Having dinner later this week with a married ex g/f

[STR8UP]

You are being used in HER game of attention seeking and validation. Wise up dude.

I know it's difficult to imagine that a woman in this position wouldn't have an agenda, but I know her well and I can pretty much say for certain that

1) She has no malicious intent. Our attraction for each other was gone halfway through the relationship and I doubt it has mysteriously reappeared.
2) She isn't looking for attention or validation or anything of the sort. She is one of the very few women I have met in my life who doesn't have self esteem issues.

If I'm wrong this wouldn't be the first time nor the last, but I'm pretty confident in the fact that I know her well enough to know she has no evil intentions.

 

[STR8UP]

I second what DarthJuan posted. And, I've found that when an ex-GF initiates contact with me, she is at a critical point in her current relationship and is looking for an excuse to end it.

No one initiated contact....I bumped into her at a concert. We hung out for awhile and exchanged contact info and went our separate ways. I think I might have even been the one to email her first after the exchange.

I have done the ex-GF reunion several times, but never with a married one and wouldn't even if I had the chance. In my cases, I was extreme AFC when we were together in the distant past and now they see something totally different.

I wasn't exactly an AFC with this one....she was probably the first one AFTER my clueless days.

 

[Latinoman]

I don't meet nor go to dinner nor communicate with ex-girlfriends. Especially if they have already opened their legs to another man. I don't care how unique or intelligent she is...when is over it is over.

Now, if she was never an ex, then that's another story.

The only one I would consider doing lunch/dinner with is the mother of my kids. And I've not done it. She is the only one I keep communication and is because of my kids.

In essense, I value my time. No ex is going to enhance it.

 

[jophil28]

Women are attention hors. And most of them will try to get their daily "supply' from any guy who is dumb enough to feed their addiction.
You are feeding the beast, dude.
Does her hubbie know about this dinner with you and her ?
If she has no agenda the she will not object to you asking him .
Why not give the guy a call and check this dinner thing with him ( and show some respect for his marriage too ).
If she bucks at the suggestion of you calling the Husband then she is playing you for a supply of attention and validation BEHIND HIS BACK !.

I do not understand why you would even think about eating dinner with her.
If you do not plan to F**K her, what do you want from her? Do you just want to be her 'girlfriend' ??

Oh, BTW read the title ( 10 times over) of your OWN recent post entitled" Don't let a woman use you for an intimacy surrogate"....

 

[STR8UP]

Women are attention hors. And most of them will try to get their daily "supply' from any guy who is dumb enough to feed their addiction.
You are feeding the beast, dude.
Does her hubbie know about this dinner with you and her ?

Don't know, don't care.

Like I said, I seriously SERIOUSLY doubt she needs to get anything from this oher than catching up with a friend...

I do not understand why you would even think about eating dinner with her.
If you do not plan to F**K her, what do you want from her? Do you just want to be her 'girlfriend' ??

It's a one time thing. I doubt I will even see her again for a LONG time after the meeting. It's nothing more than a "hey, how have you been" kind of thing.

Oh, BTW read the title ( 10 times over) of your OWN recent post entitled" Don't let a woman use you for an intimacy surrogate"....

And I support that post 100%. BUT.......this is a little diffferent situation. I wouldn't subject myself to that. I kow it SOUNDS bad, but to me this is nothing more than two old friends reconnecting.

 

[STR8UP]

I don't meet nor go to dinner nor communicate with ex-girlfriends. Especially if they have already opened their legs to another man. I don't care how unique or intelligent she is...when is over it is over.

Most of the time I would agree with you. This is just one of those exceptions that I am willing to make because this isn't a tyical situation.

 

[Latinoman]

Most of the time I would agree with you. This is just one of those exceptions that I am willing to make because this isn't a tyical situation.

Once again...what do you gain?

If she is as special as a person as you describe and if you truly admire her...then you wouldn't even consider adding (even remote possibility) turmoil in her life. In fact, you would have either never dated (there women out there better kept as friends) or you would be with her right now.

She is not unique as a unique woman in todays society would not disrespect her husband by having dinner with a man that used to live with her and phuck her. Especially when you two have no kids together.

She is one of the bunch. No different than the women some men in sosuave as advice in threads such as "my girlfriend having dinner with ex". But she is worst as she is a wife.

A woman that lacks common sense and don't understand the parameters of safeguarding their partners respect is not a unique woman. Not in my book.

That's the point I try to make.

Note: I agree with Dedisnova.

 

[Aenigma]

Most of the time I would agree with you. This is just one of those exceptions that I am willing to make because this isn't a tyical situation.

Then what exactly are you asking?

 

[DoubleA]

Imo

Most of the time I would agree with you. This is just one of those exceptions that I am willing to make because this isn't a tyical situation.Written by STR8UP

STR8UP,

Let me ask you man to man what is soo special about this woman? Why after all this time would you decide to drop everything to spend two hours with her over dinner? Is she the girl that gives you butterflies when you see her or a picture of her because she was the "one that got away"?

Why is she trying to come back into your life after all this time? I want to tell you something..Ninety percent of the things people do thy do it for their own benefit.
She not thinking of you whatever the reason, more than likely. Here’s a scenario..maybe she’s not happy with the way things turned out and she “misses you”. LOL. ( This means hey I made a bad descision in thinking He was the better choice only find out the grass is greener. So what if I have given his offspring continued survival…”Nice and genuine” STR8UP will take me back cause he wuvs me..)

I agree with Latinoman.

Sometimes it’s not worth going back because sometimes it doesn’t change anything. She’s married. You may have feelings. It’s a mess waiting to happen.

