Got rejected by every single girl I've approached

[someguy24]

I'm 22, virgin. I am well built, considered good looking by many, funny, entertaining, smart, nice and able to talk about any subject. However, every girl I approach rejects me. I am very shy when it comes to dating, but am not shy in other social situations. Here is what happens:

-When I ask a girl out, they say no.
-If the girl says yes, we go out for a date (happens like once a year). After the first date, she dumps me.
-She says lets just be friends.

Here is what people have told me:
-I have intimacy issues(mother issues) and engage in self sabotage.
-I go only for girls who aren't interested or with whom it won't work.
-I should be more of a jerk.
-I have extremely low self esteem(which is true, i don't believe any attractive girl would be the least interested in me)

Any input or constructive criticism is welcomed.

 

[DonJuanit0]

http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/


There should really be a sticky post saying to new members to read the DJ bible before posting...

How can we guide you to make yourself better? Cause this is your problem, we can only give you tips on what to do and what is right...
Well, everything you need is here!

http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/

 

[Schwank]

I am well built, considered good looking by many, funny, entertaining, smart, nice and able to talk about any subject.

But then you say...

I have extremely low self esteem(which is true, i don't believe any attractive girl would be the least interested in me)

These two statements are conflicting.

If everything in the former statement is true, then I do NOT see how you could be a 22-year-old virgin. So maybe people were just serving you platitudes.

Whatever the case, you've listed some things others have pointed out, so it seems like you know what's wrong; that is, don't be such a pvssy, since you have a d*ck, and quit going after girls who show no signs of interest.

 

[Dee-Zy]

How many girls do you approach a month? How many girls do you ask out on a date per weeks?

If you say less than 1 a month, the problem is you are not doing it often enough.

If you take the 10% rule, you are about right when you get one date a year if you only asked 10 girls out a year.

This is not an absolute truth but going with the 10% rule again, it will take you 10 years for it to work since you only go out on a date a year

Just keep trying.

 

[kingsam]

women can SMELL or detect low self esteem and low confidence a mile off !

 

[GettinLuckyAintLuck]

^it's like a sixth sense they have. That's why the whole "fake it till you make it" attitude usually doesn't amount to success..confidence is not something you learn by reading a book, it's something you learn by living long enough.

 

[someguy24]

the problem is, with each rejection my self esteem goes even lower. my depression gets worse after rejection as well. its kinda the opposite of what others say, that the more u get rejected the less scared u will be. but in my case, the fear just gets worse. women consider me good looking, but never boyfriend material.

 

[Kirro]

the problem is, with each rejection my self esteem goes even lower. my depression gets worse after rejection as well. its kinda the opposite of what others say, that the more u get rejected the less scared u will be. but in my case, the fear just gets worse. women consider me good looking, but never boyfriend material.

This is why you get rejected. Women aren't that important, they shouldn't have such an effect on you. I know some pretty dudes who have less personality than a slab of beef yet they score ALOT wanna know why?

THEY DON'T CARE! They don't think, they act & if they fail, the go again with someone different. They even screw some girls below their level to build up steam for the HBs.

If you are nearly as good looking as you claim to be then all you have to do is weed out the crap in your head & you're golden. Get your mind right, develop some skills & try again.

 

[kingsam]

the problem is, with each rejection my self esteem goes even lower. my depression gets worse after rejection as well. its kinda the opposite of what others say, that the more u get rejected the less scared u will be. but in my case, the fear just gets worse. women consider me good looking, but never boyfriend material.

FVCK i had a really good line to say but forgot...anyhow (in a less eloquent description)

most guys see sucess as getting the number , and anything else is FAILURE!!!

change the "point of success" - make appraoching girls the sucess, and not approaching them the failure

dont worry about number at first - get comfortable just appraching and talking, C+F etc... this will reduce the self-pressure and you will be more calmer and smoother

and use the 3 seconds rule, dont think about aproaching (coz u will think of reason NOT to aprroach), just count 1, 2, 3 GO!
at first you will sh.it a brick, but after some practice you will get better!

THEN if you start noticing IOI's then ask for number...?

 

[Maxtro]

This is why you get rejected. Women aren't that important, they shouldn't have such an effect on you. I know some pretty dudes who have less personality than a slab of beef yet they score ALOT wanna know why?

