Help, my gf is starting to bring up marriage

[CornbreadFed]

I want to continue the relationship, but I think marriage is a financial scam for both men and women. I refuse to waste 10k plus on a dumb event and let the government enter my bedroom. Not only that, but I am not sure if we both want kids and I find it completely more pointless if so.

 

[corrector]

My marriage only lasted for 2- 3 months. The divorce process was free as I qualified for a court fee-waiver. The money I "invested" for the event was absorbed in a subsequent bankruptcy. In the end there was no financial scam like you are potraying it to be. We all invent things in our mind that is always way worst compared to how it actually plays out.

 

[SW15]

You have some valid reasons to feel the way you feel about marriage.

Never fall for an ultimatum for marriage. A man should only get married if he wants to get married and he thinks it's the right woman and right situation. It doesn't seem like you want marriage.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #1 is that you control the frame. Your frame is a guy who think marriage is a financial scam and doesn't want to go that direction.

Also, $10k is an inexpensive wedding. It is below the median cost of a wedding.

Average Cost of A Wedding

There’s a lot of preparation needed before saying “I do”. MoneyGeek explores the average and median costs of a wedding and the top expenses to expect.

www.moneygeek.com

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Getting married to the person you have kids with is such a massive liability... Look at her friends, if all her friends have kids I would almost guarantee she is gonna follow suit, not because she wants kids but because she wants to fit in.

 

[CornbreadFed]

My marriage only lasted for 2- 3 months. The divorce process was free as I qualified for a court fee-waiver. The money I "invested" for the event was absorbed in a subsequent bankruptcy. In the end there was no financial scam like you are potraying it to be. We all invent things in our mind that is always way worst compared to how it actually plays o

You filed bankruptcy lol.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I want to continue the relationship, but I think marriage is a financial scam for both men and women. I refuse to waste 10k plus on a dumb event and let the government enter my bedroom. Not only that, but I am not sure if we both want kids and I find it completely more pointless if so.

How can you "not be sure" on kids? That topic should have come up already and if not it's highly irresponsible to even suggest marriage on her part.

There are some key areas that need to be in agreeance in a marriage or else you are pretty much ensuring a divorce before you even get married. Kids, how to handle finances, and ability to compromise are 3 pillars of any successful marriage and anyone who brings up marriage without knowing where they stand in these 3 is playing Russian Roulette.

People think they are somehow going to "change their partners mind" at some point but in reality usually people get dug in deeper over time.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Iron Rule of Tomassi #1 is that you control the frame. Your frame is a guy who think marriage is a financial scam and doesn't want to go that direction.

Also, $10k is an inexpensive wedding. It is below the median cost of a wedding.

lol that's why I said 10k plus

Getting married to the person you have kids with is such a massive liability... Look at her friends, if all her friends have kids I would almost guarantee she is gonna follow suit, not because she wants kids but because she wants to fit in.

They are starting to have kids now

How can you "not be sure" on kids? That topic should have come up already and if not it's highly irresponsible to even suggest marriage on her part.

Cause they are lifetime commitments and responsibilities. It is just easier to live the simple life of millennial yuppies.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

lol that's why I said 10k plus



They are starting to have kids now



Cause they are lifetime commitments and responsibilities. It is just easier to live the simple life of millennial yuppies.

I understand that part but if you don't actually want them then you don't. There is no "I'm not sure". FYI I don't know how old she is but I can promise you no matter what she says now once she reaches the age where kids are almost off the table her attitude towards them will likely change vastly towards wanting kids...

This is the thing most guys don't realize...once their biological clock comes into play you either are having kids or you are getting dumped.

 

[The Duke]

My first live in girlfriend I put off for about 4years before she told me she was leaving if I didn't commit. I finally caved in.

I had a 2nd live in girlfriend that wanted marriage. I put her off for 3years. We agreed to part ways when I finally told her I wasn't willing. She regrets her decision to this day, and married some older guy and finds him boring.

A woman's desire to be married will be far stronger if she has never been married before. The Disney fairy tale is burned into their souls. It takes two divorces before they will let go and come to their senses.

Cornbread, If you are 100% sure you don't want marriage, then just tell her. She can stay or leave. There will always be more.

If you are not 100% and its something you might consider then tell her and put some time frame on it.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Wait, aren't you the guy who is always $hitting on the red pill? Weren't you the guy who told me I'm a loser for having the vasectomy done? Not so tough now huh buddy when life throws you a curveball.

wut?

 

[CornbreadFed]

My first live in girlfriend I put off for about 4years before she told me she was leaving if I didn't commit. I finally caved in.

I had a 2nd live in girlfriend that wanted marriage. I put her off for 3years. We agreed to part ways when I finally told her I wasn't willing. She regrets her decision to this day, and married some older guy and finds him boring.

A woman's desire to be married will be far stronger if she has never been married before. The Disney fairy tale is burned into their souls. It takes two divorces before they will let go and come to their senses.

