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Girlfriend still talks with ex who has strong feelings for her:

5string

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backbreaker said:
i don't fault the chump.

when i came here back in 2002, i asked for advise... basically what i wanted to hear, an d when guys like anti tump basically told me the truth, although they had results beyond anythnig i could imagine, id d not want to hear it. they did not understand how "unique" she was, and how "unique" the situation was

lol


it's a process man. it's alot like drugs. the vast majority of users believe it or not, outgrow drug use. but it takes a while and it requires going though enough to where you cannot deny something has to change.

with women, a man has to get his heart burned THAT bad for him to realize. this guy hasn't hit that point yet.
Very true backbreaker. I think we all have made our mistakes and have had our AFC moments. I know I have and readily admit it. In fact, I am still dealing with some mistakes I made in the not too distant past. This site however, has given me some insight into how things really work. There are some pretty smart men on here who have given me some great support and advice. Sometimes, as you say, others suggest the correct road to take. But, you choose another path even though you knew they were right. It is an ongoing learning experience.
 

In$tinct

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backbreaker said:
this guy hasn't hit that point yet.
Or even “hit” it with this chick yet… I just got done reading his other thread about not being able to deal with her “Sexual past” yet he goes on to claim she is a virgin in that thread. Kailex, 5string, and others have been dealing with this guy for awhile now.

It just needs to be stamped “Case Closed” until he comes back under a different screen name asking what went wrong with his oneitis, and why NC isn’t getting her back.
 

Heaven or Hell

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I'll say again, I do read everything everyone has said to me in this thread, and have put thought into it too. But let me ask you this then:

If you were in my shoes right now, what would you do?

1) Keeping in mind that she is willing to cut contact with her ex if that's what i want

2) Keeping in mind that its unrealistic for her, or me to think that her and her ex will get back together since it is going to be at least 5 years until he might return to the states

3) Keeping in mind the way she seems to be committed to me wholeheartedly

4) Keeping in mind that She puts so much effort into me and the relationship (and even to get to know my parents and have their approval of her)

5) Keeping in mind that there is a possibility that she isn't just like every other girl that may have an agenda

I just don't understand how some of you think that you know the mindset of this specific individual woman and jump to the conclusions that you do about her?

So.. if you were in my shoes, what would you do/say? *waits for everyone to use the "next" card* :rolleyes:

And for the record, the reason I came here is to get other guys opinions, or am I not allowed to do that? Do I have to agree and do as everyone says? Otherwise I'll be an AFC/clown/chump/any other demeaning & insulting names I've been called? *sigh*

I respect all your opinions, and if your way of handling things works for you, but this thread was to get different opinions from different guys with different experiences... and I took it all to heart and have considered it all.. I will always keep this advise in the back of my mind and if see any more red flags coming up then I will have this additional wisdom that will help me deal with it in the best way possible.

So, now if you don't mind, could you answer my question? If you were in my shoes now, what would you do? (Remember that both myself and her are extremely happy in the relationship as a whole and feel perfect for each other, so breaking up over something small, which she is willing to be understanding about and respect my wishes/feelings)

p.s: 5string gives constructive and supportive advise, he doesn't feel the need to be overly critical of me, demeaning or insulting, I wish more of you would have the same type of mentality as him, because he truly makes me feel like he really has my best interests in mind, without having to bring me down or be rude or hostile towards me.
 

In$tinct

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Heaven or Hell said:
If you were in my shoes right now, what would you do?

5) Keeping in mind that there is a possibility that she isn't just like every other girl that may have an agenda

So.. if you were in my shoes, what would you do/say? *waits for everyone to use the "next" card* :rolleyes:

I would read this thread

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=78623

The situation is similar to your own, a man that asked for advice, wasn’t given the advice that “he” wanted to hear, and told everyone they are too fast to next…

I wonder how that all played out for him???

She was unlike any other girl, she was his "one".

Heaven or Hell said:
The thing is, is that she is perfect... her personality is perfect, we click, we just get along so well, everything about her and "us" is perfect, and she DOES want to work towards making things work and stuff... so wont it be a shame to just "next" her? maybe things WILL work this time? I just cant see what i have to gain by letting her go, as appose to sticking around for a bit and see where things go... i duno.... am i realy wasting my time with this girl? if so, then why? what makes u think that things wont work out? argh!
You've grown considerably in the last 5 years, no?
 

vatoloco

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Heaven or Hell said:
So, now if you don't mind, could you answer my question? If you were in my shoes now, what would you do?
We've already told you. You say you "respect" opinions but, it looks to me if those opinions don't match what you want to hear, you get all bent out of shape.

