Going out with girl tomorrow

[becker]

Ok, so I'm going out with this girl in my office tomorrow for lunch, the one that I've been pursuing. She's literally a 10 if I've ever seen one, and the only girl I've ever said that about.

I'm planning on doing a lot of other things with this girl after tomorrow. I'm a guy who usually pays for everything if I'm out with a girl, and I do it pretty instinctively and nonchalantly, so I don't think it comes off the wrong way. However, I also don't want to create too much expectation that I'm going to just be Mr. Moneybags either. Like I said, this situation is a little different because this girl is hotter than any girl I've seen before, so I need to put a little more thought into this one.

 

[Ice Cold]

You're afraid of losing her if you don't pay.

The only way to get her is to let her pay for herself.

Good luck

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Ice Cold
You're afraid of losing her if you don't pay.

The only way to get her is to let her pay for herself.

Good luck

Actually I'm not afraid of losing her if I don't pay, but I feel it's more about etiquette. I grew up around a dad who always picked up the bill for other people when it was more of a social obligation. For example, if someone treated you to dinner, then next time you guys go out again, you pick up the tab as sort of a courtesy. That's more of what I'm talking about.

I'm not a big believer that you can lose a girl just because you pay or let her pay. It's more about why you pay. I don't pay as a way of getting a girl to like me because I know that is definitely the wrong way to think.

 

[NewMan]

I'm planning on doing a lot of other things with this girl after tomorrow. I'm a guy who usually pays for everything if I'm out with a girl, and I do it pretty instinctively and nonchalantly, so I don't think it comes off the wrong way. However, I also don't want to create too much expectation that I'm going to just be Mr. Moneybags either. Like I said, this situation is a little different because this girl is hotter than any girl I've seen before, so I need to put a little more thought into this one.

If I ask a girl out for lunch, dinner, whatever, then I am prepared to pay the bill.

I understand you completely.

What I will add though is this...

Just because she is a 10, don't put more effort into getting to know her. Remember, it's her who must impress you, not you her.

Also, don't raise expectations. A good way to do this, is to take hr to a place that's inexpensive - nothing fancy on a first lunnch date. Because if you take her to a fancy place - she will probably expect after that. And as you said - money is not going to get her.

Just think your going out with a regular girl, and you can't go wrong.

If she's that hot, she probably been hit up by lots of guys trying to impress her. If money impresses her, you don't want to be with her anyway. So be cool.

Good luck.

 

[xblitz44x]

Yeah I agree. Pay the bill but don't do it because you think her beauty demands even MORE etiquette. If you're worried she's using you for dinners, take her somewhere *nice* but not ridiculous. And if the date goes well, and you can feel chemistry...the next date tell her you'd like to go get ice cream, or to sit home and make dinner, or watch movies. She should have no objection to that.

 

[becker]

Oh man, this is unbelievable. Ok, so everything was set for us to go out to lunch, and I get C0CKBL0CKED by this older married woman, who is a very close family friend of this girl's family who got this girl the job and is always on her back, basically acting like her mom and making her eat lunch with her and stuff.

Anyways, there were a few counteroffers made by her. First of all, she said that she could go out with me to eat early, and then when she gets back, she'll meet the lady for lunch. I told her that that was fine. However, when I went to pick her up, I see her walking out with this group of people who she works with to pick up lunch. I was like WTF?? She stopped and told me that she was just going with them, and the lady decided to eat earlier, so she had to eat with her right when she got back, when killed the plan to go with me. She then told me to meet her when she got back. I told her that I might meet her there, but I didn't.

Later this afternoon, I went to talk to her to see what was the deal. I essentially played it cool and didn't make a big deal out of it. I told her that if she didn't want to have lunch with me, she could just tell me. I was saying this in a ****y tone, so it did not come off as some pathetic plea for sympathy. She quickly said told me that she really wanted to do it, but this lady was totally controlling her. She told me that the best way is to go and not let her know, and that on Mondays, she never goes out to lunch with the lady. I told her we'll have lunch on Monday then, and she quickly agreed. We'll see what happens on Monday, and if I get dissed again, this girl is history. I'm skeptical of this girl though, but at the same time, she seems interested.