Cornbread, If you are 100% sure you don't want marriage, then just tell her. She can stay or leave. There will always be more.

If you are not 100% and its something you might consider then tell her and put some time frame on it.

I think I am screwed at this point. I thought about if I was to drastically burn my face off frying catfish from our weekend party, I think that she would still be there for me lol.

 

[SW15]

they (kids) are lifetime commitments and responsibilities. It is just easier to live the simple life of millennial yuppies.

I am one of those Millennial childless yuppies. I have had married Millennial friends who are now parents tell me that my life choices are the correct ones. The ones that haven't told me that have likely thought it and not verbalized it.

There is a thread about my blue pill social circle and the effect of all the new babies on it.

Pregnancy Announcements Everywhere! Life When Your Blue Pill Social Circle Starts Having Babies

Yesterday, I was on my Instagram and saw a pregnancy announcement from an acquaintance's wife in my social circle. I don't particularly like her. I find it annoying to be around her the 1-2 times a year I ever randomly see her in person. Right now, there are 3 women from my local area social...

www.sosuave.net

I understand that part but if you don't actually want them then you don't. There is no "I'm not sure". FYI I don't know how old she is but I can promise you no matter what she says now once she reaches the age where kids are almost off the table her attitude towards them will likely change vastly towards wanting kids...

This is the thing most guys don't realize...once their biological clock comes into play you either are having kids or you are getting dumped.

I think it is possible for a person not to be sure of their desires for kids in a moment. This usually happens for younger people. @CornbreadFed is 29/30, so it's not unheard of to be uncertain as a man at that age. Most women are usually certain by 26-27 about their goals. Most childless women in their late 20s/early 30s do want to have kids at some point and are starting to more aggressively make that a reality.

Dating women with a loudly ticking biological clock can be quite challenging for a lot of men.

 

[CornbreadFed]

View attachment 10745

See why I got it done now? Now you have to sleep with one eye open, she will stop taking the pill while telling she is, so you stop using condoms, maybe even poking holes in the condoms you have. Cause what happens when a guy doesn't wanna get married? The girl gets pregnant by an "oops idk what happened"

I never said I didn't want kids lol. You only have to worry about that nonsense with trash and jezebels. My gf has a lot to lose if she was to become a single mom and makes enough money to where having a kid for just alimony & government dough isn't worth it. What you did was an irreversible decision stemmed from emotional distraught.

 

[SW15]

I think I am screwed at this point. I thought about if I was to drastically burn my face off frying catfish from our weekend party, I think that she would still be there for me lol.

I never said I didn't want kids lol. You only have to worry about that nonsense with trash and jezebels. My gf has a lot to lose if she was to become a single mom and makes enough money to where having a kid for just alimony & government dough isn't worth it. What you did was an irreversible decision stemmed from emotional distraught.

Do you want marriage and do you want kids with her? You have to figure that out for yourself right now.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I'm sure many men have heard this too many times, "my girlfriend is different, she will never do something like that" LOL yeah buddy I have a bridge to sell you.

Yeah, when you fvck around with trash that want more money for less work or some Eastern European skank that is desperate for a green card

 

[corrector]

You filed bankruptcy lol.

Not necessarily because of the failed marriage following the wedding, however, it provide a logical excuse. It's not a full bankruptcy either, you settle your debts and pay a smaller amount then you otherwise would based on your income. It what you would call a chapter 13 bankruptcy rather than a chapter 7.

However, before dealing with my ex-wife I was already in over my head with debt and had excess of $ 120K in debt (which she knew about, but guess it didn't click with her intellectually handicapped mind until sometime after we got married). Adding a bit more debt for the wedding just pushed it over the edge especially if that wedding/marriage came at any self-employment (ie Real-Estate) opportunity cost.

Somehow it sounds better to stay I got divorced and filed for bankruptcy as it sounds like a better end to a bloated debt/credit problem then if it eventually collapsed on its own for another reason, or if I maintained that same debt even up to today. At least I had sexed a woman out of all of that. Not too bad when you look at it.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Marry her or Monkey-Branch to a younger and hotter girl.

 

[Barrister]

I would say the only reason to get married to a woman is if you want kids and want kids with her (and "with her" meaning that she would provide a good to great other genetic half for your offspring). If you are so-so on wanting kids, I would tell her you aren't interested in marriage and let her go if it is that important to her.

Without kids being in the mix, you have literally everything to lose and nothing to gain by marrying a chick. Even an iron-clad prenup is not always fool-proof depending on your jurisdiction.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I want to continue the relationship, but I think marriage is a financial scam for both men and women. I refuse to waste 10k plus on a dumb event and let the government enter my bedroom. Not only that, but I am not sure if we both want kids and I find it completely more pointless if so.

Enough arguments to not get married. What arguments does she have to get married?

 

[corrector]

I am one of those Millennial childless yuppies. I have had married Millennial friends who are now parents tell me that my life choices are the correct ones. The ones that haven't told me that have likely thought it and not verbalized it.

You need to get better friends.