Girlfriend Problem

[j0504s]

Hey dude,

thought this may help...read the reverse pychology post in brad80s guide it rly rly works...but idk where ur at with this at this point...this may help you in the future atleast

http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=197705&page=2

 

[Naughty Ninja]

O.P. I hate to break it to you but all you're doing is giving her ammo to keep seeing this dude and more of what you know and suspect for her to cover her azz.

She's having her cake and eating it too.

If this chick loved you seriously she wouldn't be entertaining an ex no matter what if she thought she would jeopardize your relationship in any way.

This isn't just some random dude. That's bad enough. This is an ex.

All you are going to do is be a puppet in the whole thing by questioning things, looking for reassurance from her, believing her etc. and you are going to end up looking like a clown.

This ex wants to "meet" you so they on their own can decide whether you are "good enough" for her while they talk, go out, etc. and he proves himself to be the "better" man.

I'd STRONGLY suggest either meeting other chicks, finding someone better for YOU or doing the thing I would do:

Not waste time in "needing" and looking for someone to "complete" me, remember all the negatives and red flags that are going on and taking off period.

Ghost. Gonzo. No calls, emails, texts, meet ups. Nada.

You don't want to do anything like that though. Because deep down YOU KNOW if you take off you are going to eventually find out they are "suddenly" a couple again while you "lost out" and are alone. And that possible future fact scares the sh1t out of you.

You'll find someone better. Frig the nonsense. Disappear.

This song fits your situation.

"Just a Friend"- Biz Markie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aofoBrFNdg

If you don't know it just listen to it and think of the words as goofy as the song is. Any sane person would be outta there.

Like FloydB said. Notice there's too much talking to him and talking about him regardless of what chicks claim they "don't want" or "reject". A chick who wants nothing to do with an ex doesn't talk to them, about them or need to reassure their current BF, explain etc. They don't talk to or about them period. Let alone meet up with them.

 

[bigneil]

:box:YO CHECK YOUR SELF I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR LITTLE AFC PU$$IES LIKE YOU! ONE :box:

My view may be fairly unique... but with all due respect... at the end of the day... I personally... at this moment in time... 24/7... absolutely... think your lack of grammar skills is a nightmare... because it's not rocket science.... it's not "Should of".

There. I used ALL 10 of the most annoying phrases in the English Language instead of just the one that Sonny Knight is so fond of.

 

[Kbomb]

Ok I just need some stuff cleared up, the majority of you in this thread seem to think that communication with the Ex under no circumstances is acceptable, correct?

Is there any merit in the idea of getting closure, having time apart, and then being friends again? Or you believe leaving that door open always leaves the possibility of sex?

What do you guys think about Desdinova's article about indifference and saying you should just "smile when your GF says she wants lunch with her ex". Essentially that emotional indifference draws her to you? (obviously I already blew that, but still this goes against your advice)

And someone said "part of love is sacrifice" she has committed to the idea of talking less and less with the kid and while she believes they will always stay in touch, he is not an immediate threat in another state.

This guy seems like a total beta to me, because he is clinging to her when he has his marine thing, if he was so worthwhile why would he be all hung up?

First, Admit to yourself that indeed, this young man with whom your current GF used to date, WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH HER AGAIN.

Second, Indifference is very important but in this situation it is counter productive. She is communicating to you that you are not enough for her and you are telling her that she is right by playing indifferent. That she can receive this "understanding" she needs from this other guy, basically emasculating you and making it your fault when she ****s this guy again by accident. When you have played it right from the get-go indifference is a powerful tool, when you are seeing all the angles and can act accordingly with logic and reason. You though, are thinking with your emotions which is always a disaster waiting to happen.

Third, You think and believe your game is rock solid and while i'm sure its good it is not where you think it is. I can at least gather that from your posts that you are unable to set strong boundaries for fear of loss, which is already a sign of a desperation mentality which is already anathema to game.



Last, You are going to do what you will anyways regardless of anything anyone says here. Just remember what is being said here when/if she does eventually cheat on you.

