Having dinner later this week with a married ex g/f

[STR8UP]

It's totally innocent, I assure you, but it goes back to the whole discussion of women these days and how they don't seem to know where the line should be drawn.

I'm not the jealous, insecure type (unless you give me a reason to be), but if I got married I don't think I would appreciate my wife going to dinner with her live in ex b/f.

The only reason I am going is because she's a very VERY intelligent chick with a great upbeat attitude, and with my life being so chaotic lately it would be nice to sit down with her and catch up and get my mind off everything in my present reality.

Eh, whatever. Not my problem anyway. Maybe the guy is cool with it, who knows? I just find it interesting that women these days either don't know where to draw the line or move it according to their situation at any given time.

 

[Desdinova]

I just find it interesting that women these days either don't know where to draw the line or move it according to their situation at any given time.

Women are amazing creatures, aren't they?

What she's doing here is going with what she feels. Now, what she's feeling could be a couple of different things:

1) She's still attracted to you and wants to see you
2) She doesn't feel it's wrong to have contact with an ex

Another thing that may come into play is that her husband hasn't made it clear that he does not want her contacting her ex's. Men today seem to have a fear of standing up to women in situations like this. They don't put their foot down, and so the woman is free to run around, feeling whatever she wants to feel. If her husband has made it clear that he would kick her ass out the door if she keeps contact with her ex's, I guarantee you that she wouldn't be meeting up with you. She would feel that it's wrong, and she would run the risk of getting her ass kicked out the door. It wouldn't sit right with her.

So goes the married AFC.

Women need someone to draw the line for them. They have trouble making decisions for themselves. This woman needs her husband to draw the line for her. If he doesn't, she won't see the line and freely frollick on the other side of it.

 

[Metro3pilot]

That's a tough one ....

I'm afraid I would have to put my foot in my girls ass if she wanted lunch

with an ex .......

STR8 you are doing what any man would do ......

 

[Last Man Standing]

Two consecutive intelligent posts by BackBreaker!! For some reason it seems Str8up likes other men's wives!!! When he gets his ass beat to a pulp maybe he'll change his ways!!

 

[joekerr31]

this is pretty simple, human beings like to flirt with disaster. humans like to know theres a line and to walk it and test themselves to see if they cross it.

in this particular scenario both this woman adn str8up are testing themselves.

i guarantee you there will be some flirting going on. she will want to know that str8up still wants her and will flirt with him to spark his attraction so that she can feel as though he still desires her.

str8up wants to know that she still desires him, and will take her flirting as a sign that she does.

at which point the conversation will get quieter and the two start thinkign to themselves "oh man, i'm starting to cross the line. what should i do?"

at which point if one of the two decides to cross it then its f*ck f*ck time.

if both pull back from the line then each walks away with a bit of an ego boost knowing the other still wants them on some level. she goes home and f*cks her hubbie and str8up goes home and spanks the monkey.

anyway, meeting up with an old ex is dangerous and anyone who tells you otherwise is bullsh*tting ya.

as a previous poster mentioned - theres zero return from such an encounter. they aren't goign to be a 'friend' long term and you really shouldn't be f*cking them - so whats the point in it? there isn't one, other than looking to reconnect with your past and to see if an old flame still has the hots for you.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

It's totally innocent, I assure you, but it goes back to the whole discussion of women these days and how they don't seem to know where the line should be drawn...

Typically they give ultimatums, it's men who typically draw the line.

...The only reason I am going is because she's a very VERY intelligent chick with a great upbeat attitude, and with my life being so chaotic lately it would be nice to sit down with her and catch up and get my mind off everything in my present reality...

I understand that life can be hectic and all, but your only beacon in the storm is an ex? A married one at that? And you don't feel that you'll complicate things for yourself by asking various "what if" questions after the lunch?

 

[STR8UP]

at the same time, although I undersatn where YOU are coming from, if you expect her to draw a line once she is married, you should also draw a line as well. Me personally, I could care less if a woman is married, because I don't believe in it, but that's me.

