Help

[Die Hard]

Okay, I guess I actually know all I need to know regarding my situation, but it'd still be great to get some support from 'the guys'.

Just when I least expected it, out of the blue, I'm suddenly catching a case of oneitis here :crazy: She's really nice, the kind of girl that warrants a LTR. If you're raising a daughter, you would hope she turns out to be like this girl, know what I mean? Very decent and polite, well educated etc. But at the same time she's fun and exciting. She's just so fvckin 'innocent and pure'. And no signs of cluster B, attention whoring or other stuff like that! The only red flag about her, is that she's falling for me as quickly as I'm falling for her... Which could mean I simply did a perfect job at seducing her, or that she's emotionally instable.

We only met once and had a great evening together. Last night I called her up when I got into bed, she was already in bed too. The conversation lasted two and a half hours!! And we only ended it because we both had to get up early..... Now I know this is no good and I have to get myself under control right now. It feels like I'm turning straight into an AFC overnight, for fvck's sake

I guess I know what I need to do, I've been reading these boards long enough. Still, it would be nice to get some extra motivation and support from you guys... So please don't hold back

 

[bugsquish]

Okay this might sound like a brash question, but have you had sex with this girl? Because if the answer is no, then a 2 and a half hour phone conversation seems like a really bad idea. You don't want to end up being her best friend. If the answer is yes, then it seems like you are well on the way into an LTR if that's what you actually want.

 

[Colossus]

You're infatuated. It's good that you realize the irrationality of it, because if you just let those feelings off the chain it can be dangerous and lead to an emotional free-fall. What goes up must come down.

Trust me, all of the LTR's I've had seemed wonderful in the beginning. Enjoy those great feelings but add in a healthy dose of rationality.

 

[speed dawg]

I wouldn't bank on this relationship lasting much longer.

 

[romangod]

It feels like I'm turning straight into an AFC overnight, for fvck's sake

I guess I know what I need to do, I've been reading these boards long enough. Still, it would be nice to get some extra motivation and support from you guys... So please don't hold back

Well, it sounds pretty good, so far. I would just be aware of what it was that got her interested in you and being aware when you're not being that guy.

Your emotions are getting the better of you. Best rein them in immediately no matter how hard it might be. You'll be playing on her turf and can't win.

You still have to play the game. Don't put her on a pedestal. This will be the beginning of the end.


Be confident and relaxed and be the leader and be the man.


Good luck.



Cheers!

 

[Die Hard]

Thanks, men.

Doing better already, regaining control of myself and my emotions, dissolving the infatuation...

It's interesting, coz I'm not putting her on a pedestal in the general sense of the word. Yes, I am infatuated and my emotions are taking me over. But I'm still in control of the frame coz she's even more infatuated with me than the other way around, lol.

Now I'm dissolving my infatuation anyway, don't worry, it's really not what I want for myself. But it's still an interesting theoretical matter: Is infatuation a bad thing by itself? Or is it only bad because in most cases, it means you give yourself over to her and she'll control you?

But what if she's even more infatuated with you than you with her? The one that cares less, controls the relationship. Even if a guy is infatuated with a girl...as long as she cares more, he still controls the frame..

When you're infatuated with a girl, you're no longer in control of your emotions/mind. But what if you're still more in control of them than she is? Is infatuation a bad thing anyhow? Interesting idea...

Anyway, I've been holding back with texting today. As soon as I turned on my phone this morning, I received a sweet text from her, lol. But I took some distance from her in my replies and she eventually responded by doing the same. We'll probably hook up this Sunday, till then I'll keep our contact at a more healthy level, instead of the 'so close we're as one' level.

Thanks for the replies, it's nice to get some support!

 

[Sue Madre]

He hasn't done anything with this girl. He said in the OP he has MET HER ONCE.

I bet he hasn't even kissed her. Take this crap to loveshack. How can you have oneitis after one date? You must be desperate as hell.

 

[Sue Madre]

Just the fact he is getting so emotional before even banging this girl guarantees failure. I will bet my paycheck you get nowhere with this chic.

 

[grayclif]

The OP has been here for some time and a consistent and positive contributor to this forum. However I'd like to chalk this up to the power of the matrix. He knows better and yet is still feeling the powerful pull of the matrix's black hole.

I bet every second he was on the phone with her for 2 and half hours his gut was telling him to hang up. This is the primary reason why spinning plates is so crucial.

 

[Die Hard]

I bet every second he was on the phone with her for 2 and half hours his gut was telling him to hang up.

Guilty as charged, haha. I knew better all the time. After talking for a while, I actually followed up on it and told her I had to hang up. But she asked me "Awww, are you sure? Please stay a little longer for me?" And I couldn't resist, lol.


Sue Madre: Your paycheck is mine No, nothing happened except kissing but I'll tap that ass soon...

Me desperate? Perhaps a little, yes... But it has more to do with the type of girl she is. If she just had a great body that I wanted to hit, I wouldn't be like this. Like I told you, there's a lot more to her, she's LTR material and very innocent, sweet and polite. Totally caught me off guard with her behavior...

But I'm back on my feet and have my guard up again, you should never drop your game, with ANY girl. I did so initially, but I'm back on track now.