 

[In10se]

Alright so we were talking and got on topic and I set my boundaries clearly. I think the boundaries you guys wanted me to set which is No Contact, is too much. I made it clear that under no circumstances can she reach out to him for an advice, comfort, guidance because that is emotional betrayal to me. She agrees and says that is unfair to us and she won't be doing that.

I personally am not particularly bothered by the texting, if the kid is seeking her out, I have to get where he is coming from. My best friend dated a girl for 2 years and reached out to her awhile after they split, its hard to put a time limit on that healing process. I can't control when I met my girl and the feelings that followed, I happened to meet her at a less than ideal phase, and originally I didn't know that it would even bother me to this degree.

Cheating is not an option, he is in another state, ANOTHER STATE, so we are clear, and she will be telling me if and when he comes home and if there are any plans to meet up which I will be joining.

I know you guys can't agree with this and have distanced yourself from this concept because you approach women as a DJ and follow strict rules you set for yourself. But with love comes trust and I do firmly believe she would break up with me before she cheated. So it doesn't feel like an issue for me, if they text occasionally and bull**** so be it, we talk constantly, **** constantly and have a fulfilling life.

I set boundaries that are appropriate for me, and if the time comes it bites me in the ass down the road I will be back to let you guys here all about it. I have to surrender myself to trust, I can't just be in a relationship constantly on my guard, if everything she says is a lie it will unravel and at that moment I'll know she isn't for me. If there's any girl that won't live up to stereotype she has shown me she would be the one to defy the odds.

 

[pyros]

He has a big problem anyway. The thing is he is with a girl that would like to meet with her ex bf, she talks to him, texts him etc.
In conclusion, she's not over him, and if she is not, In10se is just her second option.

I think there is not much he can do, its pretty much doomed. He can:
a) confront her
b) go kind of ghost
c) break up with her

In either a) or b) there is a small chance that this girl will realise In10Se is the best option and will stop all contact with the ex, but this is in my opinion a small chance because she's already talking to her ex bf, wanting to meet him, and creating all this big problem for In10Se.

If you're with a girl that has High Interest in you, she's not going to bother you or mess with you by talking to an ex, or by doing stuff that may jeopardize your relationship. She may do anoying stuff to test you, ie: saying she may meet her ex bf for lunch, but she's actually faking it, she has no intention of doing that, she's just testing you, so here is where you set a firm boundary.
But if she is doing this stuff because she ACTUALLY WANTS TO do it, she's not the right woman for you; she just wants to see if she likes her ex bf more than she likes you, which says she is not into you as much as you're into her, which is bad.

In10Se, I would contact her less, go have fun, meet some girls, and when she asks why you're absent, just tell her in a calmed way that you do not accept that behaviour, that if she thinks it is acceptable to talk to other guys and specially an ex, you cannot continue to have the same relationship with her, so you turn her into FWB (without telling her of course), and then she can decide what she wants.

 

[Sonny Knight]

My view may be fairly unique... but with all due respect... at the end of the day... I personally... at this moment in time... 24/7... absolutely... think your lack of grammar skills is a nightmare... because it's not rocket science.... it's not "Should of".

There. I used ALL 10 of the most annoying phrases in the English Language instead of just the one that Sonny Knight is so fond of.

SHUT the fu(k up PU$$y and go **** that stink pu$$Y B!tch you call a mother

your mad because your an AFC and I'm a pu$$Y getting ni&&a


listen up f@ggot The sperm that created you shoulda been head
Or shoulda been that nasty running down your mother's legs :kick:
Good riddance

 

[buzzin_frog]

I found a pretty amazing girlfriend. We have been seeing each other for 6 months now and officially dating for 2 months,

She doesn't sound that amazing to me talking to her ex.

but I found out he came home recently and they "talk as friends". My hunch tells me that he still has feelings for her which is why he tries to reach out and talk to her, but she claims it is strictly as friends and he has had another girlfriend since (that looked like her :/)

And she still has feelings for him. That is why she is still talking to him. He also could be banging her on the side.

I have expressed that I trust her, and that it irritates me that they talk, but at the same time I can't be the overbearing boyfriend that dictates who she can talk to.

She is in a relationship with YOU, not him. She is showing you disrespect. You are afraid to be in charge here. So she just gets to do what she wants while you sit back and let her tak to him. Why don't you start talking with other girls?

