Have you guys ever given up

[kk2004]

Maybe Im at that point but, have you guys ever felt like giving up. Its like Im fighting a losing battle everyday. Im socially anxious as hell, and its not going away. I just suck when it comes to girls, its so hard for me to meet girls, I see them everyday at my college and as they walk by me my heart breaks to know that Im so scared of them and that I feel like the spotlights on me for that 2 seconds they walk by me.

Im good looking and Im smart and Im funny, I just dont get it.

Im so frustrated with this whole *****in game, so many *****in rules and positions and the whole alpha deal, it feels like a science class with formulas and pickups with panty wetting strategies. What about the guys who dont use this site, what about them, those who get all the girls they want.

It should be easy, like snapping your finger, there must be something we are missing.

I think that it was never supposed to be this hard or complicated, this whole game and meeting people. BUt maybe it is.

ITs time I took a retreat, im socially anxious and Im ready to quit.

Ive tried and ive read the bible over and over, it wont help. I dont care anymore about girls anymore or picking them up, I dont want them bcuz I know i cant have them. Ill live my life without them.

 

[morisson]

no worries, its only that you are making such a big deal of your society and girls. snap out of it and do whatever the **** you want, the world belongs to us guys no them.

 

[frivolousz21]

DUDE

YOU WERE JUST GETTING LAID 2 MONTHS AGO

MY GOD..SOME GUYS ON HERE HAVENT HAD SEX YET...OR HAVEN FYCKED IN YRS.....

I DIDNT FYCK FOR 10 MONTHS FROM LATE 2003 TILL SUMMER OF 04.

WHO CARES.....DAMN.


GET UR **** TOGETHER

 

[arlanda]

Originally posted by kk2004
What about the guys who dont use this site, what about them, those who get all the girls they want.

Wake up. Most guys have "problem" getting girls. And I mean like 95% of guys at least. They're happy they get a girlfriend, usually someone they meet via their social circle. It's not like they would wake up in the morning and decide to get a gf. This is what AVERAGE stands for.

Those 5% (probably less) are naturals and even they have no idea what they are doing and why it works.

'We' had to work for it. Aren't you proud at least for trying?

 

[Hellboy]

I suffer from social anxiery in every day situations. Sometimes it's unbearable and my brain just screams "EJECT! EJECT!" But deep down I know it's not so bad as my brain would like me to think. People cannot read my mind. No harm done if a particular interaction goes differently from how I would like. There will be more chances.

The only thing that matters is that my observations (which may or may not be correct) don't lead to negative and self defeating conclusions that are probably not correct. For example, you said "I just suck when it comes to girls" this is very unlikely to be true but you've bought into that conclusion which kinda makes it true.

You said you're smart and funny which suggests you're not ALWAYS socially anxious (like I am). Use that fact to rationalise that there is NO reason for you to be anxious with girls when you have that intelligence and you have that wit.

Social anxiety will not stop you getting girls. Giving up however, will. Good luck!

 

[pimpfromdayone]

Nothing is going to help you right now except trying to relax... take things less seriously. Realize that like someone already said, most guys have the same problem as you. The guys that you do see with the hot girls are basically plain and simple, LUCKY. Most of them even didn't know what the hel-l they were doing, but they were in the right place at the right time. Have you ever been in the right place at the right time and just happened to have some hot girl sit near you? Learn to take advantage of these opportunities. The cold approach is probably done by fewer than 2% of the guy population. I have seen losers attempt it, but they obviously didn't know what they were doing. I have NEVER seen someone who knows what he was doing approach a girl. Can you get yourself to this point? If so, you are gonna be a bad motherfu-cker. You're already ahead of most guys really... even though you might not have access to any girls through your social circle (if you have one), you're trying, and it should help you. Just keep your head up man, you'll have your day.