I don't expect anything from anyone these days.

I was simply making an observation. It has been my experience that women of today tend to have little regard for boundaries in relationships.

ovbiously YOU believe in marriage as a lifelong committment, so if that is truely the case, you should respect the man she is married to enough to not do things that can bring her virtue into question (i.e going on innocent dinner dates), reagardless of what your intentions are.

I do believe it is a lifelong commitment, that's probably why I will never be married. This might sound bad, but I have zero respect for anyone I don't know. To me I am not crossing a boundary, but SHE is.

A good friend of mine and his g/f "take breaks" in their relationship from time to time. It's soooo middle school, but whatever.

Last time they took a break she called me up and invited me to come to her family's beach house cause she wanted to hook me up with her cousin. I politely declined due to the fact that I know her b/f, but if I didn't know this chick's b/f I would have been there in a second.

 

[STR8UP]

So goes the married AFC.

Women need someone to draw the line for them. They have trouble making decisions for themselves. This woman needs her husband to draw the line for her. If he doesn't, she won't see the line and freely frollick on the other side of it.

I don't know this guy at all, but from the little contact I have had with her over the past six months it does seem that he's not exactly the alpha type.

Incidentally, this is one of the chicks that I posted about having married the next guy.....

 

[STR8UP]

think about it this way.....

what GOOD can come out of this situtation.

absolutly nothing. you will not sleep with her, not becuse you can't, but because she's married.. you already said you had no interest.

I don't see black and white when it comes to male/female interaction.

To be honest here, I broke up with her because our relationship had turned to nothing more than a friendship when all was said and done. I was lucky to fukk her once a week, and it was out of pure horniness, NOT attraction. It was an amicable split, and we both knew it had run its course.

if you can't sleep with her... or don't want to sleep with her.. what's the point? She's a taken woman. I mean if your goal was to bang her, than that's a different story, but you said it isn't.

Would I bang her if she was the agressor? I won't lie, I might do it just for the novelty and excitement. But I seriously, seriously doubt it would ever go that direction, and I certainly wouldn't initiate anything.

Although the sexual attraction between us fizzled out long ago, this chick is the smartest person I have ever known. When I was with her she never pushed any of her views on me, but she was a very open minded individual and I learned a lot from her in that regard. And as I mentioned, she is also the most positive, upbeat person I have ever known. I didn't know anyone before her and haven't met anyone since that was quite like her.

The only thing worse than getting into it with a married womans' husband, is getting into it with a married woman's husband you didn't even WANT

In most cases I would agree, but something tells me that this won't even be an issue in this case.

 

[KarmaSutra]

The only thing I see you gaining is a girlfriend. She obviously has an agenda. If her betrothed is not a manly type, then she's prowling for one who has that instinct to push her buttons ( or rub and lick her button as the case must have been ).

I'm not being defeatist my brother, I'm concerned with what her agenda is. Women don't keep in touch or rekindle a damned thing without first thinking it through.

 

[STR8UP]

Maybe on a more unconcious level you do have an interest.

Not at all, I can assure you. She was fairly attractive when I dated her, but even then she wasn't my physical type. Now she's a little older and a little more out of shape. Not that I would necessarily turn her down, but nothing I would put ANY effort into. And that's just physically. Add in the fact that when we broke up we were basically just friends, and I can tell you 100% for certain that I have no interest.

 

[KarmaSutra]

She might have the following romantic movie playing in her head:
You two rekindle that old spark over a lovely dinner.
There's some of the sparkle and public flirtiness you two use to share because you were so comfortable with each other. You two trade witty banter over champagne, look longingly in each others eyes. You smirk and let your gaze wander down over her clothed body and you two smile knowingly at each other as you're both are reminded of how your two naked bodies use to intertwine in heated love-making sessions.

This is poetry.

I'm weepy . . .