THEY DON'T CARE! They don't think, they act & if they fail, the go again with someone different. They even screw some girls below their level to build up steam for the HBs.

If you are nearly as good looking as you claim to be then all you have to do is weed out the crap in your head & you're golden. Get your mind right, develop some skills & try again.

You talk like not caring is so easy. Not every guy has mastered the not thinking, not caring part.

Who do think has more strength to keep trying over and over:

The guy who gets rejected 10 times in a row or the guy who gets a yes on every 4th try?

Eventually there comes a point when all a guy expects is to get rejected so he just gives up.

Case in point; there are 3 girls that I'm currently somewhat interested in. I would put my odds at getting rejected by them at 90%. Obviously this means that I'm not very motivated to try. This is coming after the incident where I thought I had a 65% chance to get the girl and I was rejected by her.

So repeated failures with no success eventually makes a man weaker.

 

[Kirro]

You talk like not caring is so easy. Not every guy has mastered the not thinking, not caring part.

Who do think has more strength to keep trying over and over:

The guy who gets rejected 10 times in a row or the guy who gets a yes on every 4th try?

Eventually there comes a point when all a guy expects is to get rejected so he just gives up.

Case in point; there are 3 girls that I'm currently somewhat interested in. I would put my odds at getting rejected by them at 90%. Obviously this means that I'm not very motivated to try. This is coming after the incident where I thought I had a 65% chance to get the girl and I was rejected by her.

So repeated failures with no success eventually makes a man weaker.

So getting a girl is success? Why the hell does it matter so much? You have seen it in the DJ bible, you've seen it from countless experienced posters yet you continue with the same bullsh!t mindset.

The paradox of sexual success is that the more you crave it, the least likely you are to get what you want. This is why you shift your focus to other things. How many times must this be repeated before guys like you get it?

 

[Igetit!]

the problem is, with each rejection my self esteem goes even lower.

So each time you get rejected,your self-esteem gets lower.

That's part of the problem right there. First of all....


What are you doing trying to get SELF- esteem from other people?



SELF-steem should come from YOURSELF.



YOU determine how you feel about YOU. You're putting how you feel about yourself and your sense of self-worth in the hands of complete strangers.



So tell me,how does this work?

If you ask a girl out and she says yes,then you feel good about yourself.
If you ask her out and she says no,then you feel bad about yourself.
Is that it?




So if you ask a girl out and she says yes,then you're like,"YES!!! I'm the man! I'm on top of the world!!!


But if you ask her out and she says no,then you're like,"I'm so stupid. What was I thinking asking out a girl like that? Of course she wouldn't go out with someone like me" or "I'm ugly" or whatever else you can come up with you put yourself down.



You need to decide for YOURSELF that you're a good person.



You're not a "cool" guy because some chick said yes,and you're not ugly,stupid,or bad because a girl says no. You're just YOU.



I'm ME...period.


I'm not a better person because some girl who I've never met before says yes when I ask her out,and I'm not a bad person if she says no.



A girl saying yes has NO BEARING on who I am.



Her saying yes just means she's interested in me. It doesn't make me a better person.


Her saying no just means she's not interested period. It doesn't mean I'm "bad" or whatever.



You need to stop letting how you feel about yourself be determined by whether some girl says yes to you when asking her out.



We can help you start to get better with girls,but not as long as you keep this attitude you have now.


STOP WAITING for some girl to agree to a date with you before you decide that you're somebody.



Decide that you're somebody NOW. Quit waiting for some stranger to come up to you and give your life meaning.



The woman problems can be fixed,but unless you get YOURSELF out of the way FIRST,nothing we say will be of any help.

 

[JdelaSilviera]

So each time you get rejected,your self-esteem gets lower.

That's part of the problem right there. First of all....


What are you doing trying to get SELF- esteem from other people?



SELF-steem should come from YOURSELF.



YOU determine how you feel about YOU. You're putting how you feel about yourself and your sense of self-worth in the hands of complete strangers.



So tell me,how does this work?

If you ask a girl out and she says yes,then you feel good about yourself.
If you ask her out and she says no,then you feel bad about yourself.
Is that it?




So if you ask a girl out and she says yes,then you're like,"YES!!! I'm the man! I'm on top of the world!!!


But if you ask her out and she says no,then you're like,"I'm so stupid. What was I thinking asking out a girl like that? Of course she wouldn't go out with someone like me" or "I'm ugly" or whatever else you can come up with you put yourself down.