What else do you want? For us to tell you "Yes, please go ahead and marry this girl. She is perfect for you and you will have a numerous family"? Well, we could:

H&H, please go ahead and marry this girl. She's perfect for you. There is no other girl like her. Be happy and good luck!
 

5string

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Brother. Look at #1 in your post above. There is where I have a problem. She'll cut contact with the guy if you want her too? She should not have to be told. She KNOWS she should. Maybe won't admit it, but she knows. She should cut it off with this guy out of respect for you and the relationship. And listen to this. Some of the guys will get a bit rough with you on here. They have with me sometimes. Remember though, if they didnt care, they would not give you their advice. Advice is here for the taking, for whatever it's worth. The choices you make are your own. Right or wrong. Whatever choices you make with this gal, learn from them. Reflect on them. Make it an ongoing process. You'll become an even better man by doing so. Keep learning about life. That's why we are all here. Look at how old I am. I'll be learning until I'm pushin up daisies.
 

Heaven or Hell

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In$tinct said:
I would read this thread

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=78623

The situation is similar to your own, a man that asked for advice, wasn’t given the advice that “he” wanted to hear, and told everyone they are too fast to next…

I wonder how that all played out for him???

She was unlike any other girl, she was his "one".
That was a learning experience, and there is no way in hell that you can compare that girl with the girl I am with currently. She is nothing like the previous one, this girl makes me feel like she would do anything for me and for my happiness, she isn't full of sh!t, quiet the contrary actually. If I approach her with an issue, she will handle it in a mature and progressive way, sometimes even when I would otherwise expect bs from her she surprises me and handles the issue in a really mature constructive and loving way.

My past relationships and experiences have taught me a lot, and this reply of yours only helps me to stress my point even further.. my past relationships made me more and more aware of what I was looking for in a woman, and what I WASN'T looking for in a woman.. I feel like I have a good sense of when there is a red flag and when its not something I should worry about too much.

When I started this thread I had not spoken to my gf about this issue of her ex yet, mostly because of my concern that she would see it as me coming off being insecure and/or possessive, but after speaking to her, I was surprised at how mature, understanding, and considerate she was, and I realized that I really had no reason to be worried, though it was still good to get some feedback from you guys here so I don't regret making the thread.

So I'll ask you again, what would you do if you were in my shoes right now?

I plan on enjoying the relationship and doing what I do, being me.. If I see any red flags come up in the future I'll be sure to deal with them accordingly, but until that time arises, I'm going to make the most of what I have / share with this woman, which is amazing right now. - Regarding her ex.. I'll be cautious about him, but I'm sure as hell not going to let that create bad vibes between me and my woman, I'm rather gonna concentrate on making sure that she is happy with me and that I am happy with her at the same time. I'm going to be the best partner/friend/lover/and everything in between that I can be, I'll try make the best decisions and choices and handle whatever comes our way in the best way possible, and take it from there...
 

Heaven or Hell

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5string said:
Brother. Look at #1 in your post above. There is where I have a problem. She'll cut contact with the guy if you want her too? She should not have to be told. She KNOWS she should. Maybe won't admit it, but she knows. She should cut it off with this guy out of respect for you and the relationship. And listen to this. Some of the guys will get a bit rough with you on here. They have with me sometimes. Remember though, if they didnt care, they would not give you their advice. Advice is here for the taking, for whatever it's worth. The choices you make are your own. Right or wrong. Whatever choices you make with this gal, learn from them. Reflect on them. Make it an ongoing process. You'll become an even better man by doing so. Keep learning about life. That's why we are all here. Look at how old I am. I'll be learning until I'm pushin up daisies.
Thank you again for a solid and caring reply.

