Girlfriend says "I'm sorry I have issues I need time".

[user name]

'I have issues' is polite speak for, 'I can't stand the sight of you'.

Take the hint, wish her good luck with her issues and start spinning those proverbial plates. It's what you should be doing and what she wants you to do.

Two things will happen as a result of the spinnage:

1) Possibility of meeting new flesh and your self-dignity/respect remains in tact.
2) You will stop suffocating her which will allow her to remember why it was she hooked up with you in the first place leading to possible reconciliation.

Obssessing about a girl never wins her back. It just pushes them away. If anything can win a girl back - it is Fear. Fear that she has lost you.

 

[Jariel]

I was in a very similar situation to this some months ago and I'll tell you the worst thing I did was to pay attention to many of the cynical posters on this forum. They made me paranoid, made me insecure and made me resentful and I ended up overreacting by dumping her before she could dump me. It turned into the most painful break up of my life.

I dumped her when she was going through some genuine traumatic events in her life and showed her a side of me that was selfish, insecure and had a fragile ego. A couple of months later, I found out she still loved me and hadn't lost attraction for me afterall, BUT my behaviour killed any chance of us ever working things out. She saw me as a childish and spoilt brat and could never be with someone like that.

Maybe your girlfriend does have serious issues and maybe she needs time. Maybe she's got interest in someone else or has lost attraction for you, but DO NOT jump to conclusions and overreact.

Your best action is to give her the space she asks for and keep your distance. Don't say anything more to her, just treat it like you're single again and get on with your life. If she really does have issues, she'll get back to you when she's in a better state of mind. If she is seeing someone else, you walk away with dignity, and if she's simply unsure how she feels about you, then your absence will make her heart grow fonder and increase your value and her attraction.

Join the No Contact thread for support and treat this like a break up for now.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Way I see it a girl needs to be absolutely excited about the idea of being with me. Anything less and my interests start to fade too. It costs a man time and money to maintain a relationship with someone that's just not into it enough. To a woman the investment is negligible. She gets protection, entertainment, free secks, free meals why would she end a relationship like that unless she really has to? Not only that but nothing makes you want something like having it taken away from you. When a girl says that to me I do what I call a "soft breakup" it's nothing formal but I just start to treat her like a plate (last in line) until she comes around again.

 

[Hogwild]

Hogwild- had an exwife pretty much tell me the same thing one time. The more I showed I was concerned and cared about us not being together, the faster she ran and more resistant she became.

Finally I flipped a switch and had accepted the fact that she was banging some other dude. When she'd call I started giving her one word answers, wouldn't call her back, ignored her texts, refused to work with her in dividing up our things, etc. This put her hamster wheel into overdrive. She started to question things she had done. It pretty much drove her ego into the ground.

I definitely was the one in power now. The one who cares the least has the most power. Soon I realized I didn't need a girl like this. The only kind of girl worth having is one who is totally into you 100pct of the time. The ones who are on the fence about you are a pain in the a$$ and will cause you lots of grief. They should only be used as a cahk receptacle.

All this girl of yours is doing is trying to set up a new relationship with some new guy. At the moment she's not quite sure it will work, which is why you are still sort of in the picture. Eventually when her confidence rises in regards to her new relationship she will toss you out with the garbage.

Most biatches are branch swingers. You got one on your hands. Ignore that twaht and let her land on her head.

Over the years I've learned women are pretty much like dogs, they all crave attention. You don't reward their bad behavior with your attention which is what you'll be doing if you keep trying to contact her.

This makes a lot of sense and I agree. Thank you for your story
Appreciate the worlds and advice.

 

[m7ytn]

the only thing is I dont think that i have officially beeen dumped, its just seems to be looming as a possibility haha maybe both shouls be treated the same anyhow...

It doesn't have to be explicit... it's a mindset. I'm sorry, but that sounds like an implied breakup dude. Even if she hasn't said it out right, she has in her mind and is just working up the confidence to deliver the message. If there is hope she will stick around...do not reply. If there is not hope, still do not reply, don't boost her ego. If she said that out of the blue, you can bet its not a thought that just randomly entered her mind... she has gave this some thought.

