Going out with girl tomorrow

[becker]

Originally posted by Jake Steed
"She's just a very independent girl who isn't all needy."--becker

But she is. Becker, I think you've got this girl pegged all wrong. I think she IS needy and is far from independent. An independent girl would tell her ex to FVCK OFF. And would never talk to him again. Yet, even though she supposedly doesn't like him anymore, she still does this twisted little dance with him to keep him in her life. That's fvcking needy if I've ever heard of it. You are listening to her words but not her actions.

"The challenge here is to make her feel unrestricted and free to do whatever she wants"--becker

Even though it's right in your face, you still can't see what this girl is really like. Her "ex" was controlling. What did that get him--3 years of plowing her puzzy raw. What have you got? Nothing. No matter what bad things she says about him, she was with him, fvcking him, for a long time and STILL has him in her life. She's the kind of girl who loves to be controlled. She loves a man who takes control and makes all the decisions for her. In reality, she is the opposite of what you think she is.

She came from the drama of a broken home and just like all people who come from that, she subconsciously gravitates towards this drama in her love life now. THAT's why she was with that guy for 3 years and will most definately get back together with him or with a guy like him. That's the little dance she does.

And I'm not saying she's a bad person or that you should next her. I'm just telling you how she ticks and that you need to know this to understand what turns her on and what attracts her.

Jake

Here's the only problem I have, Jake, and you have a very good point. The main thing is, you have to understand that telling this guy to just f*ck off is not going to just cure the whole thing. She tried that many times. As far as I know, she constantly tells him that, but he shows up relentlessly. I mean, I can see how someone super-AFC who was with this girl would never let her go. She's dating other people, so it's not like she's all attached to him. If she was less independent, she'd likely just turn me down when I ask her out instead of making an effort to go out with me. I even expressly gave her an escape hatch by telling her straight up that if she didn't want to do anything with me, just tell me, and there will be no problems whatsoever, and she still wanted to do it.

The thing is about the controlling thing is that I believe she is one of those girls who just wants a commitment but at the same time, wants freedom. Two sort of opposite things, but she basically wants a commitment when she wants it, but then wants freedom when she wants it too. She told me that if she was in a relationship, she doesn't want a guy who parties and drinks all the time, and this guy supposedly was like that, so she dumped him. She also said that this guy's behavior was ok in the beginning and she put up with it for a while, but then it just got ridiculous. I can see that happening, because I've been through a similar relationship where the girl was ok in the beginning, being all possessive and it escalated more and more until it was unbearable. I don't know, like I said, I'm going to know more about the situation tomorrow hopefully.

MickoZ, thanks for the input, but to be honest, I'm not sure what you're saying. No offense intended.

 

[MickoZ]

Sorry, sometime I am not easy to follow and English is not my first language ;-)

Here is an attempt to make it easier for you to understand:

1. I was telling that when you say someone is "dependant" or "independent", we often forget to give the weight to it. Like we can say that this girl is "independent", but is she 80% independent or 90% independent (% being the weight). When we say someone is "independent" we [of course] don't mean that the person is 100% independent. So to sum it up, everyone is a little bit of both (x% dependant, y% independent). And I was trying to tell that this is valid for most characteristics... like beautiful vs. ugly, lazy vs. strong worker, smart vs. stupid. Therefore I can say that everyone is smart, but at a different level ;-) and I can also say that everyone is stupid too. It is like a balance...

2. I was also saying that Jake’s opinion about her liking to be controlled is interesting while I do not totally agree blindly to his statement. It is interesting, because a lot of people only show what they want to be themselves. Therefore, they are making you believe how they believe they are. Let’s say this girl like to be controlled (even if she doesn’t know it), but she thinks it is better to be an “independent” girl; then she will make you believe she is “independent” when in reality she is far from that.

3. You can make a link between my point 1 and 2. When someone claims that he is “independent”, he is probably and maybe it is really how he likes to be (even if sometime that person does not act like it). But if you take my theory 1, then you will notice that yes that person is independent, but that person is also dependent. Maybe that person is 40% independent and 60% dependant… so that person is more a “dependant”, even thought people prefers to say they are independent!

I hope this is clearer.

I am sure you already thought of that, but IMHO it is interesting to take this in consideration when trying to stick some characteristics to someone (i.e. she is an independent type of girl!).

 

[becker]

MickoZ,

Thanks for clarifying. Great job. What is your first language?

Ok, anyways, I get what you mean now.

Ok, here's what happened. I called this girl this morning, and got her voice mail, and it said she was going out of town this weekend. I think her dad probably made her go with him somewhere because of the holidays. I never gave her my number, so there was no way for her to reach me. Up until yesterday afternoon, the plans were still on.

