Harsh Truth: Women pursue the men that they want

[MatureDJ]

It's OVER for UnpersuedCels.

 

[MatureDJ]

Advice from the old lady:

She may not "chase" you, but what she will do is make it easy for you. She will say yes when you ask her out, she will demonstrate interest & investment, she will be fun to be around. That isn't chasing but it is still (+) responsiveness.

Yes, the gal will also do things like accidentally have her breasts brush up against you. That event is NEVER due to serendipity.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

while i do believe it does happen, as said in this forum, its still not normally the case, women normally don't pursue men in the sense that they are normally never the ones to make advances on a guy they like

You're too concerned with 'normally', while you yourself are not 'normal'. Like you said, you're more than a little autistic.

And you just want things to adapt to your autism. That's not going to happen, because you're a silent minority. No matter how much of a problem you have with approaching women, women won't start approaching you out of pity for your autism. Hard as it sounds, you just have to overcome your trepidation, grow some cojones, and talk with women without being so focused on yourself and sex.

 

[Clockwerk50]

while i do believe it does happen, as said in this forum, its still not normally the case, women normally don't pursue men in the sense that they are normally never the ones to make advances on a guy they like

If you have a reputation for being highly desirable, you don’t need to chase women—they’ll come to you. Even if your reputation isn’t great, hinting that many others have found you appealing can work in the long run. An empty nightclub with vacant tables is the best way to discourage you from going in.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

You're too concerned with 'normally', while you yourself are not 'normal'. Like you said, you're more than a little autistic.

And you just want things to adapt to your autism. That's not going to happen, because you're a silent minority. No matter how much of a problem you have with approaching women, women won't start approaching you out of pity for your autism. Hard as it sounds, you just have to overcome your trepidation, grow some cojones, and talk with women without being so focused on yourself and sex.

understatement, its like, survival of the fittest only applies to males only.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

understatement, its like, survival of the fittest only applies to males only.

Not really, but you want fit females, don't you? Then you will have to be fit.

If you can't be bothered to improve yourself, you can always date women on your own level. Unattractive women need love too.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

i know people suggested this, and i tried it, pursue a girl with autism, i was sort of in a relationship with another woman with autism but i feel she doesn't count, it felt like we were more best friends instead of boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

i feel she doesn't count, it felt like we were more best friends instead of boyfriend/girlfriend.

Did you have sexual relations? Were you intimate?

 

[Hamurabimbi]

When I got married. My Mom told me: ‘You wanted to get married. She wanted you..’

 

[manfrombelow]

This is extremely naive and what happens when you spend too much time reading theory online instead of being in the real world.

Timing, more than anything, is what matters.

If a woman is happy with her boyfriend it doesn't matter how great your seduction skills are or how good looking you are, she won't be available to you. She will not entertain that notion and will shut you down because in her mind she is "taken".

The same woman who dumped her boyfriend that week and met you might have happily given you her number and went out with you.

Same woman, two different mindsets that she is in, one of them is conducive to you fvcking her and the other one might as well have a 20 foot wall surrounding her because you aren't getting in.

Of course there are exceptions that will fvck anything that moves if they are interested in them regardless of their relationship status or happiness but that is rare...

It took you 5 months to call my comment "naive" when in fact what I said and what you said are basically the same thing, just phrased differently.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

Did you have sexual relations? Were you intimate?

sadly not really, our relationship never progressed beyond kissing, cuddling, making out, thats why i refuse to call her an ex. Obviously i tried to progress things further but she always withheld sex or resisted.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

If you find yourself expending finite energy and resources solely to create attraction with a woman, then you are a fool! In many cases, women signal their interest and actively pursue the men they desire. Reflect on your own experiences: the most successful relationships or encounters you've had likely involved women who made it effortless for connections to flourish. If the girl is giving you mixed signals, drop her immediately because she is likely not exhibiting the same behavior towards another guy.

The romanticized notion of tirelessly pursuing the girl of your dreams, as portrayed in Hollywood and popular culture, often falls short of reality. Instead, men would benefit from prioritizing maintaining attraction.

I don’t think it is ‘harsh’. It just Is.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

sadly not really, our relationship never progressed beyond kissing, cuddling, making out, thats why i refuse to call her an ex. Obviously i tried to progress things further but she always withheld sex or resisted.

Sounds like you gave her the power to do so. She gets what she wants, but you don't get what you need.
The moment a lover starts using sex as a bargaining chip, I start questioning the balance in the relationship.

 

[RangerMIke]

Women really don't 'pursue' men they want... they just don't make things difficult. A quality attractive woman, who is single will have at least three men chasing after her, likely more. They say yes to dates, they show up, and they are pleasant when you are with them. This is as good as it gets with attractive sane women. Rinse and repeat and if she really wants you, she will make herself scarce with the other dudes and focus on the one she really wants.... this takes time and patience. But don't stop dating other women until she loves you, if you are looking for a relationship. The irony is that if you want an exclusive relationship, you have to act and behave like you do not want one.... that you are fine with casual dating... then let her decide if you are what she wants.

If a man doesn't pick up on this and read between the lines, and make an effort to be with her, she will move on quickly... because she has options.

Match her effort... that is really all a man needs to do. But if it gets to the point where you are putting in more effort than she is, chances are one of the other dudes she is dating has more of her attention. At that point all you can do is, again, match her effort, chances are that she will continue to drift away... which is fine... go date other women.

If you are lower on her interest compared to other men one of two things happens:

(1) She drifts off, you let her go... she'll be glad that you are taking the hint and she will have more respect for you, and it is over.

(2) The man doubles down on effort... tries harder... she pushes back harder... the man becomes a scary stalker... now she is afraid of you and her respect for you drops to zero, and it is over.

