GF is saying she doesn’t trust me now bc of stupid IG. Should I just break up with her?

[AJ84]

First off, I do not see this dude talking about marrying, just dating. Two, I never understood the point of Instagram either. As I've said before, Instagram is a recipe for disaster in any relationship. All it is for is attention grabbing and look at me. Nothing good has come out of Instagram.. Except for the founders and Facebook.

Post 14 OP wrote: ‘I’m almost 30 and I just told her last week that I wanted to marry her so it’s not like it’s a case of oneitis.’

unless that’s a typo and he meant he didn’t want to marry her.

Agree with you re IG. Unless you’re a celeb and/or selling something then what is the point.

 

[BondJamesBond424]

I’m almost 30 and I just told her last week that I wanted to marry her so it’s not like it’s a case of oneitis.

Ughh! Why would anyone purposely put themselves into prison?

 

[bizzym]

Post 14 OP wrote: ‘I’m almost 30 and I just told her last week that I wanted to marry her so it’s not like it’s a case of oneitis.’

unless that’s a typo and he meant he didn’t want to marry her.

Agree with you re IG. Unless you’re a celeb and/or selling something then what is the point.

well I said break up with her because if she doesn’t trust me then the relationship is shot.

 

[Speculator E]

well I said break up with her because if she doesn’t trust me then the relationship is shot.

LOL. After a couple post it's getting obvious you don't understand common sense advice.
Your girl sounds like a normal girl giving out a expressing normal girl's complaint.

Here read this

Dumb Reasons to Break Up With Someone Reddit

Sometimes romantic choices aren't based on logic

people.com

 

[AJ84]

well I said break up with her because if she doesn’t trust me then the relationship is shot.

You’re right, if there’s no trust what is the point.
However, do you see where she may have an issue with trust, based on your actions? What would you think if it was the other way and it was her telling you she shuts down these guys who approach her but then adds them to IG and doesn’t see it as being a big deal?

It’s one thing to see your boyfriend get approached by women, if he’s good looking and attracts female attention that’s a good thing for him and for her. But it’s another thing to know that he is adding said women to his IG, that steps it up from being attractive to women, to opening the door to interacting with those women.

 

[sosousage]

So she sees that I keep adding random chicks to my IG. She asked me about it because she said it makes her feel uncomfortable. Long story short I told her they’re girls that come up to me when I’m out and I shut them down but they can still follow my on IG. She freaked the f out. Saying it seems like I’m trying to keep my options open and now she doesn’t completely trust me. Saying I’m still giving them a way to contact me. Wtf? It’s not that serious. I’m not doing anything. I told her if she doesn’t trust me there’s no point in being together. Should I just break up with her?

shes mad because she wants to be the only one with options. just ignore her drama

 

[Speculator E]

shes mad because she wants to be the only one with options. just ignore her drama

A lot of women have fear of abandonment.
His girl's action sound like just typical fear of abandonment drama.
OP sounds like he can't understand typical girl behavior psychology.

 

[sosousage]

A lot of women have fear of abandonment.
His girl's action sound like just typical fear of abandonment drama.
OP sounds like he can't understand typical girl behavior psychology.

yes becuz its his first wamen

 

[AttackFormation]

Yea and OP an acouple of others think that she has no orbiters herself.
All attractive ladies have orbiters of some kind. So should guys.

Can you imagine telling a modern western girl you cant have men on your facebook. What a joke of advice

These are good points. Maybe you could draw the line at not adding any new ones, and screening her for whether she seems to keep entertaining the ones she already has.

The big thing for me is I don't see the point of being in a "relationship" in the first place where there is mutual disrespect and/or lack of trust. Is it because you think she wouldn't stay if you were only fwbs and it'd be too much work to replace her? Or do you just not care and see relationships as agreements both parties go into with their fingers crossed behind their backs?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Hey AJ. His first order of business is her respect level for him.
Your saying if your in a marriage or an LTR you can't have females on SM? FB?
Since when does a DJ close all doors? Look these are not sexual.
Can you imagine telling a modern western girl you cant have men on your facebook. What a joke of advice

You can...the problem arises when you are adding them at places where you go to meet women for sexual purposes. Its a little hard to believe that he is doing exactly what he is saying. Not buying it. Obviously neither is she. I might have been born on a Monday but not this past Monday.

The problem is the more you put yourself in that environment on a continual basis the greater the chance something happens and the lower your inhibitions become to it happening. Especially when alcohol is involved. If you respect your relationship you don't continuously put yourself in these situations.

 

[vanballmoos]

As soon as they figure you out. End game.
As soon as she knows she is his only option. She will find hers. That's a promise.
It may take 10 years but its set in motion.
Give her all that she wants and she will despise you in her gut.

Uhhh...you do understand how marriage works right?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

As soon as they figure you out. End game.
As soon as she knows she is his only option. She will find hers. That's a promise.
It may take 10 years but its set in motion.
Give her all that she wants and she will despise you in her gut.

That might all be true but you make sure all that stuff to keep her off balance is done behind the curtain. His mistake is he is blatantly waving it in her face. It will never work like that. No woman wants to be blatantly told their guy is keeping options around and have him laugh about it to her face and act like its no big deal.

I'm guessing your relationships don't last very long.

 

[AJ84]

Hey AJ. His first order of business is her respect level for him.
Your saying if your in a marriage or an LTR you can't have females on SM? FB?
Since when does a DJ close all doors? Look these are not sexual.
Can you imagine telling a modern western girl you cant have men on your facebook. What a joke of advice

Respect goes both ways. And it’s earned both ways. Anyone who has a problem with that basic concept should not enter into relationships.

