Hi. I have been with my gf for over 2 years. We have had our share of ups and downs.
She recently got a job as a bartender/****tail waitress at a strip club. It was my idea because she never seems to never have money for her bills, and she makes double what she used to make at Applebee's. She wears somewhat sexy clothes (low cut dress, etc-- not anything with her butt cheeks falling out, not lingerie), but she is not a stripper.
Last night she goes to work, telling me that she is working the front door (meaning she is collecting the cover charges at the cash register) and therefore can text message me a lot. She texts me twice in the first half hour. I respond and asked her how work was going shortly after getting her texts. About 2 more hours goes by and I don't see any replies from her. I got a weird feeling in my gut, and although I rarely do this, I went online to look at the cell phone "minutes used" billing feature (she is on my cell phone plan and never pays her share, which is another story). It shows she has texted someone else back and forth what turns out to be a total of 51 times in less than 3 hours, and all that time never replied to me.
I text her and ask who she is texting so much. 15 minutes, 20, 25 minutes go by, no answer. So I call the number and it is some guy's voice mail. (NOTE: We have always had a deal that she doesn't make new guy friends, and doesn't give her # out to guys. I do the same regarding girls. She can have all the girl friends or couples friends she wants. Her pre-existing guy friends are fine.)
She finally writes back and says it is the DJ, and she and he are texting one another making fun of the girls dancing.
I told her I was upset that she ignored me to talk to him for hours, and also upset that she gave this guy her phone number. She said she did nothing wrong. I ask if he was flirting with her. She says no. I ask her to forward the messages to me... she claims she just deleted them all.
She later says she stopped texting him after I voiced my concerns. It turns out there were 9 more texts after I (via text message) voiced my concerns to her. She said all she told him was that he needed to stop texting her. But somehow I guess that took 9 texts?? Anyhow, I ask her to forward me those 9 texts, since that was after I told her to forward me the texts. Oops, she conveniently deleted those texts too, and cannot forward them.
When she got the job there, I told her I was ok with it but she needed to be especially respectful of me, to do her job but not lead guys on unnecesarily, etc. Many people have told her, "I'd never be comfortable letting my gf work in a place like that."
My viewpoint is, even if it is "innocent," it was still wrong per our agreement to give her # to the DJ, and naive to think he wouldn't perhaps be tempted to contact her outside work, etc., and ultimately was disrespectful to me. My other problem is I am almost certain that at the very least they were flirting, esp. because she conveniently deleted all of the texts and there were just so many (well over 50 in about 2 hours).
She will not apologize. She calls me psycho.
BTW, a few days before that happened I went to visit her at work at her suggestion. She told me later that after I left, the DJ asked who "that guy" was. She told him it was her bf, and he told her, "I wouldn't want to be in his position." I asked her what he meant by that, and she said she wasn't sure. I didn't think much of it at the time.
Thoughts??
She recently got a job as a bartender/****tail waitress at a strip club. It was my idea because she never seems to never have money for her bills, and she makes double what she used to make at Applebee's. She wears somewhat sexy clothes (low cut dress, etc-- not anything with her butt cheeks falling out, not lingerie), but she is not a stripper.
Last night she goes to work, telling me that she is working the front door (meaning she is collecting the cover charges at the cash register) and therefore can text message me a lot. She texts me twice in the first half hour. I respond and asked her how work was going shortly after getting her texts. About 2 more hours goes by and I don't see any replies from her. I got a weird feeling in my gut, and although I rarely do this, I went online to look at the cell phone "minutes used" billing feature (she is on my cell phone plan and never pays her share, which is another story). It shows she has texted someone else back and forth what turns out to be a total of 51 times in less than 3 hours, and all that time never replied to me.
I text her and ask who she is texting so much. 15 minutes, 20, 25 minutes go by, no answer. So I call the number and it is some guy's voice mail. (NOTE: We have always had a deal that she doesn't make new guy friends, and doesn't give her # out to guys. I do the same regarding girls. She can have all the girl friends or couples friends she wants. Her pre-existing guy friends are fine.)
She finally writes back and says it is the DJ, and she and he are texting one another making fun of the girls dancing.
I told her I was upset that she ignored me to talk to him for hours, and also upset that she gave this guy her phone number. She said she did nothing wrong. I ask if he was flirting with her. She says no. I ask her to forward the messages to me... she claims she just deleted them all.
She later says she stopped texting him after I voiced my concerns. It turns out there were 9 more texts after I (via text message) voiced my concerns to her. She said all she told him was that he needed to stop texting her. But somehow I guess that took 9 texts?? Anyhow, I ask her to forward me those 9 texts, since that was after I told her to forward me the texts. Oops, she conveniently deleted those texts too, and cannot forward them.
When she got the job there, I told her I was ok with it but she needed to be especially respectful of me, to do her job but not lead guys on unnecesarily, etc. Many people have told her, "I'd never be comfortable letting my gf work in a place like that."
My viewpoint is, even if it is "innocent," it was still wrong per our agreement to give her # to the DJ, and naive to think he wouldn't perhaps be tempted to contact her outside work, etc., and ultimately was disrespectful to me. My other problem is I am almost certain that at the very least they were flirting, esp. because she conveniently deleted all of the texts and there were just so many (well over 50 in about 2 hours).
She will not apologize. She calls me psycho.
BTW, a few days before that happened I went to visit her at work at her suggestion. She told me later that after I left, the DJ asked who "that guy" was. She told him it was her bf, and he told her, "I wouldn't want to be in his position." I asked her what he meant by that, and she said she wasn't sure. I didn't think much of it at the time.
Thoughts??
