In10se said:
See my GF has only had 1 boyfriend before me in highschool and they dated for 2 years (she is 19).
How do I handle this? A big part of me, thinks the best way, although underhanded is to keylog her facebook password and snoop around a bit to see if I am getting duped. What do you guys think?
This is the precise situation I was in when I first started dating the 21 year old in 2011. She was 19 and had only had one boyfriend for many years prior. You'd much prefer this than to think she was flitting from guy to guy every month. It's one or the other generally.
I wasn't in a committed relationship so some of this might not apply, but here are some lessons I learned:
1) If you see a photo of him, tell her he's a good looking guy. This compliments her taste. She'll love you for it.
2) Encourage her to talk about what she loved most about him - she will associate those feelings with you.
3) Drop subtle hints that erode her image of him. "He might be too young for you..." and don't be surprised if you hit a nerve and she freaks out. It's ok because later on she will come back to you and parrot exactly what you said. "He was too young for me...". Don't say "Why didn't I think of that?" - let her think it was HER idea.
4) Never try to insult him or she will dump you on the spot.
5) Know that she will always have a place in her heart for him. This is a good thing. Sweet girls are like that. You want her to speak highly of you someday also.
6) Be patient. The day will come when he finally shatters her image of him. In my case it was because he asked her to borrow money! And that was after she had dumped him months earlier but was still fond of him. She never mentioned him again and that was months ago.
7) She might need a rebound relationship (other than you) when she dumps him - it's ok because the rebound never lasts. Just give her the time she needs but stay close to her. If you manage to stay in her life (romantically) despite the major transition, she will naturally have some attachment to you. Especially don't pressure her to commit to you. She needs to be single and free first.
8) Once she's over him, if she has a rebound guy, remind her that she doesn't like the new guy as much as she liked the old guy (she might say you are the only one she ever admitted that to).
9) The milestone will come when you find her blowing off the other guy to be with you and not the other way around. True for all babes as they always have a guy who has the upper hand over you when you first meet. It has to be her idea.
10) Be the guy who never pesters her - let the other guy(s) be texting her off the hook while you are nowhere to be found. Every time her phone buzzes she'll wish it was you and they'll start to annoy her.
11) Be sure to factor out any anger and jealousy, instead going distant during times when she seems less responsive. By letting her text you, and going 5-10-20 days in between without sweating it, you can maintain the upper hand.
12) You must have something clearly better than the other guy(s) going for you to be considered.
13) Plan your events well, but never make the date look rehearsed - things like setting the table before she comes over can be a turn-off to some girls, sadly.
14) Know that when she ends it with him she will end it with a whole crowd of their common friends and she could go through a major transition. This might make her less stable and she might turn into her own opposite. That is, except you will be that constant force in her life. If you can survive such a major metamorphosis (something she'll only go through once or twice in her life), you'll be close for a long time if not for life. Her truly letting go of her first love will be such a metamorphosis, trust me.
15) Know that there are 10 other guys in line behind him besides you. Just focus on constantly improving yourself and it time you will emerge as her best option overall.
