Having dinner later this week with a married ex g/f

[penkitten]

Honestly, this girl was kind of a novelty for me.

Kinda freaky, bisexual, into tatts and piercings, fun for awhile but NOT the kind of girl I should be in a relationship with.

So my attraction to her at the end was lukewarm at best, and numerous signs pointed to the fact that her attraction was gone as well. And when a woman LOSES attraction for you, we all know that it ain't coming back.

sometimes its fun while it lasts and you throw in the towel and move on.
its nice that you have remained friends because that is rare these days.
in the past i have had problems remaining friends with exs because one of us didnt know when it was time to throw in the towel and the other got exhausted. been on both sides of that one. but i do have some exs where it seemed to end just right and we were able to remain friends. it used to be nice to catch up once in a blue moon. thats why i say, go and have a blast. make each other laugh theres no harm in it.

 

[Latinoman]

... women these days and how they don't seem to know where the line should be drawn.

... I got married I don't think I would appreciate my wife going to dinner with her live in ex b/f.

... I just find it interesting that women these days either don't know where to draw the line or move it according to their situation at any given time.

Check the excerpts above. Then check all the responses you have written replying to our comments. It is like you turned 180 degrees.

Listen...I don't recommend anyone meeting women in the internet. But I think you are an exception to the rule. I honestly believe the quality of women you hover around in real life can't possibly any better to the ones in internet dating sites.

That woman you are meeting for dinner is a huge waste of time. If I was you...I wouldn't even show up. That will teach her something (once again - re read the excerpts above - it is obvious you find the behavior disrespectful).

My advice to anyman when it comes to ex is to stop communication (once she start seeing other men) with them. Unless there children involve.

No wonder women in America are spoiled.

 

[STR8UP]

Check the excerpts above. Then check all the responses you have written replying to our comments. It is like you turned 180 degrees.

How do you figure?

I stated in my initial post that I was going to do this, HOWEVER, if this were MY wife I wouldn't exactly be cool with something like this. But when it comes down to it, it's not my problem.

Everyone started coming up with 100 different scenarios as to how this might play out but I know this chick and I know that I'm not gonna have any husband up my ass and neither one of us wants anything more than a friendly chat. Seriously....I can see where an outsider might get those ideas, but it's not going down that way, I can assure you.

Listen...I don't recommend anyone meeting women in the internet. But I think you are an exception to the rule. I honestly believe the quality of women you hover around in real life can't possibly any better to the ones in internet dating sites.

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind

That woman you are meeting for dinner is a huge waste of time.

There you go again....and I don't get your logic.

This would be a waste of time if I wanted something out of this, but I DON'T. I have to eat dinner, and it might as well be over an interesting conversation.

YOU personally feel it would be a waste of YOUR time. And as I said before, if this were just about any other girl I dated in the past I would feel the same way.

Do I think it's disrespectful? Of course, I've stated that fact. But my other friends do sh!t all of the time that I don't agree with, doesn't mean I'm gonna ostracize them.

My advice to anyman when it comes to ex is to stop communication (once she start seeing other men) with them. Unless there children involve.

No wonder women in America are spoiled.

I did stop communication for years after we broke up. I remember her being adamant about staying friends after our very amicable breakup, but we lost track of each other after a couple of months.

This chick thought so highly of me that even a month AFTER we broke up, she wanted me to meet her mom who I had never met before when she came into town. We have good history.

Now that I reconnected with her it's like "Wow, time has taken its course, and this chick had a very positive influence on my life. It would be great to sit down outside of the noisy concert hall and see what she has been up to the last few years"

And your "spoiled" comment assumes she has an agenda outside of having a chat with an old friend. I've said it a dozen times and no one seems to want to listen so I will say it one last time, THERE IS NO OTHER AGENDA!

 

[STR8UP]

yeah... it's kinda in the subject line... she's not only seeing someone else.. she's married. that's the entire point.

if she wasn't married, who gives a FVCK.

