Girlfriend wants to live together with me

[Juanto]

I have pretty much made up my mind, I am not cohabitating again in the near future with anyone, even if I like this girl alot. Now, this could mean that she will leave me and search for someone else who does want the same thing as her, which hurts a bit of course but I have to be willing to deal with the loss and move on.

 

[Juanto]

and thank you everyone for the feedback you shared here.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I have pretty much made up my mind, I am not cohabitating again in the near future with anyone, even if I like this girl alot. Now, this could mean that she will leave me and search for someone else who does want the same thing as her, which hurts a bit of course but I have to be willing to deal with the loss and move on.

Then quit dating women lol

 

[Thebestthereeveris]

Hi guys. Thought I would ask your view on this, im seeing this girl for nearly 2 years and I quite enjoy her company, doesn’t give me much drama, is pretty submissive and we have good chemistry. I live alone and she lives with her parents (I’m 41 and she is 37). She has been pushing lately that we move in together (I have lived several years ago with someone else) but I feel this works better for me, me living alone and the gf living someplace else. Have you experienced something like this in your past before? I reckon if she remains unhappy with this it might be better to go our separate ways, but let me know what you think

no. Absoultey not. I see my girlfriend once a week and even then i can notice it makes me lose my drive. I cant imagine being around that much feminine energy all day. You are who you surround yourself with.

 

[Gamisch]

My $0.02 :

How long are you going to keep spinning plates/plumb the dating scene ?

For as long as needed.

When i was 20 i felt this "pressure " to settle down."Gamisch, how long beforeyou stop being a teenager?". Got a child with a CRAZY woman.

30. "Gamisch arent you too old to party /chase h0es?" Got a toxic women whose still trying to beta-nize me . I dump her on a weekly base. Keeps coming back. Again, hardwired social bluepilled pressure makes me see her through rose tinted glasses.

Now 40 is coming. Feck no i let societal pressure decide what direction I will go. If the circumstances force me to, imma be chasing h0es without "being serious " until my DEATH.

Its not that I DON'T want loyal obedient wife,its just extremely rare to find one. And until that moment, I'll be playing the field. "Luckily " these new flock of40 /50 y. Olds arethe same who were whoring around in their twenties. Plenty of play, very little queens.

You cant pretend like a turd is a diamond . If you do,life will find ways to punish you

 

[SW15]

im seeing this girl for nearly 2 years and I quite enjoy her company, doesn’t give me much drama, is pretty submissive and we have good chemistry. I live alone and she lives with her parents (I’m 41 and she is 37). She has been pushing lately that we move in together (I have lived several years ago with someone else) but I feel this works better for me, me living alone and the gf living someplace else. Have you experienced something like this in your past before? I reckon if she remains unhappy with this it might be better to go our separate ways, but let me know what you think

I don't think it is worth living with her or breaking up with her.

This doesn't sound like this interaction is taking place in the United States. In general, 37 year old women in the United States don't live with their parents.

At ages 41 and 37, you are also unlikely to start a family together.

Another poster mentioned Rollo's Iron Rule on this and I agree.

Non-marital cohabitation has a way of destroying relationships. At the very least, I think it speeds up a breakup process in a non-marital relationships. Marriages also decay in part due to the proximity feature of living together. The variable that is most responsible for breakups is the passage of time. Relationships have a shelf life of goodness. Many relationships stay together long after their period of goodness ends. Longevity doesn't equal quality. There are plenty of relationships that last 10 years (either marital or non-marital ones) and there were really only about 3-5 years where the quality was actually good.

Equal in the sense she's a person just like you, but always show/demonstrate strength. My fiance was highly intelligent; she was attending medical school. She went on to become a cosmetic surgeon in Seattle (after we broke up). I was working as a business analyst when I was with her. I never was threatened by her aspirations even though everyone of course said she was going to be super successful and make a lot of money. I was very aware of this but did not let it handicap me.

This is especially true for the educated women. Usually their titles have a guy going sideways.

Women with advanced degrees and demanding, time consuming careers possess many attributes that aren't good for the long term success of relationships with most men.

 

[Juanto]

This doesn't sound like this interaction is taking place in the United States.

