Hardest thing for AFC's

[Dukester]

Hey guys, i havent read the boards since before christmas, but everytime i do, i see the same things in alost every thread.
All AFC's are scared, this we know, but what scares, them? and what causes them to not want to change?

IMO, i think the hardest thing for AFC's to do, is to get confidence (hence my threads), or the other thing that is particularly hard is convincing themselves that they are the prize, women want them, and that they shouldnt take crap. *i guess those are 3 different things, but they all have the same meaning.

So guys, my question to you all is: what do you think is the hardest thing about "becoming a DJ"?

this goes out to DJ's and AFC's!!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

When transcending from RAFC to DJ - Having your AFC buddies rag on you because they don't believe that your DJ methods will work.

Upon becoming a DJ - Having your AFC friends hate on you because they think you are a womanizer.

You're d@mned either way but the punani is still good either way...

 

[That_Guy49]

reprogramming your mind to fit the DJ ideology.

 

[Double]

it's all about very strong willpower that you never ever give up. if you try hard and keep going you simply can't fail. so the hardest thing is to endure and be "patient"


(remember unless you get beaten up horrible or get terrible mind/body deseases you cant fail with becomming DJ)

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by Double
it's all about very strong willpower that you never ever give up. if you try hard and keep going you simply can't fail. so the hardest thing is to endure and be "patient"

I second this. You have to decide who you want to be and never give up trying to be that person.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Don't depend on will power, it's not everlasting. Think about everyone that can't keep their New Year's resolutions beyond January or maybe February.

For any of this to work you need to change your lifestyle and any prior beliefs you have about the rules of dating. Until you do that, nothing will stick permanently.

 

[Enigma2517]

ehh I'm just gonna have to say confidence. Even though I've progressed a lot, I've also learned the difference between REAL confidence and fake confidence.

I experienced that on the outside I still manage to keep my composure and what not...but inside I'm just breaking down (lol I sound like a whiny b1tch ). Neway...thats my 2 cents.

 

[Double]

sure you have to change your thinking/habits/lifestyle......but how is that achieved? of course by not giving up when things get difficult.

only stubborn willpower divides the guys that become the man they want to be and the guys that fall back to their AFC behaviour

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Double
sure you have to change your thinking/habits/lifestyle......but how is that achieved? of course by not giving up when things get difficult.

only stubborn willpower divides the guys that become the man they want to be and the guys that fall back to their AFC behaviour

Let me go Confucius on your @ss...

A DJ does not force his actions through willpower; his actions are authentic and effortless as a feather riding the wind...

(yeah, it's original... )

 

[Double]

okay but now go confucius on my sexy azz about how you achieve that effortless DJ state?

 

[Tha Realnezz]

The hardest thing for a newcomer is realizing that experience is the only real teacher.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Tha Realnezz
The hardest thing for a newcomer is realizing that experience is the only real teacher.

Not if they keep doing the wrong sh1t over and over...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Double
okay but now go confucius on my sexy azz about how you achieve that effortless DJ state?

It'll take at least a bottle of sake...

 

[dietzcoi]

I think it is hard to keep the AFCs from dragging you back down to their level. They just won't beleive this stuff works. I had it work a very pretty 25 year old a while back, but my buddy who was with me kept telling me "Stop, you are going too far (with C+F) you are going to lose her, you will ruin it, etc, etc" Even to this day he refuses to beleive that this is the way to DJ.

THe AFCs will be jealous and they will attack. Just think, you are the only DJ at a Christmas party, chatting up the women, and the AFCs are ready to start malicious gossip about you the next day at work. Happens to me a lot...

DIetzcoi

 

[Abbott]

Originally posted by Dukester
So guys, my question to you all is: what do you think is the hardest thing about "becoming a DJ"?

If you're someone who's never had a girlfriend, then it'd probably be the concept of a woman actually liking them.

It is for me, at least. I've got my first motorcar, my first credit card, finished HS, and have even lived away from Mom and Dad (I was forced to move back because they wouldn't pay my rent anymore). But still no girlfriend.

However, it can also affect the "I'm the MAN (I'm the prize)" concept, because it can make you wonder if there's something lacking, whether it be a crappy living arrangement or a motorcar that isn't cool.

Many times I've wondered if my success would rise and more women would pay attention to me if I had a Lincoln or a Cadillac, instead of a Ford Ranger. It's probably B.S. but ah well, a Lincoln would be a good idea anyway.

Ben

 

[dearsappho]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Upon becoming a DJ - Having your AFC friends hate on you because they think you are a womanizer.

