Girlfriend wants to live together with me

[Bokanovsky]

If you’re not panning to have kids, there’s no point in living together. Simple as that.

 

[Learning Curve]

Hi guys. Thought I would ask your view on this, im seeing this girl for nearly 2 years and I quite enjoy her company, doesn’t give me much drama, is pretty submissive and we have good chemistry. I live alone and she lives with her parents (I’m 41 and she is 37). She has been pushing lately that we move in together (I have lived several years ago with someone else) but I feel this works better for me, me living alone and the gf living someplace else. Have you experienced something like this in your past before? I reckon if she remains unhappy with this it might be better to go our separate ways, but let me know what you think

One of the reasons i broke up with my ex was because she was pushing for kids and marriage and to live together.

When she became so annoying i could not handle it anymore i cut her loose after four years. This kind of resonates with me but the thing is i was never that much into her after all the needy behavior she showed especially near the end of our relationship.

This tells me you are not that much into this girl most probably or you would have moved together already.

Other way around is she is not wife material which again is a red flag, if you are two years with her. If that is the case end it and move on. If not and you are not the type of guy who wants to give his freedom away for women don't go into LTR with any more chicks. Eventually they all want kids and marriage specially when they get invested into you.

 

[Juanto]

I'm gonna tell you straight up that living with a chick is much easier if she's less than 25.
The older she gets, the more baggage she carries.
I mean living together can work out really well if there's great chemistry and she hardly has any baggage.
If she's close to 40, I wouldn't even bother.

No kids from either side

 

[Gamisch]

Living together is quite different from dating living in separate places, so i just dont know about that one in particular. How long do I expect to stay with her? Dont know, but i Do know most relationships really dont go all the way. Hard to answer this....

Personally I feel her friends (who many have kids and/or live with bfs) have influenced her alot, and the fact that she wants to move out of her parents place. I wonder how much of her wanting out and move in with me is because of her wanting to move out from parents place.

You should have a somewhat clear picture about this tho..e.g when she's at your place does she takes the initiative to clean up, organize ect. Is she cleaning at her mom's house? Is she a neat person? All signs you could look for.

I know these are difficult questions. Thats why I ask them. I know what's it like to be pressured into this situation, because it's the natural process that happens when you deal with one woman for a while.

Another IMPORTANT thing: how does she respond to you when you tell her you are reluctant about it? She throws a tantrum?

 

[Juanto]

Another IMPORTANT thing: how does she respond to you when you tell her you are reluctant about it? She throws a tantrum?

today she started crying because she says since I have already lived with another woman some 10 years ago, she thinks that I just don’t want to live again together because of her, not because I simply prefer to live alone comparing both options (which is the truth)

 

[Dr.Suave]

Bro, its time

 

[Learning Curve]

today she started crying because she says since I have already lived with another woman some 10 years ago, she thinks that I just don’t want to live again together because of her, not because I simply prefer to live alone comparing both options (which is the truth)

You don’t want this chick. Move on.

Time well wasted.

 

[BoostedArrow]

I lived with a woman once and would have to think long and hard if I'd ever do it again. Being 37 and still living with her parents is not a good sign. You want someone that's your equal.

I'll quote Rollo on that:
A woman can't look up to a man that is her equal.

 

[Gamisch]

I'll quote Rollo on that:
A woman can't look up to a man that is her equal.

Although I dont necessarily agree with Rollo ,you do have a point there .

I think a woman like this can "equalize " by providing and performing her womanly duties, and I am talking more about embracing her role in the background, while managing the household.

Unfortunately many women think that all they have to do is spread their legs every now and then to earn such a high status.

 

[Juanto]

Is she cleaning at her mom's house? Is she a neat person?

Yes on both accounts.

I just feel that living together is not as good as living separately in terms of a relationship dynamic standpoint, as I have tried both. Obviously, she doesnt feel that way (even though she has never lived with anyone else besides her parents).

 

[BoostedArrow]

Although I dont necessarily agree with Rollo ,you do have a point there .

I think a woman like this can "equalize " by providing and performing her womanly duties, and I am talking more about embracing her role in the background, while managing the household.

Unfortunately many women think that all they have to do is spread their legs every now and then to earn such a high status.

Look, don't "agree" or "disagree" "with a person". Just listen at what they say and judge their messages. Everyone does/says dumb **** and everyone has good messages.

