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[grayclif]

The only red flag about her, is that she's falling for me as quickly as I'm falling for her... Which could mean I simply did a perfect job at seducing her

DH,
Dude form what you are saying you got her sucked in so don't mess it up by trying to be the opposite of AFC. You have her right where you want her. Your doing a good job just keep your emotions in check.

These girls will only let you play them for so long.

I think Slick is correct here. This is a nice one - you need to fclose soon bro. After that then you can contemplate your future with this great woman.

 

[Die Hard]

Thanks for the encouragement, greycliff! It's not easy to match our schedules, weekdays are difficult and I'm occupied this weekend. So I aim to meet up with her next weekend and f close her then. Just hope I can keep her on ice till then coz by that time, it'll be almost 2 weeks since we last met...

 

[Sue Madre]

looool, I should've never mentioned the complications regarding my living situation, forget about it!

Nobody is forgetting about it. You are going to blow it because you won't bring her back to your place. What is the real reason for it? Stop trying to lie to everybody.

I have never banged a chic until I brought her back to my place. That was my first priority.

 

[Die Hard]

I will bring her back to my place.

Still not gonna answer your question, though!

 

[Sue Madre]

I will bring her back to my place.

Still not gonna answer your question, though!

Fine then keep hiding details and lying to us. What kind of advice do you expect to get? Go ahead and tell this girl to meet you at a hotel and I'm sure that will go great.

 

[Die Hard]

lol, did you even read what I said? Your advice is appreciated, my friend... But when you hand out advice, it seems that you have your own interests in mind more than those of the person you're talking to...

Anyway, here's a little update:

Despite her being high quality in many regards and her being very much into me, I'm getting a gut feeling that this girl is not as innocent as she seems and might actually be quite promiscuous... Of course there are no conclusive signs, but my gut feeling didn't appear for no reason.

Good for me, it keeps me sharp... Gameplan: Keep emotions in check, f-close her, try to get more plates spinning, and most of all: enjoy the ride!

 

[ELMER_GANTRY]

There are three reasons why a guy doesn't want a girl to know where he lives.

1. He is ashamed of where he lives
2. He has something to hide
3. He is worried that the girl might be crazy

With Die_Hard I would bet on the third. You asked for some help, so I will give you some. Hope you listen to me.

Wow...you are really wound up and uptight about this chick finding out where you live aren't you? Things have seem to gone downhill with her after your first post about her. I can say with absolute confidence that this relationship is destined to be a failure, in fact it is doomed already if you look at it logically. I can tell that just by reading your posts that this woman is the one that has the power in this relationship. Look what she is doing to you...she has you freaked out, worried, you are upset about her finding out where you live and how fast she is moving in on you. She is the agressor, the pursuer, and you are the one backpeddling and second guessing her. She is suspicious of you and wants to know everything about you, texts you when you're out with your buddy. Look how freaked out you are now about her just after one date, a few texts, and a few phone convos. You haven't even had sex yet and aren't even in a relationship yet, and look how she acts, like you are already in one. Don't you think its going to get worse if you're going to be in one? She will get worse and if you are this AFC now, it will be a big mess if you enter one.

From everything you wrote about her, I can positively say that this woman has BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) from all of her early behavior. There is another guy that I wrote to in the discussion forum who has a similar situation like you, except she buys him expensive gifts, but their behavior is the same. You should read it. Its the one about where "he thought she was an 8" My advice to you is if you can bang her, do so, and then don't get involved anymore, but sometimes you are better off not doing it because she might become more attracted and attached to you.



You thought she was innocent and pure.....that is how all BPD girls try to seem but they are not. You even stated that you think she is not the innocent girl that she portrayed to you at the beginning.

BPD girls fall really fast and try to hook a guy really fast and they end up falling fast too, just like you said you were/are falling fast.

You said you met once, and were falling already....she is hooking you

You had a 2 hour late night convo with her before bed. That's a long time to talk to a girl you just met. You probably devulged a lot of info about yourself for her to pick up on, and I'm sure she probably gave you her life story and you felt intrigued by it. You passed her first AFC test she gave you. You hung on for over 2 hours and by doing that she knows that you will invest all your time with her when she needs it.

