Girl Says She's Not Into FWBs/Casual On First Meet

[Stuffnu]

Always find it funny, because they have these anti-slut defenses but have a cleavage shot or two on their OLD profiles like an advertisement.

Regardless of her reasons, YES, it’s a test as you’ll be graded on your answer. They’re always prequalifying...
I‘m not in a rush is predictably boring and I’m looking for casual is admitting to being a man-ho. . A funny and witty response will perk her interest.
“No worries, I’m a classy girl too unless you get me drunk. By the way it’s your round”. Something to that effect...

You give her enough tingles on the first date, they will still bang you. If she’s worth it as Glassman stated, its okay to invest in a 2nd or 3rd.

 

[The Duke]

Ive heard this before on a 1st date. Then proceeded to bang them on the first date or on the second date.

Proceed as normal. First date is always drinks. See if after 2 or 3 drinks her personality doesnt change.

If she is a higher quality/value woman, she may require more of an investment level than 1 or 2 dates. No worries, as long as the sexual contact is escalating, proceed.

This is exactly my experience. Women say all sorts of things. Don't worry about it. Simply proceed and seduce. No need to overthink it.

 

[Bethatsocialguy]

Hi gents.

Simple question really:

Would you guys immediately disqualify/pass on a girl who says she's not into friend with benefits or casual hook-ups on first encounter?

There have been a couple of times I've met girls on OLD and during cold approach and they tell me this from the get go. I am not talking about "the talk" that plates have with you over time, but how some girls just throw it out immediately when you meet them and barely know them. I've always took this statement at face value (since I am not looking for a LTR) but recently I had a discussion with a buddy of mine who told me that this is basically a ****-test. Apparently, they say one thing but it means another. Makes me wonder whether I've disqualified them too quickly by taking their statement on face value.

How do you guys see this and approach these sort of throw-off statements?

-James

Absolutely it's a **** test. It's like when a girl says I'm not going to sleep with you I'm 5 minutes later she's touching your crotch. There's a few ways you can pass it so here are some examples that I like to use:

"I'm looking for my third wife so I am very serious about this.."
"As a man of God, we frown upon sins like friends with benefits."
"Wow slow down girl. I'm a virgin so you have to be gentle."
"Wow slow down, I don't know you well enough to be thinking that."
"Ah is that what you say to all the guys? That's a nice chat up line."

And remember to use the correct body language tone and intonation when you say one of these lines. Make sure it comes lighthearted with a smirk on your face and then you can just move the conversation on.

 

[member162951]

Absolutely it's a **** test. It's like when a girl says I'm not going to sleep with you I'm 5 minutes later she's touching your crotch. There's a few ways you can pass it so here are some examples that I like to use:

"I'm looking for my third wife so I am very serious about this.."
"As a man of God, we frown upon sins like friends with benefits."
"Wow slow down girl. I'm a virgin so you have to be gentle."
"Wow slow down, I don't know you well enough to be thinking that."
"Ah is that what you say to all the guys? That's a nice chat up line."

And remember to use the correct body language tone and intonation when you say one of these lines. Make sure it comes lighthearted with a smirk on your face and then you can just move the conversation on.

Isn't all that just falling into "her" frame though? Why not maintain your frame and be real with her?

If you believe it's a shyt test (which is a manipulation and bs), be real and tell her you're not seeking serious at the moment, wish her well, and let her fall into YOUR frame? Let her be the one scrambling around trying to find the perfect response to backtrack.

The reason why women give these shots tests is because they work. Most men are so thirsty, they scramble around trying to find the perfect response to pass the test, thus falling into her frame.

There was a recent thread discussing the power of not being afraid to walk away. It applies here and if you had an abundance mindset, you wouldn't be so thirsty for this one chick, and you'd walk away from her and any woman who give these manipulative shyt tests or who don't want what YOU want.

If she's not shyt testing and was being real with you, you should walk cause you're not on the same wavelength, wasting time and money that would be better spent on women who are more flexible and willing to take things one day at a time allowing things to happen naturally.

No need to lie or mislead her imo. That's as bad as her shyt test.

$.02.

