Got rejected by every single girl I've approached

[OMGWTFLMAO]

Ironically, I don't look like a slob, lol. I am fairly tall, very muscular. I shower once if not twice daily. I am a clean freak and hygiene would be my strength rather than weakness. I used to have bad posture but now I have excellent posture. I am very consistent with gym trainings. A lot of you guys imagine I'm the dorky type of virgin who stays home and plays world of warcraft all day. I'm quite the opposite. My point is, my looks aren't the problem, but rather the vibes I seem to give off.

If you are positive that it's not hygiene or appearance then it is probably one of the following:

1. You're being "asexual" and are giving off a "gay" or "unavailable" vibe.
2. You are boring due to lack of conversation skills or shyness.
3. You are too negative and bring people down.
4. You are doing or saying something that comes across as being offensive or making people uncomfortable in some way.

Deep down you probably already know what the problem is but would rather not admit it to yourself. The only way you can improve the situation is to recognize and accept it. Until you do that you won't be able to change it.

 

[kingsam]

you're not as good looking as all of the liars who try to make you feel better tell you.

You are only as good looking as the girls that you fvck tell you.........stop being delusional!

I'll use myself as an example.....if 10 girls told me that I am handsome, but none of them ended up kissing me, id assume that it's all bullshyt and that I am not as handsome as I am told.

At the same time, if I fvcked 10 girls and each one told me at some point "you are so handsome" or "you are soooo hot", I would believe them, and would believe that I am indeed pretty damn good looking.

See the difference?

very good pint RM !
the best compliment i think i ever got was a hottie telling me i had such a sexy back and bum ... this was just i stood up all dizzy having just coverd her in the biggest jizz of my life...good times!
(she only banged me for my body ... )

 

[Desire]

I've had rejection issues my whole life. I'm 45 now and have finally got rid of the problem. I found out that my rejection issue was from childhood, I was 5 years old when my brother was born. After that I felt alone in the world, and felt that I lost all the attention I got before he was born

I realised now when I am older, that I have replayed this script all the time later in life. Stupid huh? Of course, but many things in life we do unconsciousnessly. And we replay the **** that happened in childhood.

One more bad script I had to deal with was that everyone told me that I was ugly till I was about 18 years old. I implemented that in to my believe system as well and that too has caused me a lot of frustration. (I now see pictures of me when I was around 20 and I looked like a good looking movie star, but even that did not helped me from knowing that I was ugly.)

I must also point out that I have slept with aprox. 80 women, but that's because I look good and have a sexy appeal to women. Still the abandon issue has bothered me all my life and have caused a lot of frustration. It got worse after a mid life crisis, and I finally got rid of it after I dealt with it, using NLP and EFT. NLP and EFT helped med sort out and get rid of my bad belief systems.

I've been aware of this for about 6 month now and learning new stuff about my self every day

Hope you find an answer to your problems.

I learned EFT by Magnus at http://www.tapping.com

You can read about abandonment issues here:

http://www.abandonment.net/faq.html

The abandonment issue is also related to damage of self esteem.

Good luck

 

[Kal0051]

IGetIt - I love ya man, and the advice you give, but we are COMPLETELY OVER-ANALYZING HERE!!!!

The issues with this guy, and most men in his position, all boils down to looking like a slob and somewhat nerdy........until the LOOK and PRESENTATION drastically change, along with gaining some nice lean muscle, no advice will work for this guy and all guys in his situation

Girls, especially hot girls, simply don't want to associate with certain types of guys.........and on top of that list, is the "creepy not so good looking try-hard virgin who clearly has no idea how to fvck a girl the right way" kind of guy.

No offense but your full of sh1t. Just because a guy's a virgin doesn't mean he's a slob or a nerd. I'm sure as hell not a slob but I still get no action. I'm attractive, relatively tall, reasonably fit (not at my ideal body size yet, working on it). But still nothing.

 

[Igetit!]

IGetIt - I love ya man, and the advice you give, but we are COMPLETELY OVER-ANALYZING HERE!!!!

The issues with this guy, and most men in his position, all boils down to looking like a slob and somewhat nerdy........until the LOOK and PRESENTATION drastically change, along with gaining some nice lean muscle, no advice will work for this guy and all guys in his situation

Well the reason I focused more on the internal is because of what the OP said in his original post. In his very first sentence,he said that he was considered good looking by many people,and he repeated the same thing in post #7.