Anyways, at most I'm going to have a talk with this girl, nothing big. I'm just going to tell her that she could have just told me if she didn't want to do anything. I have never been shot down before except for this girl, so it's the first time, and even now, I'm not sure if she just doesn't like me or actually has such a busy life. Seems more like the latter, but if she doesn't like me, I'd like to just know so I can move on. I just want to either close the book on this one or if she really has legit reasons, we'll talk it over and get a better view of the picture here. Either way, there's going to be some expaining on Monday.

Until then, I'm off to Abercrombie to ask out some women

 

[becker]

Hey, I just had a thought, what do you guys think about me LJBF-ing this girl next time I see her?

 

[becker]

No suggestions? Come on DJs..

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Becker: Here's a suggestion!! STOP OBESSING OVER THIS CHICK BRO!!

Seriously!!! I've got a ton of respect for you but you've got a major case of One-itis going bro. And think about this in a black and white sense. If this girl wanted to get to know you better, she'd make herself available to you. She's not doing that, so try and forget about her and if anything happens after that, THEN think about it, but until then just chill out!!!


PIMP

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Pimp-sicle
Becker: Here's a suggestion!! STOP OBESSING OVER THIS CHICK BRO!!

Seriously!!! I've got a ton of respect for you but you've got a major case of One-itis going bro. And think about this in a black and white sense. If this girl wanted to get to know you better, she'd make herself available to you. She's not doing that, so try and forget about her and if anything happens after that, THEN think about it, but until then just chill out!!!


PIMP

Thanks for the slap, Pimp. I'm obsessed with this girl, yes, but I definitely don't have one-itis because I'm not picturing myself with this girl as my soulmate. I'm just pretty darn curious about her, that's all. She's so freakin' hot it's not even funny.

 

[DonJohn83]

Im curious to see what this chick looks like.

Post a pic if you can. If not, then which celebrity does she most resemble?

 

[becker]

If I can get a picture of her, I'll try to post it. I would have had one had we gone out this weekend, but that didn't happen. It's difficult to say what celebrity she looks like. She sort of has her own unique look. Maybe Katie Holmes with an even better body. Her face is even better, if that's even possible, since Katie Holmes' face is pretty darn good.

 

[becker]

UPDATE:

Ok, everyone, the moment of truth has finally arrived, and it's quite a doozy. Saw Miss HB10 today, and she looked hotter than ever this morning. Anyways, asked her what happened, and she asked me if I got her message on her cell that she went out of town, and I said yeah, I did. She then proceeded to tell me that she went out of town to see her grandmother, who she just found out has breast cancer. She told me her operation is January 24 or so, so she's probably going to be quite busy. Although this seems like a pretty legit reason, I'm about 99.9% sure I'm going to LJBF this girl tomorrow anyways. I personally think she's full of sh*t, and I don't need that crap, even from an HB10. It was a good experiment nevertheless.

Here's the next load of bullsh*t that I got today, and you'll never believe how pathetic this was. For those of you who remember, there was this guy, AFC/wannabe cool dude who was also in the office and always hanging with her. He got another job and then he came back here to work sort of part time, probably because he heard about me. He's always treated me like I was a threat to him, and usually I'm never liked by guys like him because I'm too nice for him to get mad at, yet I do things that piss him off, like go on dates with the girl he wants. Anyways, I was always wondering what the heck was going on between this guy and the HB10. Obviously he was into her, but I didn't know what she thought of him.

When this girl went out with me to lunch, all she talked about was how she was single and did all this stuff and how her ex-BF couldn't leave her alone. I gave her all these openings to mention what the heck is going on with this guy, but she didn't say anything.

Well, this guy comes in to talk to me today, and basically, he tells me that he has been dating this girl for the last 2 months or so. He told me he's not her BF, but he's hoping more will develop out of it. He proceeded to tell me how he hangs out with her every night, even when the ex-BF is also hanging around at her house. (What the HECK??) Anyways, he said that she even turns him down when he asks her out. Pretty pathetic if you ask me, but in essence, he's telling me all this stuff like she's so nice, so she doesn't know how to say no if a guy asks her out, and that he has to deal with the ex-BF, and now he has to deal with me.

I pretty much played it cool while I listened to his pathetic tale, then I told him that I told the girl if she didn't want to hang out with me, she wasn't going to hurt my feelings, and if she didn't want to come with me, I gave her more than enough opportunities to say no. I then proceeded to tell him not to worry, I'm not looking for anything right now and actually I didn't even treat it that seriously with her, almost treating her more like a friend than anything. I then told him that I'll talk to her and let her know (hence the LJBF thing), and he sort of nervously said "I don't think you need to talk to her" (hmm, a little insecurity or bullsh*tting from him?). Anyways, this guy is known to be a bit of a liar by some in this office, especially the older c0ckblocker that I was talking about. I'm probably going to have some fun with this one if anything.