No, we are from Europe

 

[CornbreadFed]

No, we are from Europe

proper disclosure next time please

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Hi guys. Thought I would ask your view on this, im seeing this girl for nearly 2 years and I quite enjoy her company, doesn’t give me much drama, is pretty submissive and we have good chemistry. I live alone and she lives with her parents (I’m 41 and she is 37). She has been pushing lately that we move in together (I have lived several years ago with someone else) but I feel this works better for me, me living alone and the gf living someplace else. Have you experienced something like this in your past before? I reckon if she remains unhappy with this it might be better to go our separate ways, but let me know what you think

Once you start living with a girl the whole dynamics shift. (And usually not in your favor). unless you are married which in todays environment isn't a good idea I would strongly recommend that you keep your places separate.

 

[MatureDJ]

Do you find her hot enough so that if you see her naked a33 in bed next to you, you're ready to pump? For me, that would be worth the living arrangement.

 

[Juanto]

Do you find her hot enough so that if you see her naked a33 in bed next to you, you're ready to pump? For me, that would be worth the living arrangement.

I do, but surely thats not enough to live with someone else

 

[Juanto]

OP if you enjoy her and she is submissive what is the problem? Fear?

From my experience (and others) the relationship doesnt get better in the medium/long term if you move in with the girl

 

[The Duke]

today she started crying because she says since I have already lived with another woman some 10 years ago, she thinks that I just don’t want to live again together because of her, not because I simply prefer to live alone comparing both options (which is the truth)

Thats the standard line all women use. They are always comparing themselves to the other woman and making it into something it is not.

 

[MatureDJ]

I do, but surely thats not enough to live with someone else

Well, having that a33 on tap is one of the factors motivating men to let her sleep over.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

why do you say that?

I prefer seperate living arrangements. I have no desire to have children (I don't have the patience and woud make a lousy father because I'm too damn selfish). My experience was once you move in all the mystery and chase is gone. You don't have any time to miss each other. She also became an insufferable nag after moving in. Lots of people will lecture you about frame as if you can control the whims of the average women. I'm actaully surprised she hasn't pulled the toothbrush trick on you already.

 

[Mazer]

I’m going to go against the grain here but I don’t see a problem getting a place with her. If you enjoy her company then I don’t see why not.

Let her know, she will have to cover 50% of the costs. If she isn’t able to pay half of the bills then I would definitely not get a place with her.

If you end up together, do not sign a lease for longer than a year. If shyt goes sideways, you might have to stick it out for the rest of the lease term. Keep it short as possible. Good luck

 

[inquisitor]

today she started crying because she says since I have already lived with another woman some 10 years ago, she thinks that I just don’t want to live again together because of her, not because I simply prefer to live alone comparing both options (which is the truth)

What do you want? Answer that, and you'll know the answer to your question.

 

[Juanto]

I'm actaully surprised she hasn't pulled the toothbrush trick on you already.

I think I know what you mean, but surprisingly she hasnt.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

I’m with both @Mazer and @stringpuller on this one. If you enjoy her and can hold your frame it might be just fine. But you must consider how she envisions her future & how you envision yours.

If you absolutely see no long term future? You don’t move her in. Period.

If you aren’t sure about the long term future? You are better off not moving her in because once she lives with you your lives are entwined and the relationship inertia can make breaking up/moving out tougher, should that occur.

If you are certain you see a long term future then it is worth consideration. She is feminine, submissive and pleasant & is also neat and clean. All positive attributes…but in time she may also want marriage.

You start with what you see long term as well as your preferences. Most women worth having eventually require marriage or at least cohabitation as a progression of the relationship. And if they never can achieve this they’ll leave to find another guy.

I’ve only ever lived with two men. My first husband (not until we were married) and my second (current & final) husband who moved in after we got engaged.

For us living together helped with the adjustment ahead of getting married, but we knew that marriage was coming so the long term future made sense.

And string is correct. Right now he’s in the other room listening to EDM & writing code. Doesn’t bother me a bit. I’m organizing the house, doing laundry and playing chess. You can keep the mystery and the individual interests alive despite living in the same house. In fact it’s healthy to do so.

What you see in your future with her determines the decision you make in my view.

 

[Luni]

if she's not your wife, how is this a consideration?