You said you were AFC before, and you still are with her, and she has picked up on that. BPD women usually attract AFC men because they are easier to hook and then later dump.

You said you were caught off guard with her behavior. There is a red flag right there to be concerned about. You said you have a gut feeling too that something is off. You are right. BPD girls give off red flags and off behavior from the start but guys are so infatuated with them, they ignore the warning signs or just choose not to believe them because they think the girl is so great.

You said she texts you asking to call, texts often, this is an early sign of neediness/clinginess that you should be aware of. It will only get worse if you start a relationship with her, she will be doing that 24/7 and what will you do then?

You said you were having a drink with your buddy and she texted you. You texted her back, in which you shouldn't of. She is not your girlfriend and you shouldn't text girls, (ones you havent had sex with) when you're out with your friends on the weekend, or even during the week. That is your time to chill and everybody else should be ignored during that time. You passed another one of her AFC tests with flying colors. You texted her while you were out with your buddy. Now she knows once again that you will be at her beckon call no matter where you are.

You said she is suspicious of you. Here you were out with your buddy having a drink and probably having a good time, and you texted her back where you were, after she asked about your whereabouts, and she didn't even believe you, said she made a comment about it. Why should she care? She isn't your girlfriend. You had one date and never had sex. This is odd behavior and will only get worse for you if you decide to go into a relationship with her.


I can see it all now....your buddy calls you up to go get a drink on a saturday night. You tell her that you're going out with him to get a few drinks. She gets pissed off and angry and start accusing you of not loving her and caring for her. she says "Why do you want to go out with him? Aren't I more important than you're friend? Why don't you take me out for a drink? I guess I don't mean anything to you." Then you will say "Baby that's not true, of course you mean everything to me." Then you will cave in and take her out and feel miserable about yourself because you let her over power you once again. Or if you decide not to take her out she will really get mad and be constantly calling/texting you while you're out. Then when you come back from your drinks, she will accuse you of cheating on her. And you will have to explain to her that you weren't. If it is this bad now, this is what you will be in for later.

She is getting close to you, wants to know everything about you, invading you, that is freaking you out. Imagine when you're in a relationship and she wants to know you're every move. Everything you do. When you take a leak, take a crap, everything. Thats what will happen in the future. Think about it....BPD girls want to know all they can about you, so they can use it against you later in the relationship. She wants to find your soft spots, your weaknesses, and strengths, so she can measure you up, and then tear you a part.

You're worried about her being in your life so fast and so close. This is just the start my friend, if she worries you this much you should let her go before she really does a number on you.

You have gone way AFC on her already, even before sex, and even before a relationship. She has displayed needy, clingy, agressive, suspicious behavior towards you in the first weeks. You are worried, upset, freaked out, caught off guard, trying to make excuses so she can't find out where you live. Does this sound like a relationship that is going to work out to you? It will only get worse for you and i don't think you will be able to handle her in the long run. You're having a very hard time now.

I would think twice about getting involved with her. I've never had to make an excuse for not letting a chic know where I live, but a guy that I work with tells women that he lives with his buddy and that they have a gentleman's agreement not to bring women over because it got out of hand with the roomate bringing lots of girls over and since he can't bring them, then you can't either.

Still, you shouldn't worry about not letting her know where you live, you should worry about her behavior, and let her go before you get in way over your head and realize that I was right. Let her go, and find another girl who doesn't freak you out, and a girl you have to hide and lie to. Because she will be on you all the time about where you live and it will only get worse each day, and a relationship that will never work.

 

[Zunder]

Just fvck her would yuh for fvcksake.

 

[Die Hard]

Elmer, that was a great post, thank you! When I started this thread asking for support, this was exactly the kinda post I was hoping for

Some of the assumptions in your post are incorrect, though. But that doesn't matter because your post does exactly what I need, anyway: The same way you can bump up a thread by placing a post, your post bumps up thoughts/ideas in my head that tend to sink to the bottom. Thanks!!!

Zunder: I know, I know... But I'm afraid things got more complicated. Here's another update, it explains why.