 

[grayclif]

You don't want to end up being her best friend.

I think most everybody has made this mistake. Unless you are a master story teller you more than likely revealed too much about yourself in this 2 and half hours. You were a mystery to her while she was talking to your friend about about and you could have remained a mystery to her a simple 2 minute convo to touch base and set up a date on the phone.

 

[Die Hard]

I think most everybody has made this mistake. Unless you are a master story teller you more than likely revealed too much about yourself in this 2 and half hours. You were a mystery to her while she was talking to your friend about about and you could have remained a mystery to her a simple 2 minute convo to touch base and set up a date on the phone.

Very good point, I'll definitely be more aware of this in future situations.

 

[Sue Madre]

Guilty as charged, haha. I knew better all the time. After talking for a while, I actually followed up on it and told her I had to hang up. But she asked me "Awww, are you sure? Please stay a little longer for me?" And I couldn't resist, lol.


Sue Madre: Your paycheck is mine No, nothing happened except kissing but I'll tap that ass soon...

Me desperate? Perhaps a little, yes... But it has more to do with the type of girl she is. If she just had a great body that I wanted to hit, I wouldn't be like this. Like I told you, there's a lot more to her, she's LTR material and very innocent, sweet and polite. Totally caught me off guard with her behavior...

But I'm back on my feet and have my guard up again, you should never drop your game, with ANY girl. I did so initially, but I'm back on track now.

Yeah let us know when you tap that. I bet we'll be waiting awhile.

 

[Die Hard]

LOL! Obvious troll is obvious...

 

[Sue Madre]

LOL! Obvious troll is obvious...

Sure, blame the troll.

I am just stating the obvious. You have already gone AFC over a girl you have barely kissed, and now you say you will "tap that ass soon".

Well my friend, this is the perfect formula for a result ending in you will never tap that ass. Just stating the truth.

 

[Delly2000]

I say pull back a little bit. But try not to make it too obvious.

It just seems like too much too soon. I met this girl about a month ago and she called all the time and texted. I knew something was a bit off. I mean it seemed innocent enough to want to talk and exchange a few laughs. But it was a red flag.

She even asked if I was dating anyone before we even went on our first date. Then I knew it was all just a joke and didn't take her seriously. Went to the club and saw her hugged up with some guy (she called me that night but I didn't answer). I am able to spot the time wasters quicker these days.

 

[Die Hard]

Thanks for the warning, Delly. I'll definitely keep it in mind... Like I said yesterday, I'm already pulling back (slowly), plus focussing on other chicks. She's getting kinda claimy/suspicious lol. I told her I would call her today but she still texted me last night, asking me to call her. I told her I was sitting on a terrace outside a cafe, along with my buddy, so "now isn't a good time". She didn't believe it, coz the terrace should've been closed that late at night, according to her. She said it as a joke but the way she phrased it, made it obvious that she had feelings of suspicion. By the way, I really was sitting on that terrace with my buddy (in case you're wondering )


Your recent experience is interesting, though.

She even asked if I was dating anyone before we even went on our first date. Then I knew it was all just a joke and didn't take her seriously

Why did you jump to that conclusion? At first sight, one's inclined to think that she was just very much into you if she kept calling/texting you and asked you if you were dating anyone else... I guess that last part turned out to be projection from her part: She was projecting her own habits (slutting it up with another guy while also keeping you at the side) onto you. But that's only obvious in hindsight... How would you know this was the case beforehand?

 

[georgie24]

if you have the qualities she seeks, she can just like a tiger and wait patiently and as long as it takes until your worn out to sink her teeth.

what does she bring to the table?

 

[zekko]

Let me offer a different perspective. If you're infatuated with this girl, and she's even more infatuated with you, what's the problem?

Okay, you stayed on the phone a little long. This sort of thing would never happen to me because I frigging hate telephones. Maybe it's not the best idea to talk on the phone that long. But so what? A lot of DJ rules are pretty important, but I would file this under things that don't really matter.

I've always thought the whole idea of retaining mystery is complete and utter BS. Yeah, if you're looking for a quick one night stand, then it's better to let her fill in the lines with her own imagination. That way she can pretend you're whatever fantasy she wants you to be. But if you see the girl as a potential LTR, then you're going to get to know each other anyway. You can't keep what you do for a living or whether or not you have pets from her forever.

But I took some distance from her in my replies and she eventually responded by doing the same.

See, you're inserting distance into a situation where there was none, and she responded in kind. To me, this isn't game, this is game playing. You add distance, she adds distance, and it doesn't sound like either one of you really want it. People use push/pull to create attraction, but it sounds like you already have attraction. This may work out, but there is another possibility that you muck around trying to put distance between you, and you end up killing the spark.

 

[typical]

Don't OVERANALYZE mate,

You like the girl she likes you, ask her out get closer and seal the deal. Talk is well just words be the man and lead her onto a fun exciting date or just ask to chill at home and watch a dvd or something, one thing will lead to another.

Keep your guard up and don't play games, real men don't play games. You have done something right mate and she is mega interested.

Don't fall too hard too fast, keep a level head and have fun