

If its their own toilet, and they normally have guest in their house, it's super clean with a lot of useless frills.

But bras is everywhere.

Reminds me of dogs that keeps on peeing everywhere just to point out that it's their territory.

 

[SoSuave666]

If its the female toilet that many women uses then I agree.

If its their own toilet, and they normally have guest in their house, it's super clean with a lot of useless frills.

But bras is everywhere.

Reminds me of dogs that keeps on peeing everywhere just to point out that it's their territory.

Yep, the communal toilets of an office space is what I’m saying. It’s brutal for the cleaning people I talk to. Tampons fvcking everywhere.

 

[Spaz]

Yep, the communal toilets of an office space is what I’m saying. It’s brutal for the cleaning people I talk to. Tampons fvcking everywhere.

The industry I'm in is considered one of the most masculine industries, whereby men far exceeds women in numbers but yet I've got to sign off and approve the quarterly maintenance for the female toilets vs men's which is perhaps done every 3 or 5 years?

Tampons...

They got no discipline.

 

[The Diver]

An ex who she ended with amicably sends her a Facebook message just shooting the sh*t. There is no sexual talk, no mention of meeting up it’s a completely platonic conversation

If there is no sexual talk, no mention of meeting up, and it's an only platonic conversation, what are you so afraid of ?

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Step three: Laying down the ground rules.

So you took the step back and have decided that she can bring value to your life.
Before the relationship starts you let her know the ground rules from the door. You have to let her know that as your girlfriend there is a code of conduct that she must follow and failure to follow the code of conduct we result in you dumping her immediately with no chance of resolution.

You make your own ground rules, but here are a few that I would follow:
-there is no contact with ex boyfriends or lovers.

-you may not acquire any new male friends or aquatints.

-you may not withhold sex to get your way.

-drama is to be kept to a minimum.

You can create your own ground rules but I suggest these three be included. Failure to follow these rules have to result in an instant breakup. There are no second chances.

There's no point in this, it'll just beam insecurity. Your girl will feel like a prisoner. If a girl likes me and we're getting serious I'm her everything. She tells me everything, she adores me, constantly blowing me up, planning stuff, spending as much time with me as she can, and I trust she'll do what's best for us. Personally I give no fuucks who she talks to because I trust her. If that trust is violated I'm out, that's implied. If I don't like something I may check her in the moment, or I indirectly show that I don't like her behavior by disengaging. If it continues I simply put my attention elsewhere. If she doesn't explicitly ask what's wrong or what she can do to make things work then she's not interested in making it work and I'm saving myself tons of energy.

Give her enough rope and see if she hangs herself.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Btw @cola you don't get into an LTR because you're starting to feel unfulfilled or 'want something more', that's just coming from lack. Meeting women feels 'old' because you're stagnating in your life. When you're growing you'll meet women of higher and higher caliber, or at least new women, often. To cuck it out and actively pursue an LTR to feel better is needy and feminine. A relationship with a woman is a distraction from what will really make you feel fulfilled.

 

[RickTheToad]

So, we should be paying him for the lesson?

Learn by example. No payment necessary.

 

[Mazer]

Every couple I ever met who lived together before they got married were shacking up longer than they were married. Lived together 6 years, got married, and divorced 6 months later. Predictable. Why? Because they thought making it official would fix their relationship. SMH

Or they decide to have a child, hoping it would fix the relationship. Silly

 

[RickTheToad]

Unfortunately, I know a guy who lost his mortgage-free house to a chick he let move in, because she called the cops, when he asked her to leave, and said he hit her. While he was in jail, she got a restraining order, listing his house as her place of residence. Unfortunately, he didn't have Rick around(not sure he has a contract for that situation, anyway), and lost his house.

A cohabitation agreement signed and notarized who had protected him. A court cannot legally through a homeowner out of their home like that. There's more to the story that this dude didn't tell you. He may had put her on the deed, and then she kicked his ass out. I've heard that more than enough times from dudes who found the one (sarcasm).

Quick story. After I was married, my then wife (now annulled - love saying that) asked me to put her on my deed. Like the next few days after. I said look sweety, that ain't going to happen anytime soon. If you are here in 10 years, we can talk. However, if it makes you feel better, I am not on the deed either.. It was transferred to an irrevocable trust a year ago prior to our engagement... So was all of my other assets and updated retirement accounts (I actually paused my contributions during my short marriage to to commingle or produce a marital assets). Effectively, I am worth a few grand and my personal positions in my home. She turned white. That marriage contract scares the sh it out of me. I do not know how you dudes sign those things without a lawyer and transferring all assets you have before you walk down marital death row.