Im going through this right now. Both my guy and girld m8s try to destroy me everytime I approach a girl...

 

[Dukester]

also, i thought of another thing...

realizing that all this info us DJ's and everyone supplies on this board is valid.

i always hear "what if this" and "what if that" and "are you sure"

you have to learn to trust what we say is true. we're here to help, not to put ya down. *well i'd say that most of us are here to help and learn.

so, accept it when we tell you what we think about your situation. i hate it when newbs come to this board, ask questions, but still go through with something.

my thoughts on why that happens:
1) they are looking for AFC reinforcement
2) they are set in there ways, and us telling them the way TO do it, drives them to do it their way

it's stubborness, and AFCness, and inability to listen and take advice to heart

 

[Matt Rogers]

I would say I am a RAFC.
The things that I find hard are:

1. Deliberately not being "too nice" and trying to impress women. I have a kind and generous nature and like doing things for people, but have to curb this trait when dealing with women.

2. Letting go of all your inhibitions and not being afraid to want a woman and take the lead. Dominating is something that is not natural to AFC's who tend to be far too considerate about the other person's needs and not enough about their own desires

3. Putting your ego on the line and getting hurt. No matter how DJ you are, you will get rejected, you will get your heart broken and you will be exposed to strong emotions you have never felt before. It takes a lot of self-control and strength of character to deal with this stuff and continue to hit on girls and take emotional risks.

4. Learning not to care what other think. My friends think I am a desperate skirt chaser, because every time we go out, I hit on women. I used to worry that if I got rejected by a girl everyone would find out and laugh at me. It is hard to ignore them and takes a lot of self-confidence and self-belief.

5. Playing games is the hardest part of being a DJ. My AFC instinct when I like a girl is to let her know and go all sappy. As a DJ it is hard to be breezy and appear disinterested, and hang back and let her chase you. It is also hard to control yourself and stop yourself calling too often. It is hard to hide your feelings and make her wonder whether you like her or not.

 

[david90]

as an afc, the most diff. thing for me is the inital approach.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Originally posted by Dukester
my thoughts on why that happens:
1) they are looking for AFC reinforcement
2) they are set in there ways, and us telling them the way TO do it, drives them to do it their way

it's stubborness, and AFCness, and inability to listen and take advice to heart

Gospel truth. One consistent effect an AFC encounters which makes and perpetuates him as an AFC is a continuous reinforcement of AFC behavior from both guys & girls who've also internalized this mentality. When a guy (call him a DJ) who doesn't reinforce this behavior comes along, the reaction to this lack of reinforcement is directly proportional to the degree to which the AFC subscribes to these behaviors/mental models.

That's why you see violent oppositions to this internalized belief; the first natural impulse being to vilifiy or attack the person unwlling to affirm their belief. People laugh when I make comparissons like this, but it's really like cult member deprogramming. One characteristic of a cult mentality is an inability to accept and alter behaviors in light of empirical evedence. You can show an AFC in black & white how a DJ mindset not only meets with personal successes, but also is a natural way of responding and they will still call you a Player or any number of other deragotory terms for your success with women to the point of rationalizing the reasons of your success, to questioning the individual characters of you or the women you connect with. Basically any reason that is self-affirming for their mentality since it is being met with a legitimate challenge.

This dynamic is is known in pyschology as 'ego-investment', that is to say a belief that has become so internalized as true that an individual's personality is at least partialy (if not totally) dependent upon it's reinforcement. The belief literally constitutes a part of the personality. Ergo, the violent opposition or flat dismissal of any principal challenging the belief regardless of merit.

Think about how difficult it would be to hear that you were not living your life correctly or not raising your child correctly from someone who lives differently from yourself. Criticism is all too often interpreted as confrontation, and most times rightfully so. Unfortuantely, it's usually at times of despair that we do any self-examination and this of course is when most AFC have their moments of clairity. This is generally the best time to constructively introduce the AFC to a new mindset, while he is contemplative about the validity of his established AFC mentality. And of course this all depends upon yourself and how much trouble you're willing to go through for this friend. I personally hate to see AFCness carried over into marriage as it only leads to marital problems that affect family, friends and any resulting children. So you see it goes beyond just purposefully banging as many chicks as possible; you can be a married DJ or a married AFC eventually and this is where the rubber meets the road with regards to quality of life. Beware the advice of the married AFC and changing this guys is all but impossible.

I always describe it like this to hardened AFCs; It's a lot like when you were in drivers ed in highschool when the instructor told you that if you're ever in a skid to turn into the skid. It feels completely wrong and against all natural sense of motion, but once you do turn into the skid the car rights itself.