For those of you who think she's making excuses, believe me, she isn't, this lady is like some super strict mother, and is ALWAYS on her back about everything, and I've seen this with my own eyes, so that's why I'm giving her another chance. Any other time, this girl would have been long gone.

 

[Deadpan]

Becker, my man, you said it yourself.

Oh man, this is unbelievable.

And then you end it by saying the girl isn't making excuses. Now regardless of what you say, you like this girl a bit much. A 10? They don't exist.

She might very well like you. She might even want your nuts. But like you said, if it happens again, or anything questionable, you be the one to let her come to you. You don't need an adult woman tied to a middle-aged nag. Once we reach a certain age, we're supposed to act independently.

Good luck.

 

[becker]

Like I said earlier, this girl is absolutely the most gorgeous girl I've seen but with some definite issues. If she was any less physically attractive, I would not have even bothered with her to begin with. She's actually a sweet girl, which makes it all the more difficult. Just really a pretty difficult home life with her parents just getting divorced.

Anyways, we'll have to see Monday. I may talk to her a little today, and maybe take her out this weekend (in which case the lunch on Monday won't matter). If she disses me, then it just wasn't meant to be. It seems like she was interested though, because I was actually in the process of nexting her yesterday by telling her that if she didn't want to go to lunch with me, let me know, life will go on, and she sort of freaked out a little, and said Monday will be a good day.

She also didn't sound like she was playing any stupid mind games with me, and was pretty sincere, so we'll have to see. If she was totally playing me, she did one heck of a job, and my hats off to her.

 

[Ice Cold]

I've had this situation before. A really good looking girl with a chaperone. The chaperone her aunt 10 years older than her.

Get to know the chaperone, make her like you and you'll bang the chick. If the chaperone senses that you're "against" her, you'll lose, cause she has more power over the girl than you do. Yet.

 

[drixsa]

i see no problems with keep her for now.

but you are setting yourself up for problems in the longrun with the only real thing keeping her on your mind is her looks.

is she making any effort towards the relationship

 

[becker]

Ok, guys, just a quick update on what's been happening.

Saw her today, and shot the bull with her for a while, and we both left work together. I had to stop on one of the floors to get my stuff, and she came with me, then I had to lock up this other building, and she also came, when she could have just said goodbye and left. I won't put too much weight on this, but I guess it isn't a terrible sign. I also re-confirmed whether we were on for Monday, and she said yes, so we'll see.

The only problem with this girl is that she seems to have guy friends, and has this one other guy who was working with us but left for another job, who she mentioned may come back to work here like twice a week or something while he works at his other job. This guy was the major obstacle only because he absolutely smothered her every minute he had. I guess this isn't the best play, but I know he was getting to spend a lot of time with her because of it, which can't be a bad thing for him unless he goes totally ape-sh*t AFC on her. He left a note and a flower at her desk the day he left the job. He was definitely interested in her, but I'm not sure how serious she was about him. I'm getting the feeling that this girl is one of those girls who thinks that guy "friends" are pretty abundant. I guess some competition will be happening if he does. I played it cool though, even when he was here, but the only problem with that is that I'd get little face time with her, and I didn't want to go chasing her around either.

Another concern I have is that her jealous BF tried to keep her out of the public like some kind of caged animal, so I'm sure there was a reason for that beyond his jealousy.

Some red flags, I guess, so I'm actually not that sure about this girl. I certainly know she's probably very used to guys draping themselves all over her, so I guess that's what you have to deal with when going after girls this hot. I need some strategy to set myself apart, and so far the only real things that may set me apart is the power of position (i.e. I hold a higher position at work than these other guys do), and I'm pretty unavailable and somewhat disinterested in attitude. I can't help but feel I need just a few other things, because this alone won't get me a girl like this, I know it. I have to raise everything up a notch in this particular case.