He also said that he was well-built.


I've never seen what he looks like,and I have no reason doubt what he said,so I just took him at his word,and assumed that if he looks the way he says he does,then the problem must be internal.



Then all the stuff he said about having intimacy issues,how he should be more of a jerk,and how he has low self-esteem only confirmed (to me) that he has some thinking that needs to be straightened out.



To be honest though Rescue Mission,I'd prefer that you be right here.



You say that he looks nerdy and looks like a slob....I wish he did.

I wish that were true.


It'd be a HECK OF A LOT EASIER for him to get a change of wardrobe,shave,throw on some cologne,and get a hair cut than to do all the things I suggested,lol.



Changing your mind takes time.

Changing your outward appearance can be done in a single day.




I look at it like this though....this isn't some life or death situation going on.



It's not like he made a thread asking for help on how to defuse a bomb,with me saying to cut the red wire,and you saying to cut the blue one.


If I'm mistaken in what I've said,there won't be any kind of explosion,lol.


There's ALWAYS another girl.


He can try out your suggestion,or always go back to whatever he was doing before he joined up here.



The thing is this though....



He called HIMSELF insecure. So if that's true and instead of working on his thinking all he does is change his appearance,then instead of being a nerdy slob who repells women,he'll be a handsome,well dressed,clean-shavin' insecure guy who repells women.



Insecurity coming from the inside can drive women away just like being a dirty slob can on the outside.

 

[someguy24]

What I find most difficult is that my entire life I have been rejected. At 22 and virgin, I can't help but be tempted to give up. Like I've said, the problem is more internal. I perceive myself as the most unattractive guy on Earth. I wish to believe otherwise, but all my interactions with women reinforce this belief. I was also emotionally abused by my mother my entire childhood. She constantly called me ugly, worthless, weak, etc every day. Before I started weightlifting, I was constantly bullied. Now I am well built and might even compete professionally in bodybuilding. As soon as I interact with women, I already know nothing good will come out of it. I know women are sexual beings and love men, just not me.

 

[HariPoter13]

Are you afraid of touching girls? Do you touch them?

This means I gotta stop being ashamed of having sexual desires and stop being afraid of showing them

That. Its all about being touchy with girls. KINO KINO KINO! Read on kino, force yourself to do it; it will be weird but with practice will become automatic and natural.

This is probably the thing you were missing all along. Kino & playfulness (this will come automatically with kino)

 

[JdelaSilviera]

What I find most difficult is that my entire life I have been rejected. At 22 and virgin, I can't help but be tempted to give up. Like I've said, the problem is more internal. I perceive myself as the most unattractive guy on Earth. I wish to believe otherwise, but all my interactions with women reinforce this belief. I was also emotionally abused by my mother my entire childhood. She constantly called me ugly, worthless, weak, etc every day. Before I started weightlifting, I was constantly bullied. Now I am well built and might even compete professionally in bodybuilding. As soon as I interact with women, I already know nothing good will come out of it. I know women are sexual beings and love men, just not me.

First what about being a virgin? Being a virgin makes you a less quality guy? Most guys who lost their virginity, did it for fat girls, just to drop the title of virgins.... It´s good to stand out from the crowd, and mystery lost his at 21

EVEN if you were ugly, you could get the best girls.. I have seen it over and over...Most of the times i admit, good looking girls go for good looking guys. But ugly guys can get the best girls!!

Now I must tell you for you to be aware of what you are doing with bodybuilding. Being over muscular is as bad as being super fat, or skinny for many women. You have to get that ripped body like brad pitt...
This is not contradictory to what i´ve said before, looks aren´t that important, but if you want to use them as weapon, you can´t be too muscular.

For me since read double your dating I kisse closed the 2 HB8´s that I wanted. I tried the material with 2 girls and got both. I´m not interested in "massive fvcking" just to get the quality women for my life.
I think ****y funny well done, is like big boobs and firm ass for guys. Girls won´t help feeling attraction.. Now you have to understand the concept and be smart infield,

 

[someguy24]

I am not overly muscular. I am what u might call a mesomorph. I am not too big nor too small. I understand what u guys mean by overly muscular. I am not one of those, thank goodness. Being a virgin always puts me at a disadvantage. Most girls nowadays despise male virgins. I've overheard countless convos of women criticizing male virgins.