 

[kk2004]

well

Well see its just that this girl who u refer to introduced me to a society or people or whatever, where everyone has sex with each other like every two weeks, its kinda like laguna beach here in NYC but the guido parts of NYC, where we all been to prep schools (I did too except, Im indian and guidos hate indians so I was outcasted) and they all live in rich homes and nice places (you really have to be here to know what Im talking about) and they all like know everyone and they talk like

This is the fast life these people live

"oh yeah me and brendon had sex last week"-same girl a week later "yeah me and brendon just hang out, Joey is hot, I hooked up with him at Rosses party, lol I was so drunk I would have sexed tommy too." "Well Im having sex with brendon its fun but last week I gave head to tommy it was okay, he fingered me" - this is girls that talk about what their weekend was like. -samantha

tommy "Oh yeah guess what I had sex with samantha last week, she is kinda fat though, I hooked up with Kimberly at Rosses party, I wonder if she wants a realtionship." "But you wont believe it, I woke up next to this girl yest night after Joey's party and I didnt know who the hell she was"

Joey -"Yeah I hooked up with this gilr monica at Rosses party it was fun for a while, but I really wasnt looking for much from her, but then tommy introduced me jessica, she goes to this other prep school and shes hot, so we talked for about a week and then we where in my car and we messed around we didnt do anything major though, Im going over to her house now lets see If we have sex, hey you have any condoms?"

My ex gf showed me the life, of preps or rich kids I guess, even though I went to the same school i was the outcast. Sex is nothing to these people, neither is hooking up or getting oral sex. Its a daily thing. Its like the stock market, it comes and goes it flows.

Thats what I SAW with my own eyes, whenever I hung out with her thats what was around me.

She was my first gf (she was diff than the rest she was more open minded-hence my gf) and now, Im sitting here knowing that there guys who get play every weekend like its no big deal.

And on top I have social anxiety, it makes it difficult for me to talk to people and gel, and saying "hi how are you" then get a number if your lucky and wait another week to get a date. Its supposed to be easy like those guys I mentioned up top.

Like --"Hi how are you"
her--"im fine whats up"
blah blah
me---"let me get your number"
her--"sure"

call her up in two days
her" hey you wanna hang out with me"
me--"sure"

later that night its a kiss close and then a week from now its sex.

Guys here in NYC have like 15 girls they can call, and have them ready to mess with, they have huge circles because they all grew up together in like a exclusive community. You have blacks, asians, italians and indians, hispanics in New york thats it. Its all these italian girls and guys who move and live fast like this, but for me I dont know, Im just looking for a place to fit in, and find a niche. Guys here that live in these areas the prep guys or w/e drive g35 coupes with hot blondes at their sides going to house parties in mansion on the Island..Long Island and the Hamptons. There built as hell and they have like an unlmeted access to girls, its really something you have to see.


I remember one time we parked in this really nice place and me and my ex gave me oral, while her best friend gave her bf oral too in the same car then we drove on the highway with the cold air going through our hair while i smoked my cigar. Thas the life

This social anxiety is keeping me back from what I want, I want to live the life like those guys I mentioned up there, the fast life and girls in droves.

I know Im good and funny, its just that Im not good enough for the hot girls becuase I constantly feel anxiety when im close to them, I hate anxiety because it clouds the mind. while other times it just doesnt let me relax, But underneath I know that if i wasnt anxious that I would be a cool guy.

 

[pimpfromdayone]

Like --"Hi how are you"
her--"im fine whats up"
blah blah
me---"let me get your number"
her--"sure"

call her up in two days
her" hey you wanna hang out with me"
me--"sure"

It's not usually quite that simple... at least not anywhere else in the world. The number may be easy to get, but the hanging out part is what I myself have trouble with.... dam-n flaky girls....

 

[kk2004]

well

well in my case this girl asked me out "twice" i said no first then i get called up the next day an I get another invite like wyf.. yeah thats how it is around here, esp the prep people.

Thas the FUC*KIN problem with this world that these bit*ches are so flaky, it should be that simple.

Its stupid the system is designed for us males to fail, Unless you approach a 100 girls 5 will actually not flake look at the work you have to do to get some play its nutz.

 

[frivolousz21]

Thas the FUC*KIN problem with this world that these bit*ches are so flaky, it should be that simple.

no you just arent confident..and dotn have the expierence to know what your doing.

you need to set goals and do soemthing with urself

 

[kk2004]

so

so ur saying that guys who are confident have social lives and sex lives like those I mentioned above?

 

[frivolousz21]

confident people....believe in themselves..therefor will try to get the job done..

and overtime they learn the skills to get it done

so YES

 

[kk2004]

ic

So ur saying that the people that you deal with have nothing to do with it. I told you how it is around here, and how people think sex of as nothing, when most girls are so flaky. Most girls are so flaky and you have to play games and run a game like your managing a broadway show. But the prep scene the girls **** like rabbits. This game doesnt apply.