How do I handle this? A big part of me, thinks the best way, although underhanded is to keylog her facebook password and snoop around a bit to see if I am getting duped. As a sidenote she also snapchats him. Its a tough situation, because this girl expresses genuine love for me and buys me nice things and always wants to talk to me,so I don't know. What do you guys think?

There is no reason for her to be talking to this ex as much as she does. You don't need to snoop because you know that something is up. Also stop making excuses for her and for you not ending this. What she is doing is wrong.

This is why women treat men the way they do because these "men" allow women to treat them this way.

It's just a matter of time before she is with this ex again. They both have feelings for each other and he can get her back anytime he wants. Do you want to wait around to get dumped?

Here is a simple solution: Tell her straight out that she is disrespecting you and that you had it. Start talking with other girls. If she doesn't like it, tell her to fvck off. That will teach her a good lesson. Why do you want to be second to an ex and eventually get dumped?

This is the precise situation I was in when I first started dating the 21 year old in 2011. She was 19 and had only had one boyfriend for many years prior. You'd much prefer this than to think she was flitting from guy to guy every month. It's one or the other generally.

I wasn't in a committed relationship so some of this might not apply, but here are some lessons I learned:

1) If you see a photo of him, tell her he's a good looking guy. This compliments her taste. She'll love you for it.
2) Encourage her to talk about what she loved most about him - she will associate those feelings with you.
3) Drop subtle hints that erode her image of him. "He might be too young for you..." and don't be surprised if you hit a nerve and she freaks out. It's ok because later on she will come back to you and parrot exactly what you said. "He was too young for me...". Don't say "Why didn't I think of that?" - let her think it was HER idea.
4) Never try to insult him or she will dump you on the spot.
5) Know that she will always have a place in her heart for him. This is a good thing. Sweet girls are like that. You want her to speak highly of you someday also.
6) Be patient. The day will come when he finally shatters her image of him. In my case it was because he asked her to borrow money! And that was after she had dumped him months earlier but was still fond of him. She never mentioned him again and that was months ago.
7) She might need a rebound relationship (other than you) when she dumps him - it's ok because the rebound never lasts. Just give her the time she needs but stay close to her. If you manage to stay in her life (romantically) despite the major transition, she will naturally have some attachment to you. Especially don't pressure her to commit to you. She needs to be single and free first.
8) Once she's over him, if she has a rebound guy, remind her that she doesn't like the new guy as much as she liked the old guy (she might say you are the only one she ever admitted that to).
9) The milestone will come when you find her blowing off the other guy to be with you and not the other way around. True for all babes as they always have a guy who has the upper hand over you when you first meet. It has to be her idea.
10) Be the guy who never pesters her - let the other guy(s) be texting her off the hook while you are nowhere to be found. Every time her phone buzzes she'll wish it was you and they'll start to annoy her.
11) Be sure to factor out any anger and jealousy, instead going distant during times when she seems less responsive. By letting her text you, and going 5-10-20 days in between without sweating it, you can maintain the upper hand.
12) You must have something clearly better than the other guy(s) going for you to be considered.
13) Plan your events well, but never make the date look rehearsed - things like setting the table before she comes over can be a turn-off to some girls, sadly.
14) Know that when she ends it with him she will end it with a whole crowd of their common friends and she could go through a major transition. This might make her less stable and she might turn into her own opposite. That is, except you will be that constant force in her life. If you can survive such a major metamorphosis (something she'll only go through once or twice in her life), you'll be close for a long time if not for life. Her truly letting go of her first love will be such a metamorphosis, trust me.
15) Know that there are 10 other guys in line behind him besides you. Just focus on constantly improving yourself and it time you will emerge as her best option overall.

What kind of lousy advice is this? Kissing her ass and being nice to her ex? This is a complete waste of time. Find a girl that doesn't still have a thing for an ex.