 

[DjVita]

I perceive myself as the most unattractive guy on Earth.

theres the silver lining i was looking for...:trouble:

this is the #1 problem with men today regarding women and dating...


its not about looks, everybody here says theyre handsome:rockon: ....
but,
"im insecure"
"i cant get any"
"how, why, WHY!!!!?"

its just like Igetit! (yeah the name sure tell us something right?) has been repeating over and over again...
its internal....the problem isnt girls or looks, its the way you perceive yourself and how you present that to others.

im going to take an extreme example...how do you know if a guy is gay??? im mean, if youre on the net, go on youtube and put "gay referee" and look at that pusy.

how do you know that hes gay? its the way he carries himself, look at the ballet movements, his body language, his emotions hes displaying to us, it all show us the truth, that it places him as a homosexual man

so when you approach a girl, with the mantality because of the same reasons of the gay man, she will know that you are a sexual dud, and will not be attracted to you...


now lets compare, because i know still some of you will remain clueless...

in a school campus,there is a girl who is veery phisically attractive. she has healthy skin, beautiful eyes, and an enviable body, one that weak men gape and drool, and inferior women feel envious of...


there she is! within our vicinity! she is coming our way....

me at 15: inside my head: oh my!!! a beau!! what do i do? i want to talk to her, but-icant! im so insecure! look what happened before, i was rejected soooo bad! shell never go for a guy like me, a man with great looks, even though that sound contradictory, but oh well here goes nothin...

my body language: i look like a person who is disoriented, even beside himself (i am!), he just has a vibe of being very nervous and anxious
"p-p-p-hi!"
the girl just looks at me and walks away, with this look on her face, ugh! get away from me! boys...

AHHH I FELL SOOO CRUSHED! ILL NEVER APPROACH AGAIN. off to my bed to jerk myself off to sleep...thinking that ill never egt a woman, and getting one will make me happy....

me now: my mind yesterday , when i did my last approach...today is work day and did not go to school

there i am, waiting for the exam to start, and im just looking at people pass by..then i see a girl going by herself down the stairs...
mind: damn! shes hot! I WANT HER! i feel a smile coming, and then i get this feeling of wanting to meet her...lets go meet her! YEAH! no hesitation, no complaining, no doubting myself, just me and that girl
and there i go, with a smile on my face, head up proud, shoulders back and not a care in the world, and there she is! i look at her directly in the eyes, no fidgeting, and then open up , in a resonant, clear but warm voice: "hey! where to so hurriedly? classes are almost over!" " oh, im just headed home... yeahh! finally they are over!" and i just ask where she lives, and we go from there, at the parking lot, i get the ## ill call her tuesday....


so do you see the difference? in the old me, i feel so lucky and nervous, and in the me of today, i am so fulfilled, that i know that not only do i deserve a quality woman, and that approaching, talinkng getting the #, dating and fvcking a woman is not only obtainable but SOO EASY, that i could care less, all i need to do is feel attracted to her, i know she is mine the moment i get her, and guess what! it comes true! this happens here at work, i do some sh!t that even may be AFc but i still get some!
like
at lunchtime, there is a gril eating alone on that table so i come and just say "can i sit with you?"
i have never have gotten a no, why? bcs i dont expect it. all is see is a lonely, bored girl desirious to meet somebody, or talk, ANYTHING! so i satisfy her need and mine..and get to know each otehr and i get the ## in the end if shes cool....

its not that complicated people, but you must initiate your change, to be TRUE TO YOURSELF!!

 

[synergy1]

on the topic of this thread, I got shot down by every chick I approached.

It happens bru

 

[OMGWTFLMAO]

What I find most difficult is that my entire life I have been rejected. At 22 and virgin, I can't help but be tempted to give up. Like I've said, the problem is more internal. I perceive myself as the most unattractive guy on Earth. I wish to believe otherwise, but all my interactions with women reinforce this belief. I was also emotionally abused by my mother my entire childhood. She constantly called me ugly, worthless, weak, etc every day. Before I started weightlifting, I was constantly bullied. Now I am well built and might even compete professionally in bodybuilding. As soon as I interact with women, I already know nothing good will come out of it. I know women are sexual beings and love men, just not me.

