Got rejected by every single girl I've approached

[Acq]

you nailed it right there buddy. I have severe OCD. I also have GAD(generalized anxiety disorder) and perfectionistic personality disorder as well as avoidant personality disorder. The OCD is already dealt with. I've managed to solve that with CBT and meds. The GAD is partially dealt with as I'm very social now. The only thing I'm still shy with is dating. The perfectionistic personality disorder is still a bit there. The avoidant personality disorder is self explanatory. The only big problem I still have is unresolved mother issues, extreme fear of intimacy and rejection, and no luck with women.

My advice to you:

1° avoid drugs and alcohol, completely. given your condition you are likely to start using something like weed or alcohol, which could create addiction since their effects may give you a false sense of self confidence. Nearly every PD leads in combination with drugs/alcohol usually leads to devopment of PPD (paranoid personality disorder), and later possibly to BPD. U dont want that.

2° do you smoke ? if yes, I would not quit for now. Believe it or not, but smoking "may" be a "good" thing in your case. Im not suggesting u start smoking, noway. Smoking slows you down, makes you way less sensitive and offers a layer of emotional strength. You simply stop caring about many things. Yes, its an odd thing to hear, but any psychatrist will tell you that.

3° work on your body in a gym, its good for your confidence, not only due to improved looks, but also due to hormone of happiness which is released when lifting heavy weights, working out is a great way to fight depression.

4° I would aim for "nice" girls if I was you. Not the "hard to get 9's or 10's" with a ton of experience. Find a 17-18 year old "nerdy" girl, who has a nice personality and preferably her virginity in tact. That way you should remove some of your fear of intimacy, since getting intimate with someone who you know has no experience is far less stressing. Point 4° may sound odd too, but Im suggesting this to you in your case. You need to get rid off virginity and then move up the ladder knowing you have experience.

Either way, do SOMETHING. The more you wait, the more severe your issues may become, and the odds of becoming a bitter 30 year old virgin increase. There are quite many of those by the way, u dont want to become one of them.

 

[OMGWTFLMAO]

It's not good for anyone to use drugs or drink very much. Most people don't realize this, but if you have a family history of mental health problems like bipolar disorder (a family member has it) and you do certain drugs you could actually cause yourself to develop SERIOUS mental illness like bipolar disorder with psychosis or schizophrenia. These illnesses at their worst (with psychosis and hallucinations) are not pretty.

I disagree about him rushing with losing his virginity or attempting to enter into a relationship right now. He should focus on resolving the unresolved issues surrounding his mother first. He should not get into anything that could cause emotional turmoil until he's got a better handle on the fear of rejection and intimacy. First things first, as they say. The exciting thing is that once he resolves this one issue, many of the others one, especially involving girls/women will most like disappear.

 

[someguy24]

I haven't gotten drunk in years. I avoid drugs completely, I am not even curious. The only thing I do is smoke hookah. I have been officially diagnosed with OCD. As for the personality disorders, my therapists said its better if I don't label myself. However, I only put those labels for simplicity as I have most of the symptoms each disorder corresponds to.

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

do you still have problems or did you get over them?
I'm in a very similar situation and wish someone could help. I'm 31 years old from the UK and I don't know what to do. I don't even have friends, I'm built, and I mean strict diet and constant workout, I dress clean and smell clean. I always feel women hate me and try to avoid me, I just look at the girl and assume she hates me. I feel like a ghost sometime, totally un-noticed. As if no one cares if I existed or not. I'm so alone, you have no idea. I wish I knew what to do, I'm very fit, and trust me I know I am, I workout 5 times a week and have a strict diet for the past few years. I'm educated I'm a manager at an international company. I don't understand, I know there's a problem with me, I just wish someone would help me because I'm seriously hurting man, real bad

 

[Purefilth]

^ how can you sense women hate you before you approach? This iis just in your head, approach with a smile

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

^ how can you sense women hate you before you approach? This iis just in your head, approach with a smile

Thanks for the reply man, I really appreciate it, I never felt so hopeless.

Because they never look at me, when I see a girl I like I look at her of course because it gives me pleasure to look but they never look.

Yes I don't approach, maybe once in the past year but not because I don't want to, it's because I always feel like I know the outcome will be rejection.
It's a deep struggle, and I know I have a lot of work to do, but I just need someone to help me get started.

 

[Zarky]

The 20s, especially the early 20s, is a very difficult time to pick up chicks. They're just not interested. If you stay alive and healthy into your 30s, you will see your sex life change. As long as you learn and grow mentally and emotionally.

 

[omega05]

do you still have problems or did you get over them?
I'm in a very similar situation and wish someone could help. I'm 31 years old from the UK and I don't know what to do. I don't even have friends, I'm built, and I mean strict diet and constant workout, I dress clean and smell clean. I always feel women hate me and try to avoid me, I just look at the girl and assume she hates me. I feel like a ghost sometime, totally un-noticed. As if no one cares if I existed or not. I'm so alone, you have no idea. I wish I knew what to do, I'm very fit, and trust me I know I am, I workout 5 times a week and have a strict diet for the past few years. I'm educated I'm a manager at an international company. I don't understand, I know there's a problem with me, I just wish someone would help me because I'm seriously hurting man, real bad

we cannot give you confidence over the internet but you need to step outside of your comfort zone and start approaching these women. What makes them better than you? We always call these chicks crazy but look at the men who think a chick hates them without even knowing them. To me, that's crazy.

