applegoo said:
There's no reason to hold a woman's purse, anyway
I ask to hold my frau's purse all the time; but, I taught her my "code".
When I say:
V: "Let me hold your purse..."
She understands that the "..." means:
V: "...while you suck my cºck."
So, when she's out with me and gets rowdy, I simply can say out loud for anyone and everyone to hear: "Let me hold your purse..."
While the onlooker may be thinking: "Poor AFC Beta chump!"
All she's hearing is: "Suck my cøck".
I use it in all sorts of situations, so sometimes she gets good tingles, sometimes "bad" ones. Sometimes I look at her and say it, other times I reach with one hand (for the purse) while the other hand starts undoing my belt, which she understands just as well.
Otherwise, when a chick hands me her purse, the first thing I do is stuff my hand in and fish around for a tampon. Once I find one (because of course they're there), I pull it out, put it down by my crotch, wave it around like a schlong, and say:
V: "SmooOOoth applicator tip." (my favorite)
or
V: "OOooh, it's so TIGHT!"
or
V: "Do you need it wrapped, or can we go raw dog?"
Usually with a bunch of eyebrow raises, perhaps a few pelvic thrusts, like "you know you want it".
I've pretended to be taking a p¡ss with a "stolen tampon", too: "Ahhh..." *makes a big ordeal of shaking it, wringing it out, shaking it off a few more times*
I know, you could say it's childish for a guy my age, but, it makes
ME laugh. I find it absolutely HILARIOUS how embarrassed women get by it.
Plus, pull the same embarrassing prank a couple times on the same chick and guess what: They stop handing you their purse. If they
don't catch on, I start going for other goodies. If there is a pop machine near by, I've bought myself a soda with their cash. I've helped myself to cigarettes, whatever they handed me a bag full of, that's what I get when they hand it to me.
Her: *hands purse to Vulpine*
V: "OOOH!!! I
LOVE grab bags!!!"
Funny thing is, some women will continue handing me their purse knowing full well that I'll shanghai something right in front of their face: like they
want me to.
*shrug* I like to have fun, though, not be all hard-ass gorilla all the time.