 

[Black Widow Void]

I have much respect for you bwv. Though I disagree on your point. Honor is a language/ reality that men speak/live. Not women. So I will not speak it with them. Not breaking my word only matters when it's spoken to another male

Although we don't agree, there's indeed mutual respect here. You spoke your truth and I spoke mine. That's all that we should expect from fellow men. In a world of forum anonymity, it's rare for members to disagree and still shake hands.

 

[bat soup]

Hi gents.

Simple question really:

Would you guys immediately disqualify/pass on a girl who says she's not into friend with benefits or casual hook-ups on first encounter?

There have been a couple of times I've met girls on OLD and during cold approach and they tell me this from the get go. I am not talking about "the talk" that plates have with you over time, but how some girls just throw it out immediately when you meet them and barely know them. I've always took this statement at face value (since I am not looking for a LTR) but recently I had a discussion with a buddy of mine who told me that this is basically a ****-test. Apparently, they say one thing but it means another. Makes me wonder whether I've disqualified them too quickly by taking their statement on face value.

How do you guys see this and approach these sort of throw-off statements?

-James

I'd just ignore it and see what her body language says. I've had girls say that they were not that kind of girl, that they had a boyfriend or even that they were lesbian and had a girlfriend (and then 30 minutes later I was fingering her up against a wall).

 

[Bethatsocialguy]

Isn't all that just falling into "her" frame though? Why not maintain your frame and be real with her?

If you believe it's a shyt test (which is a manipulation and bs), be real and tell her you're not seeking serious at the moment, wish her well, and let her fall into YOUR frame? Let her be the one scrambling around trying to find the perfect response to backtrack.

The reason why women give these shots tests is because they work. Most men are so thirsty, they scramble around trying to find the perfect response to pass the test, thus falling into her frame.

There was a recent thread discussing the power of not being afraid to walk away. It applies here and if you had an abundance mindset, you wouldn't be so thirsty for this one chick, and you'd walk away from her and any woman who give these manipulative shyt tests or who don't want what YOU want.

If she's not shyt testing and was being real with you, you should walk cause you're not on the same wavelength, wasting time and money that would be better spent on women who are more flexible and willing to take things one day at a time allowing things to happen naturally.

No need to lie or mislead her imo. That's as bad as her shyt test.

$.02.

I don't view it as manipulation. I just view it as her testing to see if you are the confident guy that you say that you are. The idea of passing the ship test is to show that you're not faced or bothered by what she said. It's interesting that we view it very differently but in my experience responding in a way that passes the sh*t test isn't falling into a frame because even the response isn't that logical.

 

[member162951]

I don't view it as manipulation. I just view it as her testing to see if you are the confident guy that you say that you are.

That's a shyt test no matter how you slice and dice.

In any event, respect your opinion, I just believe people should be real with each other, that's all. There are plenty of other ways to determine how confident a man is rather than "testing" him.

And the way some of yall scramble trying to determine the right response to pass her test?

Screw passing her tests, state what YOU want and let HER follow suit (enter your frame). If she's into you she will!

Another poster did that with his girl and he risked losing her but she fell into his frame and now everyone's happy.

That, to me, shows true confidence and an abundance mindset. Standing your ground and walking away if necessary.

 

[BPH]

Words are hollow. Those are the easiest ones to fvck quickly. They say it because they know they can't resist it so they try and just blurt it out hoping a guy doesn't see thru it

Basically this.

In my experience it's more of an "anti-slut defense" so she can fall back on "I never do this" when it does happen.

Only times I'd say they mean it is when they drop it DURING escalation, and even then sometimes they warm up to the idea. Again, judge by her actions.

 

[member162951]

I would think a woman would be embarrassed to play that anti-slut game or testing for congruency or whatever game she's playing.

I mean does she really believe a man is gonna fall for that ****? Especially considering you're f*king like jack rabbits 30 minutes later or sooner! Lol.

How do you take a chick like that seriously? Her word means nothing!

OK maybe you don't care and only see her as a plate anyway. In which case, fair enough!

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Bro, this sounds contradictory to me. I guess you dont consider "playing the field" part of "using a woman".