You need to decide for YOURSELF that you're a good person.



You're not a "cool" guy because some chick said yes,and you're not ugly,stupid,or bad because a girl says no. You're just YOU.



I'm ME...period.


I'm not a better person because some girl who I've never met before says yes when I ask her out,and I'm not a bad person if she says no.



A girl saying yes has NO BEARING on who I am.



Her saying yes just means she's interested in me. It doesn't make me a better person.


Her saying no just means she's not interested period. It doesn't mean I'm "bad" or whatever.



You need to stop letting how you feel about yourself be determined by whether some girl says yes to you when asking her out.



We can help you start to get better with girls,but not as long as you keep this attitude you have now.


STOP WAITING for some girl to agree to a date with you before you decide that you're somebody.



Decided that you're somebody NOW. Quit waiting for some stranger to come up to you and give your life meaning.



The woman problems can be fixed,but unless you get YOURSELF out of the way FIRST,nothing we say will be of any help.

Fvcking deep, best pua´s are just highly intelligent men... I bet you are great

 

[Maxtro]

So getting a girl is success? Why the hell does it matter so much?

Yes, for me, getting a girl; dating her, having sex, is a success. The desire to have sex with women and to have intimacy with them, is a natural masculine drive. It's the reason why this forum, and the entire PU community even exists.

I realize that the error is making it the number one goal, the only thing that matters.

My big problem is that I've only gotten a taste of what having a girl is really like. Have you ever been hungry and then had one chip or something small, then suddenly realize you were much more hungry then you thought you were? That's how I am with women. I feel like I'm completely starving, while sitting at a restaurant and every now and then somebody brings me a small serving of chips and it's impossible to become full with just those chips.

The paradox of sexual success is that the more you crave it, the least likely you are to get what you want. This is why you shift your focus to other things. How many times must this be repeated before guys like you get it?

I realize I'm currently living in catch-22 land. The more I want sex, the least likely I am to get it. I can't get a girl because I don't have any confidence or self-esteem and I can't get confidence or self-esteem until I get a girl.

All I can do is keep trying and hopefully the loop will break. It doesn't seem like it will be much longer.

SELF-esteem should come from YOURSELF.

YOU determine how you feel about YOU.

I know that Igetit's questions were not directed at me, but I found them to be thought provoking and I wanted to answer for myself.


Logically, that is how it should be. One should not let the approval or disapproval of others to determine their self-worth.

So tell me,how does this work?

If you ask a girl out and she says yes,then you feel good about yourself.
If you ask her out and she says no,then you feel bad about yourself.
Is that it?

So if you ask a girl out and she says yes,then you're like,"YES!!! I'm the man! I'm on top of the world!!!

But if you ask her out and she says no,then you're like,"I'm so stupid. What was I thinking asking out a girl like that? Of course she wouldn't go out with someone like me" or "I'm ugly" or whatever else you can come up with you put yourself down.

That's exactly how it works. It can also be having a date go well and think the girls likes you, makes you feel great. While having a date go poorly and thinking the girl doesn't like you, makes you feel terrible.

It basically boils down to giving a girl control of your emotions and how you feel about yourself. I know that it is a terrible thing to do. But after having placed so much value on women, especially ones that I am interested in, it's hard to not do it.

You're not a "cool" guy because some chick said yes,and you're not ugly,stupid,or bad because a girl says no. You're just YOU.

Once again, that's how it should be.

I regularly have this conversation with my therapist. He keeps trying to beat it into me, that, I'm not a failure if I can't get a girl. It's a cognitive distortion called Labeling.

Deep-down, I believe that there is something wrong with me because I can't attract any girls. Then it becomes another catch-22 because that feeling may be what is keeping girls from liking me in the first place. Or it's keeping me from taking the necessary risks to get a girl.

I know that if I land a girl, I'll feel like the king of the world. If she dumps me, which is likely I'll know that it will really hurt, but I'd at least have the sense of accomplishment of completing a very important goal. That right there will be a huge boost to my confidence. Or I might get really lucky and when while I'm still with that girl and enjoying the high, I'll find a new girl and get with her. Then the ball keeps rolling. Eventually there might be a point where sex isn't a big deal anymore and I can focus on other more important aspects of life.

 

[Igetit!]

I know that Igetit's questions were not directed at me, but I found them to be thought provoking and I wanted to answer for myself.