The only way this will work OP is if you deeply understand that you MUST NOT have a LTR with this girl, and that eventually you will have to braek up with her because of your lack of experience, or because she snap you back to reality as she lied or disrespected you.

understand that this relationship has an expiration date and clock is ticking. So if you want to make this a learning experience, then learn right!!, you are messing up by letting her disrespect you. you are more likely to gain her respect if you put your foot down and assert yourself.

not only is this relationship doomed because of your weak actions, but you are not learning anything in the process of consciously messing up. you will only learn taht she cheated on you, and you will hurt.

if you assert yourself and what you want. You will learn something greater than yourself, the true value of being a man and demanding respect. a priceless lesson.

for now, it's game over for you

And this coming from a guy who was going to allow his gf to hang out with another guy. :crackup:

 

[In10se]

I am personally comfortable with them texting, my boundaries are clear. If she breaks them and they get back together somehow, WHICH I REPEAT, is not possible for a long time because he is in another STATE. Then they deserve each other.

What's to be said about a guy like that honestly, he wins his ex girlfriend back after shes had passionate unprotected sex 1000 times with a dude who she openly says she loves to his face and online. If that honestly happened, I would say good riddens to the both of them, because he is ****ing pathetic for wanting that.

If she cheats, with him or another dude, again good, she proves she is trash and I move on. No matter how I slice it in my head, I can't see why I would end it. Cheating/lying would only prove to me that the relationship was a lie all along, but it still fulfills me in every possible way I could ask, so yeah the conversation is exhausted. Thanks for all the insight though, definitely helpful.

 

[JohnChops]

I am personally comfortable with them texting, my boundaries are clear. If she breaks them and they get back together somehow, WHICH I REPEAT, is not possible for a long time because he is in another STATE. Then they deserve each other.

What's to be said about a guy like that honestly, he wins his ex girlfriend back after shes had passionate unprotected sex 1000 times with a dude who she openly says she loves to his face and online. If that honestly happened, I would say good riddens to the both of them, because he is ****ing pathetic for wanting that.

If she cheats, with him or another dude, again good, she proves she is trash and I move on. No matter how I slice it in my head, I can't see why I would end it. Cheating/lying would only prove to me that the relationship was a lie all along, but it still fulfills me in every possible way I could ask, so yeah the conversation is exhausted. Thanks for all the insight though, definitely helpful.

I say you do this:

1. Fvck her best friend.
2. Tell her
3. She will never contact you again.
4. Go find other women
5. Profit.

 

[Vidrio]

You keep going on and on about him being in another state. You're acting like he can't make a weekend visit to your state and put in some quick discreet work on your GF. We'll see you in a couple months OP. When she fvcks her ex and breaks up with you we'll have your back.

 

[Vigs]

You are looking at this with oneitis eyes. Everyone is saying to go spin plates. You dont have to **** them, but meet some more women so you can come at this from a for real I have options perspective and not the this is my only option perspective. I know you say that you know you can get other women if she leaves, but are you just talking a good game? You dont like what she is doing. She has not stopped. You two came to a comprimise on something that is still an issue with you.

Withdraw your attention, or get more options. Even if she never screws this guy, you have now set a precident for the rest of your relationship that you will compromise about something that really bothers you, just to keep her. This isn't something I have read, this is me talking from past failures.

 

[buzzin_frog]

I am personally comfortable with them texting.

So you like him moving in on your gf because that is what he is doing

If she breaks them and they get back together somehow, WHICH I REPEAT, is not possible for a long time because he is in another STATE. Then they deserve each other.

That will happen in just a matter of time. You are making excuses for her bad behavior. Meanwhile, you let her disrespect you while you just sit back and take it. Good plan.

What's to be said about a guy like that honestly, he wins his ex girlfriend back after shes had passionate unprotected sex 1000 times with a dude who she openly says she loves to his face and online. If that honestly happened, I would say good riddens to the both of them, because he is ****ing pathetic for wanting that.

I would wrap up if I were you, just saying. They will be the ones laughing at you.

If she cheats, with him or another dude, again good, she proves she is trash and I move on.

Maybe she already has. That part will be coming.

No matter how I slice it in my head, I can't see why I would end it.

How about because she is disrespecting you? How about because you have no other options and because you don't want to be alone? Ah, yes that sounds about right.