I'm wondering if I should call her this weekend and take her out, or whether I should wait until Monday? Any thoughts?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Becker:

Bro your in trouble!!! You are so infatuated with her looks, that its going to be the justifying reason with EVERTHING concerning her!! What happened to the DJ attitude!! She has to prove her worth to you. She has to show you that she's worth spending your precious time with!! Just because she's HOT doesnt' mean jack ****!!!

You said it yourself, she's probably use to guys draping themselves all over her and getting things all the time. You have to learn to observe your target before you create a plan of attack!!! If it were me, I'd be laying down C/F, a little neg hit here and there and when I asked her to lunch and she "sort of cancelled," I'd tell her to make it up to me and call. If she did GREAT, if she doesn't then no one wastes their time. I really think its a error if you pay for lunch because of who your dealing with. And your coming off a little insecure by bringing up Monday's lunch more than once.

She's not stupid bro, she knows you want her, she knows she's hot and of course she's going to seem like a great, nice girl in the beginning. Not saying she couldn't geninuelyl be a great person, just saying to watch your step so you don't get ****ted on.

And how many times have we told you its not a good idea to date people you work with!!! Kills the mystery, and its the quickest way to get sick of each other!!!


Make her come to you, because right now your chasing her and acting like she's too good for you.



PIMP

 

[HuuBinh]

Beck:
I definately agree with Pimp on this one. I have a feeling that Monday's lunch will NOT go through. My best advice to you for this situation and raise her IL at the same time is CANCEL the monday's lunch with her and tell her that she can make it up to you at another time. Good luck bro.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Pimp-sicle
Becker:

Bro your in trouble!!! You are so infatuated with her looks, that its going to be the justifying reason with EVERTHING concerning her!! What happened to the DJ attitude!! She has to prove her worth to you. She has to show you that she's worth spending your precious time with!! Just because she's HOT doesnt' mean jack ****!!!

You said it yourself, she's probably use to guys draping themselves all over her and getting things all the time. You have to learn to observe your target before you create a plan of attack!!! If it were me, I'd be laying down C/F, a little neg hit here and there and when I asked her to lunch and she "sort of cancelled," I'd tell her to make it up to me and call. If she did GREAT, if she doesn't then no one wastes their time. I really think its a error if you pay for lunch because of who your dealing with. And your coming off a little insecure by bringing up Monday's lunch more than once.

She's not stupid bro, she knows you want her, she knows she's hot and of course she's going to seem like a great, nice girl in the beginning. Not saying she couldn't geninuelyl be a great person, just saying to watch your step so you don't get ****ted on.

And how many times have we told you its not a good idea to date people you work with!!! Kills the mystery, and its the quickest way to get sick of each other!!!


Make her come to you, because right now your chasing her and acting like she's too good for you.


PIMP

Pimp, good points. I definitely am making it tougher on myself chasing these totally hot women, because I could probably settle for some HB7s and 8s, but this is something I had to do at least once just to see what happens. So far, I can't say I'm doing too bad.

I'm definitely laying out the C+F, and all that good stuff, and I know it sounds like it's a little insecure asking her about lunch, but I'm doing it sarcastically, not asking for reassurance, but rather more saying it as though if she's not up for it, no hard feelings and I'll just move on, no problem. I am making it clear that if she's shyt testing me or whatever, she should just drop it because I'm not wasting my time with that.

So you don't think I should pay for lunch? Maybe at least this first time I think it would be more socially correct to pay, and I'll just tell her she can pay when we go to a more expensive place, or something along those lines. Personally, I'd like to take her out this weekend, so I'll probably call her up, then we can sort of forget the lunch on Monday.