Well actually Max,the reply I posted to the OP can be applied to you as well.


The reason I directed it at him instead of to you is because....well for one,this is his thread,lol,and two....well...to be honest,I don't know what else to say to you man.



I know you're SICK of people saying this,but....you've been a member here since 2004.

The OP has been a member here for 24 hours.




You've been here 6 years
The OP has been here for a day...


and both of you are in EXACTLY THE SAME POSITION.



We don't know Someguy24. Maybe he's willing to try something other than what he's been doing. Maybe we can tell him something about women that he doesn't know that'll help him out.


But what else can we say to you? To be confident? To change your attitude?
To work on yourself first,then the girls will come?



It's not that no one wants to help you out,but I just don't think anyone knows what else to say other than what's already been said before..



What I said to the Op could help you out,but you've already read over it and dismissed it,which is the same thing you did with Kirro's advice.


Ok....so now what?


If nothing anyone has said has helped you for the past 6 years,then either all the advice you've been given was bad,or there's some error on your part.

And given what you've said about you and your therapist,my bet would be it's you.



Hopefully your therapist can help you get over whatever this mental block is.


You can still come back here and read all the info you've already been given and apply it after the block is gone,I mean it still applies,but like I said to the OP....you'll need to get YOURSELF out of the way FIRST for it to do any good.

 

[Kal0051]

That's exactly how it works. It can also be having a date go well and think the girls likes you, makes you feel great. While having a date go poorly and thinking the girl doesn't like you, makes you feel terrible.

err, there's something wrong with this statement. Why would you feel terrible for having a bad date? It's just a bad date, happens to everyone. Sure, you may be disappointed, but you'd feel terrible? Personally I'd just chock it up to bad luck and move on to the next date.

 

[Maxtro]

Heh, I guess it's time I stop posting about matters like this till I have a major change.

My apologies someguy24 for hijacking your thread.

 

[someguy24]

well, heres the thing. All those technical and mechanical advice given by most self proclaimed pick up artists etc never work for me. They only backfire. ****y and funny always backfires for me. Ive been rejected by about 20 girls in the last 3 months. I've tried pursuing women, not caring about the outcome, only to end up as a friend. I've tried all sorts of different approaches, yet none seem to work. Every year it only gets harder as I am only getting older. This is why I am lost and confused, because regardless of what type of approach I use, I only get rejected.

 

[Kal0051]

only 20 rejections in 3 months? That's not that much, I get rejected by that many girls in a single month. Maybe part of your problem is your not exposing yourself to enough women.

 

[Igetit!]

well, heres the thing. All those technical and mechanical advice given by most self proclaimed pick up artists etc never work for me. They only backfire.

This can all be fixed.....IF you're willing to try something new.

****y and funny always backfires for me.

This can all be fixed....IF you're willing to try something new.

Ive been rejected by about 20 girls in the last 3 months.

This can be changed....IF you're willing to try something new.

I've tried pursuing women, not caring about the outcome, only to end up as a friend.

Dude,I was the KING of let's just be friendsville.

I was the Mayor
The Ceo
The Head
The President


I was the BIG MAN ON CAMPUS at Friendzone State University.


I was friendzoned so much that it actually got to the point where when I'd interact with a girl,I could "sense" it starting to happen even before it came to pass,but I couldn't stop it because I didn't know what it was I was doing that was causing it.



But now I know.


The friendzone is EASY to avoid. In fact,it's so easy to bypass that when I learned what it was I was doing that caused it,I felt down-right STUPID.


And yes.it's not YOU,it's something you're doing that's causing this,so again....this can be fixed...IF you're willing to try something new.

I've tried all sorts of different approaches, yet none seem to work. Every year it only gets harder as I am only getting older. This is why I am lost and confused, because regardless of what type of approach I use, I only get rejected.

Are you willing to get rid of some old thinking concerning girls and most importantly YOURSELF? Because if not,then you CAN'T BE HELPED.


If you are,then first of all,we'll have to help you view YOURSELF differently which well take a little work,but it's doable.



And secondly,you'll need to be rewired concerning how you think about women.


For example,women are emotional. You know that right? Ok,what do you think I mean by that,that they cry easily?


That's not what I mean.


Like I said,you can be helped,but you'll have to HELP US to help you by being willing to change some things and embrace some new ideas.