So if she just had a b/f it would be ok? What about if she was just casually dating someone?

I'm not the kind of person who believes marriage is sacred. I believe TRUST is sacred. I don't draw any kind of lines in the sand around married people because I feel it is equally important to be an honest and trustworthy person regardless of the piece of paper.

Better watch out BB....might have to revoke that "tour" pass if you don't agree with everything I say Just kidding....should be fun, looking forward to it.

 

[Aenigma]

STR8UP, you've stated, several times, that this is a 100% innocent dinner meeting, but at the same time you're stating that women have no idea how to maintain relationship "boundaries". I fail to see how the two are related in this case- how is having dinner with an old friend breaking a relationship boundary?

Can't men and women can be GENUINE friends (espically if they've resolved the issue of sexual attraction)? If so, how is doing something that friends do, such as talking over dinner, innapproriate?

 

[DoubleA]

YOU personally feel it would be a waste of YOUR time. And as I said before, if this were just about any other girl I dated in the past I would feel the same way. Written by STR8UP

STR8UP,

It sounds like you still have her on your brain. Obviously she's special too you. Are you sure you aren't in denial about the feelings you still have toward her?? That statement proves it too me.

Can't men and women can be GENUINE friends (espically if they've resolved the issue of sexual attraction)? If so, how is doing something that friends do, such as talking over dinner, innapproriate? Written by Aenigma

NO.

You can't go from FUKKING & FIGHTING to being friends...It's like saying, "We tried the hot sweaty sex thing, back in the day but let's meet up for coffee instead."

WTF?!?!

Honestly, this girl was kind of a novelty for me.

Kinda freaky, bisexual, into tatts and piercings, fun for awhile but NOT the kind of girl I should be in a relationship with. Written by STR8UP

Once AGAIN..ARE you SURE you still don't still have feelings or interest for this woman?? Cause for a guy with the named STR8UP, the only thing you seem sure about is your denial of how different this girl is to the others from your past.

When are you meeting her? This week? Weekend?
Don't be surprised if she might cancel...If she did would you feel as is she strung you along?

- AA

 

[STR8UP]

STR8UP, you've stated, several times, that this is a 100% innocent dinner meeting, but at the same time you're stating that women have no idea how to maintain relationship "boundaries". I fail to see how the two are related in this case- how is having dinner with an old friend breaking a relationship boundary?

Can't men and women can be GENUINE friends (espically if they've resolved the issue of sexual attraction)? If so, how is doing something that friends do, such as talking over dinner, innapproriate?

It's just something that I wouldn't be comfortable with MY wife doing.

I know it's 100% innocent and that I have no romantic feelings for her, and I'm pretty sure she feels the same, but how is her husband to know this?

Who knows, the guy probably doesn't even care. From the very little I know of him he doesn't seem to be the type to get all worked up over things.

 

[STR8UP]

STR8UP,

It sounds like you still have her on your brain. Obviously she's special too you. Are you sure you aren't in denial about the feelings you still have toward her?? That statement proves it too me.

I have NO feelings for her. I do have a great amount of respect for her as an intelligent and open minded person who taught me a lot when I was around her. But I have absolutely no desire to get back with her. FACT.

You can't go from FUKKING & FIGHTING to being friends...It's like saying, "We tried the hot sweaty sex thing, back in the day but let's meet up for coffee instead."

WTF?!?!

First of all we never once fought the entire time we were together. If that isn't enough to tell you that we shouldn't be together, I don't know what is.

Secondly, as I stated before, our relationship slowly faded into oblivion. By the time it was over we were nothing more than buddies.

Once AGAIN..ARE you SURE you still don't still have feelings or interest for this woman?? Cause for a guy with the named STR8UP, the only thing you seem sure about is your denial of how different this girl is to the others from your past.

Never been more sure of anything in my life. And if everyone else would BELIEVE me, I wouldn't be getting flamed so bad!

When are you meeting her? This week? Weekend?
Don't be surprised if she might cancel...If she did would you feel as is she strung you along?