Cheating/lying would only prove to me that the relationship was a lie all along,

Why let it get to that point? You know it's going to happen soon if it hasn't already.

but it still fulfills me in every possible way I could ask,,

You just like the idea of having her around but you don't care how she is treating you as long as you are getting laid. That will start ending very soon once she gets closer to her ex.

so yeah the conversation is exhausted.

Yes it is...So is your relationship. It's time to dump her.

Thanks for all the insight though, definitely helpful.

How is it helpful? You didn't listen to any of us. You still are being treated like a b!tch by her and you are taking it. You will find out sooner than later though. Have fun getting dumped by her!!

The correct way to react to this is to SOUND indifferent, but ACT in a way that let's her know it's unacceptable. She says "hey, I'm going to lunch with my ex," you SOUND indifferent - "oh, okay, have a good time, I'll talk to you later, bye" - and then you ACT by not contacting her for a few days after. At some point she'll hit you up - "hey, I haven't heard from you in a while, everything okay" - and you can either mess with her head by saying something like "oh, it's all good - my ex-girlfriend came into town for a week and I've been spending some time at her hotel"; or, you be semi-direct at your annoyance with her - "well, you seemed to want to spend time with your ex more than me, so i've just been doing me" (i.e. being very vague as to what "doing me" is).

Here is some more lousy advice here. A very AFC and an EBS thing to do. This is something that a chick would do while she just got played like a b!tch. Sitting around pouting and playing mind games, but still is being screwed. Why go through that? What does this accomplish? Ah, yes, that's right....Nothing!! She will still continue the same behavior regardless of what he does. Why doesn't he just go out with another girl and tell her to fvck off? See how easy that is? No games being played here and he can gain some self respect as well. She will then acquire respect for him and want to be with him, but he won't need her bullsh!t anymore because he will see there are more women out there. Doesn't this sound logical and easy enough?

 

[Sonny Knight]

In10se is Suffering from pu$$Y Stockholm Syndrome



(Stockholm Syndrome describes the behavior of kidnap victims who, over time, become sympathetic to their captors)



In10se Dont Trust Anyone

 

[In10se]

I am prepared to take your advice I will see her and tell her in person tomorrow. She has to go completely No Contact or its done, one last question what if she says she will and still talks to him.

 

[Hustlaz Ambition]

Oh boy I'm in this same situation, but this girl is cheating on that marine for me . What exactly are you having trouble with? My situation is different though because I knew this girl before they went out(we were each others first kiss)

 

[In10se]

As in "will stop" and talks to him behind my back?

 

[Hustlaz Ambition]

Now that I have skimmed through the thread it appears to me this situation is hopeless. Your gf is a smut. You can either get to the bottom of this by checking her phone messages or hope she stays by ****ing her brain out, prove your **** game is better than his. If you find "suspicious" messages in her phone then call her the **** out. In my case "papi tu tan grande y bueno" got us caught. If its anything on the level of that the drop the *****.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

I am prepared to take your advice I will see her and tell her in person tomorrow. She has to go completely No Contact or its done, one last question what if she says she will and still talks to him.

Give the chick an ultimatum and she'll be ulti-mating with her soldier ex.

You should be going for other chicks and slowly withdrawing till you're gone completely.

Then again experience is sometimes the best teacher. You'll possibly learn after a few or several times...

Ever get the feeling you're the one standing on the outside of an inside joke?

This is dedicated to you O.P.

I won't go home without you- Maroon 5 (If you've never seen the video watch it till the end..)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlMEGBsw6j8

 

[Gro0ver]

In10se has made his decision, let's see how it plays out. I don't think there is an ideal solution here if he wants to salvage the relationship so really its down to her not to screw it up.

At least he accepts the position he has taken and I'm sure if it does go south he will have no problem recovering and finding other girls. If it becomes a problem he can walk away, there's no point in being in a relationship where you have to constantly enforce strong boundaries in order to be happy. Way too much effort for what it's worth.

Some of the suggestions in this thread are extreme and not conducive to having a trusting relationship with a good amount of stability, which is what we all want, right? Keep improving our lives and moving forwards, and having a girl to supplement that? No point trying to change people, if you don't like what you see and you can't resolve without extreme measures then next.