Spinning plates (aka stringing girls along knowing they want exclusivity but you will probably never give it to them) its like the #1 advice of SoSuave. Im not saying I judge men who Spin Plates or "play the field" or that men should not do it. Im saying to me it kind of sounds like using the women.

I think there's a point here.

I've been spinning plates for several years now since joining SS. The idea of spinning plates was new to me when I first read it. See multiple girls at the same time without talking about/providing exclusivity? The Blue-Pilled me was too romantic to accept that back then. Now I fully embrace it. I enjoy it. It makes me more level headed when it comes to women which is so important.

Now the thing is plates usually drop-off over time. Because most of them want some exclusivity and after awhile they move on to those who can provide it. Which is usually some blue pilled guy.

I personally have had several ex-plates come to later think of me as a player because I only hung out with them and had sex with them. Yes they were good times. We had fun. They loved it. But eventually some of my plates thought maybe I was 'using them' because nothing serious ever came out of it. I didn't lead them on. But some of these ex-plates who think of me this way, avoid me now. It's just how girls see plate spinning. A plate spinner to some of them is a player. Not to mention, some jealous guys will try to paint your plate-spinning as playing with people.

I sometimes wonder how truly chivalrous or romantic guys are just falling into the societal frame of how females expect us to act which is provide them utmost benefits. No I am not a misogynist but it just doesn't seem fair or right to me that when we spin plates, we get labelled negatively yet girls can have numerous orbiters and guy-friends in a socially acceptable way and we guys don't shame them about it among ourselves at least in the blue pill, conventional societal sense.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Seems like most of you think this is a **** test or a congruency test.

How would you guys pass this test?

@Bethatsocialguy suggested a ****y-funny come back.

@JoyDivision1990 suggested just be direct about what you want.

What about the rest of you?

 

[Dr.Suave]

How would you guys pass this test?

Agree & amplify

 

[sosuave213]

Isn't this just a woman in epiphany phase? I would next her and move on. You could stick around for the thrill of the pursuit, but I wouldn't find it worth my time when there are other women out there that don't need to utter such jaded remarks.

It's the same as a woman saying "no hookups!" On dating apps. We all know what that means...

 

[SW15]

In all my dating experience, I've never heard a woman say that she's" not into friend with benefits or casual hook-ups on first encounter."

If what you are saying is... a woman saying that she "will not sleep with you on the first date" I've heard it plenty of times. Sometimes it's true and sometimes it's not. Because I don't have a crystal ball, I don't know the outcome. If it's said in a non-passionate situation (like if I invite her over and she accepts) i usually respond with something playful like... "here it is and only the first date and you are already talking about sex... sigh... doesn't anybody respect me for my mind?" Or... 'Easy now. If I move too fast, then you'll tell all the other girls and they'll ask me out for all the wrong reasons." In other words, I just laugh and play it off

When thinking back, I honestly can't recall the percentages, but I'm thinking that about 50% meant it and the other 50% didn't. I'm not really sure if it's considered a sh1t test though. I think it's more of an excuse for those that will... to appear as though we were the exception and seduced them. This way, they can think that we don't view them as a slvt or anything.

This is similar to my experience as well. I've never heard "not into friend with benefits or casual hook-ups on first encounter" on a first date or an initial in-person approach. Some women might put no FWB or casual hook ups on a dating app profile though.

In-person, women will say that she "will not sleep with you on the first date" at times.

I feel that we men have the shorter end of the stick. Girls are always so indirect and expect so much from us. Society expects us to live up to their standard. But most of the time, they contribute so much less to the dating and relationship table.

Agree with this, especially in the early stages of dating. Women don't plan the early stage dates or even carry the conversations much in the early stages. As a relationship goes on, they'll likely plan a get together or contribute more to a conversation.

In my experience, whenever I have had a woman say this it is just a challenge. She is looking to see if you are going to press the envelope on things and still try to get something (which as a DJ you should always be escalating). I think it is even higher than 50% that she will eventually put out on Date 1 - because usually if the woman is immediately bringing up sex like this it means she is imagining having sex with you. True, some women really mean it -- but I would say they are in a minority.

Remember, judge the woman by her actions.

Agree completely.