Bottomline it is OVER. You cannot control how she feels, no amount of effort on the man's part will make any difference. On rare occasions, a man that pursues and pursues might 'get the girl', but really all you have is a woman that is settling for you... and trust me... that is much worse than being alone. Because no one can keep up with the increasing demands on a person as a condition of them being with you... especially if the demands are being made requires the man to be someone he isn't. I know men that have emptied their bank accounts trying to keep a woman happy... I know men that have abandoned what they really love to do, abandoned friends for her friends, for things she wants to do. Eventually the man will resent this... he either ends it (which is the best way to go) or she continues to get b1tchyer and b1chyer, and then it is over. with a catastrophic meltdown.

If it is over, it is much better for your sanity and state of mind to recognize this and let things end as quickly as possible while you move on.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Women really don't 'pursue' men they want... they just don't make things difficult. A quality attractive woman, who is single will have at least three men chasing after her, likely more. They say yes to dates, they show up, and they are pleasant when you are with them. This is as good as it gets with attractive sane women. Rinse and repeat and if she really wants you, she will make herself scarce with the other dudes and focus on the one she really wants.... this takes time and patience. But don't stop dating other women until she loves you, if you are looking for a relationship. The irony is that if you want an exclusive relationship, you have to act and behave like you do not want one.... that you are fine with casual dating... then let her decide if you are what she wants.

I disagree because I think you are describing a woman with medium interest. Yes, women have multiple men chasing them, but they do not care about most of these men. Women always have a reserved spot for a top guy that they really want and bench of 1-3 men that they are entertaining rather that be just casual hooking up or just dates. A woman with high interest will pursue you and make it known to the world that you are her only option. A woman with high interest will instantly drop her bench and make all of her emotional energy available for you period. If a woman fails to find this guy she will either settle with the second best option or just continue being emotionally single in her head. This is why I say anything below high interest is low interest because you run the risk of being instantly dropped for the right type of guy to come along.

 

[Chow Mein]

I disagree because I think you are describing a woman with medium interest. Yes, women have multiple men chasing them, but they do not care about most of these men. Women always have a reserved spot for a top guy that they really want and bench of 1-3 men that they are entertaining rather that be just casual hooking up or just dates. A woman with high interest will pursue you and make it known to the world that you are her only option. A woman with high interest will instantly drop her bench and make all of her emotional energy available for you period. If a woman fails to find this guy she will either settle with the second best option or just continue being emotionally single in her head. This is why I say anything below high interest is low interest because you run the risk of being instantly dropped for the right type of guy to come along.

Your response is coming from the perspective of a man, with expectations. Women aren’t asking for that

 

[RangerMIke]

I disagree because I think you are describing a woman with medium interest. Yes, women have multiple men chasing them, but they do not care about most of these men. Women always have a reserved spot for a top guy that they really want and bench of 1-3 men that they are entertaining rather that be just casual hooking up or just dates. A woman with high interest will pursue you and make it known to the world that you are her only option. A woman with high interest will instantly drop her bench and make all of her emotional energy available for you period. If a woman fails to find this guy she will either settle with the second best option or just continue being emotionally single in her head. This is why I say anything below high interest is low interest because you run the risk of being instantly dropped for the right type of guy to come along.

I'm not sure this is that much different from what I posted. Of course, I am describing a woman with medium interest... most sane women start off with men they are attracted to with medium interest. It is extremely rare to have a woman just fall for a guy at first sight. Men do this all the time: it is unusual for women to do this.

A woman might be dating three guys... if they all start off at the same time, she will MOST LIKELY have medium interest in all of them. As she dates them, she will eventually start liking one more that the others. If you happen to be the guy she is very interested in, she will make things easier and easier... will go along and do what you want to do... she will even start reaching out to you more. If you are one of the other two dudes, she will make things harder and harder and hope they take the hint and drift off. If they don't, she'll say "We have to talk.", but she will be disappointed that they didn't take the hint, because at that point she knows those dudes are more interested in her than she is in him.

Only when all the other dudes are out of the picture, will she seriously start to pursue that man she wants.

I think the only difference between what you and I are saying is you are taking this form the perspective of the man she wants, where I am taking this for all the men in her life's perspective. Yes, you are right, a woman in love will walk over broken glass to be with the target of her affection.... but she has to get there on her own.

 

[BeExcellent]

Listen to @RangerMIke on this gents. He is completely correct.

Cheers

 

[MatureDJ]

I disagree because I think you are describing a woman with medium interest. Yes, women have multiple men chasing them, but they do not care about most of these men. Women always have a reserved spot for a top guy that they really want and bench of 1-3 men that they are entertaining rather that be just casual hooking up or just dates. A woman with high interest will pursue you and make it known to the world that you are her only option. A woman with high interest will instantly drop her bench and make all of her emotional energy available for you period. If a woman fails to find this guy she will either settle with the second best option or just continue being emotionally single in her head. This is why I say anything below high interest is low interest because you run the risk of being instantly dropped for the right type of guy to come along.

I've been one of the InstantlyDroppedCels a few times.

 

[viking22]

I think this happens in rare circumstances where a man has achieved very high status e.g. celebrity, sports star, big man on campus, super rich guy etc. Or alternatively when a man has a much higher status/looks/money than a woman and she is confident and determined enough to make the running.

In these scenarios women will throw themselves at the man and pursue them.

I do not think it gives men an excuse to just sit back and let women come to them. Because generally the women that will come to you aren't going to be the women you want.

I think the truly desirable feminine women know their worth and will encourage the man they like in various subtle ways and will make it relatively easy for him (but not too easy because they are smart enough to know men like a bit of a challenge and value a woman more if she plays a little hard to get). Then again there aren't that many women like that still around.