 

[STR8UP]

i guarantee you there will be some flirting going on. she will want to know that str8up still wants her and will flirt with him to spark his attraction so that she can feel as though he still desires her.

99.9999999% of the time I would agree with you, but this chick is honestly one in a thousand or maybe even one in ten thousand when it comes to having healthy self esteem. I know it's hard to grasp since she IS female, but I am 100% confident when it comes to this.

anyway, meeting up with an old ex is dangerous and anyone who tells you otherwise is bullsh*tting ya.

I honestly wouldn't do this with anyone else I have ever dated. This situation is just different.

there isn't one, other than looking to reconnect with your past and to see if an old flame still has the hots for you.

Nah, just looking to catch up with her in the same capacity I left her....as a friend.

 

[STR8UP]

I understand that life can be hectic and all, but your only beacon in the storm is an ex? A married one at that? And you don't feel that you'll complicate things for yourself by asking various "what if" questions after the lunch?

My only beacon? No, but she's a pretty unique person and I always appreciated her input.

And no, I don't feel this will complicate things at all. If I thought it would I wouldn't be going there....I don't need any more BS in my life!

 

[STR8UP]

Maybe I'm misunderstanding the whole thing:
- you date girl,
- you stop dating
- soon after you stop dating she gets married to non-alpha male
- soon after the questionable marriage, she seeks some companionship with you

I haven't been involved with her in about 5 years.

 

[Tboner]

I second what DarthJuan posted. And, I've found that when an ex-GF initiates contact with me, she is at a critical point in her current relationship and is looking for an excuse to end it.

I have done the ex-GF reunion several times, but never with a married one and wouldn't even if I had the chance. In my cases, I was extreme AFC when we were together in the distant past and now they see something totally different. They frame it as an innocent get together to discuss the past and catch up on each others lives and I think they really believe that.

If you play the "My life's messed up and I still have feelings for her" game, she will get her satisfaction in knowing that she still has some control over you and she'll put on the brakes on anything sexual. She might want to continue keeping you as the friend who she can dump her problems on. The risk here is getting beat up for soemthing you did not do and/or becoming her therapist.

I always play the "My life is great" game which leads to the woman commenting on how much I've changed and then seducing me. I wouldn't do this with a married woman because I don't look forward to getting my a** kicked.

 

[STR8UP]

You also have to imagine violins playing in the background.

The maitre de has spirited them to a secluded corner of the restuarant where the candlelight romanticly flickers in their eyes.

Actually I am meeting her at a thai restaurant she says has great food but crappy service. Not exactly a romantic candlelit dinner.....

 

[STR8UP]

Me, I can't stand Thai food.
Too many damn chilli peppers in everything.

Ohhhh man....I don't know what I would do without it!

Despite both countries being basically third world, if I had to move out of the US I would either go to Mexico or Thailand, I like the food that much.

 

[Aenigma]

If all you're having, and all you want, is dinner- then what's the problem?

There isn't one- it's in your head. You're putting yourself in his shoes and imaging how you would feel if she did this. Why? Getting what he wants out of his wife and his marriage is his responsibility, not yours. If he has a problem with his wife, its HIS responsibility to deal with her; you shouldn't let his lack of spine* get in the way of a completely innocent dinner.


*That is of course assuming he even minds in the first place, you're assuming he does. He might be completely confident that his wife would never sleep with another man while being married to him- and thus might not care.

 

[jophil28]

Seeing this chick is a BAD idea -
Why spend your time with someone who is married to another guy . AFC or not ?
Why not spend your time and energy with some single chick who can bring something fun to your life THAT YOU CAN KEEP and repeat when you decide to do it .
Going out on a date like this has no legitimate point and NO value to YOU.
Finally if you do decide to give YOUR time to this cheating hor do not pay the check. Let her pay. After all she just wants the BUZZ and so she can pay for the pleasure of your company. You are being used in HER game of attention seeking and validation. Wise up dude.