The issue here, is that.. Is it really disrespectful for her to keep contact with him? I mean, what makes it so disrespectful? She has made it clear to him that they can only be friends and strictly talk to one another as such. I have been battling with this fact so much that I even called my mother and asked her what she thought, and she told me that I shouldn't worry about it too much and that many many girls talk to their ex's after they break up, and that by the time she might potentially see him again, that me and her would have been together for over 5 years, and its very unlikely that she would stay with me that long just to fill a gap, and the relationship/connection we develop in 5 years will far exceed any connection that she may have had with him... that, coupled with the fact that he will probably find another woman in the next 5 years kinda piles up the doubts about anything happening with him and her in the future. (My mother is a Doctor by the way, she's studies for 12 years, from Psychology to PhD, she works in the field of dealing with people facing similar problems so I trust her, especially given that I'm her son and she wants the best for me) .. I felt awkward talking to her about it but I just didin't care cause I needed put things into perspective in my mind...

And at the very worst case scenario, as you said, I would have grown, learnt more, experienced more, and I'll move on, better equipped to face whatever comes my way in the future.. so I really feel like I am in a win win situation right now.. things are amazing between me and my woman, and if by unlikely chance things don;t work out, then I would have still gained something out of the experience, and life won't end there.. so I'm going to concentrate on being positive and making the most of my life right now, in all aspects..

Thanks to all for replies, opinions, and perspectives, I love you all(brotherly love) and wish you all great successes in whatever you do, I appreciate all the time and effort you have put into my well-being. :flowers:
 

5string

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Is it direspectful for her to keep in contact with him you ask? Absolutely! I don't talk to my ex. My wife doesnt talk to hers either. Turn the tables. If it was you who were talking to an ex while in a relationship, would you not simply know that you should not be doing it out of respect for your girl? I bet you would not have to be told, would you? I'm not jumping your sh!t here. Just giving you something to think about. I just see a red flag, that's all. This contact thing with an ex is not good IMO. It can lead to cheating. That's when you'll get hurt, and hurt bad. Been there.
 

5string

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HH. What really got me about your thread is the title. "Girl still talks to ex WHO HAS STRONG FEELINGS FOR HER". What concerns me is the feelings he still has for her. You trust yer girl, but don't you think he'd escalate things if given the chance? Might she give in at some point? Never say never. She's still in contact with him by her own design. Remember what I suggested. Listen to that little guy sitting on your shoulder (your gut). He's the only one you can trust completely. Not to say yours is, but women can be sneaky little critters at the very times when you least expect it. Sometimes downright evil. Be very wary here. There is a rat in the woodpile (the ex).
 

Heaven or Hell

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Thanks for the replies 5string:

Is it direspectful for her to keep in contact with him you ask? Absolutely! I don't talk to my ex. My wife doesnt talk to hers either. Turn the tables. If it was you who were talking to an ex while in a relationship, would you not simply know that you should not be doing it out of respect for your girl? I bet you would not have to be told, would you? I'm not jumping your sh!t here. Just giving you something to think about. I just see a red flag, that's all. This contact thing with an ex is not good IMO. It can lead to cheating. That's when you'll get hurt, and hurt bad. Been there.
I think that what makes this situation "unique" is the circumstances. If he was also in the states now then I would definitely have a problem with them talking to be honest. But given that they will only maybe see each other again in 5 years from now, and the fact that if I am still with her in 5 years then we'll probably have a much stronger connection/bond than he would ever have with her, then it kinda makes me worry about it a lot less.

That said, I totally agree about the temptation factor here.....

What really got me about your thread is the title. "Girl still talks to ex WHO HAS STRONG FEELINGS FOR HER". What concerns me is the feelings he still has for her. You trust yer girl, but don't you think he'd escalate things if given the chance? Might she give in at some point? Never say never. She's still in contact with him by her own design. Remember what I suggested. Listen to that little guy sitting on your shoulder (your gut). He's the only one you can trust completely. Not to say yours is, but women can be sneaky little critters at the very times when you least expect it. Sometimes downright evil. Be very wary here. There is a rat in the woodpile (the ex).
The reason she is still in contact with him is as follows:

Once they broke up they did not talk for a few months, but then he contacted her and told her that even though it hurt him to speak to her (because of the fact that he still has strong feelings for her), that he would prefer to deal with the pain and still be able to be able to talk to her because she is still special to him etc. And her being her(she really does have a big heart and would feel terrible at the thought of causing anyone any pain, its just the type of girl she is) she told him that she doesn't mind keeping in contact with him, but that it would have to be strictly as friends.

I was speaking to her about it just before I came back to post this, and she told me that he even asked about personal things between me and her, and she shot him down promptly, telling him, in a polite way, that its really none of his concern and that he cannot ask her things like that if he still wants to be in contact with her.