 

[Maximus Rex]

"Officially Been Dumped?"

the only thing is I dont think that i have officially beeen dumped,

"Nigga, what do you want babygirl to do? Have a stage built on the West Front of the Capitol, have the event nationally televised, then have Chief Justice Roberts administer the "National Decree of Dumping," as it's proscribed in Article VIII Section I of the Constitution of the United States,

I, John Glover Roberts, (Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States of America,) am to formally inform to you, Hogwild and announce to the not only citizens of the United States of America, but to humanity at large, the official dissolution of your relationship with one "Ms. Non-Confrontational, Cowardly, and Is-More-Than-Likely-Sucking-and-F*cking-Some-Other-Dude-B*tch.

Lookey here, dude. Women (by nature are extraordinarily non-confrontational,) and they'll do anything to avoid confrontations. She's all but told you, "Let's take a break." She's probably found some other dude that she wants to f*ck with, but since she's in a "relationship," she doesn't want to end up feeling like a slut. To spare her feelings, she'd rather "break up," with to see what else is out there. The question is are you going to allow her to do this bullsh*t or are you going to punish her for blatant lack of respect for not only you, but your relationship. F*ck this weak ass b*tch. You need to delete this broad contact information from your phone, the social media sites that you frequent, download the "Mr. Number," call blocking app and add her name to it. The cold part about it is, the b*tch didn't even have the common courtesy to phone and tell you, she sent you a f*cking text.

 

[Hogwild]

Thanks you guys are the ****. Just giving me that edge I needed to stay strong. Haha Ma bros!

 

[nismo-4]

Your princess is in (or heading to) another castle. It sounds like you may have gotten clingy, and the fact you want to keep her shows you care.

When she goes cold, go colder. But getting this from text, you need to go ghost. That's my ruling.

Case closed.

 

[Checkmate12]

the only thing is I dont think that i have officially beeen dumped, its just seems to be looming as a possibility haha maybe both shouls be treated the same anyhow...

Just curious, did you end up replying today? Any updates?

 

[Hogwild]

Just curious, did you end up replying today? Any updates?

Checkmate, No I still have not replied. Have not made contact cause I basically was not sure to straight NC or agree from a stance of indifference. At first I was thinking about agreeing like others have said, here now it looks like i'm just gonna go straight NC on this one. Any personal thought or opinions?

 

[Hogwild]

Your princess is in (or heading to) another castle. It sounds like you may have gotten clingy, and the fact you want to keep her shows you care.

When she goes cold, go colder. But getting this from text, you need to go ghost. That's my ruling.

Case closed.

Nismo-4, you are right on, I let my guard down got clingy had weak game at best most likely non existent at most times with this one. Ridiculous haha. Still have not replied I think straight to NC is my best option.

Thanks for your reply.

 

[sharkbeat]

"I have issues" translates to "You have issues"

No, there is not an inch of her feeling sorry.

 

[Hogwild]

Thanks for the replies guys. I still have not made contact and I think it would be best to not reply at this point, although I do see some possible value in saying that I agree and what not..I think ill just ignore her. Now if she does try to text me or call in the near future I'm not sure if I should ignore that too and or for how long to keep nc? It may depend on what this girls says maybe cause I know she def will try to talk to me I'm just not sure when haha

 

[VladPatton]

If she does contact you again, just agree it was a great idea to split up. Then tell her that you gotta go, you're busy. Don't stand for any drama, she made a decision to reject you, and you move on.

Also, don't be (or look) depressed if you bump into her at a social gathering. You make as if nothing ever happened between you two. This causes chaos in her wiring, and you'll feel great about yourself.

 

[LP700-4]

That's the text I got. How should I respond? Or not at all. Options opinions? Thanks bros. FYI I feel like I wanna keep her what game is best here? Thanks again.