Throughout our contact, I've mostly been in control of the frame. She's been giving me sh!t tests and tried evoking emotional responses from me, but I passed most of it. I've noticed this makes her feel uncomfortable, like I can get to her emotions but she can't get to mine... These last days, however, she went into full attack mode! Somehow I get the feeling as if she initiated sort of a final, desperate attack!

Not sure how this is gonna end, but I'm not giving an inch. So she'll have to give up her attack eventually, otherwise I walk.

 

[Sue Madre]

Elmer, that was a great post, thank you! When I started this thread asking for support, this was exactly the kinda post I was hoping for

Some of the assumptions in your post are incorrect, though. But that doesn't matter because your post does exactly what I need, anyway: The same way you can bump up a thread by placing a post, your post bumps up thoughts/ideas in my head that tend to sink to the bottom. Thanks!!!

Zunder: I know, I know... But I'm afraid things got more complicated. Here's another update, it explains why.

Throughout our contact, I've mostly been in control of the frame. She's been giving me sh!t tests and tried evoking emotional responses from me, but I passed most of it. I've noticed this makes her feel uncomfortable, like I can get to her emotions but she can't get to mine... These last days, however, she went into full attack mode! Somehow I get the feeling as if she initiated sort of a final, desperate attack!

Not sure how this is gonna end, but I'm not giving an inch. So she'll have to give up her attack eventually, otherwise I walk.

So in other words, you've gotten nowhere near banging her and you are going to walk.

Sounds like a plan.

 

[grayclif]

These last days, however, she went into full attack mode! Somehow I get the feeling as if she initiated sort of a final, desperate attack!

What did she say to you to make you feel like you were being ultimately tested? Please don't be vague.

 

[Die Hard]

Well, she pretends like she isn't doing it on purpose but she's obviously trying pretty hard to aggravate me and extract an emotional response from me.

I guess that's still vague, lol. However, I find it very important to follow my own process here. I know you want to help me out and preserve me from possible mistakes that might mess things up for myself... I appreciate that, but I feel I need to handle this situation on my own, no matter the outcome.

At this point my main focus in dealing with women is the process towards becoming a DJ. Each interaction with each woman serves that purpose and the success I have with one particular woman is always secondary to the overall succes I have in improving my game. You see, I might not f-close this girl, we might break contact soon enough and it might've been due to my own mistakes. From that perspective, I will have failed (as Sue Madre will undoubtedly point out ). But from my perspective, I have won anyway. Coz I have improved myself and my game throughout dealing with her. In dealing with her, I've already circumvented many mistakes that I did make with past girls. Now I made other mistakes...but each mistake I make with the current girl, I won't make with the next one, and so on.

And so each girl I deal with, is offering me a learning process, giving me the chance to improve myself and my game. In the end, I will become good enough to mostly get whatever outcome I desire from the girls I encounter. At that point, I won't care about all the situations I screwed up in the past and I won't care that I screwed this situation up while I could've f-closed her etc. I don't care about winning the current battle, as long as it brings me enough experience to eventually win the war!

That's not to say I already screwed this one up beyond repair, though! But the point I'm trying to make, is that I'd rather handle the situation on my own and screw it up, than to precisely follow other people's instructions and be succesful. I hope that makes sense, grayclif... If I can't figure out how to handle the situation by myself and end up playing it wrong, then so be it. At least it will prove to be a valuable and tangible lesson to me, which will stick with me forever and will ensure that I definitely won't make the same mistake in future similar situations. Whereas if you tell me how to play this situation right, it won't stick with me or become a part of me and I'll probably keep playing it wrong in future similar situations. One can only really improve himself by making mistakes, I can only learn how to really stand on my own feet by allowing myself to fall.

 

[Sue Madre]

I will have failed (as Sue Madre will undoubtedly point out ).

Yes my friend. The mission is to BANG HER. Until then everything else is irrelevant and you are rambling about nonsense like a woman.

 

[Slickster]

I like this thread DieHard. Your way of thinking too. The fact that you've said you don't care if you fvck her puts you miles ahead.

Keep up the good work. They will be lining up soon enough.

 

[Die Hard]

Thanks, Slick. Things do seem to go up, lately. I'm changing, I radiate confidence and dominance in interactions with others. Friends, colleagues.....and girls, it's funny to see how they're all treating me different coz I display true higher value.