So she really does seem like she is still in contact with him more out of sympathy and feeling bad to cut him out/refuse to talk to him, as apposed to still having feelings for him.

But, your point still stands, and is a very valid one, and that is that he will most probably jump at any opportunity to escalate things between them, and when we inevitably argue in the future, or fight, then he will try and take advantage of her somewhat vulnerable state of mind and thats when temptation may prove to be a very real problem.

On that note though, lets say that hypothetically me and her have a fight, and he takes advantage of that and takes advantage of her state of mind... then what? What can he possibly do or say to her that will prove to be a threat to me? If I concentrate on the argument/fight at hand, and deal with it in the best and loving way possible, then we will overcome whatever it is that caused us to argue/fight, and we will move on, perhaps even stronger than before.

On the pessimistic side of things, she could think to herself "maybe I would be happier with (ex's name), and continuously consciously or subconsciously, keep on comparing me to him and deliberating in her head who she thinks she would be ultimately be happier with. So yes, these seeds of doubt and temptation are most certainly not positive things, and my first instinct would be to try and keep those factors as far away as possible.. But on the flip side, I also have faith in myself that I am the best boyfriend that she could ever ask for and am confident that I have more to offer her than any other guy has, and knowing that, I can actually use these "negative" factors to my own benefit, always keeping myself on the ball and making sure that I don't slack.. so I can use him indirectly to motivate me even more to do what I do, and do it well, not taking her and what we share for granted.

To be honest, if I can let some guy a million miles away win her over from me, then I don't deserve her or any other woman. But that's not the case, I'm really confident in myself and I know that I have a lot to offer and that she is with me today, she loves me today, and spends her time with me today, she goes out of her way for me today, she's sleeping in my bed today, she's choosing to share and experience today, with me.. not him, or anyone else.. so if I can let anyone else "win" her over from me, then obviously I'm not right for her.. but so far so good.

I know that I am only looking at the positive side of things, and that realistically it wold still be preferable for her to cut contact with her ex, which is why I will be cautious regarding that.

I am yet to talk about it with her in a little more detail, I still want to ask her what exactly they talk about and if he does ever try and escalate things from just a "friendly conversation", and if he does then I will take things further and probably ask her to cut contact with him. All it takes is me saying the word and she will do it. And if I do get to the point where I ask her to cut contact, and she hypothetically lies to me and still talks to him, then its just a matter of time until I find out.. but unless I have learnt nothing in my past experiences with women/people, and my judgement of character is totally off the map, then I know that she is not the type that would lie, let alone about something like this. Like i mentioned before, in the over 3 years that I know this woman, I have never caught her out on a lie or seen her lie to anyone, and thus far has given me absolutely no reason to suspect that she has a untruthful bone in her body.

To conclude, I am aware of the potential threat that her ex serves as regarding our relationship, but unless things do escalate I don't think that I am going to make a big deal of it.. and rather concentrate on what I do have 100% control of and making this experience together as enjoyable and memorable as possible.

Thank you once again 5string, you really help me to put things into perspective and consider things that I would have otherwise perhaps overlooked or seen in somewhat of a more naive perspective. Your wisdom and advise will stay at the back of my mind forever :up:
 

terran2k

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does she talk to him on the phone when you're there in the same room? or only when you're not around?
 

Scion

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is this guy still arguing about any advice that ppl give him? Does he still think she's some perfect little angel that will do anything for him? Ha, that's laughable. Let's get real guy, if she was so perfect and you trusted her 100%, with no doubt in your mind than you wouldn't have came here and asked for advice. You came here because you know something's up, so why disregard all the advice given saying that it doesn't pertain to you? Trust your instincts, you know something's wrong so do yourself a favor and stay on guard. That's all you have to do. You don't have to dump her. You don't have to see other girls too (although that's what I would do to protect myself). But don't get in too deep too fast. Don't invest more than this girl, ALWAYS invest less than her. The one who invests the least always has the power in the relationship and sorry to say but at this point she has all the power.
 

DJjazzyJeff

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Weird

It's weird in the thread HH posted 5 years ago he was 18 saying the same stuff about a 16 year old. Now he is 28? Man, it must suck to age 10 years in 5.