 

[AJ84]

Yea and OP an acouple of others think that she has no orbiters herself.
All attractive ladies have orbiters of some kind. So should guys.

She is testing how far he will put her up on the pedestal. A girl owning a man and who he talks to is no LTR at all. Its no man at all.

Your advice is good for white knights but i see you don't really understand the difference between respect as a man and as a women.

What’s the difference between respect as a man and as a woman?

 

[AJ84]

I would rather say, they should enter into relationships with likeminded people... haha.

There is a fit for everyone:

- People who give and expect respect go with each other
- People who give respect but don't expect it (codependents) go with people who don't give respect but expect it (spectrum of pathology)

The trouble is just them finding each other instead of other people.

True, and men and women who give and expect respect back won’t stick around for people who are not like minded.
I’ve said this before but I feel that some of the relationship advice is more suited to advice given to guys banging random plates in casual dating situations. This ‘my way or the highway/ I don’t care what she thinks/needs/feels but respect me etc doesn’t translate over to relationships that well.

 

[AttackFormation]

True, and men and women who give and expect respect back won’t stick around for people who are not like minded.
I’ve said this before but I feel that some of the relationship advice is more suited to advice given to guys banging random plates in casual dating situations. This ‘my way or the highway/ I don’t care what she thinks/needs/feels but respect me etc doesn’t translate over to relationships that well.

Haha, I deleted that post now because I couldn't find a satisfying way to formulate it. Oh well.

I agree, which is why I find it confounding that those people still enter "relationships". I surmise that their brains simply don't work like ours might, and thus don't see relationships with other people the same way. If you don't experience cognitive dissonance and empathy in the same way you or I might, you won't perceive any problem. Evidently that's the way evolution has wired some humans, and that's just the way it is.

 

[AJ84]

AF your point to some decent logic.
Let me put it this way. Respect is not a single pane. Its both mutual and exclusive.
Why? Because a way to mans heart is not his stomach as the old saying goes. It is respect.
Respect is love to a man.
To a women respect is your status and your assets. Fact its nature
At the minimum they are 2 important things to a woman.
Women dont want men other women wont fck guys.

Could not be more wrong about what respect means to a woman. Gold diggers/ sugar babies etc regularly use men with status and assets. Does being used means she’s showing him respect?
You are applying male logic to female nature.

 

[AJ84]

Haha, I deleted that post now because I couldn't find a satisfying way to formulate it. Oh well.

I agree, which is why I find it confounding that those guys still enter "relationships". I surmise that their brains simply don't work like ours might, and thus don't see relationships with other people the same way. Their brains just don't experience cognitive dissonance or empathy in the same way you or I might.

Lol. I think some guys, and some girls, want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to have the commitment/respect/love/loyalty of a person even if they themselves have no intention of reciprocating. And what’s sad is that many of these guys and girls don’t feel that it’s wrong. That’s how self centred some people are.
I’m not saying OP is such a person but just commenting in general about people like that.

 

[AttackFormation]

Lol. I think some guys, and some girls, want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to have the commitment/respect/love/loyalty of a person even if they themselves have no intention of reciprocating. And what’s sad is that many of these guys and girls don’t feel that it’s wrong. That’s how self centred some people are.
I’m not saying OP is such a person but just commenting in general about people like that.

Taking but not reciprocating is a biological survival strategy. It evolves where either every individual does that, or when most others are indiscriminately altruistic (whether they are indiscriminate because of their own nature, or because the "parasite" manages to hide its nature).

They've run a simulation of it here:

Personally, putting it in biological terms and philosophy of acceptance is the way I can deal with the reality. I wouldn't mind if these people simply matched up with each other, and I'm sure that to some or a large extent that's what they do, but due to my altruism-riddled brain it's disconcerting how they may also end up with people who mean well. Oh well... this is what humans are. We just go on and deal with it.

 

[AttackFormation]

You read what OP wrote? Hes obviously a charming decent looking man. Thats his fault?
How is him getting hit on while out and declining disrespectful to her?
How is excepting IG follows disrespectful?
Do famous married men have many women IG followers?

- Strawman
- Strawman
- They are obviously hitting on him. Actively entertaining other options while being in a committed relationship is a contradiction in aims to people who feel that way, they will feel the other person doesn't care about the relationship as much as they do and they're just a placeholder until something more tempting comes along
- That's impersonal, but the best of the points you listed (off the top of my head, aside from the ones I also noted earlier, I think when you said "no woman wants a man other women don't want to fvck" was good too)

Shes the one being disrespectful to him by accusing him of something thats not true.

- Strawman. It's not about truth, it's about respect. Plus, putting yourself in conditions to cheat increases the risk you'll impulsively (keyword there) cheat. That's the same reason why I bet when you want to get laid, you probably encourage the chick to drink rather than stay sober. Conditions matter for our behavior, avoiding bad conditions allows you to more easily avoid bad behavior aside from the issue of respect. But again, if you are not wired to care about that nor consider a behavior to be bad then you won't.

I don't think this subject is something it's much use to rationally try to convince anyone of. You either feel some way or you don't. I respect how you have a very see-through, cynical stance, and I see how with plenty of women it could make sense because they desire you more for it and/or because they do the same. I just don't feel the same way, nor feel I want to be committed to a woman who feels that way lol.