 

[frivolousz21]

if you were confident you would find ways to adjust to get your goals..

or you would decide it wasnt worth it and go on about your bussiness.

are u in college?

if so..go somehwere away from there if you can..maybe that would help you.

but its ALL IN UR HEAD

 

[kk2004]

hmm

If its in my head...then your saying that I can overcome my anxiety, and that I can become confident in myself and then I wont have to deal with flaky shi*t.

My goals are to become confident and to get rid of my social anxiety and to grow as a man, then have another gf and a bigger social circle and have a great time like I did before.

No I cant go away, Im at home with my parents they wont let me go away.

Im 19 In college.

 

[Q-Pid]

You are wound too tight. Relax. Only through relaxing can you be in the right mindset of a DJ...and therefore ABLE to apply the bibles teachings.

And if you are relaxed in your environment - it protrays confidence.

 

[kk2004]

well

its hard to relax when you have social anxiety... But what does it mean to be wound up tight?

Plus its hard not feeling upset when you know your at home by urself and there are guys messing around with other girls simply becuase they arent afraid or have social anxiety and have confidence in themselves while you sit here alone.. its hard to disregard that fact, it starts to depresses you.

 

[Q-Pid]

People who are thrill seakers often feel bad when they are not searching for thrills - so they go on rollercoasters, fast cars, violent sports in order to meet with their need to be excited. These guys can be the type who hit the gym (for the rush) hit fast cars (for the rush) and hit the women (for the rush).

People who are not thrill seekers are already "excited" by simple things. Like video games, television, food, etc. So the need to search out thrills is considerably less. These people don't need to approach women to be excited - as they can excite themselves. This is leading to reclusivictic behaviour and the overdominance of the BETA male into society.

In short: in being wound too tight, you are letting everyday things affect you in very uneveryday and abnormal ways. Relaxing in an environment where you are COMPLETELY SAFE from harm should not be a problem at all. As you're highly excited by such things your mind isn't able to handle things more extreme than that - hence the social anxiety.

The only way to overcome this is to try and relax when faced with these situations, and hopefully ALL Situations. It's completely possible to do - so don't worry - and don't give up.

 

[pimpfromdayone]

Why did you recommend getting away from college people? Just out of curiousity...

 

[thefonz]

Re: well

Originally posted by kk2004
its hard to relax when you have social anxiety... But what does it mean to be wound up tight?

Plus its hard not feeling upset when you know your at home by urself and there are guys messing around with other girls simply becuase they arent afraid or have social anxiety and have confidence in themselves while you sit here alone.. its hard to disregard that fact, it starts to depresses you.

Hey man......you're looking at your problem from a completely obsurd angle. You must be high or drunk to think that you can completely eliminate social anxiety, IT NEVER GOES AWAY, thats the truth. Find a one person who has no anxiety and I'll show you a person who doesn't have a pulse.

What you can do however, is manage and control your thoughts. This is what all those "cool" people do that you refer to.

Listen to your beliefs, "I need to fvck a different girl every 2 weeks"..."I'm indian, italians don't like indians." WTF, stop it!! Your goals are completely unattainable from where you are right now trying to reach that high is ridiculous, especially with your negative mind state. Listen to what everyone else has told you so far. RELAX. I think I pm'ed you about this awhile ago but do whatever you can to relax....stop drinking caffine, stop smoking, eat healthier, take some st. john's wort, meditate, exercise.....these are all steps you cn take to calm your anxiety. Stop seeing it as a curse, anxiety brings energy....learn to channel that anxiety into perseverence.

I can't stress this enough man, it ain't going away but you MUST learn to change your maladaptive thoughts and innaccurate expectations. It is possible to approach a group of chicks and chat them up or even speak in front of hundreds of people. You learn to cope, not distract, cope. Do you wanna live a life of secrecy and avoidance through your entire youth. Then change how you view certain situations, you aren't going to achieve ANYTHING by judging yourself, expecting truckloads of success. Eliminate the word should from your vocab. If you have to, get out of that clickly enviroment cus it sounds unhealthy for you. You gotta work at this man, you gotta work. But take it one step at a time, challenge yourself...don't overwhelm