Remember the movie CAST AWAY…

Tom Hanks knew..their time had come and gone. It kept him alive but the moment he got off that plane…it ended. Symbolically though, the crossroad he came to where he met the female recipient of the package he kept was truly the reason he was destined to be back. In a sense I think closing a old book or door and opening a new one.

I beg you..reconsider don’t go. Invite them both instead. Or if you go, go with an open mind not a open heart.

When she breaks you up, I will laugh. Not because I'm petty but I did this before and nothing came out of it but more pain and disappointment. I'm trying to save you from feeling that comes with being played.

Best wishes.

- AA

 

[Mr.Positive]

STR8UP, if this gal is smart and intelligent as you say, maybe she has smart, single, hot friends. Birds of a feather, flock together...

A lot of women are matchmakers at heart. She might be thinking, I'm married and happy, but my friend is single. STR8UP is single and a great guy...hmm, maybe I should get together with him for dinner to see if he might be a good match.

 

[decades]

drama

 

[Latinoman]

Women are amazing creatures, aren't they?

What she's doing here is going with what she feels. Now, what she's feeling could be a couple of different things:

1) She's still attracted to you and wants to see you
2) She doesn't feel it's wrong to have contact with an ex

And considering he broke up with her...you might want to add

3) She wants to show him what he is missing (e.g. complemented by talking about how wonderful is her man or by simply showing up how great she is doing)

 

[DoubleA]

A lot of women are matchmakers at heart. She might be thinking, I'm married and happy, but my friend is single. STR8UP is single and a great guy...hmm, maybe I should get together with him for dinner to see if he might be a good match. Written by Mr. Positive

Mr. Positive,

I don't know about that one.

Women are matchmakers only because it's to their advantage. Once I again I say people only do things that are in their best interest baring they aren't selfish. Very few of us aren't.

That's like saying his happiness is still dependent on someone else.

I say invite her and hubby...then there's no disputing this.

Otherwise, if women are competitive by nature. What women do you know who would rather see their Ex's happy with someone else, especially a good friend??



Drama, as Persistent Exaction said..

AA

 

[jophil28]

If this dinner is a " one time thing" only and it is not a "biggie' then why create a whole thread about it? Are YOU attention seeking ?

Next, modern women have very elastic morals and NO ethics.
By going out with you she is cheating on her husband, Cheating starts way before the motel room . It starts when one partner turns outside their primary relationship to a third party .

She wants something - they always do.

I have FOUR ex-g/fs with whom I corespond via email. These ' ladies' and I go back between two years and 10 years, They are ALL in new committed relationships and one IS married recently . Thay ALL want to talk to me and be "friends " and they ALL have said strongly that they NEVER want me to let their men know that we are still in contact.... Women are secretive and devious and see no problem with getting their wants and needs met by being unethical.

Women's Law -- Wrongdoing is what MEN do to them !

 

[STR8UP]

Once again...what do you gain?

What do I gain? Do I have to really "gain" anything? Do I "gain" something when I go have a beer with a male friend? No different here.

If she is as special as a person as you describe and if you truly admire her...then you wouldn't even consider adding (even remote possibility) turmoil in her life. In fact, you would have either never dated (there women out there better kept as friends) or you would be with her right now.

I know my post had to do with the fact that women today tend to ignore boundaries and such, but I seriously doubt this will ever cause any turmoil in her life. If you knew her you would understand why I am confident in this.

And why do you say that we would have either never dated or we would be together now?

A woman that lacks common sense and don't understand the parameters of safeguarding their partners respect is not a unique woman. Not in my book.

So what if her husband is ok with it? Would this change your POV?

 

[STR8UP]

...

 

[STR8UP]

STR8UP,

Let me ask you man to man what is soo special about this woman? Why after all this time would you decide to drop everything to spend two hours with her over dinner? Is she the girl that gives you butterflies when you see her or a picture of her because she was the "one that got away"?

It seems that you guys are stuck on this whole "waste of time" issue.

I'm not spending two hours with a chick I want to get back with....I am spending two hours catching up with an old friend. To me that isn't a waste of time, and trust me If anyone places a high value on time it's ME.

 

[penkitten]

i say go and have fun.
why not? you already said you feel like its time catching up with an old friend and you arent in it solely to get back together with her. that isnt who you are or what you are about. and even if you wanted to, that would be your choice.
go have a great time.

 

[STR8UP]

If this dinner is a " one time thing" only and it is not a "biggie' then why create a whole thread about it? Are YOU attention seeking ?

Next, modern women have very elastic morals and NO ethics.

That's why I made the thread. I posted awhile back about how women today don't seem to have any sense of boundaries in a relationship. This just goes to confirm it.

By going out with you she is cheating on her husband, Cheating starts way before the motel room . It starts when one partner turns outside their primary relationship to a third party .

In a way I do agree with you that this is cheating (assuming her husband doesn't know or is mislead). But I can assure you that it is 100% innocent on my end and I'm pretty sure it is on her end as well.

She wants something - they always do.

Yea, she wants to catch up with an old friend! I really wish I could get this through everyone's head! I guess that's what I get for starting a thread like this...

Women's Law -- Wrongdoing is what MEN do to them !

I agree.

 

[STR8UP]

i say go and have fun.
why not? you already said you feel like its time catching up with an old friend and you arent in it solely to get back together with her. that isnt who you are or what you are about. and even if you wanted to, that would be your choice.
go have a great time.

Honestly, this girl was kind of a novelty for me.

Kinda freaky, bisexual, into tatts and piercings, fun for awhile but NOT the kind of girl I should be in a relationship with.

So my attraction to her at the end was lukewarm at best, and numerous signs pointed to the fact that her attraction was gone as well. And when a woman LOSES attraction for you, we all know that it ain't coming back.