This bit of information is the key to solving your problems. There is a type of therapy called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that can help you overcome this stuff. I found a site with a lot of self help materials. Start off by reading about how CBT can help you.

http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/

You are having what is known as thought distortions. How you think has a direct impact on how you feel and how you behave. What you need to do is use the self help tools to learn how to work through the thought distortions, learn how to relax, use positive self-talk and turn things around. There are A LOT of people who have thought distortions, and MANY on here seem to have them based on the reading I have done. I hope you will check out the link I provided because I really think it will do wonders for you. You should also keep a thought diary and use the CBT tools to process events, thoughts, feelings and your physical responses.

 

[someguy24]

I have been in therapy for about 3 years. 1.5 years of that was CBT. It didn't change a thing for me. The beliefs are so deep that no matter how hard I try, i cant seem to change em. They were instilled in me since a VERY young age by an abusive, jealous, controlling, smothering, overprotective, sadistic, paranoid mother.

 

[InternalCombustion]

women can SMELL or detect low self esteem and low confidence a mile off !

bingo!

 

[OMGWTFLMAO]

I have been in therapy for about 3 years. 1.5 years of that was CBT. It didn't change a thing for me. The beliefs are so deep that no matter how hard I try, i cant seem to change em. They were instilled in me since a VERY young age by an abusive, jealous, controlling, smothering, overprotective, sadistic, paranoid mother.

That's probably because you are holding onto childhood anger and pain. You've got to release that because it seems to be eating away at your soul. It sounds like the key is to forgive your mother. You don't have to tell her that you forgive her and you don't have to see her, talk to her, etc. Forgiveness is for YOU. When someone hurts you they just go along their merry little way and live their life without giving a single thought to the hurt they caused you. It's not hurting them one bit that you are holding onto the pain. The only person it's hurting is you. Why are you punishing yourself for the hurt others have caused you? That doesn't make much sense, now does it?

It sounds like your mother may have some psychological issues going on, too. Perhaps she behaved the way she did towards you because that's all she knew. Maybe she went through the same things and grew up believing that was normal. If you honestly examine the things that may have caused your mother to hurt you as she so clearly did it may help you to forgive so that you can move on and get past these issues that are holding you back. You deserve to be happy and your best chance of having that happiness is to heal the past.

As for therapy...have you ever tried an Anger Management support group that is based in CBT? Sometimes such groups work better than individual therapy.

 

[Acq]

Some things which you say about you may signal a personality disorder.

Tell me, honestly, how do you react to praise OR critisism ?

 

[OMGWTFLMAO]

I'm not seeing any indication of a personality disorder. Depression, perhaps some anxiety...a lot of repressed anger and maybe a little OCD depending on how much of a "clean freak" he is. All of those things are very, very common and can be successfully managed quite easily once he finds the right tools and methods that work for him. Some of my clients are doing a phenomenal job managing severe problems simply because they found coping skills and self-interventions that work well for them. I am confident that he can turn things around. He only needs to really want it and be willing to be committed and do the work. Then the world will be at his fingertips. It's all up to him.

 

[someguy24]

you nailed it right there buddy. I have severe OCD. I also have GAD(generalized anxiety disorder) and perfectionistic personality disorder as well as avoidant personality disorder. The OCD is already dealt with. I've managed to solve that with CBT and meds. The GAD is partially dealt with as I'm very social now. The only thing I'm still shy with is dating. The perfectionistic personality disorder is still a bit there. The avoidant personality disorder is self explanatory. The only big problem I still have is unresolved mother issues, extreme fear of intimacy and rejection, and no luck with women.

 

[someguy24]

As for Acq's question, I welcome constructive criticism. Praise, i feel uncomfortable accepting it.

 

[OMGWTFLMAO]

Are those all clinically diagnosed? In my experience, there is some reservation about diagnosing personality disorders because once they are diagnosed the patient tends to get pigeon-holed. For example...people with OCD often do have a thing for perfectionism. People with anxiety tend to avoid things that cause them anxiety.

The fear of intimacy and rejection almost certainly stem from the unresolved mother issues. If I'm being honest with you I have to say that until you find a way to let go of the past and process the baggage you are carrying around from your childhood in respect to your mother things probably won't improve much. That's something you should ask to focus on in therapy.