All I know was it was pretty funny listening to this guy divulge his insecurities to me. He tried to tell me that he's not a jealous guy (gee, I wonder why we even had this talk then?) but that's bullsh*t too. I'm a little tired of all this drama anyways, and my IL has dropped considerably with this girl. I didn't get good vibes from her either. At most, I'll be friends with her, or maybe just have a little fun making this other guy more AFC. Either way, this girl and I are going to have a nice talk tomorrow and I'm going to let her know that being her "friend" is as far as I'm taking this relationship.

I think it will be a good chance for me to practice testing and observing more theories, such as the jealousy theory, where you just become good friends with the girl, and just totally flirt and get together with other women and tell her all about it to see what her reaction is. Next, it will be great to sit back and watch this AFC see if he can pull the girl with all his AFC tendencies in full throttle, while I sort of hang out with other women and hear what this HB10 says about this guy (being that I'm a "friend", she'll probably divulge stuff to me that will be interesting to learn from).

Bottom line, this story is quickly coming to an end. It was fun while it lasted, and a great experience. No regrets whatsoever.

 

[becker]

Ok, what the heck happened to this board? Anyways, let me give an update on this situation and see what you guys would do.

I went up to this girl and told her that we should talk. She agreed, but for the next few days, proceeded to dodge me and basically everytime I asked her for like 5 minutes of her time so we can talk, she found a way to get out of it. I was basically going to LJBF her, which in my opinion, is the best way to resolve our little "relationship". I didn't want too much to do with her after the little fiasco with the guy she's dating and stuff, but we have to work together so I figured we should keep things at least friendly.

Anyways, I was going to play sort of a joke on her and tell her that the higher people at the office told me that she would be fired soon, so I acted all serious when I told her that we need to talk. This may have backfired, since I think she thinks I'm going to profess my undying love for her or something, typical female overanalysis. Well, before I was able to talk to her on Wednesday, she took off, and now I have to wait until Monday to talk with her. I really wanted to kick this situation to the curb like a bad habit before Christmas. I went into the room where she worked, and on a small dry-erase board, someone wrote "[HB10, we need to talk, - [becker]". This is disturbing because I really hope she didn't go yapping her female big mouth and spread some rumor that I'm into her or some stupid thing like that when I'm trying to LJBF the girl. What the heck?? Man, this sucks. This is the last time I deal with chicks like this.

I'm going to talk to her first thing Monday and clear the air. This is a total joke. How would you guys handle this?

 

[Jake Steed]

Becker, no offense, but you are handling this in a really pathetic way. You have pretty much driven this one downhill from the beginning with your overstrategizing. I honestly think YOU are the AFC here in the way you are acting. You act claim she doesn't mean much to you, but in fact you are behaving the opposite.

this girl and I are going to have a nice talk tomorrow and I'm going to let her know that being her "friend" is as far as I'm taking this relationship.--becker

Dude, don't kid yourself. You never had a chance with this girl from the beginning. Lots of guys out there, when faced with the reality that they struck out with a girl, try to turn it around and pretend that THEY are rejecting HER. Bullshyt. If she said "jump" right now, you'd ask "How high?" You are all pretending that your IL has dropped, but we all know that that's not the issue. The issue is HER low IL. The reason you are trying to turn this around and pretend that you are rejecting her is because you want to save face. This is an anonymous board. There's no reason you can't just be honest here.

"Man, this sucks. This is the last time I deal with chicks like this."--Becker

I don't understand why you're so upset. She's the exact same girl she was when you became amorously obsessed with her. It's not like she changed and became a bytch. Oh I get it, she's a bytch because she rejected YOU. Come on, man.

"I'm going to talk to her first thing Monday and clear the air... How would you guys handle this?"--becker

No matter what you say, you are going to come across as a total fool. Any girl I know would be creeped out by your behavior (writing her that "we have to talk" note). You're asking me how I would handle this? First of all, I would have done things very differently from the start--including NEVER asking out a girl from work. As of now, you need to just let this drop and don't mention it to her again. The only reason you want to keep beating the dead horse is because of your ego. It's been bruised and now you're trying to satisfy it.

Jake

 

[AmgineEX]

Listen to Jake, he knows his stuff. What he said was gold.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Jake Steed
Becker, no offense, but you are handling this in a really pathetic way. You have pretty much driven this one downhill from the beginning with your overstrategizing. I honestly think YOU are the AFC here in the way you are acting. You act claim she doesn't mean much to you, but in fact you are behaving the opposite.

this girl and I are going to have a nice talk tomorrow and I'm going to let her know that being her "friend" is as far as I'm taking this relationship.--becker

Dude, don't kid yourself. You never had a chance with this girl from the beginning. Lots of guys out there, when faced with the reality that they struck out with a girl, try to turn it around and pretend that THEY are rejecting HER. Bullshyt. If she said "jump" right now, you'd ask "How high?" You are all pretending that your IL has dropped, but we all know that that's not the issue. The issue is HER low IL. The reason you are trying to turn this around and pretend that you are rejecting her is because you want to save face. This is an anonymous board. There's no reason you can't just be honest here.