 

[IKO69]

Although I dont necessarily agree with Rollo ,you do have a point there .

I think a woman like this can "equalize " by providing and performing her womanly duties, and I am talking more about embracing her role in the background, while managing the household.

Unfortunately many women think that all they have to do is spread their legs every now and then to earn such a high status.

Equal in the sense she's a person just like you, but always show/demonstrate strength. My fiance was highly intelligent; she was attending medical school. She went on to become a cosmetic surgeon in Seattle (after we broke up). I was working as a business analyst when I was with her. I never was threatened by her aspirations even though everyone of course said she was going to be super successful and make a lot of money. I was very aware of this but did not let it handicap me.

This is especially true for the educated women. Usually their titles have a guy going sideways.

 

[Juanto]

You don’t want this chick. Move on.

Time well wasted.

Manipulative?

 

[Gamisch]

Dont listen to These lonely Beta Males. If you want to Live with her it’s fine, have strong rules and boundaries. You can still have your Freedom when living with her.

That's too simplistic.

Many men, including myself been through this three times at least. If only there was a voice of reasoning to help me contemplate my decision...

I dont disagree , its not impossible BUT its a life changing decision that's resembles playing roulette. It can go really good or really bad, no in between.

 

[Learning Curve]

Manipulative?

Not at all, brother.

Do what you feel it's best for you. From my experience, if you are truly into a woman and you fully respect her you would never second-guess living with her. I never did.

Make the best decision for your life.

 

[Gamisch]

At age 40 you dont wanna be in a position where you need 3 years to recover from a devastating Dramatic relationship that went south. Or to stay mr positivo; it might be the last time you let it happen.

Because one thing's for sure; living together does NOT guarantee a better working relationship...

 

[MixedMutt00]

you can't say you Don't see how some people would consider living together the "next step" in a furthering a relationship.

Assume you guys remain together in exactly the same living situation for the next 30 years: is that something you/her would want? There's no wrong answer, everyone is different. But it doesn't sound like that's what she'd want, whether she lived on her own or not.

She just wants different things than you (regardless of why), she should find someone who would like to share that space with her, as there is someone more appropriate for you that wouldn't mind the separation.

 

[kookdekoo]

My $0.02 :

How long are you going to keep spinning plates/plumb the dating scene ? If you are comfortable with this woman and feel her submissive nature is genuine, no harm in moving in together IF :

a. You ensure you can hold your frame. What happens when the chick moves in is slow betatization. It's your call on how well you can manage that.
b. You're not planning to have kids together. Ensure that at all costs.
c. Have a clear exit strategy.

In two years time, you must have a pretty good idea whether she's into drama or not, takes a NO without tantrums , argues and confronts etc.

It's finally a roll of dice bro. Much better men than you and me have been fooled by the feminine nature.

 

[Learning Curve]

My $0.02 :

How long are you going to keep spinning plates/plumb the dating scene ? If you are comfortable with this woman and feel her submissive nature is genuine, no harm in moving in together IF :

a. You ensure you can hold your frame. What happens when the chick moves in is slow betatization. It's your call on how well you can manage that.
b. You're not planning to have kids together. Ensure that at all costs.
c. Have a clear exit strategy.

In two years time, you must have a pretty good idea whether she's into drama or not, takes a NO without tantrums , argues and confronts etc.

It's finally a roll of dice bro. Much better men than you and me have been fooled by the feminine nature.

This.

Also, my EX when we moved together became a completely different person.

I mean not cooking, basic cleaning procedures, drama queen, all day on the couch. Imagine that.

Me coming from work and having a chick on the freaking couch without a ****1ing meal to be cooked and complaining and running life around circles it was just a horrible experience.

And this is not to influence you in any way to make any decision this is just my example.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

If you want to Live with her it’s fine, have strong rules and boundaries. You can still have your Freedom when living with her.

Agree with this plus make sure she understands who you are and respects your way of life. Very few women accept their man for who he is and most will try to shape or manipulate him which is a recipe for disaster.

I've never believed in the "you better be married or engaged" rule. This is just buying into the Disney marriage fallacy. A ring doesn't change sh*t and I'm not sure where men get this idea (besides Rollo who is married for decades).

Bottom line is be true to yourself 100% and she is either along for the ride or not. Just don't kid yourself about any of it. If she throws up roadblocks be prepared to pull the rip cord.