Don't reply. Start looking for other plates to spin as fast as possible.

1) This is the beginning of getting dumped.

2) Girls LOVE closure. They love knowing that they got to you. A girl's mind is like a hurricane. It won't rest until it has landed. Knowing that you haven't replied will get her thinking "Why didn't he respond? Maybe he's over me. Hmmm...maybe I should text him and see how he's doing. OMG. What if he's sleeping with another girl already. I don't want to lose him."

The main fact is to just move on right now. Remember, you're not doing NC just to get her attention. You're doing NC FOR YOURSELF so that in the possible case where she says she wants to break up with you, you can say "Fine, I kinda got bored of you anyway and I'm seeing this girl now". It will absolutely tear her to bits inside.

If you just move on to another girl and ignore her, she'll probably contact you soon enough. When she does, don't reply right away. Take a day or even two and reply. If she doesn't want to break up, act aloof and act like you didn't even get the message about "needing issues". Keep up your aloofness from hence forth.

Don't be a chump and don't get suckered into her emotions.

 

[Hogwild]

Don't reply. Start looking for other plates to spin as fast as possible.

1) This is the beginning of getting dumped.

2) Girls LOVE closure. They love knowing that they got to you. A girl's mind is like a hurricane. It won't rest until it has landed. Knowing that you haven't replied will get her thinking "Why didn't he respond? Maybe he's over me. Hmmm...maybe I should text him and see how he's doing. OMG. What if he's sleeping with another girl already. I don't want to lose him."

The main fact is to just move on right now. Remember, you're not doing NC just to get her attention. You're doing NC FOR YOURSELF so that in the possible case where she says she wants to break up with you, you can say "Fine, I kinda got bored of you anyway and I'm seeing this girl now". It will absolutely tear her to bits inside.

If you just move on to another girl and ignore her, she'll probably contact you soon enough. When she does, don't reply right away. Take a day or even two and reply. If she doesn't want to break up, act aloof and act like you didn't even get the message about "needing issues". Keep up your aloofness from hence forth.

Don't be a chump and don't get suckered into her emotions.

I like this, thanks bro

 

[DarkDetective50]

Not to keep beating the drum but something I noticed is that whole "I'm sorry. I have issues. I need time" text is a classic "It's not you, it's me" move that you see in the movies all the time. I'm sure you're familiar with it and you know what comes after it. A breakup. It's possibly coming so you need to start the spinning of other plates as quick as possible.

Let us know how it goes. I'm always very interested in follow up outcomes.

 

[:-)]

Give her time. Lots of it.

 

[Lotus Effect]

the only thing is I dont think that i have officially beeen dumped, its just seems to be looming as a possibility haha maybe both shouls be treated the same anyhow...

Man, you have officially been dumped!

Congratz! Now play this as a man! She dumped you via text, which shows the quality of woman you are dealing with.

The best thing to do is absolutely nothing. I've said this once and I will say this as many times are needed!

When YOU have the chance to GO GHOST, GO!
And when you have the chance to SHUT THE F*CK UP, SHUT IT!

Guess what??? Now is this chance! So keep it to yourself!

Embrace the fact that you have a WHOLE COMUNITY OF DUDES THAT HAVE BEEN THROUGH THE SAME SH*T!

My guess is. She already have another dude. She is not going to be able to handle your non reaction. The realtionship with this dude will not going to least a month because she will go crazy. She will try to reach you. She will try to reach you more and more. She will declare her undying love for you.

If you get back together with her though, even if it's in "your terms" it will not last as well.

So bottomline, this relationship is over.

Just let her declare her undying love for you, and you say it's cool, nice to hear about her, and that she was really right on her decision.

This way you will always have her as a f*ck buddy. For the rest of your life!

 

[Hogwild]

All advice is duely noted. Thanks for all the replies and support guys. I am interested to see how this will pan out, what she may say shall she reach out, ect.... but in the mean time I know what I have to do.