I definitely don't act like she's too good for me, at least not around her. If anything, I'm in control of the whole situation, since I don't hang around her every second I get, and don't even see her everyday, even though we work together. At most I see her every other day, because all the other times I'm hanging out with other people from the office. Most women in the office love me, and word spreads around like wildfire, even though it's a huge office. There were people who knew who I was by name before I even met them when I first started. She has also seen me around other women in the office.

I know that you guys definitely disapprove of the whole office dating thing, but I'd risk my job just to see where I can go with this girl. She's easily the hottest girl I've seen, very few physical flaws, with a perfect face and body.

I don't know how much she knows I want her though, because I've flirted with her innocently at best, and have been distant enough so that it's not a clear message of interest. The problem also with girls like this is that they have other options, and making her chase doesn't seem like it will work too well in this case.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by HuuBinh
Beck:
I definately agree with Pimp on this one. I have a feeling that Monday's lunch will NOT go through. My best advice to you for this situation and raise her IL at the same time is CANCEL the monday's lunch with her and tell her that she can make it up to you at another time. Good luck bro.

Well, the cure for the Monday lunch not going through is...NEXT! I guess it will confirm any doubts I have in my mind about this girl. I think cancelling won't do that much this early in the game because I think that sort of behavior works better if she has a good reason to miss you. If she hardly knows you that well and you haven't at least spent some quality time with each other, you being out of the picture and playing all these "unavailable" games will be like playing solitaire.

 

[fukkerindaface]

these girls always have options all the time. you might get her once but she'll still bail so long run it's a waste of time.

 

[becker]

Add to that she's young, which makes her even less likely to settle down with a single guy. However, she DID just get out of a 3 year relationship, so she's certainly not totally against the idea of anything long-term.

I've found that to get these really hot women, it's important to get to their feelings early, so that they get attached to you emotionally. When there has been enough emotional investment, it will be difficult for them to have anyone else but you. Also, you sort of have to live with the fact that she will do her share of flirting, and whatever, but at the end, she'll end up with you if you aren't some jealous insecure fool.

 

[jakethasnake]

You are fvcking blind, becker.



That said, you may now proceed with stepping into your own grave.

 

[Jake Steed]

Becker,

I won't go into this too deeply, but I will lay out a couple ideas that could help you if you're smart enough to listen.

1. "The only problem with this girl is that she seems to have guy friends"

You should be completely unconcerned about anyone else but yourself. If you are stressing about other guys, your mind is completely in the wrong place. There will always be other guys. Focus on YOUR game, not theirs.

2. "I need some strategy to set myself apart"

If being YOU doesn't set you apart automatically, you need to forget about girls and seriously do some self improvement. I really mean this.

3. "I'm definitely laying out the C+F"

Ah, yes, the C+F bullshyt. Man this C+F crap is like a fvcking disease on this board.

IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO DELIVER A LINE IN "C+F", IT IS AUTOMATICALLY A FAKE-A$$ LINE AND SHOULDN'T BE SAID AT ALL. Trust me, you guys out there trying to be "C+F", you look like a total fake a$$ nerd. The fact that you are thinking about it means it doesn't come naturally for you and thus shouldn't be used. If you heard a dog meow, you'd think it was crazy.

4. "I know that you guys definitely disapprove of the whole office dating thing, but I'd risk my job just to see where I can go with this girl. She's easily the hottest girl I've seen, very few physical flaws, with a perfect face and body. "

Then you are quite pathetic, or you have a sh!tty job. I cannot think of one female on the planet worth losing my job over except my mom. If you are willing to give up your job to date this girl, you place too much importance on her and trust me, she can smell this like stepping in dog shyt. It is a most unappealing vibe to get from someone.


The reason I'm pointing these things out to you is I think there are some red flags WITHIN your behavior that you need to take care of. I'm saying this because as soon as you get rid of these thought processes, you will be fit to score a girl like this. Unfortunately, you are already obsessing over her, and she will sense this and be repelled from you.