HH, you are asking for maturity and respect, but you contradict and rationalize every piece of advice that is given to you. A lot of the guys here have a ton of experience with women and after you have dated/been with 50+ women you start to see that 99.9% of women will follow a certain pattern based on their interest and character. If this girl is head over heels in love you, then she has no character. If she doesn't know not to talk to an ex-boyfriend without being called out on it, imagine what she'll be doing if her interest in you starts to drop a little bit. I have a feeling at that point, you will say "well, I make mistakes too".

I'm really not trying to be harsh, it just doesn't make any sense for you to post on a board that's main purpose is to give you CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. We're men and we're not going to coddle and tell you everything will work out, because by our experience that doesn't seem to be the case. I hope that we're wrong and that you are the greatest love story ever known to man, but based on your posts and your determination to see things your way, my money is on you crying yourself to sleep for 6 months after this girl crushes you.
 

Heaven or Hell

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terran2k said:
does she talk to him on the phone when you're there in the same room? or only when you're not around?
She doesn't talk to him on the phone at all, just over IM, once every few nights according to her.

is this guy still arguing about any advice that ppl give him? Does he still think she's some perfect little angel that will do anything for him? Ha, that's laughable. Let's get real guy, if she was so perfect and you trusted her 100%, with no doubt in your mind than you wouldn't have came here and asked for advice. You came here because you know something's up, so why disregard all the advice given saying that it doesn't pertain to you? Trust your instincts, you know something's wrong so do yourself a favor and stay on guard. That's all you have to do. You don't have to dump her. You don't have to see other girls too (although that's what I would do to protect myself). But don't get in too deep too fast. Don't invest more than this girl, ALWAYS invest less than her. The one who invests the least always has the power in the relationship and sorry to say but at this point she has all the power.
1) I never said she was an angel, if you read my previous posts properly.

2) The reasons I made this thread are also stated in my previous posts, but just to remind you, it was more to get a 2nd opinion and get some feedback, it always helps to know what other fellow guys think like and the different perspectives that everyone else here has. Which helps me put things into perspective for myself.

3) I don't see it as "who has more power in the relationship", to me its not a power battle, its more of a team, and to me it doesn't make sense to wanna have more "power" than someone in a relationship. We both "wear the pants", not only one of us has to, despite what the general consensus is regarding this. I take initiative when I need to, and so far its been her that's been worried about me losing interest in her, and telling me how lucky she feels that she is with me and that she wouldn't be able to handle it if I ever left her, etc.. so as far as I am concerned I'm playing my cards right regarding the "power" aspect of our relationship. Rather don't jump to conclusions, and do try reading all my posts before trying to give an accurate response.

Thanks for your opinion though, I appreciate the feedback from your (limited) perspective. (I say limited because I can see from your response that you haven't read all my posts, thus not knowing all the facts)

I am always on "guard", but I'm not gonna let the "what if's" and the "possibility" of something happening consume me / my thoughts / my emotions, because experience has taught me that if I let that consume me then I lose track of what is important, and I don't handle what I do have 100% control of in the best of ways, cause I would be distracted with all these worries and potential things that could go wrong. I am aware of them, and I will handle them with caution, but I won't let it consume me, I need to find a balance between being on guard, and concentrating on the positive aspects of the relationship and enjoying it and making sure that I handle what I have control over in the best way possible.
 

Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

Heaven or Hell

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DJjazzyJeff said:
It's weird in the thread HH posted 5 years ago he was 18 saying the same stuff about a 16 year old. Now he is 28? Man, it must suck to age 10 years in 5.

HH, you are asking for maturity and respect, but you contradict and rationalize every piece of advice that is given to you. A lot of the guys here have a ton of experience with women and after you have dated/been with 50+ women you start to see that 99.9% of women will follow a certain pattern based on their interest and character. If this girl is head over heels in love you, then she has no character. If she doesn't know not to talk to an ex-boyfriend without being called out on it, imagine what she'll be doing if her interest in you starts to drop a little bit. I have a feeling at that point, you will say "well, I make mistakes too".

I'm really not trying to be harsh, it just doesn't make any sense for you to post on a board that's main purpose is to give you CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. We're men and we're not going to coddle and tell you everything will work out, because by our experience that doesn't seem to be the case. I hope that we're wrong and that you are the greatest love story ever known to man, but based on your posts and your determination to see things your way, my money is on you crying yourself to sleep for 6 months after this girl crushes you.
5 years ago i was 23, not 18 :confused: I have no idea why I would have said I was 18??? hmm..