"Man, this sucks. This is the last time I deal with chicks like this."--Becker

I don't understand why you're so upset. She's the exact same girl she was when you became amorously obsessed with her. It's not like she changed and became a bytch. Oh I get it, she's a bytch because she rejected YOU. Come on, man.

"I'm going to talk to her first thing Monday and clear the air... How would you guys handle this?"--becker

No matter what you say, you are going to come across as a total fool. Any girl I know would be creeped out by your behavior (writing her that "we have to talk" note). You're asking me how I would handle this? First of all, I would have done things very differently from the start--including NEVER asking out a girl from work. As of now, you need to just let this drop and don't mention it to her again. The only reason you want to keep beating the dead horse is because of your ego. It's been bruised and now you're trying to satisfy it.

Jake

Jake, thanks for the input, but here's the thing. I know that what this sounds like is that I'm all trying to save face from this, but if you read my posts that have been ongoing since I began this thread, you can see that I sort of was never sure if I was ever particularly interested in this girl other than for her looks. She's a gorgeous girl, I'll give her that, but this whole time, she was quite boring and my IL in her as far as serious relationships go definitely dropped as I got to know her better. I didn't know her that well in the beginning, and all I knew was that she was hot. The whole basis for this "experiment" was to chase an HB10 and see what happens. If things would have worked out, great, but they didn't, and I have no hard feelings.

Personally, I'm not an egomaniac here, and I know I won't convince you of anything otherwise, but I can say that I've already moved on to another girl right now, so this girl is as good as history. I don't perceive anything happening even if she were to suddenly get infatuated with me. Basically, what a lot of guys on this board said were right, and I was wrong. I admit that. I was always the one that thought that if you find an HB10, you wouldn't care about how much of a bore or b*tch she was, and you'd be happy, but that's just wrong. Now I know, and I won't find myself chasing HB10s unless there is more than just physical attraction.

Finally, that note, if you read my post correctly, was not something I wrote, it was something someone else wrote. I'd never do that crap. The only reason I need to talk to this girl is because I don't want any misunderstanding and I have to work with her, so might as well use her for social proof but nothing more. No big deal here, and you're making it out to be bigger than it is.

 

[dietzcoi]

Becker

I was in your exact situation a few years ago with my very own secretary... boy was I an idiot AFC back then...

Note the following

1. You had oneitis... I recognize the symptoms well

2. The girl is a total flake

3. Unfortunately, the existence of many AFCs lets girls get away with all this flakiness..

4. HB8-10s are not worth it. I do not know how their BFs/husbands can put up with them. I always wonder about guys with such stunning women, unless they are rich or famous... they must be serious AFCs to put up with the crap, unless they are total DJs and control the woman. In the case of my secretary the husband (yes, husband - sorry I was seriously AFC back then) was a serious AFC yet at the same time ignored her a lot.. a curious combination.

5. I could have predicted the Saturday cancellation in advance, and in fact did, prior to reading it. Fits the pattern of a HB B1tch playing games with an AFC sucker.

Good that you will learn from this, and learn at a much younger age than I had to...

Dietzcoi

 

[becker]

dietzcoi,

I'm not sure if I'd say I had oneitis with this girl. Yes, I thought she was the hottest girl ever physically, but at the same time, I didn't exclusively go after her and think that she was the one girl that I was destined to be with.

It was actually the opposite of that. I said above that this girl was awesome social proof if anything, and that was almost good enough for me, especially after I found out how dull things can get with her. Plus, I wasn't too excited about getting involved with a girl with so many issues. The Saturday date was supposed to be for me to just confirm that I wasn't that interested in pursuing things much further with this girl. Either that, or maybe I totally misread her in the short time we had during the lunch, and she was actually cooler than I perceived. After all, this started as a experiment because I was so stuck on believing that having an HB10 would be enough. In reality, as I've learned, the physical looks is definitely not enough to keep anything going romantically with a girl. However, it also confirms that social proof is huge, since just being with this girl, other women were all over me.

Live and learn. I've moved on already, no problems. The main thing is talking with this girl, LJBF-ing her up front so that she can continue to be good social proof.

 

[AmgineEX]

RE

Wow, so much drama on the DJ board. Amazing progress we're making here. All the oldies left. Giovanni or Pimpology would pimp slap everyone into shape real quick.