Good luck.

Jake

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Jake Steed
Becker,

I won't go into this too deeply, but I will lay out a couple ideas that could help you if you're smart enough to listen.

1. "The only problem with this girl is that she seems to have guy friends"

You should be completely unconcerned about anyone else but yourself. If you are stressing about other guys, your mind is completely in the wrong place. There will always be other guys. Focus on YOUR game, not theirs.

2. "I need some strategy to set myself apart"

If being YOU doesn't set you apart automatically, you need to forget about girls and seriously do some self improvement. I really mean this.

3. "I'm definitely laying out the C+F"

Ah, yes, the C+F bullshyt. Man this C+F crap is like a fvcking disease on this board.

IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO DELIVER A LINE IN "C+F", IT IS AUTOMATICALLY A FAKE-A$$ LINE AND SHOULDN'T BE SAID AT ALL. Trust me, you guys out there trying to be "C+F", you look like a total fake a$$ nerd. The fact that you are thinking about it means it doesn't come naturally for you and thus shouldn't be used. If you heard a dog meow, you'd think it was crazy.

4. "I know that you guys definitely disapprove of the whole office dating thing, but I'd risk my job just to see where I can go with this girl. She's easily the hottest girl I've seen, very few physical flaws, with a perfect face and body. "

Then you are quite pathetic, or you have a sh!tty job. I cannot think of one female on the planet worth losing my job over except my mom. If you are willing to give up your job to date this girl, you place too much importance on her and trust me, she can smell this like stepping in dog shyt. It is a most unappealing vibe to get from someone.


The reason I'm pointing these things out to you is I think there are some red flags WITHIN your behavior that you need to take care of. I'm saying this because as soon as you get rid of these thought processes, you will be fit to score a girl like this. Unfortunately, you are already obsessing over her, and she will sense this and be repelled from you.

Good luck.

Jake

Jake, thanks for the slap in the face, I probably needed it. I think the main problem with message boards is that what you put out in words may come out the wrong way because you don't have the benefit of voice inflections, sarcasm, etc.

That being said, it probably seems like I'm acting like a total retard around this girl or something.

First off, I'm definitely not worried about the guy friend thing as it pertains to my feelings, because I'm not a jealous person. It's not something I'm stressing about, rather I was pointing out that it is always a potential problem only because having other guys is always going to run the risk that she will just ditch you. If you're prepared for that to possibly happen, then no big deal. You have to realize that with hot girls like this, there comes a lot of other baggage. I'm certainly prepared for that. Most guys aren't, and that's probably why they don't even pursue these types of women. It's people who are afraid of that happening where it becomes a problem. In essence, you have to know what you're getting yourself into, and I have been fully aware of this from the time I started to pursue these super-hot women.

As for setting myself apart, I guess that shouldn't be my top priority, but at the same time, you can't deny the "game" aspect of all this. It's like playing a sport, you need to be on your toes and think fast, and if anything, I'm saying it doesn't hurt to set yourself apart even from the different folks out there. Every little edge helps. For example, I have to say that I have not hit on any women in my office, yet I know that if I did, many of them would likely jump at the opportunity. I play innocent (I'm actually pretty innocent anyways, but I just play it up a little more, it's not that difficult), and it gives me even more of an edge without much more effort by me. I guess that's what I meant by strategy. I sometimes don't make it clear since it's tough on a message board.

You have a great point about C+F, and I fully agree with you. Usually people are either C+F by nature, or they're not at all. I don't try to be C+F, I just am, so I know what you mean. I know that I probably made it seem like I'm putting all this effort into it. I know exactly what you're talking about though.

Last thing for now, I'm willing to give up my job if that's what it comes down to right now, and it's a good job, but think of it as an investment. I'm not too worried about that, since I don't feel it will come down to me leaving. I'll talk more about it later. Gotta jet...