Anyways, back to the point:

1) You say if she is head over heels for me she has no character... Why is that?

2) You say that it doesn't seem to be the case for things to work out.. but how do you know that they won't? I mean, is it really that "out of this world" that things between me and her can work out in the long run? Because she still speaks to her ex? (which is you read my previous posts you would know that her reasons for talking to him are innocent and sincere, which isn;t impossible, is it???)

3) I just find it hard to believe that people jump to certain conclusions about this girl when they really don't know her / her personality / character / background / etc. Everyone is their own unique individual. There is always the rule, and the exception. I have stayed single for over 5 years because all the other girls I have had an IL until I met her, fell under the "rule" category, but this girl really does seem like she is the "exception", which is why my IL in her has gotten to the point that it has.

I have been called gay many times by friends and other women because I simply wasn't interested in them and I chose to sift through all the women that fell under the "rule" category (because I wasn't feeling fulfilled with them) and finally I met the girl I am with now, and from being the guy that wouldn't look twice at most women (regardless of looks because I value emotional connection way more, the person I am), and I went from that to being really interested in this girl, and the better I got to know her, the higher my interest level went (and knowing myself it would normally be the opposite), and I have never experienced / been with a woman where my interest level just goes up and up because she really is everything I was looking for in a woman/potential wife/mother/someone to share life experiences with/making memorable fun memories with.

And if I end up with my heart in the gutters, then my life wont be over, I would have learnt a lot, and still been thankful for the experience and opportunity to feel the way I did and be as happy as I was. I will take everything i learnt, the memories, the lessons, and experiences, and I will move on (relationship-wise), I'll still have great friends and other great things going for me in life, so if things really don't work out, then life will go on, and so will I...
 
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Do you think that a man in a HEALTHY relationship ever goes through the thought process and anguish that YOU are going through?

Why are you OKAY with committing yourself fully to a woman who isn't perfect in every way??? And yes, talking to an ex who is still in love with her (and the only reason they broke up is because he moved) qualifies as making a woman very very far from perfect when it comes to making a full committment.

I myself could never EVER commit to a woman who I saw ANY kind of issues with.......it's just stupid logic to do so.
 
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See, the only way I'd approve a man having a COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP, would be if he was 100% happy without a single worry in the world about his woman.......otherwise, it's known as settling, which is only something that TOTAL PVSSIES do.

There should NEVER be any kind of "I love her, but....." thoughts going on in your mind!!!!
 

Heaven or Hell

Don Juan
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Do you think that a man in a HEALTHY relationship ever goes through the thought process and anguish that YOU are going through?

Why are you OKAY with committing yourself fully to a woman who isn't perfect in every way??? And yes, talking to an ex who is still in love with her (and the only reason they broke up is because he moved) qualifies as making a woman very very far from perfect when it comes to making a full committment.

I myself could never EVER commit to a woman who I saw ANY kind of issues with.......it's just stupid logic to do so.
No woman is perfect, every woman has her own set of issues / downfalls / etc.. so if you're looking for someone that is PERFECT then you will never be happy in a relationship in the long run, because there will always be SOMETHING that you're not happy with. You're setting yourself up for an inevitable break up / divorce. (I could be wrong, thats just the way I see it)

See, the only way I'd approve a man having a COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP, would be if he was 100% happy without a single worry in the world about his woman.......otherwise, it's known as settling, which is only something that TOTAL PVSSIES do.

There should NEVER be any kind of "I love her, but....." thoughts going on in your mind!!!!
Lets agree to disagree on this point, then. Maybe your way works for you, and maybe my way will work for me (or maybe it wont, time will tell)

Heaven or Hell,

Are you sure that she is the 'one'?

cavedweller
No, I am not sure, but I'm not going to let that stop me from giving it my all, dealing with every situation in the best way I can, and do my best to make it work.

UPDATE:

Just had a nice heart to heart with her, discussed her past, my past, everything.. and her ex of course... and as from right now she has cut contact with him, completely. She said he would be hurt a lot by it, but she agree's that it is healthier for everyone and the right thing to do.

At the very least, this thread gave me the confidence to speak and confront her about this and know that I am in the right here (and not being insecure), so once again, thank you to all for the opinions and perspectives. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel much better about things now.

I'll post an update soon about progression :up:
 

Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you say doesn't mean she really is. She might just be acting polite, while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

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