- AA

I am meeting her tomorrow after work.

She won't cancel unless there's a damn good reason. And if she did I wouldn't NOT feel like she strung me along because I KNOW better.

 

[DoubleA]

Well,

I wish you all the best.

- AA

 

[STR8UP]

Well,

I wish you all the best.

- AA

For anyone who cares....

It went great. She just as bubbly and cheerful as ever, a quality I admired about her. Almost NEVER in a bad mood. Not too many people like that.

Anyway, I arrived a bit late, she hugged me nice and tight, you could tell she was really happy to see me.

She talked a lot about her hubby. Seems to be completely happy, I'm really happy for her. They seem to be doing well. She inquired about my love life, which I didn't go into a lot of detail about.

Showed her some pics of my family who she hasn't seen in 5 years. There were a few of my party pics mixed in there so she got a little taste of my alter ego as well....hehe

She expressed how happy she was that we left on good terms and that we had happened to bump into each other which opened up contact between us.

Basically it went down just the way I thought. No sparks flying, just two old friends catching up on a few lost years. Look forward to doing it again eventually.

 

[STR8UP]

something just isn't adding up

What do you mean? She's not your typical chick, I'll tell you that......

 

[jophil28]

If this "meeting " was all that you say it was, why did yiou feel the need to create a whole new thread about it ??

 

[MacAvoy]

At least his out there meeting real people, socializing interacting. Why the need for negativity? The initial post was not about him, it was about her situation and how if the shoes were on the other foot, he wouldn't allow it. Everyone in the thread chose to make a big deal out of it.

 

[STR8UP]

At least his out there meeting real people, socializing interacting. Why the need for negativity? The initial post was not about him, it was about her situation and how if the shoes were on the other foot, he wouldn't allow it. Everyone in the thread chose to make a big deal out of it.

Thank you!

A lot of people skim over the title of my post and read a couple of responses and all of a sudden the post takes a different direction and no one knows what the hell is going on and every one flames me....WTF?? lol

I still wouldn't want my wife meeting up with an old flame, but her hubby just sounds like a go with the flow kind of guy and I doubt he makes an issue of it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...Basically it went down just the way I thought. No sparks flying, just two old friends catching up on a few lost years. Look forward to doing it again eventually.

Did you get a chance to talk about yourself at all? I thought you wanted to get together with her to help you get another perspective about your life.

 

[DoubleA]

Thank you!

A lot of people skim over the title of my post and read a couple of responses and all of a sudden the post takes a different direction and no one knows what the hell is going on and every one flames me....WTF?? lol

I still wouldn't want my wife meeting up with an old flame, but her hubby just sounds like a go with the flow kind of guy and I doubt he makes an issue of it.

Damn.

Okay.

Well are you two hanging out again?

 

[DoubleA]

Did you get a chance to talk about yourself at all? I thought you wanted to get together with her to help you get another perspective about your life.

Huh?

Aiy, fill me in again.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Huh?

Aiy, fill me in again.

My mistake...

...The only reason I am going is because she's a very VERY intelligent chick with a great upbeat attitude, and with my life being so chaotic lately it would be nice to sit down with her and catch up and get my mind off everything in my present reality...

Sounds like the mission was a success.

 

[STR8UP]

Did you get a chance to talk about yourself at all? I thought you wanted to get together with her to help you get another perspective about your life.

Yea, definitely. She's a talker, but she's not the type that monopolizes the convo. Well, maybe just a little, lol.

Actually she knows a little about whats going on with me, and I didn't want to spoil the mood so I didn't get too deeply into the bad stuff, cause it's pretty depressing. She knows I'm going through a lot and told me to email her anytime if I needed to vent.

 

[STR8UP]

Damn.

Okay.

Well are you two hanging out again?

Tomorrow night. I'm meeting her at midnite at a hotel halfway between her house and mine. For some reason she asked me to bring condoms???

J/K

No plans. Just promised to stay in contact.