 

[Purefilth]

Thanks for the reply man, I really appreciate it, I never felt so hopeless.

Because they never look at me, when I see a girl I like I look at her of course because it gives me pleasure to look but they never look.

Yes I don't approach, maybe once in the past year but not because I don't want to, it's because I always feel like I know the outcome will be rejection.
It's a deep struggle, and I know I have a lot of work to do, but I just need someone to help me get started.

Don't just assume they'll reject you. Don't get me wrong, a lot will but I keep approaching start a conversation. I've started the 8 week programme, check out the thread, pm me if you're gonna try it, well go at it together bro

 

[perseverance]

It feels like that for me at the moment man.

I asked a girl out to the cinema to watch Dark Knight Rises and she turns me down because she is going on holiday, can't get a break anywhere man. Not even a counter offer or nothing, but nevermind.

Sometimes a fisherman can go weeks without a catch and then suddenly he catches one fish and that leads to another fish and it snowballs from there.

Just gotta keep trying man.

 

[perseverance]

Don't just assume they'll reject you. Don't get me wrong, a lot will but I keep approaching start a conversation. I've started the 8 week programme, check out the thread, pm me if you're gonna try it, well go at it together bro

If you go in with a defeatist mindset at anything in this life, you will fail. You need to be positive more than anything else. Positivity is what all people respond well too, most people won't respond well to negativity. That's the main problem I have is at times I have far too negative and self-defeatist and I believe that has hindered me a lot in life so far.

 

[marmel75]

People who don't know you will always tend to believe about you, what you believe about yourself. Much of it has to do with body language, eye contact and the way you talk.
What you actually say is only about 5-10% of what that other person is seeing or hearing...

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

Thanks for the replies guys. I heard from many sources that a woman will always show subtle interest in a guy she is interested in. Can you tell me from experience (not from what you know) if this is true?
The reason I think I'm doomed in the dating department is because no matter how clean/shaved/pumped I look, they pass by me without noticing. I mean if a girl I'm interested in walks by I so can't help it but make it obvious I'm interested/looking.
Please tell from your experience, not what you think is the answer.

 

[RedZone]

Dude, if you don't think your great or interesting, nobody else will either. Even if you aren't successful with girls so far in your life, so what. It's not that big of a deal your still young. Just think about the success you had in anything or something about you that's unique. When you start believing other people will too.

For example, I had the same problem. So I wrote down what was unique or interesting about me. The first thing I thought of is how I moved on my own to Los Angeles for about two years. I went their to follow my passion to work behind the scenes in movies and TV. It didn't work out the way I hoped, but not many people would even consider making the leap. Now when I talk to girls I know I'm the best. If they don't think so, whatever it's their loss and I'll find somebody else. When one door shuts, another one opens.

 

[K2000kidd]

Probably not the greatest advice but are you only approaching super-hotties or 7-8s? You seem to have your sights set on chick 1, 2 or 3 maybe there are scores of chicks who wanna bang YOU but you wouldn't give them second look. This is how it all started with me.

I don't believe in dating levels but if only chubbies are chasing you for now then this is where you will begin. When you get yr dk wet WOMEN KNOW IT. They look at you different and talk differently ABOUT you. Then they'll get more receptive.

Like the guy that got me started as a roofer "The first thing that goes into a house is the basement" made sense but what I'm getting at with women is just bang a few uggs to get yr foot in the door and work on your skills. No shame in that.

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

Probably not the greatest advice but are you only approaching super-hotties or 7-8s? You seem to have your sights set on chick 1, 2 or 3 maybe there are scores of chicks who wanna bang YOU but you wouldn't give them second look. This is how it all started with me.

I don't believe in dating levels but if only chubbies are chasing you for now then this is where you will begin. When you get yr dk wet WOMEN KNOW IT. They look at you different and talk differently ABOUT you. Then they'll get more receptive.

Like the guy that got me started as a roofer "The first thing that goes into a house is the basement" made sense but what I'm getting at with women is just bang a few uggs to get yr foot in the door and work on your skills. No shame in that.

No bro I don't even look at the 8-10s because I know I won't get ****, let alone approaching them and making a fool out of myself.

I honestly don't approach anyone as I'm scared I will get a harsh rejection that will confirm what's in my head (that I suck). I see some nice girls that I like at bookstores but I'm scared she will speak loud when rejecting me or making a scene where everyone will hear.

A few questions for you guys, based on your experience please, not what you "think".
1. Do you get harsh rejections?
2. Did you really suck at it at first and then improved after doing it over and over?

I'm actually at a point where i get upset/sad when I see an OK girl even from 40 meters away, because I know I can never get her.
I'm also at a point where I think if a girl has one good desirable feature about her she wouldn't go for me.
As silly as it sounds, I wish someone would grab me by the hand and pull me out of this miserable situation ((

 

[troy_003]

it's normal to get rejected once in awhile yet don't pursue those girls who don't actually shows any interests in you though it's like hitting a hammer on your head,find and meet girls who actually makes you comfortable to talk to and spice up your life by being a bit adventurous on things because if you have a happy disposition in life it really shows though and a lot of girls out there finds a guy attractive if he knows how to carry himself that well,happy person and adventurous, then if the ones that you dated ended up not liking you then proceed dating other girls......life goes on dude!