As for the girl, things are still in progress. I seem to be playing it right, but it's too soon to tell... I'll give y'all an update after this whole power struggle between her and me comes to an end.

Cheers!

 

[lifeislearning]

The fact that you've said you don't care if you fvck her puts you miles ahead.

Keep up the good work. They will be lining up soon enough.

I heartily agree with the first part, but you have a long way to go before anybody is lining up to date you.

No offense intended, you sound like a decent guy, buy you need to rellllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

Chill the f*ck out. Stop analyzing everything so much and have fun. When you first meet someone you're supposed to spend time with them because you enjoy their company, not because you want to bang or marry them.

Get ahold of yourself and chill with the strategizing. This isn't chess. It's simple like tic-tac-toe. If all you wanna do is bang her, do it. If all you wanna do is marry her, propose. If you really want to see if this has great LTR potential, then go on some dates and stop acting like a teenage girl. Are you really 30? I have a good friend who is this anxious about every girl he likes and he scares them all away. Don't be that guy.

 

[Die Hard]

Well, I just decided to walk... She doesn't know this yet, but we just had our last phone conversation, I'm done with her. It's late and I'm gonna sleep now, so you'll get the details tomorrow.

 

[Sue Madre]

More phone? Jesus.

 

[Die Hard]

Well, guys. I'd say she's a cluster B nutcase and I felt I should eject right now, like Elmer adviced.. Anyway, here's sort of a recap:

She kept trying to sink her hooks into me, she's been doing this from the night I met her, then all throughout the first date and afterwards. I've been resisting this and I noticed her becoming more and more frustrated with the fact that she couldn't get a grip on me. Eventually, she started acting "pathological" last week. With every sign of me not being available to her, she'd try to "get even". If I couldn't answer my phone, she would purposely not answer hers the next time I called her, that sort of thing. At first I thought nothing of it, but I started noticed patterns in her behavior. It became apparent in all of our interactions and she started acting defensively about her own behavior while I didn't even give her incentive to do so (like saying you're not guilty while no one hasn't even accused you of anything yet, lol).

I knew she was looking for an emotional response but I just kept my cool. This made her try even harder, her behavior became more disrespectful... So I simply withdrew my attention from her over the last week. I decided I would try to arrange another date and just minimize contact in the meanwhile. The problem was her behavior had become quite disrespectful by now, so proposing to meet up with her would be like rewarding her bad behavior.

Anyway, as I withdrew my attention from her, her behavior improved somewhat. So I eventually called her up, intending to set up a meet. Got no response but she texted that she was busy and I could call back in 30 minutes. I told her I'd be busy by then so I'd call later that night, but she said she would be asleep then. I asked her what time she would go to bed, then... She responded by saying she wanted to go to bed as soon as she came home. I decided to leave it at that and didn't respond. 15 minutes later she texts me "You can call me now, otherwise it'll have to be some other time" (it doesn't come through the translation that well, but the way she phrased this sentence in our native language, it was totally arrogant). I didn't respond...

Next day (yesterday), I texted her she could call me if she's interested in seeing me again, I added that that was the reason I called the night before. So she called me up last night and tried to make conversation, she asked me if I had anything interesting to tell, like how my day had been blah blah. I gave very short answers and kept silent, signalling that I was waiting for her to cut to the chase, but she wouldn't. So eventually I asked her if she called with a specific reason. She said no, I just called because you called me last night, nothing more. I reminded her of my text earlier that day and what I asked in it, but she said she didn't remember what was in it... So I casually told her I was going to bed and wished her goodnight.

Obviously, I'm through with her and am not gonna respond to her texts or calls ever again. This was an interesting and instructive experience altogether, I've learned a lot from it. NEXT!!


Going out tonight, I hope there's a lot of pussy in the club

 

[Tazman]

To recap:

1. Meet great chick that has mutual attraction.

2. Chick is very enthusiastic about moving things forward.

3. You hesitate because of paranoia about bringing her back to your place.

4. Chick starts **** testing you.

5. You withdraw and let her go.

Does this sound right?

Do you think maybe she got irritated with your dragging things on without making a move on her, hence the **** testing because she began feeling rejected?

No where do I see any indication of you initiating anything beyond phone calls.